unpacking the self reflection essay

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The Importance of Self-Reflection: How Looking Inward Can Improve Your Mental Health

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Sunwoo Jung / Getty Images

Why Is Self-Reflection So Important?

When self-reflection becomes unhealthy, how to practice self-reflection, what to do if self-reflection makes you uncomfortable, incorporating self-reflection into your routine.

How well do you know yourself? Do you think about why you do the things you do? Self-reflection is a skill that can help you understand yourself better.

Self-reflection involves being present with yourself and intentionally focusing your attention inward to examine your thoughts, feelings, actions, and motivations, says Angeleena Francis , LMHC, executive director for AMFM Healthcare.

Active self-reflection can help grow your understanding of who you are , what values you believe in, and why you think and act the way you do, says Kristin Wilson , MA, LPC, CCTP, RYT, chief experience officer for Newport Healthcare.

This article explores the benefits and importance of self-reflection, as well as some strategies to help you practice it and incorporate it into your daily life. We also discuss when self-reflection can become unhealthy and suggest some coping strategies.

Self-reflection is important because it helps you form a self-concept and contributes toward self-development.

Builds Your Self-Concept

Self-reflection is critical because it contributes to your self-concept, which is an important part of your identity.

Your self-concept includes your thoughts about your traits, abilities, beliefs, values, roles, and relationships. It plays an influential role in your mood, judgment, and behavioral patterns.

Reflecting inward allows you to know yourself and continue to get to know yourself as you change and develop as a person, says Francis. It helps you understand and strengthen your self-concept as you evolve with time.

Enables Self-Development

Self-reflection also plays a key role in self-development. “It is a required skill for personal growth ,” says Wilson.

Being able to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, or what you did right or wrong, can help you identify areas for growth and improvement, so you can work on them.

For instance, say you gave a presentation at school or work that didn’t go well, despite putting in a lot of work on the project. Spending a little time on self-reflection can help you understand that even though you spent a lot of time working on the project and creating the presentation materials, you didn’t practice giving the presentation. Realizing the problem can help you correct it. So, the next time you have to give a presentation, you can practice it on your colleagues or loved ones first.

Or, say you’ve just broken up with your partner. While it’s easy to blame them for everything that went wrong, self-reflection can help you understand what behaviors of yours contributed to the split. Being mindful of these behaviors can be helpful in other relationships.

Without self-reflection, you would continue to do what you’ve always done and as a result, you may continue to face the same problems you’ve always faced.

Benefits of Self-Reflection

These are some of the benefits of self-reflection, according to the experts:

• Increased self-awareness: Spending time in self-reflection can help build greater self-awareness , says Wilson. Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence. It helps you recognize and understand your own emotions, as well as the impact of your emotions on your thoughts and behaviors.
• Greater sense of control: Self-reflection involves practicing mindfulness and being present with yourself at the moment. This can help you feel more grounded and in control of yourself, says Francis.
• Improved communication skills: Self-reflection can help you improve your communication skills, which can benefit your relationships. Understanding what you’re feeling can help you express yourself clearly, honestly, and empathetically.
• Deeper alignment with core values: Self-reflection can help you understand what you believe in and why. This can help ensure that your words and actions are more aligned with your core values, Wilson explains. It can also help reduce cognitive dissonance , which is the discomfort you may experience when your behavior doesn’t align with your values, says Francis.
• Better decision-making skills: Self-reflection can help you make better decisions for yourself, says Wilson. Understanding yourself better can help you evaluate all your options and how they will impact you with more clarity. This can help you make sound decisions that you’re more comfortable with, says Francis.
• Greater accountability: Self-reflection can help you hold yourself accountable to yourself, says Francis. It can help you evaluate your actions and recognize personal responsibility. It can also help you hold yourself accountable for the goals you’re working toward.

Self-reflection is a healthy practice that is important for mental well-being. However, it can become harmful if it turns into rumination, self-criticism, self-judgment, negative self-talk , and comparison to others, says Wilson.

Here’s what that could look like:

• Rumination: Experiencing excessive and repetitive stressful or negative thoughts. Rumination is often obsessive and interferes with other types of mental activity.
• Self-judgment: Constantly judging yourself and often finding yourself lacking. 
• Negative self-talk: Allowing the voice inside your head to discourage you from doing things you want to do. Negative self-talk is often self-defeating.
• Self-criticism: Constantly criticizing your actions and decisions.
• Comparison: Endlessly comparing yourself to others and feeling inferior.

Kristin Wilson, LPC, CCTP

Looking inward may activate your inner critic, but true self-reflection comes from a place of neutrality and non-judgment.

When anxious thoughts and feelings come up in self-reflection, Wilson says it’s important to practice self-compassion and redirect your focus to actionable insights that can propel your life forward. “We all have faults and room for improvement. Reflect on the behaviors or actions you want to change and take steps to do so.”

It can help to think of what you would say to a friend in a similar situation. For instance, if your friend said they were worried about the status of their job after they gave a presentation that didn’t go well, you would probably be kind to them, tell them not to worry, and to focus on improving their presentation skills in the future. Apply the same compassion to yourself and focus on what you can control.

If you are unable to calm your mind of racing or negative thoughts, Francis recommends seeking support from a trusted person in your life or a mental health professional. “Patterns of negative self-talk, self-doubt , or criticism should be addressed through professional support, as negative cognitions of oneself can lead to symptoms of depression if not resolved.”

Wilson suggests some strategies that can help you practice self-reflection:

• Ask yourself open-ended questions: Start off by asking yourself open-ended questions that will prompt self-reflection, such as: “Am I doing what makes me happy?” “Are there things I’d like to improve about myself?” or “What could I have done differently today?” “Am I taking anything or anyone for granted?” Notice what thoughts and feelings arise within you for each question and then begin to think about why. Be curious about yourself and be open to whatever comes up.
• Keep a journal: Journaling your thoughts and responses to these questions is an excellent vehicle for self-expression. It can be helpful to look back at your responses, read how you handled things in the past, assess the outcome, and look for where you might make changes in the future.
• Try meditation: Meditation can also be a powerful tool for self-reflection and personal growth. Even if it’s only for five minutes, practice sitting in silence and paying attention to what comes up for you. Notice which thoughts are fleeting and which come up more often.
• Process major events and emotions: When something happens in your life that makes you feel especially good or bad, take the time to reflect on what occurred, how it made you feel, and either how you can get to that feeling again or what you might do differently the next time. Writing down your thoughts in a journal can help.
• Make a self-reflection board: Create a self-reflection board of positive attributes that you add to regularly. Celebrate your authentic self and the ways you stay true to who you are. Having a visual representation of self-reflection can be motivating.

You may avoid self-reflection if it brings up difficult emotions and makes you feel uncomfortable, says Francis. She recommends preparing yourself to get comfortable with the uncomfortable before you start.

Think of your time in self-reflection as a safe space within yourself. “Avoid judging yourself while you explore your inner thoughts, feelings, and motives of behavior,” says Francis. Simply notice what comes up and accept it. Instead of focusing on fears, worries, or regrets, try to look for areas of growth and improvement.

“Practice neutrality and self-compassion so that self-reflection is a positive experience that you will want to do regularly,” says Wilson.

Francis suggests some strategies that can help you incorporate self-reflection into your daily routine:

• Dedicate time to it: it’s important to dedicate time to self-reflection and build it into your routine. Find a slot that works for your schedule—it could be five minutes each morning while drinking coffee or 30 minutes sitting outside in nature once per week.
• Pick a quiet spot: It can be hard to focus inward if your environment is busy or chaotic. Choose a calm and quiet space that is free of distractions so you can hear your own thoughts.
• Pay attention to your senses: Pay attention to your senses. Sensory input is an important component of self-awareness.

Nowak A, Vallacher RR, Bartkowski W, Olson L. Integration and expression: The complementary functions of self-reflection . J Pers . 2022;10.1111/jopy.12730. doi:10.1111/jopy.12730

American Psychological Association. Self-concept .

Dishon N, Oldmeadow JA, Critchley C, Kaufman J. The effect of trait self-awareness, self-reflection, and perceptions of choice meaningfulness on indicators of social identity within a decision-making context . Front Psychol . 2017;8:2034. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.02034

Drigas AS, Papoutsi C. A new layered model on emotional intelligence . Behav Sci (Basel) . 2018;8(5):45. doi:10.3390/bs8050045

American Psychological Association. Rumination .

By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

The unpacking of self-acceptance

Do you accept yourself as you are? As working parents and caregivers, many of us are stretched, feeling stressed, and possibly guilty of being too hard on ourselves. Bec Williams of The You Project is here to unpack self-acceptance and remind you that happiness is right in front of you — if you’re paying attention. There’s a lot of unpacking going on lately. Not the kind my Poppa knew — the unpacking of his caravan and preparing the campsite which invariably took a good day by the time he’d set up the awning, toaster, and Nana’s gin cabinet. Rather, ‘unpacking’ in the sense of demystifying a term, breaking down a concept, or explaining an over-inflated thought.

A mentor recently asked me to unpack my concept of self-belief, and I had a go because while I chuckled about all the unpacking — at conferences, at companies — I noticed the term had sneakily weaved its way into my vocabulary. So, today I’m getting on board with the jargon and I’m unpacking self-acceptance.

The self-acceptance formula

Self-acceptance is an acceptance of yourself in entirety (the good, the bad, and the awesome) or, as Nathaniel Branden explains in The Six Pillars of Self Esteem 1 , “My refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself”.

Ask yourself

The Latin for ‘accept’ is ‘accipere’, which means ‘to receive, willingly’. Simple question: Do you accept yourself as you are?

Love your unconditioned self

Do you know the difference between your ego and your unconditioned self? Your ego developed during childhood to help cope with being in a family and going to school, and you learned you needed to behave in a certain way to receive approval. 

Your unconditioned self is who you are without labels from the outside world. To practice acceptance, you must get to know and love your unconditioned self and not cater to the ego which will constantly be trying to be ‘fixed’.

Stand up to your inner critic

How critical are you? We are usually our own worst critic (often misinterpreted as high standards), translating into, You are not good enough which tells a very bad story for your self-esteem. The amount of judgment we direct towards others is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. 

Practice forgiveness and compassion towards yourself and others. We all make mistakes but we are human, and to live a life where you never accept, learn and move on from these perceived weaknesses will keep you stuck in the past.

Accept your strengths

Do you accept all of your strengths? Most of us struggle to shine at what we’re really great at because we’re afraid of who we might need to be to ‘bare all’. But accepting our talents is an essential step for self-acceptance and will allow you to see limitations as opportunities rather than as obstacles.

Happiness is where you are

“True self-acceptance is the realization that you are what you seek,” Robert Holden.  

Make a conscious effort to put it into practice and see the results. Right now, acknowledge three strengths that have contributed to something awesome you have done in the last month. Equally, practice a conscious acceptance of a choice or action you haven’t always loved about yourself but is part of who you are. Note down five ways you are not being very kind to yourself now, and counterbalance that with five ways you can be. Remind yourself: happiness is where I am .

If this all sounds too fluffy for you, that’s okay, but why not spend a day observing your internal dialogue and seeing how kind you are to yourself? If you are, that’s awesome. If not, perhaps it’s something to consider.

Written by Bec Williams, performance coach and owner of @the.you.project .

Source: 1 Branden, N., (1994) The six pillars of self-esteem, New York, Bantam.

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11.1: Self-Reflection Essay

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Coffee, With a Side of Deadline Hectoring

By Ann Tashi Slater

The New Yorker, December 26, 2022

The Restaurant With Many Orders

By Kenji Miyazawa

Translation by Wikisource , April 20, 2021

Introduction

Tokyo's Manuscript Writing Café admits only procrastinating writers facing a deadline. Customers can order coffee with either occasional polite check-ins from the staff or someone to stand over them as they work. Click on the title link to read Ann Tashi Slater's article describing how some customers use the café. Part of the owner's inspiration for the Manuscript Writing Café was a 1924 short story about another eating establishment which provided a different type of orders to its customers. Click on the title link to read the story.

When you've read both articles, consider the questions below.

Exercise \(\PageIndex{1}\)

• Describe the different meanings of the word "order" in the Manuscript Café. How do these meaning differ from the types of "order" provided in the Wildcat House Restaurant in the story "The Restaurant With Many Orders"?
• Do the customers in each reading react negatively or positively to receiving orders?
• Why do the two gentlemen in the Wildcat House Restaurant respond to increasingly odd orders by repeatedly saying, "Really important people must come here."
• Are you a procrastinator? Would a person monitoring your writing progress and giving orders be a motivator? Why or why not?
• Did you ever use a tutor to cram for a test? If yes, did the tutor or the deadline of meeting with a tutor help you stay on deadline?
• In what ways could you argue that the Manuscript Writing Café would be ineffective, inequitable, or otherwise not useful to students?
• What would improve the Café's ability to help students finish their work?

Ideas for Writing

• What tasks might you typically procrastinate? Do you ever procrastinate writing assignments? What causes you to procrastinate--no time, difficult assignments, or other reasons?
• Imagine what type of Café could help you get started on a task. It could be modeled on the Manuscript Café or it could provide other services to help with problems that prevent you from doing schoolwork, such as tutors or workers to help you with job or family responsibilities, for example.

Works Cited

Slater, Anne Tashi. "Coffee With a Side of Deadline Hectoring." The New Yorker, 26 Dec. 2022, www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/01/02/coffee-with-a-side-of-deadline-hectoring. Accessed 2 Jan. 2023.

Wikisource contributors. "Translation:The Restaurant With Many Orders." Wikisource , 30 Apr. 2021, The Restaurant With Many Orders - Wikisource, the free online library [en.wikisource.org] . Accessed 2 Jan. 2023.

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MODULE 2 Understanding the Self Unpacking the Self

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Course info

Understanding the self.

This course deals with the nature of identity, as well as the factors and forces that affect the development and maintenance of personal identity. It  is intended to facilitate the exploration of the issues and concerns regarding self and identity to arrive at a better understanding of one's self.

At the end of the course, the students will be able to:

The Self from Various Perspectives

• Discuss the different representations and conceptualizations of the self from various disciplinal perspectives.
• Compare and contrast how the self has been represented across different disciplines and perspectives.
• Examine the different influences, factors, and forces that shape the self.
• Demonstrate critical and reflective thought in analyzing the development of one's self and identity by developing a theory of the self.

Unpacking The Self

• Explore the different aspects of self and identity.
• Demonstrate critical, reflective thought in integrating the various aspects of self and identity.
• Identify the different forces and institutions that impact the development of various aspects of self and identity.
• Examine one's self against the different aspects of self discussed in class.

Managing and Caring for The Self

• Understand the theoretical underpinnings for how to manage and care for different aspects of the self.
• Acquire and hone new skills and learnings for better managing of one's self and behaviors.
• Apply these new skills to one's self and functioning for a better quality of life
• Course creator: Annjenica Umali