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5 moving, beautiful essays about death and dying

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It is never easy to contemplate the end-of-life, whether its own our experience or that of a loved one.

This has made a recent swath of beautiful essays a surprise. In different publications over the past few weeks,  I've stumbled upon writers who were  contemplating final days. These are, no doubt, hard stories to read. I had to take breaks as I read about Paul Kalanithi's experience facing metastatic lung cancer while parenting a toddler, and was devastated as I followed Liz Lopatto's contemplations on how to give her ailing cat the best death possible. But I also learned so much from reading these essays, too, about what it means to have a good death versus a difficult end from those forced to grapple with the issue. These are four stories that have stood out to me recently, alongside one essay from a few years ago that sticks with me today.

My Own Life | Oliver Sacks

As recently as last month, popular author and neurologist Oliver Sacks was in great health, even swimming a mile every day. Then, everything changed: the 81-year-old was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. In a beautiful op-ed , published in late February in the New York Times, he describes his state of mind and how he'll face his final moments. What I liked about this essay is how Sacks describes how his world view shifts as he sees his time on earth getting shorter, and how he thinks about the value of his time.

Before I go | Paul Kalanithi

Kalanthi began noticing symptoms — "weight loss, fevers, night sweats, unremitting back pain, cough" — during his sixth year of residency as a neurologist at Stanford. A CT scan revealed metastatic lung cancer. Kalanthi writes about his daughter, Cady and how he "probably won't live long enough for her to have a memory of me." Much of his essay focuses on an interesting discussion of time, how it's become a double-edged sword. Each day, he sees his daughter grow older, a joy. But every day is also one that brings him closer to his likely death from cancer.

As I lay dying | Laurie Becklund

Becklund's essay was published posthumonously after her death on February 8 of this year. One of the unique issues she grapples with is how to discuss her terminal diagnosis with others and the challenge of not becoming defined by a disease. "Who would ever sign another book contract with a dying woman?" she writes. "Or remember Laurie Becklund, valedictorian, Fulbright scholar, former Times staff writer who exposed the Salvadoran death squads and helped The Times win a Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the 1992 L.A. riots? More important, and more honest, who would ever again look at me just as Laurie?"

Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat | Liz Lopatto

Dorothy Parker was Lopatto's cat, a stray adopted from a local vet. And Dorothy Parker, known mostly as Dottie, died peacefully when she passed away earlier this month. Lopatto's essay is, in part, about what she learned about end-of-life care for humans from her cat. But perhaps more than that, it's also about the limitations of how much her experience caring for a pet can transfer to caring for another person.

Yes, Lopatto's essay is about a cat rather than a human being. No, it does not make it any easier to read. She describes in searing detail about the experience of caring for another being at the end of life. "Dottie used to weigh almost 20 pounds; she now weighs six," Lopatto writes. "My vet is right about Dottie being close to death, that it’s probably a matter of weeks rather than months."

Letting Go | Atul Gawande

"Letting Go" is a beautiful, difficult true story of death. You know from the very first sentence — "Sara Thomas Monopoli was pregnant with her first child when her doctors learned that she was going to die" — that it is going to be tragic. This story has long been one of my favorite pieces of health care journalism because it grapples so starkly with the difficult realities of end-of-life care.

In the story, Monopoli is diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, a surprise for a non-smoking young woman. It's a devastating death sentence: doctors know that lung cancer that advanced is terminal. Gawande knew this too — Monpoli was his patient. But actually discussing this fact with a young patient with a newborn baby seemed impossible.

"Having any sort of discussion where you begin to say, 'look you probably only have a few months to live. How do we make the best of that time without giving up on the options that you have?' That was a conversation I wasn't ready to have," Gawande recounts of the case in a new Frontline documentary .

What's tragic about Monopoli's case was, of course, her death at an early age, in her 30s. But the tragedy that Gawande hones in on — the type of tragedy we talk about much less — is how terribly Monopoli's last days played out.

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May 3, 2023

Contemplating Mortality: Powerful Essays on Death and Inspiring Perspectives

The prospect of death may be unsettling, but it also holds a deep fascination for many of us. If you're curious to explore the many facets of mortality, from the scientific to the spiritual, our article is the perfect place to start. With expert guidance and a wealth of inspiration, we'll help you write an essay that engages and enlightens readers on one of life's most enduring mysteries!

Death is a universal human experience that we all must face at some point in our lives. While it can be difficult to contemplate mortality, reflecting on death and loss can offer inspiring perspectives on the nature of life and the importance of living in the present moment. In this collection of powerful essays about death, we explore profound writings that delve into the human experience of coping with death, grief, acceptance, and philosophical reflections on mortality.

Through these essays, readers can gain insight into different perspectives on death and how we can cope with it. From personal accounts of loss to philosophical reflections on the meaning of life, these essays offer a diverse range of perspectives that will inspire and challenge readers to contemplate their mortality.

The Inevitable: Coping with Mortality and Grief

Mortality is a reality that we all have to face, and it is something that we cannot avoid. While we may all wish to live forever, the truth is that we will all eventually pass away. In this article, we will explore different aspects of coping with mortality and grief, including understanding the grieving process, dealing with the fear of death, finding meaning in life, and seeking support.

Understanding the Grieving Process

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It is a process that we all go through when we lose someone or something important to us. The grieving process can be different for each person and can take different amounts of time. Some common stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and that it is a personal process.

Denial is often the first stage of grief. It is a natural response to shock and disbelief. During this stage, we may refuse to believe that our loved one has passed away or that we are facing our mortality.

Anger is a common stage of grief. It can manifest as feelings of frustration, resentment, and even rage. It is important to allow yourself to feel angry and to express your emotions healthily.

Bargaining is often the stage of grief where we try to make deals with a higher power or the universe in an attempt to avoid our grief or loss. We may make promises or ask for help in exchange for something else.

Depression is a natural response to loss. It is important to allow yourself to feel sad and to seek support from others.

Acceptance is often the final stage of grief. It is when we come to terms with our loss and begin to move forward with our lives.

Dealing with the Fear of Death

The fear of death is a natural response to the realization of our mortality. It is important to acknowledge and accept our fear of death but also to not let it control our lives. Here are some ways to deal with the fear of death:

Accepting Mortality

Accepting our mortality is an important step in dealing with the fear of death. We must understand that death is a natural part of life and that it is something that we cannot avoid.

Finding Meaning in Life

Finding meaning in life can help us cope with the fear of death. It is important to pursue activities and goals that are meaningful and fulfilling to us.

Seeking Support

Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help us cope with the fear of death. Talking about our fears and feelings can help us process them and move forward.

Finding meaning in life is important in coping with mortality and grief. It can help us find purpose and fulfillment, even in difficult times. Here are some ways to find meaning in life:

Pursuing Passions

Pursuing our passions and interests can help us find meaning and purpose in life. It is important to do things that we enjoy and that give us a sense of accomplishment.

Helping Others

Helping others can give us a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It can also help us feel connected to others and make a positive impact on the world.

Making Connections

Making connections with others is important in finding meaning in life. It is important to build relationships and connections with people who share our values and interests.

Seeking support is crucial when coping with mortality and grief. Here are some ways to seek support:

Talking to Friends and Family

Talking to friends and family members can provide us with a sense of comfort and support. It is important to express our feelings and emotions to those we trust.

Joining a Support Group

Joining a support group can help us connect with others who are going through similar experiences. It can provide us with a safe space to share our feelings and find support.

Seeking Professional Help

Seeking help from a therapist or counselor can help cope with grief and mortality. A mental health professional can provide us with the tools and support we need to process our emotions and move forward.

Coping with mortality and grief is a natural part of life. It is important to understand that grief is a personal process that may take time to work through. Finding meaning in life, dealing with the fear of death, and seeking support are all important ways to cope with mortality and grief. Remember to take care of yourself, allow yourself to feel your emotions, and seek support when needed.

The Ethics of Death: A Philosophical Exploration

Death is an inevitable part of life, and it is something that we will all experience at some point. It is a topic that has fascinated philosophers for centuries, and it continues to be debated to this day. In this article, we will explore the ethics of death from a philosophical perspective, considering questions such as what it means to die, the morality of assisted suicide, and the meaning of life in the face of death.

Death is a topic that elicits a wide range of emotions, from fear and sadness to acceptance and peace. Philosophers have long been interested in exploring the ethical implications of death, and in this article, we will delve into some of the most pressing questions in this field.

What does it mean to die?

The concept of death is a complex one, and there are many different ways to approach it from a philosophical perspective. One question that arises is what it means to die. Is death simply the cessation of bodily functions, or is there something more to it than that? Many philosophers argue that death represents the end of consciousness and the self, which raises questions about the nature of the soul and the afterlife.

The morality of assisted suicide

Assisted suicide is a controversial topic, and it raises several ethical concerns. On the one hand, some argue that individuals have the right to end their own lives if they are suffering from a terminal illness or unbearable pain. On the other hand, others argue that assisting someone in taking their own life is morally wrong and violates the sanctity of life. We will explore these arguments and consider the ethical implications of assisted suicide.

The meaning of life in the face of death

The inevitability of death raises important questions about the meaning of life. If our time on earth is finite, what is the purpose of our existence? Is there a higher meaning to life, or is it simply a product of biological processes? Many philosophers have grappled with these questions, and we will explore some of the most influential theories in this field.

The role of death in shaping our lives

While death is often seen as a negative force, it can also have a positive impact on our lives. The knowledge that our time on earth is limited can motivate us to live life to the fullest and to prioritize the things that truly matter. We will explore the role of death in shaping our values, goals, and priorities, and consider how we can use this knowledge to live more fulfilling lives.

The ethics of mourning

The process of mourning is an important part of the human experience, and it raises several ethical questions. How should we respond to the death of others, and what is our ethical responsibility to those who are grieving? We will explore these questions and consider how we can support those who are mourning while also respecting their autonomy and individual experiences.

The ethics of immortality

The idea of immortality has long been a fascination for humanity, but it raises important ethical questions. If we were able to live forever, what would be the implications for our sense of self, our relationships with others, and our moral responsibilities? We will explore the ethical implications of immortality and consider how it might challenge our understanding of what it means to be human.

The ethics of death in different cultural contexts

Death is a universal human experience, but how it is understood and experienced varies across different cultures. We will explore how different cultures approach death, mourning, and the afterlife, and consider the ethical implications of these differences.

Death is a complex and multifaceted topic, and it raises important questions about the nature of life, morality, and human experience. By exploring the ethics of death from a philosophical perspective, we can gain a deeper understanding of these questions and how they shape our lives.

The Ripple Effect of Loss: How Death Impacts Relationships

Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences one can go through in life. It is a universal experience that touches people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. The grief that follows the death of someone close can be overwhelming and can take a significant toll on an individual's mental and physical health. However, it is not only the individual who experiences the grief but also the people around them. In this article, we will discuss the ripple effect of loss and how death impacts relationships.

Understanding Grief and Loss

Grief is the natural response to loss, and it can manifest in many different ways. The process of grieving is unique to each individual and can be affected by many factors, such as culture, religion, and personal beliefs. Grief can be intense and can impact all areas of life, including relationships, work, and physical health.

The Impact of Loss on Relationships

Death can impact relationships in many ways, and the effects can be long-lasting. Below are some of how loss can affect relationships:

1. Changes in Roles and Responsibilities

When someone dies, the roles and responsibilities within a family or social circle can shift dramatically. For example, a spouse who has lost their partner may have to take on responsibilities they never had before, such as managing finances or taking care of children. This can be a difficult adjustment, and it can put a strain on the relationship.

2. Changes in Communication

Grief can make it challenging to communicate with others effectively. Some people may withdraw and isolate themselves, while others may become angry and lash out. It is essential to understand that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. However, these changes in communication can impact relationships, and it may take time to adjust to new ways of interacting with others.

3. Changes in Emotional Connection

When someone dies, the emotional connection between individuals can change. For example, a parent who has lost a child may find it challenging to connect with other parents who still have their children. This can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection, and it can strain relationships.

4. Changes in Social Support

Social support is critical when dealing with grief and loss. However, it is not uncommon for people to feel unsupported during this time. Friends and family may not know what to say or do, or they may simply be too overwhelmed with their grief to offer support. This lack of social support can impact relationships and make it challenging to cope with grief.

Coping with Loss and Its Impact on Relationships

Coping with grief and loss is a long and difficult process, but it is possible to find ways to manage the impact on relationships. Below are some strategies that can help:

1. Communication

Effective communication is essential when dealing with grief and loss. It is essential to talk about how you feel and what you need from others. This can help to reduce misunderstandings and make it easier to navigate changes in relationships.

2. Seek Support

It is important to seek support from friends, family, or a professional if you are struggling to cope with grief and loss. Having someone to talk to can help to alleviate feelings of isolation and provide a safe space to process emotions.

3. Self-Care

Self-care is critical when dealing with grief and loss. It is essential to take care of your physical and emotional well-being. This can include things like exercise, eating well, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

4. Allow for Flexibility

It is essential to allow for flexibility in relationships when dealing with grief and loss. People may not be able to provide the same level of support they once did or may need more support than they did before. Being open to changes in roles and responsibilities can help to reduce strain on relationships.

5. Find Meaning

Finding meaning in the loss can be a powerful way to cope with grief and loss. This can involve creating a memorial, participating in a support group, or volunteering for a cause that is meaningful to you.

The impact of loss is not limited to the individual who experiences it but extends to those around them as well. Relationships can be greatly impacted by the death of a loved one, and it is important to be aware of the changes that may occur. Coping with loss and its impact on relationships involves effective communication, seeking support, self-care, flexibility, and finding meaning.

What Lies Beyond Reflections on the Mystery of Death

Death is an inevitable part of life, and yet it remains one of the greatest mysteries that we face as humans. What happens when we die? Is there an afterlife? These are questions that have puzzled us for centuries, and they continue to do so today. In this article, we will explore the various perspectives on death and what lies beyond.

Understanding Death

Before we can delve into what lies beyond, we must first understand what death is. Death is defined as the permanent cessation of all biological functions that sustain a living organism. This can occur as a result of illness, injury, or simply old age. Death is a natural process that occurs to all living things, but it is also a process that is often accompanied by fear and uncertainty.

The Physical Process of Death

When a person dies, their body undergoes several physical changes. The heart stops beating, and the body begins to cool and stiffen. This is known as rigor mortis, and it typically sets in within 2-6 hours after death. The body also begins to break down, and this can lead to a release of gases that cause bloating and discoloration.

The Psychological Experience of Death

In addition to the physical changes that occur during and after death, there is also a psychological experience that accompanies it. Many people report feeling a sense of detachment from their physical body, as well as a sense of peace and calm. Others report seeing bright lights or visions of loved ones who have already passed on.

Perspectives on What Lies Beyond

There are many different perspectives on what lies beyond death. Some people believe in an afterlife, while others believe in reincarnation or simply that death is the end of consciousness. Let's explore some of these perspectives in more detail.

One of the most common beliefs about what lies beyond death is the idea of an afterlife. This can take many forms, depending on one's religious or spiritual beliefs. For example, many Christians believe in heaven and hell, where people go after they die depending on their actions during life. Muslims believe in paradise and hellfire, while Hindus believe in reincarnation.

Reincarnation

Reincarnation is the belief that after we die, our consciousness is reborn into a new body. This can be based on karma, meaning that the quality of one's past actions will determine the quality of their next life. Some people believe that we can choose the circumstances of our next life based on our desires and attachments in this life.

End of Consciousness

The idea that death is simply the end of consciousness is a common belief among atheists and materialists. This view holds that the brain is responsible for creating consciousness, and when the brain dies, consciousness ceases to exist. While this view may be comforting to some, others find it unsettling.

Death is a complex and mysterious phenomenon that continues to fascinate us. While we may never fully understand what lies beyond death, it's important to remember that everyone has their own beliefs and perspectives on the matter. Whether you believe in an afterlife, reincarnation, or simply the end of consciousness, it's important to find ways to cope with the loss of a loved one and to find peace with your mortality.

Final Words

In conclusion, these powerful essays on death offer inspiring perspectives and deep insights into the human experience of coping with mortality, grief, and loss. From personal accounts to philosophical reflections, these essays provide a diverse range of perspectives that encourage readers to contemplate their mortality and the meaning of life.

By reading and reflecting on these essays, readers can gain a better understanding of how death shapes our lives and relationships, and how we can learn to accept and cope with this inevitable part of the human experience.

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• Death And Dying

8 Popular Essays About Death, Grief & the Afterlife

Updated 05/4/2022

Published 07/19/2021

Joe Oliveto, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Death is a strange topic for many reasons, one of which is the simple fact that different people can have vastly different opinions about discussing it.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

Essays or articles about the death of a loved one, essays or articles about dealing with grief, essays or articles about the afterlife or near-death experiences.

Some fear death so greatly they don’t want to talk about it at all. However, because death is a universal human experience, there are also those who believe firmly in addressing it directly. This may be more common now than ever before due to the rise of the death positive movement and mindset.

You might believe there’s something to be gained from talking and learning about death. If so, reading essays about death, grief, and even near-death experiences can potentially help you begin addressing your own death anxiety. This list of essays and articles is a good place to start. The essays here cover losing a loved one, dealing with grief, near-death experiences, and even what someone goes through when they know they’re dying.

Losing a close loved one is never an easy experience. However, these essays on the topic can help someone find some meaning or peace in their grief.

1. ‘I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago’ by Rachel Ward

Rachel Ward’s essay about coping with the death of her husband isn’t like many essays about death. It’s very informal, packed with sarcastic humor, and uses an FAQ format. However, it earns a spot on this list due to the powerful way it describes the process of slowly finding joy in life again after losing a close loved one.

Ward’s experience is also interesting because in the years after her husband’s death, many new people came into her life unaware that she was a widow. Thus, she often had to tell these new people a story that’s painful but unavoidable. This is a common aspect of losing a loved one that not many discussions address.

2. ‘Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat’ by Elizabeth Lopatto

Not all great essays about death need to be about human deaths! In this essay, author Elizabeth Lopatto explains how watching her beloved cat slowly die of leukemia and coordinating with her vet throughout the process helped her better understand what a “good death” looks like.

For instance, she explains how her vet provided a degree of treatment but never gave her false hope (for instance, by claiming her cat was going to beat her illness). They also worked together to make sure her cat was as comfortable as possible during the last stages of her life instead of prolonging her suffering with unnecessary treatments.

Lopatto compares this to the experiences of many people near death. Sometimes they struggle with knowing how to accept death because well-meaning doctors have given them the impression that more treatments may prolong or even save their lives, when the likelihood of them being effective is slimmer than patients may realize.

Instead, Lopatto argues that it’s important for loved ones and doctors to have honest and open conversations about death when someone’s passing is likely near. This can make it easier to prioritize their final wishes instead of filling their last days with hospital visits, uncomfortable treatments, and limited opportunities to enjoy themselves.

3. ‘The terrorist inside my husband’s brain’ by Susan Schneider Williams

This article, which Susan Schneider Williams wrote after the death of her husband Robin Willians, covers many of the topics that numerous essays about the death of a loved one cover, such as coping with life when you no longer have support from someone who offered so much of it. 

However, it discusses living with someone coping with a difficult illness that you don’t fully understand, as well. The article also explains that the best way to honor loved ones who pass away after a long struggle is to work towards better understanding the illnesses that affected them. 

4. ‘Before I Go’ by Paul Kalanithi

“Before I Go” is a unique essay in that it’s about the death of a loved one, written by the dying loved one. Its author, Paul Kalanithi, writes about how a terminal cancer diagnosis has changed the meaning of time for him.

Kalanithi describes believing he will die when his daughter is so young that she will likely never have any memories of him. As such, each new day brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, each day gives him a new opportunity to see his daughter grow, which brings him joy. On the other hand, he must struggle with knowing that every new day brings him closer to the day when he’ll have to leave her life.

Coping with grief can be immensely challenging. That said, as the stories in these essays illustrate, it is possible to manage grief in a positive and optimistic way.

5. Untitled by Sheryl Sandberg

This piece by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s current CEO, isn’t a traditional essay or article. It’s actually a long Facebook post. However, many find it’s one of the best essays about death and grief anyone has published in recent years.

She posted it on the last day of sheloshim for her husband, a period of 30 days involving intense mourning in Judaism. In the post, Sandberg describes in very honest terms how much she learned from those 30 days of mourning, admitting that she sometimes still experiences hopelessness, but has resolved to move forward in life productively and with dignity.

She explains how she wanted her life to be “Option A,” the one she had planned with her husband. However, because that’s no longer an option, she’s decided the best way to honor her husband’s memory is to do her absolute best with “Option B.”

This metaphor actually became the title of her next book. Option B , which Sandberg co-authored with Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is already one of the most beloved books about death , grief, and being resilient in the face of major life changes. It may strongly appeal to anyone who also appreciates essays about death as well.

6. ‘My Own Life’ by Oliver Sacks

Grief doesn’t merely involve grieving those we’ve lost. It can take the form of the grief someone feels when they know they’re going to die.

Renowned physician and author Oliver Sacks learned he had terminal cancer in 2015. In this essay, he openly admits that he fears his death. However, he also describes how knowing he is going to die soon provides a sense of clarity about what matters most. Instead of wallowing in his grief and fear, he writes about planning to make the very most of the limited time he still has.

Belief in (or at least hope for) an afterlife has been common throughout humanity for decades. Additionally, some people who have been clinically dead report actually having gone to the afterlife and experiencing it themselves.

Whether you want the comfort that comes from learning that the afterlife may indeed exist, or you simply find the topic of near-death experiences interesting, these are a couple of short articles worth checking out.

7. ‘My Experience in a Coma’ by Eben Alexander

“My Experience in a Coma” is a shortened version of the narrative Dr. Eben Alexander shared in his book, Proof of Heaven . Alexander’s near-death experience is unique, as he’s a medical doctor who believes that his experience is (as the name of his book suggests) proof that an afterlife exists. He explains how at the time he had this experience, he was clinically braindead, and therefore should not have been able to consciously experience anything.

Alexander describes the afterlife in much the same way many others who’ve had near-death experiences describe it. He describes starting out in an “unresponsive realm” before a spinning white light that brought with it a musical melody transported him to a valley of abundant plant life, crystal pools, and angelic choirs. He states he continued to move from one realm to another, each realm higher than the last, before reaching the realm where the infinite love of God (which he says is not the “god” of any particular religion) overwhelmed him.

8. “One Man's Tale of Dying—And Then Waking Up” by Paul Perry

The author of this essay recounts what he considers to be one of the strongest near-death experience stories he’s heard out of the many he’s researched and written about over the years. The story involves Dr. Rajiv Parti, who claims his near-death experience changed his views on life dramatically.

Parti was highly materialistic before his near-death experience. During it, he claims to have been given a new perspective, realizing that life is about more than what his wealth can purchase. He returned from the experience with a permanently changed outlook.

This is common among those who claim to have had near-death experiences. Often, these experiences leave them kinder, more understanding, more spiritual, and less materialistic.

This short article is a basic introduction to Parti’s story. He describes it himself in greater detail in the book Dying to Wake Up , which he co-wrote with Paul Perry, the author of the article.

Essays About Death: Discussing a Difficult Topic

It’s completely natural and understandable to have reservations about discussing death. However, because death is unavoidable, talking about it and reading essays and books about death instead of avoiding the topic altogether is something that benefits many people. Sometimes, the only way to cope with something frightening is to address it.

Categories:

• Coping With Grief

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Susanna Siegel

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SIEGEL: This question arises because we can be made to feel uneasy, distracted, or derailed by death in any form: mass death, or the prospect of our own; deaths of people unknown to us that we only hear or read about; or deaths of people who tear the fabric of our lives when they go. Both in politics and in everyday life, one of the worst things we could do is get used to death, treat it as unremarkable or as anything other than a loss. This fact has profound consequences for every facet of life: politics and governance, interpersonal relationships, and all forms of human consciousness.

When things go well, death stays in the background, and from there, covertly, it shapes our awareness of everything else. Even when we get through the day with ease, the prospect of death is still in some way all around us.

GAZETTE:   Can philosophy help illuminate how death impacts consciousness?

SIEGEL: The philosophers Soren Kierkegaard and Martin Heidegger each discuss death, in their own ways, as a horizon that implicitly shapes our consciousness. It’s what gives future times the pressure they exert on us. A horizon is the kind of thing that is normally in the background — something that limits, partly defines, and sets the stage for what you focus on. These two philosophers help us see the ways that death occupies the background of consciousness — and that the background is where it belongs.

“Both in politics and in everyday life, one of the worst things we could do is get used to death, treat it as unremarkable or as anything other than a loss,” says Susanna Siegel, Harvard’s Edgar Pierce Professor of Philosophy.

Stephanie Mitchell/Harvard Staff Photographer

These philosophical insights are vivid in Rainer Marie Rilke’s short and stunning poem “Der Tod” (“Death”). As Burton Pike translates it from German, the poem begins: “There stands death, a bluish concoction/in a cup without a saucer.” This opening gets me every time. Death is standing. It’s standing in the way liquid stands still in a container. Sometimes cooking instructions tell you to boil a mixture and then let it stand, while you complete another part of the recipe. That’s the way death is in the poem: standing, waiting for you to get farther along with whatever you are doing. It will be there while you’re working, it will be there when you’re done, and in some way, it is a background part of those other tasks.

A few lines later, it’s suggested in the poem that someone long ago, “at a distant breakfast,” saw a dusty, cracked cup — that cup with the bluish concoction standing in it — and this person read the word “hope” written in faded letters on the side of mug. Hope is a future-directed feeling, and in the poem, the word is written on a surface that contains death underneath. As it stands, death shapes the horizon of life.

GAZETTE: What are the ethical consequences of these philosophical views?

SIEGEL: We’re familiar with the ways that making the prospect of death salient can unnerve, paralyze, or derail a person. An extreme example is shown by people with Cotard syndrome , who report feeling that they have already died. It is considered a “monothematic” delusion, because this odd reaction is circumscribed by the sufferers’ other beliefs. They freely acknowledge how strange it is to be both dead and yet still there to report on it. They are typically deeply depressed, burdened with a feeling that all possibilities of action have simply been shut down, closed off, made unavailable. Robbed of a feeling of futurity, seemingly without affordances for action, it feels natural to people in this state to describe it as the state of being already dead.

Cotard syndrome is an extreme case that illustrates how bringing death into the foreground of consciousness can feel utterly disempowering. This observation has political consequences, which are evident in a culture that treats any kind of lethal violence as something we have to expect and plan for. A glaring example would be gun violence, with its lockdown drills for children, its steady stream of the same types of events, over and over — as if these deaths could only be met with a shrug and a sigh, because they are simply part of the cost of other people exercising their freedom.

It isn’t just depressing to bring death into the foreground of consciousness by creating an atmosphere of violence — it’s also dangerous. Any political arrangement that lets masses of people die thematizes death, by making lethal violence perceptible, frequent, salient, talked-about, and tolerated. Raising death to salience in this way can create and then leverage feelings of existential precarity, which in turn emotionally equip people on a mass, nationwide scale to tolerate violence as a tool to gain political power. It’s now a regular occurrence to ram into protestors with vehicles, intimidate voters and poll workers, and prepare to attack government buildings and the people inside. This atmosphere disparages life, and then promises violence as defense against such cheapening, and a means of control.

GAZETTE: When we read about an accidental death in the newspaper, it can be truly unnerving, even though the victim is a stranger. And we’ve been hearing about a steady stream of deaths from COVID-19 for almost two years, to the point where the death count is just part of the daily news. Why is the process of thinking about these losses important?

SIEGEL: It might not seem directly related to politics, but when you react to a life cut short by thinking, “If this terrible thing could happen to them, then it could happen to me,” that reaction is a basic form of civic regard. It’s fragile, and highly sensitive to how deaths are reported and rendered in public. The passing moment of concern may seem insignificant, but it gets supplanted by something much worse when deaths are rendered in ways likely to prompt such questions as “What did they do to get in trouble?” or such suspicions as “They probably had it coming,” or such callous resignations as “They were going to die anyway.” We have seen some of those reactions during the pandemic. They are refusals to recognize the terribleness of death.

Deaths can seem even more haunting when they’re not recognized as a real loss, which is why it’s so important how deaths are depicted by governments and in mass communication. The genre of the obituary is there to present deaths as a loss to the public. The movement for Black lives brought into focus for everyone what many people knew and felt all along, which was that when deaths are not rendered as losses to the public, then they are depicted in a way that erodes civic regard.

When anyone dies from COVID, our political representatives should acknowledge it in a way that does justice to the gravity of that death. Recognizing COVID deaths as a public emergency belongs to the kind of governance that aims to keep the blue concoction where it belongs.

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Essays About Death: Top 5 Examples and 9 Essay Prompts

Death includes mixed emotions and endless possibilities. If you are writing essays about death, see our examples and prompts in this article.

Over 50 million people die yearly from different causes worldwide. It’s a fact we must face when the time comes. Although the subject has plenty of dire connotations, many are still fascinated by death, enough so that literary pieces about it never cease. Every author has a reason why they want to talk about death. Most use it to put their grievances on paper to help them heal from losing a loved one. Some find writing and reading about death moving, transformative, or cathartic.

To help you write a compelling essay about death, we prepared five examples to spark your imagination:

1. Essay on Death Penalty by Aliva Manjari

2. coping with death essay by writer cameron, 3. long essay on death by prasanna, 4. because i could not stop for death argumentative essay by writer annie, 5. an unforgettable experience in my life by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 1. life after death, 2. death rituals and ceremonies, 3. smoking: just for fun or a shortcut to the grave, 4. the end is near, 5. how do people grieve, 6. mental disorders and death, 7. are you afraid of death, 8. death and incurable diseases, 9. if i can pick how i die.

“The death penalty is no doubt unconstitutional if imposed arbitrarily, capriciously, unreasonably, discriminatorily, freakishly or wantonly, but if it is administered rationally, objectively and judiciously, it will enhance people’s confidence in criminal justice system.”

Manjari’s essay considers the death penalty as against the modern process of treating lawbreakers, where offenders have the chance to reform or defend themselves. Although the author is against the death penalty, she explains it’s not the right time to abolish it. Doing so will jeopardize social security. The essay also incorporates other relevant information, such as the countries that still have the death penalty and how they are gradually revising and looking for alternatives.

You might also be interested in our list of the best war books .

“How a person copes with grief is affected by the person’s cultural and religious background, coping skills, mental history, support systems, and the person’s social and financial status.”

Cameron defines coping and grief through sharing his personal experience. He remembers how their family and close friends went through various stages of coping when his Aunt Ann died during heart surgery. Later in his story, he mentions Ann’s last note, which she wrote before her surgery, in case something terrible happens. This note brought their family together again through shared tears and laughter. You can also check out these articles about cancer .

“Luckily or tragically, we are completely sentenced to death. But there is an interesting thing; we don’t have the knowledge of how the inevitable will strike to have a conversation.”

Prasanna states the obvious – all people die, but no one knows when. She also discusses the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Research also shows that when people die, the brain either shows a flashback of life or sees a ray of light.

Even if someone can predict the day of their death, it won’t change how the people who love them will react. Some will cry or be numb, but in the end, everyone will have to accept the inevitable. The essay ends with the philosophical belief that the soul never dies and is reborn in a new identity and body. You can also check out these elegy examples .

“People have busy lives, and don’t think of their own death, however, the speaker admits that she was willing to put aside her distractions and go with death. She seemed to find it pretty charming.”

The author focuses on how Emily Dickinson ’s “ Because I Could Not Stop for Death ” describes death. In the poem, the author portrays death as a gentle, handsome, and neat man who picks up a woman with a carriage to take her to the grave. The essay expounds on how Dickinson uses personification and imagery to illustrate death.

“The death of a loved one is one of the hardest things an individual can bring themselves to talk about; however, I will never forget that day in the chapter of my life, as while one story continued another’s ended.”

The essay delve’s into the author’s recollection of their grandmother’s passing. They recount the things engrained in their mind from that day –  their sister’s loud cries, the pounding and sinking of their heart, and the first time they saw their father cry. 

Looking for more? Check out these essays about losing a loved one .

9 Easy Writing Prompts on Essays About Death

Are you still struggling to choose a topic for your essay? Here are prompts you can use for your paper:

Your imagination is the limit when you pick this prompt for your essay. Because no one can confirm what happens to people after death, you can create an essay describing what kind of world exists after death. For instance, you can imagine yourself as a ghost that lingers on the Earth for a bit. Then, you can go to whichever place you desire and visit anyone you wish to say proper goodbyes to first before crossing to the afterlife.

Every country, religion, and culture has ways of honoring the dead. Choose a tribe, religion, or place, and discuss their death rituals and traditions regarding wakes and funerals. Include the reasons behind these activities. Conclude your essay with an opinion on these rituals and ceremonies but don’t forget to be respectful of everyone’s beliefs. 

Smoking is still one of the most prevalent bad habits since tobacco’s creation in 1531 . Discuss your thoughts on individuals who believe there’s nothing wrong with this habit and inadvertently pass secondhand smoke to others. Include how to avoid chain-smokers and if we should let people kill themselves through excessive smoking. Add statistics and research to support your claims.

Collate people’s comments when they find out their death is near. Do this through interviews, and let your respondents list down what they’ll do first after hearing the simulated news. Then, add their reactions to your essay.

There is no proper way of grieving. People grieve in their way. Briefly discuss death and grieving at the start of your essay. Then, narrate a personal experience you’ve had with grieving to make your essay more relatable. Or you can compare how different people grieve. To give you an idea, you can mention that your father’s way of grieving is drowning himself in work while your mom openly cries and talk about her memories of the loved one who just passed away. 

Explain how people suffering from mental illnesses view death. Then, measure it against how ordinary people see the end. Include research showing death rates caused by mental illnesses to prove your point. To make organizing information about the topic more manageable, you can also focus on one mental illness and relate it to death.

Check out our guide on  how to write essays about depression .

Sometimes, seriously ill people say they are no longer afraid of death. For others, losing a loved one is even more terrifying than death itself. Share what you think of death and include factors that affected your perception of it.

People with incurable diseases are often ready to face death. For this prompt, write about individuals who faced their terminal illnesses head-on and didn’t let it define how they lived their lives. You can also review literary pieces that show these brave souls’ struggle and triumph. A great series to watch is “ My Last Days .”

You might also be interested in these epitaph examples .

No one knows how they’ll leave this world, but if you have the chance to choose how you part with your loved ones, what will it be? Probe into this imagined situation. For example, you can write: “I want to die at an old age, surrounded by family and friends who love me. I hope it’ll be a peaceful death after I’ve done everything I wanted in life.”

To make your essay more intriguing, put unexpected events in it. Check out these plot twist ideas .

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Reflections on Death in Philosophical/Existential Context

• Symposium: Reflections Before, During, and Beyond COVID-19
• Published: 27 July 2020
• Volume 57 , pages 402–409, ( 2020 )

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• Nikos Kokosalakis 1  

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Is death larger than life and does it annihilate life altogether? This is the basic question discussed in this essay, within a philosophical/existential context. The central argument is that the concept of death is problematic and, following Levinas, the author holds that death cannot lead to nothingness. This accords with the teaching of all religious traditions, which hold that there is life beyond death, and Plato’s and Aristotle’s theories about the immortality of the soul. In modernity, since the Enlightenment, God and religion have been placed in the margin or rejected in rational discourse. Consequently, the anthropocentric promethean view of man has been stressed and the reality of the limits placed on humans by death deemphasised or ignored. Yet, death remains at the centre of nature and human life, and its reality and threat become evident in the spread of a single virus. So, death always remains a mystery, relating to life and morality.

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What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! In form and moving, how express and admirable! In action, how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? William Shakespeare ( 1890 : 132), Hamlet, Act 2, scene 2, 303–312.

In mid-2019, the death of Sophia Kokosalakis, my niece and Goddaughter, at the age of 46, came like a thunderbolt to strike the whole family. She was a world-famous fashion designer who combined, in a unique way, the beauty and superb aesthetics of ancient and classical Greek sculptures and paintings with fashion production of clothes and jewellery. She took the aesthetics and values of ancient and classical Greek civilization out of the museums to the contemporary art of fashion design. A few months earlier she was full of life, beautiful, active, sociable and altruistic, and highly creative. All that was swept away quickly by an aggressive murderous cancer. The funeral ( κηδεία ) – a magnificent ritual event in the church of Panaghia Eleftherotria in Politeia Athens – accorded with the highly significant moving symbolism of the rite of the Orthodox Church. Her parents, her husband with their 7-year-old daughter, the wider family, relatives and friends, and hundreds of people were present, as well as eminent representatives of the arts. The Greek Prime Minister and other dignitaries sent wreaths and messages of condolences, and flowers were sent from around the world. After the burial in the family grave in the cemetery of Chalandri, some gathered for a memorial meal. This was a high profile, emotional final goodbye to a beloved famous person for her last irreversible Journey.

Sophia’s death was circumscribed by social and religious rituals that help to chart a path through the transition from life to death. Yet, the pain and sorrow for Sophia’s family has been very deep. For her parents, especially, it has been indescribable, indeed, unbearable. The existential reality of death is something different. It raises philosophical questions about what death really means in a human existential context. How do humans cope with it? What light do religious explanations of death shed on the existential experience of death and what do philosophical traditions have to say on this matter?

In broad terms religions see human life as larger than death, so that life’s substance meaning and values for each person are not exhausted with biological termination. Life goes on. For most religions and cultures there is some notion of immortality of the soul and there is highly significant ritual and symbolism for the dead, in all cultures, that relates to their memory and offers some notion of life beyond the grave. In Christianity, for example, life beyond death and the eternity and salvation of the soul constitutes the core of its teaching, immediately related to the incarnation, death, and resurrection of Christ. Theologically, Christ’s death and resurrection, declare the defeat of death by the death and the resurrection of the son of God, who was, both, God and perfectly human (theanthropos). This teaching signifies the triumph of life over death, which also means, eschatologically, the salvation and liberation of humankind from evil and the injustice and imperfection of the world. It refers to another dimension beyond the human condition, a paradisiac state beyond the time/space configuration, a state of immortality, eternity and infinity; it points to the sublimation of nature itself. So, according to Christian faith, the death of a human being is a painful boundary of transition, and there is hope that human life is not perishable at death. There is a paradox here that through death one enters real life in union with God. But this is not knowledge. It is faith and must be understood theologically and eschatologically.

While the deeply faithful, may accept and understand death as passage to their union with God, Sophia’s death shows that, for ordinary people, the fear of death and the desperation caused by the permanent absence of a beloved person is hard to bear – even with the help of strong religious faith. For those with lukewarm religious faith or no faith at all, religious discourse and ritual seems irrelevant or even annoying and irrational. However, nobody escapes the reality of death. It is at the heart of nature and the human condition and it is deeply ingrained in the consciousness of adult human beings. Indeed, of all animals it is only humans who know that they will die and according to Heidegger ( 1967 :274) “death is something distinctively impending”. The fear of death, consciously or subconsciously, is instilled in humans early in life and, as the ancients said, when death is near no one wants to die. ( Ην εγγύς έλθει θάνατος ουδείς βούλεται θνήσκειν. [Aesopus Fables]). In Christianity even Christ, the son of God, prayed to his father to remove the bitter cup of death before his crucifixion (Math. 26, 38–39; Luke, 22, 41–42).

The natural sciences say nothing much about the existential content and conditions of human death beyond the biological laws of human existence and human evolution. According to these laws, all forms of life have a beginning a duration and an end. In any case, from a philosophical point of view, it is considered a category mistake, i.e. epistemologically and methodologically wrong, to apply purely naturalistic categories and quantitative experimental methods for the study, explanation and interpretation of human social phenomena, especially cultural phenomena such as the meaning of human death and religion at large. As no enlightenment on such issues emerges from the natural sciences, maybe insights can be teased out from philosophical anthropological thinking.

Philosophical anthropology is concerned with questions of human nature and life and death in deeper intellectual, philosophical, dramaturgical context. Religion and the sacred are inevitably involved in such discourse. For example, the verses from Shakespeare’s Hamlet about the nature of man, at the preamble of this essay, put the matter in a nutshell. What is this being who acts like an angel, apprehends and creates like a god, and yet, it is limited as the quintessence of dust? It is within this discourse that I seek to draw insights concerning human death. I will argue that, although in formal logical/scientific terms, we do not know and cannot know anything about life after/beyond death, there is, and always has been, a legitimate philosophical discourse about being and the dialectic of life/death. We cannot prove or disprove the existence and content of life beyond death in scientific or logical terms any more than we can prove or disprove the existence of God scientifically. Footnote 1

Such discourse inevitably takes place within the framework of transcendence, and transcendence is present within life and beyond death. Indeed, transcendence is at the core of human consciousness as humans are the only beings (species) who have culture that transcends their biological organism. Footnote 2 According to Martin ( 1980 :4) “the main issue is… man’s ability to transcend and transform his situation”. So human death can be described and understood as a cultural fact immediately related to transcendence, and as a limit to human transcendental ability and potential. But it is important, from an epistemological methodological point of view, not to preconceive this fact in reductionist positivistic or closed ideological terms. It is essential that the discourse about death takes place within an open dialectic, not excluding transcendence and God a priori, stressing the value of life, and understanding the limits of the human potential.

The Problem of Meaning in Human Death

Biologically and medically the meaning and reality of human death, as that of all animals, is clear: the cessation of all the functions and faculties of the organs of the body, especially the heart and the brain. This entails, of course, the cessation of consciousness. Yet, this definition tells us nothing about why only the human species, latecomers in the universe, have always worshiped their gods, buried their dead with elaborate ritual, and held various beliefs about immortality. Harari ( 2017 :428–439) claims that, in the not too distant future, sapiens could aim at, and is likely to achieve, immortality and the status of Homo Deus through biotechnology, information science, artificial intelligence and what he calls the data religion . I shall leave aside what I consider farfetched utopian fictional futurology and reflect a little on the problem of meaning of human death and immortality philosophically.

We are not dealing here with the complex question of biological life. This is the purview of the science of biology and biotechnology within the laws of nature. Rather, we are within the framework of human existence, consciousness and transcendence and the question of being and time in a philosophical sense. According to Heidegger ( 1967 :290) “Death, in the widest sense, is a phenomenon of life. Life must be understood as a kind of Being to which there belongs a Being-in-the-world”. He also argues (bid: 291) that: “The existential interpretation of death takes precedence over any biology and ontology of life. But it is also the foundation for any investigation of death which is biographical or historiological, ethnological or psychological”. So, the focus is sharply on the issue of life/death in the specifically human existential context of being/life/death . Human life is an (the) ultimate value, (people everywhere raise their glass to life and good health), and in the midst of it there is death as an ultimate threatening eliminating force. But is death larger than life, and can death eliminate life altogether? That’s the question. Whereas all beings from plants to animals, including man, are born live and die, in the case of human persons this cycle carries with it deep and wide meaning embodied within specific empirical, historical, cultural phenomena. In this context death, like birth and marriage, is a carrier of specific cultural significance and deeper meaning. It has always been accompanied by what anthropologists refer to as rites of passage, (Van Gennep, 1960 [1909]; Turner, 1967; Garces-Foley, 2006 ). These refer to transition events from one state of life to another. All such acts and rites, and religion generally, should be understood analysed and interpreted within the framework of symbolic language. (Kokosalakis, 2001 , 2020 ). In this sense the meaning of death is open and we get a glimpse of it through symbols.

Death, thus, is an existential tragic/dramatic phenomenon, which has preoccupied philosophy and the arts from the beginning and has been always treated as problematic. According to Heidegger ( 1967 : 295), the human being Dasein (being-there) has not explicit or even theoretical knowledge of death, hence the anxiety in the face of it. Also, Dasein has its death, “not in isolation, but as codetermined by its primordial kind of Being” (ibid: 291). He further argues that in the context of being/time/death, death is understood as being-towards-death ( Sein zum Tode ). Levinas Footnote 3 ( 2000 :8), although indebted to Heidegger, disagrees radically with him on this point because it posits being-towards death ( Sein zum Tode) “as equivalent to being in regard to nothingness”. Leaving aside that, phenomenologically the concept of nothingness itself is problematic (Sartre: 3–67), Levinas ( 2000 :8) asks: “is that which opens with death nothingness or the unknown? Can being at the point of death be reduced to the ontological dilemma of being or nothingness? That is the question that is posed here.” In other words, Levinas considers this issue problematic and wants to keep the question of being/life/death open. Logically and philosophically the concept of nothingness is absolute, definitive and closed whereas the concept of the unknown is open and problematic. In any case both concepts are ultimately based on belief, but nothingness implies knowledge which we cannot have in the context of death.

Levinas (ibid: 8–9) argues that any knowledge we have of death comes to us “second hand” and that “It is in relation with the other that we think of death in its negativity” (emphasis mine). Indeed, the ultimate objective of hate is the death of the other , the annihilation of the hated person. Also death “[is] a departure: it is a decease [deces]”. It is a permanent separation of them from us which is felt and experienced foremost and deeply for the departure of the beloved. This is because death is “A departure towards the unknown, a departure without return, a departure with no forward address”. Thus, the emotion and the sorrow associated with it and the pain and sadness caused to those remaining. Deep-down, existentially and philosophically, death is a mystery. It involves “an ambiguity that perhaps indicates another dimension of meaning than that in which death is thought within the alternative to be/not- to- be. The ambiguity: an enigma” (ibid: 14). Although, as Heidegger ( 1967 :298–311) argues, death is the only absolute certainty we have and it is the origin of certitude itself, I agree with Levinas (ibid: 10–27) that this certitude cannot be forthcoming from the experience of our own death alone, which is impossible anyway. Death entails the cessation of the consciousness of the subject and without consciousness there is no experience. We experience the process of our dying but not our own death itself. So, our experience of death is primarily that of the death of others. It is our observation of the cessation of the movement, of the life of the other .

Furthermore, Levinas (Ibid: 10–13) argues that “it is not certain that death has the meaning of annihilation” because if death is understood as annihilation in time, “Here, we are looking for other dimension of meaning, both for the meaning of time Footnote 4 and for the meaning of death”. Footnote 5 So death is a phenomenon with dimensions of meaning beyond the historical space/time configuration. Levinas dealt with such dimensions extensively not only in his God, Death and Time (2000) but also in his: Totality and Infinity (1969); Otherwise than Being, or Beyond Essence (1991); and, Of God Who comes to mind (1998). So, existentially/phenomenologically such dimensions inevitably involve the concept of transcendence, the divine, and some kind of faith. Indeed, the question of human death has always involved the question of the soul. Humans have been generally understood to be composite beings of body/soul or spirit and the latter has also been associated with transcendence and the divine. In general the body has been understood and experienced as perishable with death, whereas the soul/spirit has been understood (believed) to be indestructible. Thus beyond or surviving after/beyond death. Certainly this has been the assumption and general belief of major religions and cultures, Footnote 6 and philosophy itself, until modernity and up to the eighteenth century.

Ancient and classical Greek philosophy preoccupied itself with the question of the soul. Footnote 7 Homer, both in the Iliad and the Odyssey, has several reference on the soul in hades (the underworld) and Pythagoras of Samos (580–496 b.c.) dealt with immortality and metempsychosis (reincarnation). Footnote 8 In all the tragedies by Sophocles (496–406 b,c,), Aeschylus (523–456 b. c.), and Euripides (480–406 b.c.), death is a central theme but it was Plato Footnote 9 (428?-347 b.c.) and Aristotle Footnote 10 (384–322 b.c.) – widely acknowledged as the greatest philosophers of all times – who wrote specific treatises on the soul. Let us look at their positions very briefly.

Plato on the Soul

Plato was deeply concerned with the nature of the soul and the problem of immortality because such questions were foundational to his theory of the forms (ideas), his understanding of ethics, and his philosophy at large. So, apart from the dialogue Phaedo , in which the soul and its immortality is the central subject, he also referred to it extensively in the Republic , the Symposium and the Apology as well in the dialogues: Timaeus , Gorgias, Phaedrus, Crito, Euthyfron and Laches .

The dialogue Phaedo Footnote 11 is a discussion on the soul and immortality between Socrates (470–399 b.c.) and his interlocutors Cebes and Simias. They were Pythagorians from Thebes, who went to see Socrates in prison just before he was about to be given the hemlock (the liquid poison: means by which the death penalty was carried out at the time in Athens). Phaedo, his disciple, who was also present, is the narrator. The visitors found Socrates very serene and in pleasant mood and wondered how he did not seem to be afraid of death just before his execution. Upon this Socrates replies that it would be unreasonable to be afraid of death since he was about to join company with the Gods (of which he was certain) and, perhaps, with good and beloved departed persons. In any case, he argued, the true philosopher cannot be afraid of death as his whole life, indeed, is a practice and a preparation for it. So for this, and other philosophical reasons, death for Socrates is not to be feared. ( Phaedo; 64a–68b).

Socrates defines death as the separation of the soul from the body (64c), which he describes as prison of the former while joined in life. The body, which is material and prone to earthly materialistic pleasures, is an obstacle for the soul to pursue and acquire true knowledge, virtue, moderation and higher spiritual achievements generally (64d–66e). So, for the true philosopher, whose raison-d’être is to pursue knowledge truth and virtue, the liberation of the soul from bodily things, and death itself when it comes, is welcome because life, for him, was a training for death anyway. For these reasons, Socrates says is “glad to go to hades ” (the underworld) (68b).

Following various questions of Cebes and Simias about the soul, and its surviving death, Socrates proceeds to provide some logical philosophical arguments for its immortality. The main ones only can be mentioned here. In the so called cyclical argument, Socrates holds that the immortality of the soul follows logically from the relation of opposites (binaries) and comparatives: Big, small; good, bad; just, unjust; beautiful, ugly; good, better; bad; worse, etc. As these imply each other so life/death/life are mutually inter-connected, (70e–71d). The second main argument is that of recollection. Socrates holds that learning, in general, is recollection of things and ideas by the soul which always existed and the soul itself pre-existed before it took the human shape. (73a–77a). Socrates also advises Cebes and Simias to look into themselves, into their own psych e and their own consciousness in order to understand what makes them alive and makes them speak and move, and that is proof for the immortality of the soul (78ab). These arguments are disputed and are considered inadequate and anachronistic by many philosophers today (Steadman, 2015 ; Shagulta and Hammad, 2018 ; and others) but the importance of Phaedo lies in the theory of ideas and values and the concept of ethics imbedded in it.

Plato’s theory of forms (ideas) is the basis of philosophical idealism to the present day and also poses the question of the human autonomy and free will. Phaedo attracts the attention of modern and contemporary philosophers from Kant (1724–1804) and Hegel (1770–1831) onwards, because it poses the existential problems of life, death, the soul, consciousness, movement and causality as well as morality, which have preoccupied philosophy and the human sciences diachronically. In this dialogue a central issue is the philosophy of ethics and values at large as related to the problem of death. Aristotle, who was critical of Plato’s idealism, also uses the concept of forms and poses the question of the soul as a substantive first principle of life and movement although he does not deal with death and immortality as Plato does.

Aristotle on the Soul

Aristotle’s conception of the soul is close to contemporary biology and psychology because his whole philosophy is near to modern science. Unlike many scholars, however, who tend to be reductionist, limiting the soul to naturalistic/positivistic explanations, (as Isherwood, 2016 , for instance, does, unlike Charlier, 2018 , who finds relevance in religious and metaphysical connections), Aristotle’s treatment of it, as an essential irreducible principle of life, leaves room for its metaphysical substance and character. So his treatise on the soul , (known now to scholars as De Anima, Shields, 2016 ), is closely related to both his physics and his metaphysics.

Aristotle sees all living beings (plants, animals, humans) as composite and indivisible of body, soul or form (Charlton, 1980 ). The body is material and the soul is immaterial but none can be expressed, comprehended or perceived apart from matter ( ύλη ). Shields ( 2016 ) has described this understanding and use of the concepts of matter and form in Aristotle’s philosophy as hylomorphism [ hyle and morphe, (matter and form)]. The soul ( psyche ) is a principle, arche (αρχή) associated with cause (αιτία) and motion ( kinesis ) but it is inseparable from matter. In plants its basic function and characteristic is nutrition. In animals, in addition to nutrition it has the function and characteristic of sensing. In humans apart from nutrition and sensing, which they share with all animals, in addition it has the unique faculty of noesis and logos. ( De Anima ch. 2). Following this, Heidegger ( 1967 :47) sees humans as: “Dasein, man’s Being is ‘defined’ as the ζωον λόγον έχον – as that living thing whose Being is essentially determined by the potentiality for discourse”. (So, only human beings talk, other beings do not and cannot).

In Chapter Five, Aristotle concentrates on this unique property of the human soul, the logos or nous, known in English as mind . The nous (mind) is both: passive and active. The former, the passive mind, although necessary for noesis and knowledge, is perishable and mortal (φθαρτός). The latter, the poetic mind is higher, it is a principle of causality and creativity, it is energy, aitia . So this, the poetic the creative mind is higher. It is the most important property of the soul and it is immaterial, immortal and eternal. Here Aristotle considers the poetic mind as separate from organic life, as substance entering the human body from outside, as it were. Noetic mind is the divine property in humans and expresses itself in their pursuit to imitate the prime mover, God that is.

So, Aristotle arrives here at the problem of immortality of the soul by another root than Plato but, unlike him, he does not elaborate on the metaphysics of this question beyond the properties of the poetic mind and he focuses on life in the world. King ( 2001 :214) argues that Aristotle is not so much concerned to establish the immortality of the human individual as that of the human species as an eidos. Here, however, I would like to stress that we should not confuse Aristotle’s understanding with contemporary biological theories about the dominance and survival of the human species. But whatever the case may be, both Aristotle’s and Plato’s treatises on the soul continue to be inspiring sources of debate by philosophers and others on these issues to the present day.

Death in Modernity

By modernity here is meant the general changes which occurred in western society and culture with the growth of science and technology and the economy, especially after the Enlightenment, and the French and the Industrial Revolutions, which have their cultural roots in the Renaissance, the Reformation and Protestantism.

It is banal to say that life beyond death does not preoccupy people in modernity as it did before and that, perhaps, now most people do not believe in the immortality of the soul. In what Charles Taylor ( 2007 ) has extensively described as A SECULAR AGE he frames the question of change in religious beliefs in the west as follows: “why was it virtually impossible not to believe in God in, say, 1500 in our western society, while in 2000 many of us find this not only easy, but even inescapable?” (p. 25). The answer to this question is loaded with controversy and is given variously by different scholars. Footnote 13 Taylor (ibid: 65–75, 720–726) shows how and why beliefs have changed radically in modernity. Metaphysical transcendent beliefs on life and death have shrunk into this-worldly secular conceptions in what he calls, “the immanent frame”. As a consequence, transcendence and the sacred were exiled from the world or reduced to “closed world structures”. Footnote 14 In this context many scholars spoke of “the death of God” (ibid: 564–575).

In criticizing postmodern relativism, which brings various vague conceptions of God and transcendence back in play, Gellner ( 1992 :80–83) praises what he calls Enlightenment Rationalist fundamentalism, which “at one fell swoop eliminates the sacred from the world”. Although he acknowledges that Kant, the deepest thinker of the Enlightenment, left morality reason and knowledge outside the purview of the laws of nature, thus leaving the question of transcendence open, he still claims that Enlightenment rationalism is the only positive scientific way to study religious phenomena and death rituals. This position seems to be epistemologically flawed, because it pre-empts what concerns us here, namely, the assumptions of modernity for the nature of man and its implications for the meaning and reality of death.

In rejecting religion and traditional conceptions of death, Enlightenment rationalism put forward an overoptimistic, promethean view of man. What Vereker ( 1967 ) described as the “God of Reason” was the foundation of eighteenth century optimism. The idea was that enlightened rationalism, based on the benevolent orderly laws of nature, would bring about the redeemed society. Enlightened, rational leaders and the gradual disappearance of traditional religious beliefs, obscurantism and superstitions, which were sustained by the ancient regime, would eventually transform society and would abolish all human evil and social and political injustice. Science was supportive of this view because it showed that natural and social phenomena, traditionally attributed to divine agencies and metaphysical forces, have a clear natural causation. These ideas, developed by European philosophers (Voltaire 1694–1778; Rousseau, 1712–1778; Kant, 1724–1804; Hume, 1711–1776; and many others), were foundational to social and political reform, and the basis of the French Revolution (1789–1799). However, the underlying optimism of such philosophical ideas about the benevolence of nature appeared incompatible with natural phenomena such as the great earthquake in Lisbon in 1755, which flattened the city and killed over 100,000 people. Enlightenment rationalism overemphasised a promethean, anthropocentric view of man without God, and ignored the limits of man and the moral and existential significance of death.

In his critique of capitalism, in the nineteenth century, Marx (1818–1883), promoted further the promethean view of man by elevating him as the author of his destiny and banishing God and religion as “the opium of the people”. In his O rigin of the Species (1859), Charles Darwin also showed man’s biological connections with primates, thereby challenging biblical texts about the specific divine origin of the human species. He confirmed human dominance in nature. Important figures in literature, however, such as Dostoevsky (1821–1881) and Tolstoy (1828–1910), pointed out and criticised the conceit and arrogance of an inflated humanism without God, promoted by the promethean man of modernity.

By the end of the twentieth century the triumph of science, biotechnology, information technology, and international capitalist monetary economics, all of them consequences of modernity, had turned the planet into a global village with improved living standards for the majority. Medical science also has doubled average life expectancy from what it was in nineteenth century and information technology has made, almost every adult, owner of a mobile smart phone. Moreover, visiting the moon has inflated man’s sense of mastery over nature, and all these achievements, although embodying Taylor’s ( 1992 ) malaise of modernity at the expense of the environment, have strengthen the promethean view and, somehow, ignored human limits. As a consequence, the reality of death was treated as a kind of taboo, tucked under the carpet.

This seems a paradox because, apart from the normal death of individuals, massive collective deaths, caused by nature and by hate and barbarity from man to man, were present in the twentieth century more than any other in history. The pandemic of Spanish flue 1917–1919 killed 39 million of the world’s population according to estimates by Baro et al. (2020). In the First World War deaths, military and civilians combined, were estimated at 20.5 million (Wikipedia). In the Second World War an estimated total of 70–85 million people perished, (Wikipedia). This did not include estimates of more than seven million people who died in the gulags of Siberia and elsewhere under Stalin. But Auschwitz is indicative of the unlimited limits, which human barbarity and cruelty of man to man, can reach. Bauman ( 1989 :x), an eminent sociologist, saw the Holocaust as a moral horror related to modernity and wrote: “ The Holocaust was born and executed in modern rational society, at the high stage of our civilization and at the peak of human cultural achievement, and for this reason it is a problem of that society, civilization and culture. ”

Questions associated with the mass death are now magnified by the spread of the coronavirus (Covid-19). This has caused global panic and created unpredictability at all levels of society and culture. This sudden global threat of death makes it timely to re-examine our values, our beliefs (secular or religious), and the meaning of life. Max Weber (1948: 182), who died a hundred years ago in the pandemic of great influenza, was sceptical and pessimistic about modernity, and argued that it was leading to a cage with “ specialists without spirit, sensualists without heart; this nullity imagines that it had attained a level of civilization never before achieved. ”

So, what does this examination of philosophical anthropology illuminate in terms of questions of human nature and life and death in deeper intellectual, philosophical, dramaturgical context? Now, we are well into the twenty-first century, and with the revolution in information science, the internet, biotechnology and data religion , the promethean view of man seems to have reached new heights. Yet, massive death, by a single virus this time, threatens again humanity; are there any lessons to be learned? Will this threat, apart from the negativity of death, bring back the wisdom, which T. S. Elliot said we have lost in modern times? Will it show us our limits? Will it reduce our conceit and arrogance? Will it make us more humble, moderate, prudent, and more humane for this and future generations, and for the sake of life in this planet at large? These are the questions arising now amongst many circles, and it is likely that old religious and philosophical ideas about virtuous life and the hope of immortality (eschatologically) may revive again as we are well within late modernity (I do not like the term postmodernity, which has been widely used in sociology since the 1980s).

The central argument of this essay has been that death has always been and remains at the centre of life. Philosophically and existentially the meaning of death is problematic, and the natural sciences cannot produce knowledge on this problem. Religious traditions always beheld the immortality of the soul and so argued great philosophers like Plato and Aristotle. Modernity, since the Enlightenment, rejected such views as anachronistic and advanced an anthropocentric promethean, view of man, at the expense of the sacred and transcendence at large. Instead, within what Taylor (1967: 537–193) has described as the immanent frame, it developed “closed world structures,” which are at the expense of human nature and human freedom. One consequence of this has been massive death during the twentieth century.

Following Levinas ( 2000 ), I argued that death should not be understood to lead to nothingness because nothingness means certitude and positive knowledge, which we cannot have existentially in the case of death. In this sense the reality of death should not be understood to lead to annihilation of life and remains a mystery. Moreover, the presence and the reality of death as a limit and a boundary should serve as educative lesson for both the autonomy and creativity of man and against an overinflated promethean view of her/his nature.

David Martin ( 1980 :16) puts the matter about human and divine autonomy as follows: “Indeed, it is all too easy to phrase the problem so that the autonomy of God and the autonomy of man are rival claimants for what science leaves over”. This concurs with his, ( 1978 :12), understanding of religion, (which I share), as “acceptance of a level of reality beyond the observable world known to science, to which we ascribe meanings and purposes completing and transcending those of the purely human realm”.

We do not know how and when human beings acquired this capacity during the evolutionary process of the species. It characterises however a radical shift from nature to culture as the latter is defined by Clifford Geertz (1973:68): “an ordered system of meanings and symbols …in terms of which individuals define their world, express their feelings and make their judgements”.

For a comprehensive extensive and impressive account and discussion of Levinas’ philosophy and work, and relevant bibliography, see Bergo ( 2019 ).

Perhaps it is worth mentioning here that the meaning of the concept of time, as it was in Cartesian Philosophy and Newtonian physics, has changed radically with Einstein’s theories of relativity and contemporary quantum physics (Heisenberg 1959 ). Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle (Hilgervood and Uffink, 2016 ) is very relevant to non- deterministic conceptions of time/space and scientific and philosophical discourse generally.

Various religions articulate the structure of these meanings in different cultural contexts symbolically and all of them involve the divine and an eschatological metaphysical dimension beyond history, beyond our experience of time and space.

Ancient Egyptian culture is well known for its preoccupation with life after death, the immortality of the soul and the elaborate ritual involved in the mummification of the Pharaohs. See: anen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_ Egyptian_ funerary_ practices). Also the findings of archaeological excavations of tombs of kings in all ancient cultures constitute invaluable sources of knowledge not only about the meaning of death and the beliefs and rituals associated with it in these cultures but also of life and religion and politics and society at large.

For an extensive account of general theories of the soul in Greek antiquity see: Lorenz ( 2009 ).

For a good account on Pythagoras’ views on the transmigration of the souls see: Huffman ( 2018 ).

For a recent good account on the diachronic importance of Plato’s philosophy see: Kraut ( 2017 ).

For a very extensive analytical account and discussion of Aristotle’s philosophy and work with recent bibliography see: Shields ( 2016 ).

For an overview of Phaedo in English with commentary and the original Greek text see: Steadman ( 2015 ).

See, for instance, Wilson ( 1969 ) and Martin ( 1978 ) for radically different analyses and interpretations of secularization.

Marxism is a good example. God, the sacred and tradition generally are rejected but the proletariat and the Party acquire a sacred significance. The notion of salvation is enclosed as potentiality within history in a closed system of the class struggle. This, however, has direct political consequences because, along with the sacred, democracy is exiled and turned into a totalitarian system. The same is true, of course, at the other end of the spectrum with fascism.

Further Reading

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Garsey-Foley, K. 2006. Death and Religion in a Changing World . MC Sharpe.

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Sheryl Sandberg wrote a beautiful essay about the sudden death of her husband and dealing with grief

Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband, Dave Goldberg, 30 days ago in a tragic treadmill accident while on vacation in Mexico.

In the month since Goldberg's death, Sandberg has learned about love, life, and how to cope with extreme grief. She wrote all these lessons down in a Facebook essay so that others who face tragedy can learn from her experience.

The advice is really good, whether you're experiencing a loss or helping someone else who is. For example, Sheryl says asking her "How are you doing today?" is better than asking "How are you doing?" since the latter suggests ignorance about a great loss, and the former implies knowing it's hard to get through each and every day.

Here's the essay in full :

Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband—the first thirty days. Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried. After shiva, most normal activities can be resumed, but it is the end of sheloshim that marks the completion of religious mourning for a spouse.

A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: "Let me not die while I am still alive." I would have never understood that prayer before losing Dave. Now I do.

I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well.

But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.

And this is why I am writing: to mark the end of sheloshim and to give back some of what others have given to me. While the experience of grief is profoundly personal, the bravery of those who have shared their own experiences has helped pull me through. Some who opened their hearts were my closest friends. Others were total strangers who have shared wisdom and advice publicly. So I am sharing what I have learned in the hope that it helps someone else. In the hope that there can be some meaning from this tragedy.

I have lived thirty years in these thirty days. I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.

I have gained a more profound understanding of what it is to be a mother, both through the depth of the agony I feel when my children scream and cry and from the connection my mother has to my pain. She has tried to fill the empty space in my bed, holding me each night until I cry myself to sleep. She has fought to hold back her own tears to make room for mine. She has explained to me that the anguish I am feeling is both my own and my children's, and I understood that she was right as I saw the pain in her own eyes.

I have learned that I never really knew what to say to others in need. I think I got this all wrong before; I tried to assure people that it would be okay, thinking that hope was the most comforting thing I could offer. A friend of mine with late-stage cancer told me that the worst thing people could say to him was "It is going to be okay." That voice in his head would scream, How do you know it is going to be okay? Do you not understand that I might die? I learned this past month what he was trying to teach me. Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, "You and your children will find happiness again," my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, "You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good" comfort me more because they know and speak the truth. Even a simple "How are you?"—almost always asked with the best of intentions—is better replaced with "How are you today?" When I am asked "How are you?" I stop myself from shouting, My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am? When I hear "How are you today?" I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.

Related stories

I have learned some practical stuff that matters. Although we now know that Dave died immediately, I didn't know that in the ambulance. The trip to the hospital was unbearably slow. I still hate every car that did not move to the side, every person who cared more about arriving at their destination a few minutes earlier than making room for us to pass. I have noticed this while driving in many countries and cities. Let's all move out of the way. Someone's parent or partner or child might depend on it.

I have learned how ephemeral everything can feel—and maybe everything is. That whatever rug you are standing on can be pulled right out from under you with absolutely no warning. In the last thirty days, I have heard from too many women who lost a spouse and then had multiple rugs pulled out from under them. Some lack support networks and struggle alone as they face emotional distress and financial insecurity. It seems so wrong to me that we abandon these women and their families when they are in greatest need.

I have learned to ask for help—and I have learned how much help I need. Until now, I have been the older sister, the COO, the doer and the planner. I did not plan this, and when it happened, I was not capable of doing much of anything. Those closest to me took over. They planned. They arranged. They told me where to sit and reminded me to eat. They are still doing so much to support me and my children.

I have learned that resilience can be learned. Adam M. Grant taught me that three things are critical to resilience and that I can work on all three. Personalization—realizing it is not my fault. He told me to ban the word "sorry." To tell myself over and over, This is not my fault. Permanence—remembering that I won't feel like this forever. This will get better. Pervasiveness—this does not have to affect every area of my life; the ability to compartmentalize is healthy.

For me, starting the transition back to work has been a savior, a chance to feel useful and connected. But I quickly discovered that even those connections had changed. Many of my co-workers had a look of fear in their eyes as I approached. I knew why—they wanted to help but weren't sure how. Should I mention it? Should I not mention it? If I mention it, what the hell do I say? I realized that to restore that closeness with my colleagues that has always been so important to me, I needed to let them in. And that meant being more open and vulnerable than I ever wanted to be. I told those I work with most closely that they could ask me their honest questions and I would answer. I also said it was okay for them to talk about how they felt. One colleague admitted she'd been driving by my house frequently, not sure if she should come in. Another said he was paralyzed when I was around, worried he might say the wrong thing. Speaking openly replaced the fear of doing and saying the wrong thing. One of my favorite cartoons of all time has an elephant in a room answering the phone, saying, "It's the elephant." Once I addressed the elephant, we were able to kick him out of the room.

At the same time, there are moments when I can't let people in. I went to Portfolio Night at school where kids show their parents around the classroom to look at their work hung on the walls. So many of the parents—all of whom have been so kind—tried to make eye contact or say something they thought would be comforting. I looked down the entire time so no one could catch my eye for fear of breaking down. I hope they understood.

I have learned gratitude. Real gratitude for the things I took for granted before—like life. As heartbroken as I am, I look at my children each day and rejoice that they are alive. I appreciate every smile, every hug. I no longer take each day for granted. When a friend told me that he hates birthdays and so he was not celebrating his, I looked at him and said through tears, "Celebrate your birthday, goddammit. You are lucky to have each one." My next birthday will be depressing as hell, but I am determined to celebrate it in my heart more than I have ever celebrated a birthday before.

I am truly grateful to the many who have offered their sympathy. A colleague told me that his wife, whom I have never met, decided to show her support by going back to school to get her degree—something she had been putting off for years. Yes! When the circumstances allow, I believe as much as ever in leaning in. And so many men—from those I know well to those I will likely never know—are honoring Dave's life by spending more time with their families.

I can't even express the gratitude I feel to my family and friends who have done so much and reassured me that they will continue to be there. In the brutal moments when I am overtaken by the void, when the months and years stretch out in front of me endless and empty, only their faces pull me out of the isolation and fear. My appreciation for them knows no bounds.

I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, "But I want Dave. I want option A." He put his arm around me and said, "Option A is not available. So let's just kick the shit out of option B."

Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B. And even though sheloshim has ended, I still mourn for option A. I will always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, "There is no end to grief ... and there is no end to love." I love you, Dave. — with Dave Goldberg.

And here's the Facebook post:

Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband—the first thirty days. Judaism calls for a period of intense... Posted by Sheryl Sandberg on Wednesday, June 3, 2015

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What the Stoics Understood About Death (And Can Teach Us)

David fideler on what awareness of mortality does to a life.

“Wherever I turn, I see signs of my old age,” Seneca wrote to Lucilius. Seneca had just arrived at his villa outside of Rome, where he was having a conversation with his property manager about the high cost of maintaining the disintegrating old building. But Seneca then explained, “My estate manager told me it was not his fault: he was doing everything possible, but the country home was old. And this villa was built under my supervision! What will my future look like if stonework of my own age is already crumbling?”

At that time, Seneca was in his late sixties, and he was starting to feel the aches and pains of old age. But he also found old age to be pleasurable. However, the older you get, the more challenging things become. Extreme old age, he said, is like a lasting illness you never recover from; and when the body really declines, it’s like a ship that starts springing leaks, one after another.

Where I currently live, in Sarajevo, I see extremely old people, who are quite close to death, on an almost daily basis. It seems that some of my neighbors—​thin, frail, and bent over, often walking with a cane at a snail’s pace over the old stone streets—​could drop over and expire at any moment. That said, seeing extremely elderly people out and about is an inspiring and heartfelt experience for me. First of all, it’s lovely to see people who have lived for so long, often against challenging odds, and it’s impossible to see them without feeling a great sense of tenderness for them. Second, they are a timely reminder of my own mortality. It’s also very different from what I remember seeing in the United States.

Unlike many other countries, the United States has accomplished a world-​class disappearing act when it comes to keeping older adults (and any other reminders of death) out of sight and out of mind. With its shiny glass and steel buildings, shopping malls, and spread-​out suburbs, the American landscape has been sterilized and artificially “cleaned up” in such a way that extremely old people are rarely seen on public display. But here in a historic European city with ancient stone buildings that go back centuries, and well-​established neighborhoods with cobblestone streets, extremely old people, hobbling along, are a happy part of daily life. They remind me that life is not without extreme struggle. And when people die, which can happen at any age, the local religious communities post death notices, with photos of the deceased, in local neighborhoods all over town. It’s another nice custom that reminds us of being mortal.

A Stoic wants to live well—​and living well means dying well, too. A Stoic lives well through having a good character, and death is the final test of it. While every death will be a bit different, the Roman Stoics believed that a good death would be characterized by mental tranquility, a lack of complaining, and gratitude for the life we’ve been given. In other words, as the final act of living, a good death is characterized by acceptance and gratitude. Also, having a real philosophy of life, and having worked on developing a sound character, allows a person to die without any feelings of regret.

Seneca frequently thought and wrote about death. Some of this must have been due to his poor health. Because he suffered from tuberculosis and asthma from a young age, he must have sensed the certainty and nearness of his own death throughout his entire life. In Letter 54 he describes, in graphic detail, a recent asthma attack that nearly killed him. But much earlier, probably in his twenties, he was so sick, and so near death, that he thought about ending his own life, to finally stop the suffering. He didn’t follow through on that, fortunately, out of love for his father. As he writes,

I often felt the urge to end my life, but the old age of my dear father held me back. For while I thought that I could die bravely, I knew he could not bear the loss bravely. And so I commanded myself to live. Sometimes it’s an act of courage just to keep living.

For a Stoic (and for other ancient philosophers, too), memento mori —​contemplating our inevitable death—​was an essential philosophical exercise, and one that comes with unexpected benefits. As an anticipation of future adversity, memento mori allows us to prepare for death, and helps remove our fears of death. It also encourages us to take our current lives more seriously, because we realize they’re limited. As I’ve discovered in a practical sense, reflecting on my own death—​and the inevitable death of those dear to me—​has had a totally unexpected and powerful benefit: feeling a more profound sense of gratitude for the time we still have together.

The Latin phrase memento mori literally means “remember that you have to die.” Over the centuries, scholars often would keep a symbolic memento mori image in their study, like a skull, as a reminder of their own mortality.

In the world of philosophy, the model of someone dying well, without an ounce of fear, was Socrates. Imprisoned on trumped-​up charges for corrupting the youth of Athens, Socrates was detained for thirty days before facing his death sentence of drinking hemlock poison. At the time of his death in 399 BC, Socrates was around seventy years old. If he had wished, he could have very easily escaped prison, with his friends’ help, and then set up life elsewhere in Greece. But it would have gone against everything he believed in. Also, escaping would have permanently damaged his reputation. Since one of Socrates’s main goals was to improve society, that implied he should follow society’s laws, even if he had been treated unjustly.

This allowed Socrates thirty final days to meet with his friends and his students to continue their philosophical discussions. He had challenged the morality of those who called for his death with a very memorable line: “If you kill me,” he said, “you will not harm me so much as yourselves.”  This thought was much appreciated by the later Stoics, since, in their view, nothing can harm the character of a wise person. During his last meeting with his students, right before his death, Socrates discussed and questioned the possibility of an afterlife. He also said, memorably, that “philosophy is a preparation for death,” which was probably the real beginning of the memento mori tradition (at least for philosophers). When his final conversation was complete, Socrates drank the hemlock, and he peacefully passed away, surrounded by his students.

According to Seneca, the philosopher Epicurus said, “Rehearse for death,” which is a practice Seneca himself greatly encouraged. For Seneca and the other Roman Stoics, death was “the master fear,” and once someone learns how to overcome it, little else remains fearful either.

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus told his students that when you kiss your child goodnight, you should remind yourself that your child could die tomorrow. While it is literally true that your child could die tomorrow, many modern readers recoil at the idea of even contemplating such a thought. However, that might be a measure of their reluctance to accept the inevitability of death, or a way of repressing the fact that death can arrive unexpectedly, at any moment. As someone who personally uses this practice, I can tell you that it’s perfectly harmless, once you get past any initial discomfort. The huge benefit it brings is the greater sense of gratitude you experience with your loved ones. When you perform this practice, you consciously realize that someday, which nobody can predict, will be your last time together—​so you experience much greater gratitude for the time you spend together now. As Seneca wisely recommended, let us greedily enjoy our friends and our loved ones now, while we still have them.

What is it like emotionally to contemplate your own death or the death of a close family member? I’ve been experimenting with this for some time now and can report only positive results. That’s because, when I think of the mortality of a loved one and the fact that all of our time together is by definition limited, it improves the quality of my life. It makes me feel a much deeper sense of appreciation for all the time we are together. If you don’t remember that your time is limited and finite, you are much more likely to take things for granted.

I most often remember death when I’m with my son, Benjamin, seven and a half as I write. That’s a delightful age because he’s very playful and now capable of having fun conversations. We’re also starting to talk about philosophical things.

Of course, it’s impossible for most children of his age to grasp the gravity or finality of death, because most of them have never had any firsthand experience of losing a loved one. Children live in a kind of psychological Golden Age, in which all their needs seem magically provided for. Since they live in a protected sphere, most haven’t yet been exposed to the more challenging aspects of life.

Because of that, I’ve been trying to teach Benjamin a little bit about death and the fact that daddy, mommy, and he will someday die. This effort is a bit of basic Stoic training for a kid, and I’m curious if it might be possible to increase his appreciation for the limited time we have together, even at such a young age? At the very least, I hope it will greatly reduce the level of shock he experiences when someone close to him does die, because he’ll be expecting it.

The other day, we were driving home after feasting on some fast food, and Benjamin spoke to me about God for the first time in his life. With a boyish sense of delight, he explained to me, “God has some amazing powers, like being able to see and hear everything. But his greatest superpower is that he’s invisible!”

I chuckled at his use of the word “superpower,” which made God sound like a superhero, just like Spider-​Man! But laughter aside, he had opened up the doorway to speak about some profound issues, so I brought up the topic of death.

“Benjamin,” I asked, “do you know that, someday, mommy, daddy, and you are going to die?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“I’m almost sixty,” I explained, “so I could live another twenty years.”

“I don’t think you’ll live quite that long,” he said. “But maybe something like that.” (Thank you, Benjamin! We’ll just have to see how things go.)

Then I asked, “Did you know that you could die at any time?”

He said, “I don’t think I’ll die anytime soon.”

“But,” I replied, “you could. This is not something in our control. You are young, so you could live for a very long time. But since we’re driving in a car, we could be in a car crash five minutes from now, and we could both be killed instantly. So even if you’re very, very young, you can die at any time. If you stay healthy, the chances that you’ll live a long life go up. But in the end, when we die is not under our control.”

Benjamin nodded and seemed to understand. And fortunately, we arrived home safely a few minutes later.

__________________________________

From Breakfast with Seneca: A Stoic Guide to the Art of Living by David Fideler, published by W. W. Norton.

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Well-Being and the Good Death

Stephen m. campbell.

Philosophy Department, Bentley University, Adamian 117, 175 Forest Street, Waltham, MA 02452 USA

The philosophical literature on well-being and the good life contains very little explicit discussion of what makes for a better or worse death. The purpose of this essay is to highlight some commonly held views about the good death and investigate whether these views are recognized by the leading theories of well-being. While the most widely discussed theories do have implications about what constitutes a good death, they seem unable to fully accommodate these popular good death views. I offer two partial explanations for why these views have been neglected in discussions of well-being and make two corresponding recommendations for future work in the philosophy of well-being.

All of us have some preferences about how we will die. We care about such things as what will cause our death, when and where it will happen, who will be with us, how much warning we will have, and how we will experience death. While such preferences are sometimes grounded in a concern for the well-being of others or a desire to promote some social or spiritual cause, preferences regarding one’s own death are commonly self-interested or, as philosophers say, prudential. In other words, they are grounded in a concern for one’s own well-being. Accordingly, they provide insight into an individual’s substantive normative view about what makes a death go better or worse for the one who dies. This is commonly referred to as the theme of the good death . 1

Despite its obvious significance to self-conscious mortal beings like ourselves, particularly as we draw close to the end of our lives, there has been very little discussion of the good death in one place where one would most expect to find it: the philosophical literature on the good life, which is primarily devoted to identifying a plausible substantive theory of well-being. 2 Explicit discussion of the good death has been curiously absent from philosophical discussions of the good life. 3

It might be thought that there is nothing problematic about the silence surrounding the good death. After all, the silence is only apparent. Most theories of the good life are understood to be comprehensive and pertain to all portions of a life, from beginning to end. So, even if well-being theorists have not explicitly addressed the theme of the good death, they have been implicitly addressing it. For instance, those who defend hedonism (which identifies well-being with pleasure and the absence of pain, broadly construed) are thereby defending the idea that the best death for an individual is the most pleasant, or least unpleasant, death. 4 Likewise, desire-fulfillment theory, perfectionism, and objective list theories each provide their own distinctive picture of the good death.

The purpose of this essay is to highlight some commonly held views about what makes for a better or worse death and examine how these views might fit into the existing theoretical landscape. In particular, I explore whether the four leading theories of well-being are able to fully accommodate these popular views about the good death. The findings of my preliminary investigation into this matter are that, by and large, they cannot. If these views about the good death happen to be true, the most popular and widely discussed theories of well-being appear to be inadequate in this domain. Moreover, even if these views are not true, it seems both odd and problematic that commonsense views about the good death have no representation among the dominant theories of well-being.

In Section 1 , I offer some terminological clarifications. In Section 2 , I present four types of factors that are commonly thought to affect the goodness or badness of a death. In Section 3 , I focus on three specific factors and examine whether they are recognized by the leading theories of well-being. In Section 4 , I conclude with two partial explanations of why these views about the good death have been overlooked and some corresponding recommendations for future work in the philosophy of well-being.

Preliminaries

What is meant by “the good death”? Since I will make frequent use of this familiar phrase, let me begin with some clarifications about how I will understand and use it. First, inclusion of the word “the” is not meant to presuppose that there is a single, unique type of good death. If deaths can be good, presumably there will be a diversity of ways that death can go well for people. This is especially plausible if there is a diversity of goods in life (e.g. knowledge, pleasure, appreciation of beauty, virtue) as this would suggest a range of possible good deaths corresponding to the different prudential goods and various combinations of them. However, even if there is only one sort of thing that makes our lives go well, it is likely that there are many different forms that the good can take.

Second, in talking of “the good death,” I do not mean to restrict attention to the positive side of prudential value. Not unlike discussions of “the good life” that address both the prudentially good and the prudentially bad, it is important to attend to the full spectrum of possible deaths, from the very good (if such a thing is possible) to the very bad. This is particularly important because, while it is uncontroversial that deaths can be bad, there is room for debate as to whether any death qualifies as all-things-considered good. In any case, my focus in this essay is less on the overall prudential assessment of deaths and more on features that contribute to making a death go better or worse for an individual. A less misleading phrase for our topic might be “the better or worse death.”

Lastly, “death” in the present context does not refer merely to the bare event of death, the event of a person’s permanently ceasing to exist. 5 Nor does it refer only to the process of dying , which might be understood as a process of physical deterioration leading to the event of death. Instead, let us understand “the good death” to refer to a good end of life or even a good final chapter of one’s life. The literary metaphor is illustrative. In a biography, a chapter about an individual’s death is not typically restricted to the dying process, much less the bare event of the death. It tends to be far more inclusive, encompassing relevant events leading up to the dying process and the event of death, as well as events that occur in the aftermath. Understanding “death” in this broader biographical sense, the good death concerns how well or poorly the final portion of a life goes for the individual living that life.

Good Death Factors

What makes a death go better or worse for the one who dies? Let me begin by acknowledging that all of the leading theories of well-being identify factors that may very well have prudential significance. The fact that a death involves pleasure or suffering, satisfied or frustrated desires, achievement or failed endeavors, virtue or vice, knowledge or ignorance, healthy or unhealthy relations with others, etc. can be reasonably thought to impact the quality of a person’s death. Arguably, these are often or always good death factors : things that directly impact how well or poorly a death goes for the individual who dies. By “directly impact,” I mean that these features have non-instrumental prudential value or disvalue, either in and of themselves (and thus have intrinsic prudential value) or as part of some larger whole (and thereby have contributory prudential value). In other words, these things make a death go better or worse for a person apart from whatever other non-instrumental goods or bads they might help to bring about.

My aim in this section is to highlight four aspects of death that are often taken to have non-instrumental prudential significance: the place of death, one’s company in death, the cause of death, and one’s manner of facing death. Granted, it is worth asking whether these factors have intrinsic or contributory value, and whether they are basic components of well-being or there are deeper features that are essential to them that explain their prudential significance. 6 While I will draw some (mostly negative) conclusions about this issue in Section 3 , it is not possible to pursue it in a systematic way here. With these clarifications in mind, let us turn to four types of putative good death factors.

Place of Death

“My grandmother died in the hospital. It was the first time she’d ever been in one….The hardest part about it was that the very last thing she asked me was to take her home….In my grandma’s case there was such clarity of thought, and when the last thought on your mind is ‘I want to be home’, then that must be the most important thing there is….If you look at this landscape every day it becomes a part of who you are….So how can you see yourself in the hospital—a place that is so totally foreign to the nourishment of the soulful self.” — Ron Short, playwright. 7

A person’s location at the time of death is one obvious candidate for a good death factor. Humans across a range of cultures express a preference to die at home. 8 This wish is not universal, but it is relatively common. It often manifests itself as a desire to die in one’s homeland rather than abroad, or to die in one’s home rather than the unfamiliar setting of a hospital. No doubt, one reason why one might have a preference to die at home concerns the quality of one’s experience while dying. People may predict that their experience leading up to death will be more tranquil and less alienating if they are in a familiar setting. In that case, dying at home might be valued instrumentally inasmuch as it is seen as a means to a more positive state of mind. However, in some cases what would lie behind that positive experience is the perception that being in one’s home is something that directly makes for a better death. This might be grounded in the fact that you bear a special relationship to your home—it is where you belong, it is where you experienced so many valuable and intimate moments, it is connected to your identity. These are properties of dying at home that might explain why many people desire it. If it is doubted that people ever really care about such things apart from their impact on their experience, let us keep in mind that people often have strong preferences about where their bodies are buried or where their ashes are scattered. Such preferences obviously need not be about one’s own mental states. Even atheists who reject the idea of an afterlife often have preferences about this.

One’s Company in Death

“[Lou] told Shelley he was afraid he might fall one day, hit his head, and die. It wasn’t dying that scared him, he said, but the possibility of dying alone.” —Atul Gawande, Being Mortal. 9

Arguably, one’s company in death has prudential significance. As I write this, the world is in the throes of the Covid-19 pandemic. One of the prominent reasons why Covid-19 hospital deaths are widely regarded as tragic is that infected patients often die alone, isolated from their family members due to hospital policies that prohibit or strictly restrict visitation. 10 Many people have a deep fear of dying alone, and it is quite common for people to want their loved ones to be with them at the end. There may be specific individuals you would especially hope to have at your deathbed and specific people you would especially not want present.

People’s preferences about who surrounds them in their final days or moments might be purely instrumental. Hedonic considerations often lie behind such preferences, and one can instrumentally desire others’ presence in order to repair or nurture relationships. Even so, a preference to have certain people present at one’s death can be grounded in the thought that their very presence makes for a more desirable, or less undesirable, death. This point applies to other kinds of significant life-events. My brother was unable to attend my wedding due to illness. I wanted him to be there, and this was not merely a desire to make us both happier. If asked to choose between having him at my wedding or both of us receiving a pleasure-inducing drug that would have guaranteed a more positive experience, I would have preferred the former. His presence at my wedding would have had value for me apart from any hedonic effects. Similar points apply to death. Just as we can have a special relation to our homes that makes it more desirable to die there, a person can have a special connection with others such that their presence at the end arguably makes for a better death. 11

Cause of Death

“I don’t want to die from a stray bullet in the street, I don’t want to die from an accident, from a plane crashing. I want it to be either incredibly peaceful or with a purpose.”

—An urban youth in America. 12

Most of us are not wholly indifferent to what will bring about our death. While there do not appear to be many causes of death that are popularly regarded as being prudentially good (dying from a noble act of self-sacrifice may be one exception), it is relatively easy to identify causes that are widely thought to make for a worse death. The quote above concerns causes of death that are purposeless and arbitrary. Other examples abound. Imagine dying from an act of betrayal. Or consider cases of people dying as a result of their own risky or imprudent actions, such as heavy smoking, ignoring social distancing recommendations during a pandemic, or attempting to live amongst grizzly bears. Or consider cases where the cause of death is ridiculous or embarrassing. There is the story of a man visiting the Grand Canyon who decided to joke with his family by pretending to fall into the canyon. In his attempt to jump onto a lower ledge, he plummeted to his death. 13 In the eyes of many, these causes make for a worse death. Granted, some will find them undesirable only for instrumental reasons—they can lead to psychological pain for the one dying, they can taint how one is remembered after one is gone, and so on. But many will retain this conviction even where there is not greater psychological suffering, a diminishment of one’s posthumous reputation, or any other instrumental harm. In a word, they are thought to directly detract from the desirability of one’s death, just as other causes might directly enhance a death’s desirability.

One’s Manner of Facing Death

“Do not go gentle into that good night, / Old age should burn and rave at close of day; / Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” —Dylan Thomas, “Do not go gentle into that good night”. 14

For many, how one approaches death has prudential significance. One might hope to face death contemplatively, like Socrates or Hamlet. Or with a sense of levity and good humor like Voltaire who, when his bedside lamp flared up, is said to have remarked “What? The flames already?” Or with defiance, like Susan Sontag who fought to stave off death by blood cancer until the bitter end. 15

As with the other three factors, what constitutes the ideal manner of facing death is a subject of normative disagreement. In a 2000 survey, a majority of subjects (which included terminally ill patients, doctors, nurses, and family members) thought it important to “maintain a sense of humor” at the end of life. 16 Yet, others—like James Boswell, who was disturbed by Hume’s cheerfulness in the face of death—will see humor on one’s deathbed as inappropriate and lacking the proper gravity. Some will value the defiant struggle against death that was preached by Thomas and practiced by Sontag; others will see such resistance as futile or pathetic. While there is room for normative debate about this good death factor, many people believe that there are better and worse ways to face one’s death.

The Good Death and the Leading Theories of the Good Life

Let us suppose, for the sake of argument, that the four types of factors discussed in the previous section can have prudential significance and directly impact how well or poorly the end of life goes for the person living it. In this section, I will restrict my attention to three specific factors: dying at home, having one’s loved ones present in one’s final moments of life, and having an embarrassing cause of death. Suppose that these three factors in particular tend to directly impact a person’s well-being, for better (the first two examples) or worse (the third). 17 One desideratum for a theory of well-being would then be whether it recognizes these good death factors. Theories of well-being typically purport to identify all of the things that are good or bad for individuals in the most basic and fundamental way and that can explain why anything else is good or bad for them. So, the relevant sort of recognition can take one of two forms: either these good death factors will be regarded as basic components of well-being (or ill-being), or they will bear some essential connection to the basic component(s) recognized by the theory that would account for their non-instrumental value.

My purpose in this section is to offer a preliminary investigation of whether the above three features of deaths have been recognized by the four leading theories of well-being. Two of these theories—hedonism and desire-fulfillment theory—are subjective in the sense that they imply that whether something is directly good or bad for a person depends on the psychological states of that individual. The other two theories (perfectionism, objective list theory) are objective in the sense that they allow for the possibility that something can be good or bad for a person independently of that person’s positive and negative attitudes. Since the good death factors I am considering do not explicitly involve the psychological states of individuals and therefore seem to have a rather objective cast, it is somewhat predictable that subjective theories will not fully accommodate them, even if they can partially do so. More interestingly, I will argue that perfectionism and most objective list theories fall short as well. Lastly, I will suggest that, even in cases where they recognize a good death factor, three of the theories may nonetheless fail to accurately capture the way in which it is prudentially significant.

Hedonism maintains that what makes something good or bad for us is its effect on the pleasantness or unpleasantness of our experience. Thus, the only things that are basically non-instrumentally good and bad for us are pleasure and pain, broadly construed. 18

Hedonistic theories do not recognize our three good death factors as being basic components of well-being. None of the factors under consideration pertain directly to the quality of one’s experience. Nor does hedonism fully recognize them in the second way, for pleasure and displeasure are not essentially linked to these good death factors. There are countless cases where these features of death are not attended by an increase or decrease in pleasure or suffering. Dying at home and the presence of loved ones at death pertain most fundamentally to the physical (or perhaps virtual) location of the dying person in relation to a certain place and certain people. 19 These things can obtain irrespective of the mental states of the dying person. Further, in talking of an embarrassing cause of death, I am not referring to a cause of death that leads a dying person to actually experience the unpleasant state of being embarrassed. What is being referenced is a cause of death that is worthy of embarrassment. An event may be embarrassing relative to a certain party irrespective of whether that party ever actually feels embarrassed. And, indeed, there are plenty of examples of embarrassing deaths where the person in question feels no embarrassment, including (but not limited to) sudden or instantaneous deaths, cases where the embarrassing features of death are unknown to the person dying, and cases where the person is well positioned to experience embarrassment but simply fails to have the fitting response.

Hedonism cannot account for the prudential value of the good death factors in these cases where there is no hedonic difference. Furthermore, if our good death factors have non-instrumental prudential value in these cases, they presumably also have some prudential value that cannot be explained by hedonism in the cases where there is a hedonic difference. Consequently, it appears that hedonism cannot fully accommodate our three good death factors, though it may partially account for their prudential value in some cases.

Desire-Fulfillment Theory

Desire-fulfillment theories center around the idea that well-being consists in getting what one wants. According to the simplest form of desire-fulfillment theory, a state of affairs is good for you if and only if you desire it and it obtains. Since our actual desires can be distorted by ignorance, false beliefs, and bad reasoning, some have proposed more sophisticated “idealized” desire-fulfillment theories, which focus on the desires that a person would have if they were fully informed and rational. On these theories, if you or your idealized counterpart desire something for its own sake, then it is good for you in and of itself. 20

The first thing to note is that desire-fulfillment theory is remarkably flexible and can recognize virtually anything—any state of affairs that can possibly be desired—as having prudential significance. Since people commonly do have desires regarding the features of death that we are considering, it is tempting to suppose that desire-fulfillment theory accommodates them. If I desire to die at home or in the company of my family or to avoid some embarrassing end, and that comes to pass, desire-fulfillment theory deems this good for me.

However, desire-fulfillment theories make space for our good death factors in a way that does not do justice to how many people will view their prudential significance. A distinguishing mark of desire-fulfillment theories is that they imply that each individual’s well-being is partly grounded in their psychology. What is good for a person depends crucially on what they desire. Since people’s desires about their own deaths vary, this theory implies that the contours of a good death will also vary from individual to individual. There is much plausibility to the idea that what impacts the goodness or badness of a death will depend, to some extent, upon the particular context and circumstances of the individual, including various psychological facts. For instance, if someone has not forged a positive connection to their home (perhaps it was the site of domestic abuse or other traumatic events), then presumably dying at home is not good for that person. Likewise, it might be that the best manner of facing death will be different for different people and must have a certain fit with their temperament and the overall character of their lives.

Yet, many people will reject the idea that these features of death are good for a person if and only if they or their idealized counterpart desires them and they occur. Imagine a man who dies from accidentally shooting himself with a gun that he himself just loaded. Most people will think the embarrassing nature of his death makes it worse for him, and this apparent badness does not dissipate if it comes to light that this particular man would in no way have minded dying in this pointless and embarrassing way, or for some reason desired that kind of death. If anything, this may suggest a kind of evaluative insensitivity on his part that provides a further reason to think him badly off. This example draws out the fact that desire-fulfillment theory has implications that are counterintuitive for many people. It can only recognize our good death factors in those instances where they happen to be desired by the dying person, actually or under hypothetical idealized conditions.

In sum, if our working assumption is true and our examples of good death factors do have non-instrumental prudential significance, it appears that the two leading subjective theories of well-being cannot fully accommodate this fact. This result does not seem particularly surprising nor will it generate much worry among subjectivists. While it is possible that some will want to argue that their favored theory can fully accommodate these popular good death views, most committed subjectivists will simply reject our working assumption, perhaps supplementing that rejection with a debunking explanation as to why people have these objectivist intuitions. 21 What is more interesting to investigate is whether proponents of objective theories of well-being, who tend to take objectivist intuitions more seriously, are able to recognize our examples of good death factors. Let us now turn our attention to the most prominent objective theories.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism about well-being holds that the good life for humans consists in the development and exercise of capacities or excellences that are distinctive of our kind. 22 Precisely which capacities those are is a matter of some debate. Some perfectionists rely on an account of human nature as a guide, while others do not. The most popularly cited capacities include theoretical rationality, practical rationality, and autonomy. 23 For our purposes, we can follow Richard Kraut and think in terms of some broad categories of capacities: physical, sensory, affective, social, and cognitive. 24

How might perfectionism account for our good death factors? It might be thought that desiring or choosing a certain kind of death reflects some excellence of character. To be sure, the desire or choice to die at home or have loved ones present in death may indicate a healthy and fitting sentimental attachment to the places and people of one’s life. The desire to avoid an embarrassing end might also reflect some excellence of character. But our examples of good death factors concern the actual circumstances of one’s death. Desiring or choosing these aspects of a good death is neither necessary nor sufficient for them to actually occur.

Perfectionism may be able to partially account for the prudential significance of dying at home, with loved ones nearby, or from some embarrassing cause. For there will be cases of each kind where that feature of death is bound up with the exercise of one’s capacities. Dying at home might involve reminiscing about one’s personal history with that place or taking stock of one’s life (cognitive capacities) and feeling various emotions that arise (affective capacities). Having loved ones present at death can be good for individuals insofar as it involves the exercise of their affective and social capacities. And sometimes the cause of a death is embarrassing because it stems from a person’s failure to exercise their capacities well. In the Grand Canyon case mentioned above, it is possible that the man who fell to his death in an attempt at humor exhibited practical irrationality and clumsiness.

Even so, there are instances where these good death conditions cannot be explained in perfectionist terms. Dying at home and having loved ones present may seem to make for a better death even in cases where the dying person is unconscious, or is conscious but unable to meaningfully engage because they are heavily medicated or in severe pain. Likewise, dying for some embarrassing reason might seem to make a death worse even in cases where the person exercised their capacities to the fullest. Consider another embarrassing cliff death. In September 2010, the owner of the company that makes Segway motorized scooters died by accidentally going off a cliff…on a Segway. 25 For the sake of argument, suppose that he was fully justified in believing that the path was safe and that he was operating the vehicle with expert skill. I suspect most would agree that even if he did exercise his capacities perfectly well to the very end, the cause of his death is quite embarrassing and made for a worse death than if he had simply fallen off a cliff while taking a walk. An embarrassing cause of death need not stem from a failure to exercise one’s capacities well or any lack of excellence in the person who dies. Hence, as traditionally understood, perfectionism seems unable to account for these cases where a good death factor obtains apart from any success or failure in exercising one’s capacities. 26 And if it cannot account for the prudential significance of the factors in these cases, it presumably also fails to fully account for it in cases that do involve the excellent or poor exercise of perfectionism-relevant capacities.

Objective List Theory

We turn finally to objective list theories, where one might most expect to find some recognition of the distinctive goods and evils of death we have been considering. Objective list theories are objective and pluralistic. These features create a hospitable environment for our good death factors. Pluralism allows for multiple factors that directly impact well-being, and the objective dimension allows for factors that have some independence from the attitudes of the person who dies.

Objective list theories are sometimes portrayed as explanatory theories , which purport to identify the things or properties that are basically good or bad for us and explain why anything else is good or bad for us, and sometimes as enumerative theories , which list various things that are good or bad for us without any commitment about whether they provide the deepest explanation of prudential value. 27 This difference is neatly illustrated in essays by Guy Fletcher ( 2013 ) and Christopher Rice ( 2013 ). These philosophers present very similar overlapping objective list theories, but Fletcher regards his list as enumerative while Rice presents his as explanatory. If an objective list theory is (merely) enumerative, it may be compatible with a range of explanatory theories (including hedonism, desire-fulfillment theory, perfectionism, or an explanatory objective list theory). In contrast, an explanatory objective list theory is a rival to all other explanatory theories. For that reason, our interest is in explanatory objective list theories.

With this interpretive groundwork in place, it may be asked: do our three examples of good death factors find a place on objective list theories? What I wish to establish in this section is that, although an objective list theory could in principle recognize these good death factors, by and large the objective list theories discussed in the philosophical literature have not recognized them. To ground this discussion, consider a representative sample of objective lists proposed over the past four decades:

• Finnis ( 1980 ): life, knowledge, play, aesthetic experience, friendship, practical reasonableness, religion
• Parfit ( 1984 ): (positive) moral goodness, rational activity, the development of one’s abilities, having children and being a good parent, knowledge, and the awareness of true beauty; (negative) being betrayed, manipulated, slandered, deceived, being deprived of liberty or dignity, enjoying either sadistic pleasure, or aesthetic pleasure in what is in fact ugly
• Griffin ( 1986 ): accomplishment, the components of human existence, understanding, enjoyment, deep personal relations
• Kagan ( 1998 ): accomplishment, creativity, health, knowledge, friendship, freedom, fame, respect
• Murphy ( 2001 ): life, knowledge, aesthetic experience, excellence in play and work, excellence in agency, inner peace, friendship and community, religion, happiness
• Kazez ( 2007 ): happiness, autonomy, self-expression, morality, progress, knowledge, close relationships
• Zagzebski ( 2008 ): long life, health and freedom from suffering, comfort and the variety of human enjoyments, friendship and loving relationships, using our talents in satisfying work
• Fletcher ( 2013 ): achievement, friendship, happiness, pleasure, self-respect, virtue
• Rice ( 2013 ): achievement, meaningful knowledge, loving relationships, pleasure, autonomy 28

The first thing to notice is that our three examples—dying at home, having loved ones present in death, an embarrassing cause of death—do not appear on any of the nine lists. Indeed, there is no mention of anything explicitly death-related. Thus, our three good death factors have not been acknowledged as things that are basically good or bad for a person. This rules out one way in which the lists might have accommodated our examples.

The other way they might do so is by recognizing other things that are essentially linked to our three examples and explain why they have non-instrumental prudential significance. Let us examine whether the above lists recognize the good death factors in this way. (Since I have already discussed hedonism at length, I will not discuss happiness or related hedonic notions—pleasure, suffering, etc. Objective list theories that include these goods will generally recognize our good death factors at least to the extent that hedonism does. 29 ).

Our first example of a putative good death factor is dying at home. The fact that one bears a special relationship to one’s home—which could be based on a certain fit, shared history, or its role in one’s identity—may explain the prudential significance of this factor. While most of the above objective lists speak to relationships, they appear to be gesturing toward reciprocal relationships with other sentient beings (“friendship,” “loving relationships,” “deep personal relations”). There is no indication that special relationships with places or objects might serve to enhance the desirability of a person’s life or death. It might be thought that dying at home is a form of self-expression (which appears on Jean Kazez’s list), though that seems wrong since the phrase suggests a kind of activity. Perhaps it is self-expression to choose to die at home, or to struggle against obstacles to ensure that that happens. But, setting aside cases of suicide and active voluntary euthanasia, dying at home itself doesn’t seem to be appropriately regarded as an act of self-expression. Even so, one may regard it as making for a better death even when the person plays no active role in bringing it about.

The second example is having loved ones present at your deathbed. At first glance, it may seem obvious that friendship and loving relationships adequately account for this good death factor. But, on reflection, it is not so obvious. When “friendship” or “deep personal relations” appear on an objective list, what prudentially significant property or properties are being indicated? Presumably, the idea is that what is ultimately good for us is having loving personal relationships (acquiring them, maintaining them), and perhaps also developing and deepening them. Having loved ones at your deathbed could serve to maintain, develop, or deepen your relationship with them, but it need not. 30 Nor must the absence of a loved one at the end of one’s life have an adverse effect on the relationship. If your spouse or child is physically unable to reach you due to weather conditions or transportation restrictions, this need not diminish the quality of your relationship in any way. Nonetheless, it remains a natural thought that being in the company of loved ones makes for a better death.

Turning now to an embarrassing cause of death, it might be thought that respect or self-respect addresses this issue. But a loss of self-respect or the respect of others is not an essential feature of an embarrassing death. Presumably, the man who died at the Grand Canyon did not have the time or mental clarity to lose self-respect as he fell. In any case, embarrassing deaths can be instantaneous. And some embarrassing deaths never become known to other people and therefore do not weaken others’ respect for the person who died. A much more plausible candidate is an item that appears on Derek Parfit’s list of prudential bads: being deprived of dignity. Arguably, this helps to explain why an embarrassing cause of death is bad for the one who dies. It constitutes a loss or diminishment of one’s dignity, whether or not the one who dies or others are aware of this fact.

In summary, none of the nine objective list theories we have considered seem to be successful in capturing all three good death factors. Those theories that include happiness or some related notion might be able to partially account for some instances of our good death factors, in the way that hedonism can. Only one of the lists (Parfit’s) appears suitable to more fully capture just one of our good death examples (an embarrassing cause).

Death’s Axiological Significance

My investigation thus far suggests that, if our three examples are indeed good death factors, then hedonism, perfectionism, desire-fulfillment theory, and most of the proposed objective list theories undergenerate inasmuch as they cannot fully recognize the prudential value of all three good death factors, even if they might account for some instances. What I now wish to suggest is that hedonism, perfectionism, and objective list theories may also have the further shortcoming of “misgenerating” with respect to the good death factors. A theory can be said to misgenerate when it correctly identifies that a given thing is prudentially significant, though it does not accurately capture how it is prudentially significant. For instance, it might misidentify what it is about something that makes it good or bad for us, or it might misidentify the degree to which it is good or bad. I will now suggest that three of the leading theories may misgenerate in the second way.

Many people seem to attribute greater axiological weight to goods and bads that occur at the end of a life. For instance, imagine a person experiencing a migraine headache at some otherwise uneventful point in the middle of their life, and then imagine them experiencing it at the very end of their life. For many, the latter seems worse, and presumably what explains this is the proximity of the suffering to one’s death. Even if the amount of suffering (and opportunity cost) would be the same, it seems worse that one’s life should end on that note. Likewise for happiness. The experience of joy, contentment, and other pleasant emotions seems better to have at the end than at some less significant earlier point in our lives. And similar points can be made about exercising one’s capacities and facing embarrassment and a loss of dignity.

If goods and ills that occur at the end of a life do indeed carry greater prudential weight, it is not obvious that hedonism, perfectionism, or the typical brand of objective list theory have a principled way of accounting for this fact. Nothing internal to hedonism seems to explain why pleasures and pains at life’s end would carry greater weight than otherwise equivalent pleasures and pain occurring earlier in life. Nor is it clear that perfectionism can make sense of the idea that the very same type and level of capacity-exercising has different prudential weights at different points in life. Finally, while an objective list theory might in principle include some goods or bads that could account for this difference in axiological significance, the nine objective lists given above seem to contain no such items. Consequently, it appears that most of the leading theories have trouble accommodating one aspect of commonly held views about the good death. 31

I have now surveyed the most popular and widely discussed theories of well-being to see whether they recognize some paradigmatic good death factors. My preliminary investigation suggests that, if my working assumption is true, each of the theories undergenerates by failing to fully account for the goodness or badness of all three good death factors. Moreover, hedonism, perfectionism, and the popular sort of objective list theory seem to misgenerate insofar as they cannot account for the greater axiological significance commonly associated with goods and bads at the end of life. All of this lends support to the following conditional conclusion: if our three examples are indeed good death factors, the leading theories of well-being are inadequate insofar as they do not fully recognize them. Granted, this investigation has only been preliminary. I have left many stones unturned, so it is quite possible that proponents of the leading theories will find inventive ways to honor these commonsense convictions about the good death. Still, the present investigation should at least suffice to shift the burden of proof to those who are inclined to think that the leading theories can fully accommodate these popular views of the good death.

Moving Forward

My preliminary investigation suggests that the dominant theories of the good life cannot accommodate some commonly held views about what impacts the goodness or badness of a death. Whether this is a problem for these theories depends on whether the putative good death factors under consideration do indeed have non-instrumental prudential value. Recall that my conclusion is conditional: if these things directly impact the goodness or badness of a death, then the leading theories of the good life do not provide a plausible picture of the good death. I have only entertained the antecedent as a working assumption and grant that there are a host of interesting ways one might try to explain away these intuitions about the good death. However, even if this working assumption is false and these factors do not have non-instrumental prudential significance, it nonetheless seems odd and problematic that widely held views about the good death should find no representation among the leading philosophical accounts of the good life. Since many people have views about what constitutes a better or worse death that involve the four types of factors presented in Section 2 , we should strive to have some theories that can make sense of them.

My aim in this section is to offer two partial explanations of why the good death has been neglected in discussions of well-being and to make two corresponding recommendations for future work in this area. The first pertains to methodology. The second concerns a kind of well-being theory that might accommodate these good death factors.

A Shortcoming of the Current Methodology

One partial explanation for the neglect of the good death has to do with methodology. Well-being theorists tend to take as their starting point such broad, all-encompassing questions as “What does human well-being consist in?” or “What makes a life go well for the one who is living it?” The most widely debated theories of well-being are broad answers to these broad questions. Such simple, broad questions encourage us to take a wide-angle view of the topic and may foster the expectation that there is a simple, broad answer to be discovered. They nudge us away from an approach that takes a close look at particular dimensions of our lives. Our exploration of the good death shows that a narrower in-depth focus on a certain portion of human life can reveal greater complexity and richness in the realm of prudential value. It helps us see and appreciate what is easily missed from a bird’s eye view of human well-being.

This is not to say that the good death provides the only avenue for learning this lesson. The philosopher Anthony Skelton ( 2014 ) has argued that the leading theories of well-being are not well-suited to address the well-being of children. Skelton’s critique of the extant well-being literature has affinities with the present critique. The main difference is that Skelton is focusing on the beginning of life rather than the end of it. Still, both projects arguably reveal oversights in the well-being literature that are attributable to a methodology that focuses on human well-being in general.

There is nothing wrong with taking an interest in ambitiously broad questions about well-being. Yet, if narrowing our focus to some restricted dimension of well-being (such as the prudential value of death, or the well-being of people with autism 32 ) yields new insights about the good life and reveals shortcomings of the most popular theories, we should be wary about theorizing only at the most general level. Ideally, philosophical work will draw not only upon our reflections and intuitions about what is good for human beings in general or what makes for a good life in general, but will also examine well-being in narrower dimensions of human life. This could constitute a kind of reflective equilibrium methodology for the philosophy of well-being.

The Need for a Different Kind of Objective List Theory

Another part of the explanation for why well-being theorists have not recognized the four good death factors may be an overly restrictive understanding of objective list theories. To date, the sorts of objective list theories that have been proposed tend to acknowledge only a relatively short list of prudential values: achievement, friendship, happiness, loving relationships, knowledge, and so on. While these lists may hit upon the prudential goods and ills that matter the most in our lives, they might neglect a wide range of goods and bads that matter to a lesser extent. 33 I assume that many of the good death factors we have considered qualify as minor goods and bads. Dying at home, having an embarrassing death, and facing one’s death with good humor are the not the sort of things that are likely to make the difference between a good life and a bad life. They are not typically regarded as having anything close to the prudential importance of such things as life-long loving relationships, major achievements, long-term life-satisfaction and happiness, and so on. Still, even if these good death factors are not sufficient to “make or break” a person’s overall well-being, arguably they do have some significance and should sometimes figure in people’s prudential deliberation, particularly as they approach the end of their lives.

To capture the subtleties of people’s views about the good death (and, in all likelihood, many other aspects of our lives), we may require a different kind of objective list theory—one that incorporates both major and minor goods and bads of life and thereby constitutes a more radical form of pluralism. This may be an unwelcome development to philosophers who are eager to arrive at complete and digestible answers to our normative inquiries and, perhaps because of this, are drawn to simple, elegant theories. Completeness in a theory of well-being might be attainable if prudential value can be boiled down to a single property or some small set of properties. However, it is possible that the prudential landscape is far more complicated and nuanced than any monistic or modestly pluralistic theory is able to capture. To repeat a popular misquoting of Einstein, “Our theories should be as simple as possible—but no simpler.” 34 If there are minor prudential goods and bads, there is a real possibility that a complete and plausible theory of the good life will always remain beyond our reach. This would not mean that theorizing about well-being is futile or that we can never arrive at worthwhile knowledge. Proponents of this new brand of objective list theory might reasonably hope to increase their knowledge of the major goods and bads of life and perhaps also their understanding of some of life’s minor ones. But they should expect their understanding of the good life to always remain a work in progress. 35

Philosophical discussions of the good life have been relatively silent on the topic of the good death, and it appears that the leading theories of the good life cannot do justice to certain widely held views about the good death. This is explained, at least in part, by a methodology that focuses on providing broad answers to broad questions and does not attend to narrower domains of life, and by an overly restrictive understanding of objective list theories. This suggests two recommendations for future work in the philosophy of well-being. First, the dominant methodology needs to be counterbalanced by attention to narrower domains of human life and experience. Second, there is the need to explore and develop more nuanced and complex objective list theories that make room for minor goods and bads—including, though certainly not limited to, all of the features that make for a better or worse death.

Acknowledgments

For their insightful feedback on this paper or one of its ancestors, I am grateful to Sven Nyholm, Anne Baril, Gwen Bradford, Dan Callahan, Julia Driver, Guy Fletcher, Chris Heathwood, Shelly Kagan, Eden Lin, Duncan Purves, Wayne Sumner, three anonymous reviewers of this journal, and audiences at the 12th Syracuse Philosophy Annual Workshop and Network (SPAWN), Bentley University, the Center for Values and Social Policy at University of Colorado-Boulder, Southern Methodist University, University of South Carolina, University of California-Davis, and Coe College.

1 See, for instance, Davis and Slater ( 1989 ), Miller ( 1995 ), Neumann ( 2017 ), Smith and Periyakoil ( 2018 ).

2 For an introduction to this literature, see Heathwood ( 2010 ), Bradley ( 2015 ), and Fletcher ( 2016a , 2016b ).

3 Notable exceptions include Kagan ( 2012 ), which touches on certain good-death themes, and Dorsey ( 2017 ), which defends the view that deaths can have some non-instrumental value insofar as they are unified by long-term projects. This topic has also received attention from bioethicists, though this work tends to be less theoretical and concerned mainly with death in medical settings. Lastly, the topic of the good death is partially addressed in the “evil of death” literature, which largely centers around the Epicurean puzzle of whether and when death could be bad for us. However, it is customary in that literature to distinguish between the process of dying, the event of death, and the state of being dead and to focus attention on the second or third. See, for instance, Bradley ( 2009 ), 179. This has the effect of screening off many pre-death states of affairs that tend to be the focal point of discussions of the good death. Consequently, while the evil of death literature certainly has relevance to the present topic insofar as it addresses one incredibly important facet of how well or poorly our deaths go for us, it hardly addresses death in the more full-bodied biographical sense that will concern us here.

4 As many philosophers of death have emphasized, hedonists can also recognize that death has comparative value or disvalue insofar as it renders one hedonically better or worse off than one otherwise would have been.

5 Some may prefer to conceive of death as the event of permanently transitioning to an afterlife.

6 We might wonder whether their prudential significance is rooted in their contribution to narrative unity [cf. MacIntyre 1984 ; Velleman 1991 ; Brännmark 2003 ; Dorsey 2017 ]. For a useful introduction to the literature on narrative and well-being, as well as her own intriguing proposal about how narrative can affect well-being, see Rosati ( 2013 ).

7 Anderson ( 1996 ), 27–28.

8 See, for instance, Steinhauser et al. ( 2000 ); Higginson and Sen-Gupta ( 2000 ); and Gawande ( 2014 ), 59, 66–67, 136–139, 165, 192.

9 Gawande ( 2014 ), 82.

10 Wakam et al. ( 2020 ), Schairer ( 2020 ), Burke ( 2020 ).

11 We should not leap to the generalization that any significant life-event is enhanced by the presence of loved ones. Most people don’t want family and friends present when they lose their virginity.

12 Anderson ( 1996 ), 75.

13 https://www.latimes.com/travel/la-xpm-2012-mar-19-la-trb-death-grand-canyon-20120315-story.html

14 Thomas ( 2003 ), 239.

15 Enright ( 1983 ), 330; Rieff ( 2008 ).

16 Steinhauser et al. ( 2000 ).

17 In the interest of space, I am only discussing three specific instances of good death factors. However, all four types of good death factors are represented insofar as some instances of an embarrassing cause of death will pertain to both the cause of death and one’s manner of facing death. For instance, a person’s embarrassingly flippant attitude about the risk of death might play an important role in bringing about their death.

18 Different varieties of hedonism diverge in how they understand the nature of pleasure or happiness and its negative counterpart and in how much weight is given to different kinds of positive and negative mental states, but these distinctions should make no difference to the present discussion.

19 Modern technology can allow a person to virtually “occupy” their home from another location or to have loved ones “present” virtually. Whether this kind of presence is of equal prudential value is a matter for substantive debate.

20 For simplicity, I will speak mostly in terms of the simple desire-fulfillment theory, though the discussion can be easily adapted for idealized theories. Also, there has been some debate about how best to formulate desire-fulfillment theories. Suppose that a subject S desires some state of affairs x. Let y be the state of affairs of S’s desiring x. On one approach, what is good for S is the conjunction of x and y. On another approach, what is good for S (given y) is x. This distinction is discussed in Dorsey ( 2013 ). I am adopting the latter formulation since it holds more promise for accommodating the good death factors.

21 As one reviewer pointed out, if subjectivists already find ways to reject objectivist intuitions about knowledge, achievement, and friendship, they will probably have no problem doing the same with intuitions about these (more minor) death-related goods and bads. For some examples of debunking explanations from the hedonism literature, see Crisp ( 2006 ), 119–20, and Feldman ( 2004 ), 42, 110–11.

22 Bradford ( 2016 ).

23 Ibid., 129.

24 Kraut ( 2007 ), 145, 161. Perfectionism is widely thought to have trouble accounting for the badness of pain, though Kraut believes pleasure and pain (in certain objects) can be accommodated by perfectionism (see Sections 33, 39, 43). If so, perfectionism will have some overlap with hedonism.

25 Brooke ( 2010 ).

26 There might be innovative variations on traditional perfectionism that go some way toward capturing these views. Gwen Bradford ( 2020 ) has recently proposed a “tripartite perfectionism,” on which well-being is a function not only of one’s exercise of capacities through some activity, but also of whether that activity yields its proper output or a negative output. For example, striving to achieve a goal will have some prudential value insofar as one is exercising one’s practical rationality, and there will be further value or disvalue depending on whether that striving culminates in achievement or failure. This sort of view might have the resources to explain some of our good death factors. Since most of us have an on-going goal of sharing our lives with loved ones, and of maintaining our dignity and avoiding embarrassment, perhaps the goodness of having loved ones at death and the badness of an embarrassing death could be explained in terms of positive and negative outputs. However, perfectionism, as traditionally understood, makes no prudential distinction between cases where an activity culminates in its proper output and those where it does not.

27 Woodard ( 2013 ); Fletcher ( 2013 ). However, see Lin ( 2017 ), who argues that all of the major well-being theories are both explanatory and enumerative.

28 For present purposes, I will interpret the above lists as explanatory, even where this conflicts with an author’s intent. Also, it is worth highlighting that, with the notable exception of Derek Parfit’s list, the above lists only speak to the goods of life and say nothing about what things are bad for us. Objective list theorists, like many other well-being theorists, have tended to neglect considerations of ill-being, the negative dimension of well-being. See Kagan ( 2015 ).

29 One rarely sees “desire-fulfillment” or “exercising one’s capacities” appear on an objective list. But if they did, that theory could go as far as desire-fulfillment theory and perfectionism in recognizing the good death factors.

30 This resembles a conclusion reached in connection to perfectionism.

31 Desire-fulfillment theory, in contrast, has a very natural way of capturing death’s axiological significance. Insofar as many people have a stronger desire to be at home, have loved ones present, and avoid embarrassment in their final hours than at other times, desire-fulfillment theory can easily capture why these things would be prudentially better or worse for those people. It therefore does not seem vulnerable to the particular misgeneration problem facing the other theories. Granted, it might be thought that desire-fulfillment theory misgenerates in a different way: it fails to adequately explain why good death factors are good or bad for a person since it implies (counterintuitively) that this is so because the individual desires to have or avoid them. This is a familiar general objection to desire-fulfillment theories.

32 Rodogno et al. ( 2016 ).

33 This deficiency of objective list theories is explored in Rice ( 2017 ).

34 What he actually said: “It can scarcely be denied that the supreme goal of all theory is to make the irreducible basic elements as simple and as few as possible without having to surrender the adequate representation of a single datum of experience.” Einstein ( 1934 ), 165.

35 Granted, even if this sort of objective list theory would mark an improvement over the status quo, there is a reasonable worry that objective list theories embody a problematic atomistic approach to well-being, which treats a good life as a life comprised of parts that are valuable irrespective of their place in a life. It is quite possible that the prudential significance of a life’s end might be more salient if we evaluated lives holistically. For a promising defense of a holistic approach to well-being, see Brännmark ( 2001 , 2003 ).

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• The Beauty of Death: Exploring Poems that Celebrate Life's Final Chapter

Death, often feared and misunderstood, has inspired countless poets to reflect on the profound beauty hidden within its embrace. While it may seem paradoxical to find allure in mortality, poets have crafted powerful verses that explore the transformative nature of death, its ability to bring meaning to life, and the eternal legacy it leaves behind. In this article, we delve into a selection of poems that celebrate the beauty of death, inviting readers to contemplate this enigmatic subject with a fresh perspective.

1. "Because I could not stop for Death" by Emily Dickinson

2. "do not go gentle into that good night" by dylan thomas, 3. "thanatopsis" by william cullen bryant, 4. "death be not proud" by john donne.

One of the most renowned poems exploring the allure of death is Emily Dickinson's "Because I could not stop for Death." In this hauntingly beautiful piece, Dickinson personifies death as a gentleman caller, gently escorting the speaker towards eternity. The poem's vivid imagery and reflective tone evoke a sense of calm acceptance, emphasizing the beauty found in the inevitable conclusion of life's journey.

Because I could not stop for Death – He kindly stopped for me – The Carriage held but just Ourselves – And Immortality.

In stark contrast to Dickinson's contemplative approach, Dylan Thomas's powerful villanelle, "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night," urges readers to resist the tranquility of death. The poem passionately laments the loss of life and implores individuals to fight against the dying light, embracing the intensity and vibrancy of existence until the very end. Through its emotive language and urgent repetition, Thomas captures the fierce beauty of life's struggle against mortality.

Do not go gentle into that good night, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

William Cullen Bryant's contemplative poem, "Thanatopsis," reflects on nature's role in comforting humans amid thoughts of death. Bryant suggests that death is not an end but rather a unity with the natural world. Through vivid descriptions of landscapes and the cycle of life, he invites readers to find solace in the harmony and beauty of the earth, assuring them that death is but a transition into a greater existence.

And keep your spirit pure from worldly shame With the soft breath of vernal gales And music of the woods.

John Donne's sonnet, "Death Be Not Proud," showcases the defiance and triumph of the human spirit in the face of mortality. The poet challenges death's authority, asserting that it holds no true power over the eternal soul. With its bold metaphors and vibrant imagery, the poem celebrates life's resilience and the everlasting legacy that transcends death's realm.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so.

While the beauty of death may seem paradoxical at first, these poems offer glimpses into its profound allure. From Dickinson's serene acceptance to Thomas's passionate resistance, and Bryant's harmonious unity with nature to Donne's defiant triumph, these poets remind us that the end of life is not merely an extinguishing of existence but a continuation of our journey in a different form. Through their verses, we are encouraged to embrace life's fleeting moments, find solace in the cycles of nature, and leave behind a lasting legacy that defies death's grasp.

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10 Of The Most Comforting And Beautiful Poems About Death

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Poetry somehow manages to convey things that other forms of expression can’t.

And it is no different when the topic is something that affects us all: death.

Whether it is as a person who is grieving a loved one or someone who is staring down their own death, poems can stir up thoughts and emotions to help us all deal with the inevitable.

Here is our pick of the 10 most beautiful and comforting poems about death and dying.

Viewing on a mobile device? We recommend turning your screen horizontally to ensure the best formatting for each poem.

1. Immortality by Clare Harner

This inspirational poem about the death of a loved one invites us to look for them all around us in the beauty of the world.

Written as if spoken by the deceased, the poem tells us that whilst their body may be given to the ground, their presence lives on.

This comforting, heartfelt message doesn’t mean that we can’t miss someone, but it reminds us that we should notice them there with us still.

Do not stand By my grave, and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep— I am the thousand winds that blow I am the diamond glints in snow I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle, autumn rain. As you awake with morning’s hush, I am the swift, up-flinging rush Of quiet birds in circling flight, I am the day transcending night. Do not stand By my grave, and cry— I am not there, I did not die.

2. There Is No Night Without A Dawning by Helen Steiner Rice

This short poem is a popular choice for funerals because it reminds us that despite the death of someone we cared about, the darkness of our grief will pass.

Whilst death is hard to bear at first, this poem tells us that those who have died have found peace in a “brighter day.”

That’s a reassuring thought for those who mourn.

There is no night without a dawning No winter without a spring And beyond the dark horizon Our hearts will once more sing… For those who leave us for a while Have only gone away Out of a restless, care worn world Into a brighter day.

3. Turn Again To Life by Mary Lee Hall

This beautiful poem was perhaps made most famous for having been read at Princess Diana’s funeral.

It urges the listener – the griever – to not mourn for long, but to embrace life once more.

It tells us to look for those who are also in need of comfort and to take up the mantle left to us by the dearly departed.

If I should die and leave you here a while, be not like others sore undone, who keep long vigils by the silent dust, and weep. For my sake – turn again to life and smile, nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do something to comfort weaker hearts than thine. Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine and I, perchance may therein comfort you.

4. Farewell by Anne Bronte

This is another well known poem about death that reminds us not to think of it as a final goodbye.

Instead, it encourages us to cherish the fond memories we have of our loved one so as to keep them alive within us.

It also urges us to never let go of hope – hope that we will soon find joy and smiles where now we have anguish and tears.

Farewell to thee! but not farewell To all my fondest thoughts of thee: Within my heart they still shall dwell; And they shall cheer and comfort me. O, beautiful, and full of grace! If thou hadst never met mine eye, I had not dreamed a living face Could fancied charms so far outvie. If I may ne’er behold again That form and face so dear to me, Nor hear thy voice, still would I fain Preserve, for aye, their memory. That voice, the magic of whose tone Can wake an echo in my breast, Creating feelings that, alone, Can make my tranced spirit blest. That laughing eye, whose sunny beam My memory would not cherish less; — And oh, that smile! whose joyous gleam Nor mortal language can express. Adieu, but let me cherish, still, The hope with which I cannot part. Contempt may wound, and coldness chill, But still it lingers in my heart. And who can tell but Heaven, at last, May answer all my thousand prayers, And bid the future pay the past With joy for anguish, smiles for tears?

5. If I Should Go by Joyce Grenfell

Another poem written as if spoken by the departed, it urges those left behind to remain who they are and not let grief change them.

Of course, it is always sad to say goodbye, but life has to go on and you have to keep on living it to the best of your abilities.

If I should die before the rest of you, Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone. Nor, when I’m gone, speak in a Sunday voice, But be the usual selves that I have known. Weep if you must, Parting is hell. But life goes on, So sing as well.

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6. I Felt An Angel – Author Unknown

This poem about loss is not attributed to anyone in particular, but it is a true gift, whoever the author was.

It tells us never to overlook the presence of a deceased loved one – the angel described in these words.

Even though they may not be with us physically, they always remain with us in spirit.

I felt an angel near today, though one I could not see I felt an angel oh so close, sent to comfort me I felt an angel’s kiss, soft upon my cheek And oh, without a single word of caring did it speak I felt an angel’s loving touch, soft upon my heart And with that touch, I felt the pain and hurt within depart I felt an angel’s tepid tears, fall softly next to mine And knew that as those tears did dry a new day would be mine I felt an angel’s silken wings enfold me with pure love And felt a strength within me grow, a strength sent from above I felt an angel oh so close, though one I could not see I felt an angel near today, sent to comfort me.

7. His Journey’s Just Begun by Ellen Brenneman

Here’s another uplifting and inspirational poem about death that encourages us to think of a loved one not as gone, but as on another part of their journey.

It doesn’t specifically talk about an afterlife, but if that is what you believe, this poem will be of great comfort to you.

If you don’t believe in such things, it also talks about a person’s continued existence in the hearts of those they touched.

Don’t think of him as gone away his journey’s just begun, life holds so many facets this earth is only one. Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and the tears in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days and years. Think how he must be wishing that we could know today how nothing but our sadness can really pass away. And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched… for nothing loved is ever lost and he was loved so much.

8. Peace My Heart by Rabindranath Tagore

When someone we care about dies, peace may seem a long way off in the future. But it needn’t be, as this poem shows.

If we seek not to resist the passing, but to see it as a grand resolution to something beautiful – a life – we can have peace even as a loved one drifts away.

It calls us to accept that nothing is permanent and to respect that life giving way to death is the natural way of things.

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet. Let it not be a death but completeness. Let love melt into memory and pain into songs. Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest. Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night. Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence. I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light your way.

9. If I Should Go Tomorrow – Author Unknown

Another poem of unknown origin, it calls us to look upon death not as a goodbye, but as a transition in how we communicate with our loved ones.

No longer may they be here with us, but their love can always be felt – the heavens and stars in this verse possibly representing the world around us.

If I should go tomorrow It would never be goodbye, For I have left my heart with you, So don’t you ever cry. The love that’s deep within me, Shall reach you from the stars, You’ll feel it from the heavens, And it will heal the scars.

10. Crossing The Bar by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

At first glance, this poem might appear to have little to do with death, but the metaphors it uses speak clearly of the transition from life to death.

The ‘bar’ refers to a sandbar or submerged ridge between the ocean and a tidal river or estuary and the author hopes for a tide so large that there will be no waves on this ridge.

Instead, as he embarks on his journey out to sea (or death) – or as he returns from whence he came – he hopes for a peaceful journey and to see his Pilot’s (God’s) face.

Sunset and evening star, And one clear call for me! And may there be no moaning of the bar, When I put out to sea, But such a tide as moving seems asleep, Too full for sound and foam, When that which drew from out the boundless deep Turns again home. Twilight and evening bell, And after that the dark! And may there be no sadness of farewell, When I embark; For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place The flood may bear me far, I hope to see my Pilot face to face When I have crost the bar.

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About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.

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Beautiful poetry and quotes about death and dying.

Thinking about death doesn't need to be something we live our lives avoiding. There's such a great fear of dying, but if we talk about it, and listen, we'd hear the truth: that "mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things." (Arthur Schopenhauer)

It's why I found solace in these quotes about death and dying, and hope you will too.

Loss humbles us, shows us how little time we have here, shows us the importance of how we love one another, and ourselves. It's true, that leaving is sometimes the best thing a person could ever teach us.

It hurts, though, to look at death. It's scary, heavy, awkward... but it doesn't have to be. Not always.

If we can move past our fear of death, we might move into  a place of overwhelming gratitude . We'd understand that it's our turn to pay attention, to be there for the people who still need us, and to choose life whenever given the choice.

By opening our hearts to each other and to life, we can find a new level of understanding and connection.

By embracing our time here,  loving each chance we're given at life , we can look at death through the lens of respect.

We can see that a lifetime of passion and careful attention is the most beautiful thing we can contribute .

By living fully we can leave in overwhelming gratitude, in wonder, curious about what's next.

I hope you find some sort of peace through reading these quotes about death, and in the knowledge that to experience the pain of loss means you had the chance to love, and you took it.

Poetry and Quotes about Death, to Inspire How You Live

1. "Thinking and talking about death need not be morbid; they may be quite the opposite. Ignorance and fear of death overshadow life, while knowing and accepting death erases this shadow." — Lily Pincus

2. "It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more." — J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

3. “Death is not the opposite of life but an innate part of it. By living our lives we nurture death.” — Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

4. "I have come to know that it [death] is an important thing to keep in mind — not to complain or to make melancholy, but simply because only with the honest knowledge that one day I will die I can ever truly begin to live." — R. A. Salvatore, The Halfling's Gem

5. “To die will be an awfully big adventure.” — J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

6. “When death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades, I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering: what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness? And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I look upon time as no more than an idea, and I consider eternity as another possibility.” — Mary Oliver, When Death Comes

7. "The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and the other begins?" — Edgar Allan Poe, The Premature Burial

8. "It is the secret of the world that all things subsist and do not die, but retire a little from sight and afterwards return again." — Ralph Waldo Emerson, Essays: Second Series

9. “The dead never truly die. They simply change form.” —  Suzy Kassem

10. “Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives . We are merely in different rooms.” —  Paulo Coelho, Aleph

11. “There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they have gone, the light remains.” — Unknown

12. “I shall not wholly die, and a great part of me will escape the grave.”  —  Horace

13. “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” — J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

14. “ Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time... It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other . ”  —  Leo Buscaglia

15. “When the body sinks into death, the essence of man is revealed. Man is a knot, a web, a mesh into which relationships are tied. Only those relationships matter.”  — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

16. “Those we love never truly leave us… There are things that death cannot touch.”  —  Jack Thorne, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

17. “Death is the dropping of the flower that the fruit may swell .”  —  Henry Ward Beecher

18. “I do not fear death, in view of the fact that I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” – Mark Twain (attributed)

19. “If we really believe what we say we believe - if we really think that home is elsewhere and that this life is a ‘wandering to find home’, why should we not look forward to the arrival. There are, aren't there, only three things we can do about death: to desire it, to fear it, or to ignore it. The third alternative, which is the one the modern world calls ‘healthy’ is surely the most uneasy and precarious of all.” – C. S. Lewis

20. “ Dying is a wild night and a new road.” – Emily Dickinson

21. “When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom,  taking the world into my arms . When it is over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.” — Mary Oliver, When Death Comes

22. “Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” — Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

23. “Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.” – Martin Luther

Which of these quotes about death sparked hope, brought peace, or inspired you to think differently?

Tell me in the comments. I'd love to know what you think!

Comments on this post (5)

Acceptance of loosing those we love, feeling left alone, not able to say goodbye.but is saying goodbye necessary. How seldom do we say goodbye to those leaving their physical presence when the spirit lives on. Death the final outcome of the physical being we miss. That human interaction of touch, communication, laughter and the highs and lows of being alive. Death is the guarantee and final debut

Thank you for sharing with me, Elizabeth :)

— Jennifer Williamson

Jim, you are a light.

I have the Gift of Curiousity …#3…#8…#13…and, I love adventures that take me into the unknown. Crossing the Rainbow Bridge has to be where I find the Pot of Gold, perhaps, since no one has personally come back to tell me about what is on the other side of Life. I just have to believe it’s worth the trip. Thanks Jennifer for posting these thoughts to share.

— Elizabeth Ressler

Fill your life with love and kindness, compassion and affection and everything good. Enjoy the wonder and magic of it all so when it’s your time to look back that is what you’ll see.

Leave a comment

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10 Most Comforting And Beautiful Poems About Death

Release your emotions, cry a little, and then heal..

By Megan Hatch — Written on Nov 01, 2021

Poetry is all about sharing feelings and emotion and is one of the greatest forms of literature to read during hard times. Poems about death can help comfort you after losing a loved one .

We are driven to find release and comfort from other people's stories about the same experience.

Whether you're looking for comforting words for a funeral or memorial service or just need some help feeling a little less alone, these beautiful poems about death will help you during this difficult time.

1. "nothing but death" by pablo neruda.

This poem by the great poet Pablo Neruda is all about the reality of death and how it makes us feel deep down inside ourselves.

Death is hard to understand and comprehend but we all know what it looks like and how we all can expect it at the end of our lives. 

"There are cemeteries that are lonely, graves full of bones that do not make a sound, the heart moving through a tunnel, in it darkness, darkness, darkness, like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves, as though we were drowning inside our hearts, as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul. And there are corpses, feet made of cold and sticky clay,

death is inside the bones, like a barking where there are no dogs, coming out from bells somewhere, from graves somewhere, growing in the damp air like tears of rain. Sometimes I see alone coffins under sail, embarking with the pale dead, with women that have dead hair, with bakers who are as white as angels, and pensive young girls married to notary publics,

caskets sailing up the vertical river of the dead, the river of dark purple, moving upstream with sails filled out by the sound of death, filled by the sound of death which is silence. Death arrives among all that sound like a shoe with no foot in it, like a suit with no man in it, comes and knocks, using a ring with no stone in it, with no finger in it, comes and shouts with no mouth, with no tongue, with no throat. Nevertheless its steps can be heard and its clothing makes a hushed sound, like a tree. I'm not sure, I understand only a little, I can hardly see, but it seems to me that its singing has the color of damp violets, of violets that are at home in the earth, because the face of death is green, and the look death gives is green, with the penetrating dampness of a violet leaf and the somber color of embittered winter. But death also goes through the world dressed as a broom, lapping the floor, looking for dead bodies, death is inside the broom, the broom is the tongue of death looking for corpses, it is the needle of death looking for thread. Death is inside the folding cots: it spends its life sleeping on the slow mattresses, in the black blankets, and suddenly breathes out: it blows out a mournful sound that swells the sheets, and the beds go sailing toward a port where death is waiting, dressed like an admiral."

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2. "Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas

One of Thomas's greatest pieces of work, "Do not go gentle into that good night" is about advice after death. The narrator offers speaker advice to his or her father all about how to face death with dignity, bravery, and defiance.

It's about consoling your elders about death and seeing that it's not something they should be afraid of. 

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

3. "Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep" by Mary Elizabeth Frye

This poem is told as if the dead are talking to you, consoling you, and telling you that it's okay. The dead asks you not to cry and weep at their grave but to look for them in the everyday things like the wind or the glistening sun on snow and the autumn rain. 

"Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die." 

4. "Turn Again To Life" by Mary Lee Hall

This is an  inspirational poem about death that is all about embracing life and is perfect to read for a funeral service. It's one of the funeral poems that was read at Princess Diana's service . 

"If I should die and leave you here a while, be not like others sore undone, who keep long vigils by the silent dust, and weep. For my sake – turn again to life and smile, nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do something to comfort weaker hearts than thine. Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine and I, perchance may therein comfort you."

5. "Because I Could Not Stop For Death" — Emily Dickinson

Emily Dickinson is one of the greatest poets who knew how to write beautiful poems and this one, in particular, is not different.

She writes that death is always at the end, we can't run away from it but we can embrace it in the end and let it take us away towards eternity.

"Because I could not stop for Death- He kindly stopped for me- The Carriage held but just Ourselves- And Immortality. We slowly drove- He knew no haste And I had put away My labor and my leisure too, For His Civility-

We passed the School, where Children strove At Recess- in the Ring- We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain- We passed the Setting Sun- Or rather- He passed us- The Dews drew quivering and chill- For only Gossamer, my Gown- My Tippet- only Tulle-

We paused before a House that seemed A Swelling of the Ground- The Roof was scarcely visible- The Cornice- in the Ground- Since then- 'tis Centuries- and yet Feels shorter than the Day I first surmised the Horses' Heads Were toward Eternity-"

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6. "Death" by Rabindranath Tagore

This poem is all about how death is a beautiful kind of sadness and how only one can hope to live a long and fulfilling life before death comes and takes them away forever. 

"O thou the last fulfilment of life, Death, my death, come and whisper to me! Day after day I have kept watch for thee; for thee have I borne the joys and pangs of life. All that I am, that I have, that I hope and all my love have ever flowed towards thee in depth of secrecy. One final glance from thine eyes

and my life will be ever thine own. The flowers have been woven and the garland is ready for the bridegroom. After the wedding the bride shall leave her home and meet her lord alone in the solitude of night."

7. "And Death Shall Have No Dominion" by Dylan Thomas

Dylan Thomas writes about how there is no control over death. We have no dominion over death, it comes when it's supposed to and sometimes when it's not, and even at times where we think we will die we somehow escape it. 

"And death shall have no dominion. Dead man naked they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon; When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone, They shall have stars at elbow and foot; Though they go mad they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion. Under the windings of the sea They lying long shall not die windily; Twisting on racks when sinews give way, Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break; Faith in their hands shall snap in two, And the unicorn evils run them through; Split all ends up they shan't crack; And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion. No more may gulls cry at their ears Or waves break loud on the seashores; Where blew a flower may a flower no more Lift its head to the blows of the rain; Though they be mad and dead as nails, Heads of the characters hammer through daisies; Break in the sun till the sun breaks down, And death shall have no dominion."

8. "He is gone" by David Harkins

Harkins offers two methods of advice on how to move on after death and it's a very comforting poem. 

"You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

9. "Annabel Lee" by Edgar Allan Poe

Edgar Allan Poe was known for his sad poems about death and this one, which was actually the last poem he wrote, is no different.

It explores the death of a woman named Annabel Lee and how their love is so strong even after death that angels are jealous. It's all about how love can go on after death and nothing really ends with death, especially love. 

"It was many and many a year ago,    In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know    By the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought    Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,    In this kingdom by the sea: But we loved with a love that was more than love—    I and my Annabel Lee; With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven    Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,    In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling    My beautiful Annabel Lee; So that her highborn kinsman came    And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulchre    In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,    Went envying her and me— Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,    In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night,    Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love    Of those who were older than we—    Of many far wiser than we— And neither the angels in heaven above,    Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul    Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams    Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes    Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,    In her sepulchre there by the sea,    In her tomb by the sounding sea."

10. "If I Should Go" by Joyce Grenfell

This Joyce Grenfell is a great poem to read about death and how, if it must happen, we shouldn't focus on all the sadness of it all. Instead, focus on the happiness and love that this person once gave you and remember that death is a natural and unavoidable process.

Life goes on, but don't forget to sing the name of your loved ones and remember them fondly. 

"If I should die before the rest of you, Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone. Nor, when I’m gone, speak in a Sunday voice, But be the usual selves that I have known. Weep if you must, Parting is hell. But life goes on, So sing as well."

RELATED:  20 Comforting Quotes About Loss To Help You Cope With The Death Of A Loved One

Megan Hatch is a writer at YourTango who covers news & entertainment, love & relationships, and internet culture. Follow her on  Twitter  and  Instagram .

242 Death Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best death topic ideas & essay examples, 👍 good essay topics on death, 📌 most interesting death topics to write about, ✅ simple & easy death essay titles, 💡 good research topics about death, ✍️ death essay topics for college, ❓ interesting questions about death.

• The Death of My Grandmother and Lessons Learnt Often the loss of a grandmother is the first loss in life, which only complicates the feelings experienced. The loss of my grandmother was the biggest tragedy that has happened to me.
• Life After Death In many religions across the world, people belief in life after death and also being born again in the world after an individual. Life after death is the belief in the continuation of life after […] We will write a custom essay specifically for you by our professional experts 808 writers online Learn More
• The Epic of Gilgamesh: The Death and the Afterlife The main purpose of the Gilgamesh myth is to illustrate the weakness of man in the face of destiny. By the time this dream appears in the story, the reader is already aware Enkidu is […]
• Death Ceremonies in Luhya Tribe This tribe is called the Luhya tribe and is one of the 42 tribes of the Republic of Kenya. This is because a clan might actually size to exist due to the death of a […]
• Dealing With the Death of a Grandfather In my mind, I never expected grandpa to depart from us, and when he finally did, I felt that God was so unfair to me because He should have left grandpa to see my children.
• Plato on Death: Comparison With Aristotle Afterlife – Essay on Life After Death Philosophy On the other hand, religion has maintained that the soul is immortal and survives the death of the body. Plato argued that the soul is immortal and therefore survives the death of the body.
• Life After Death: Christianity and Islam Perspectives The afterlife, or the resurrection, is the purpose of most religions. This is the question we ask when we talk of the afterlife and the resurrection.
• Are the Witches Responsible for Duncan’s Death? For example, Banquo was given good news by the witches about the likelihood of his children becoming kings and yet he did not rush to murder as it’s in the Macbeth’s case.
• Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection End of life care for my mother took a toll on me, and I had to reevaluate my aspirations to see whether I treated life as an endless path.
• “Sylvia’s Death” by Anne Sexton The poem “Sylvia’s Death” by Anne Sexton is devoted, as the title suggests, to the death of poet Sylvia Plath. The poem itself is like a monologue or a short speech devoted to Sylvia and […]
• Sea Otters’ Life Cycle From Birth to Death However, after the species had almost become extinct and their protection began, the species began to recover and towards the close of the 20th century, conservation had given rise to tens of thousands of sea […]
• Death and the Afterlife: A Spiritual World After Death The spiritual world for people means the immortality of their souls, which is in general highly important from the point of view of religion and philosophy.
• Detailed Coronial Analysis of a Chest Pain Related Death The coroner’s report reviewed in this paper is for the patient AD who was brought to the emergency department by the Queensland Ambulance Service with the diagnosis of the acute coronary syndrome.
• Cleopatra’s Life, From Her Ascension to the Throne to Solemn Death The bond between Antony and Cleopatra continued to strengthen and resulted in the return of most of Egypt’s empires that had been conquered by the Romans.
• The Peculiarities of Discussing the Theme of Death in Poetry and Prose The question of this fringe helps to emphasize the problem of the lovers’ separation.”The separation of the soul from the body, and the separation of lovers from each other, is not an ending but the […]
• Late Adulthood and Death This paper examines ageism and the stereotypes associated with late adulthood; how individuals can promote health and wellness in late adulthood; the importance of relationships and social interactions; and personal attitudes towards death in late […]
• The Probable Cause of Marilyn Monroe’s Death She had many lovers, many admirers, she associated with the rich and powerful, but in the end, she was so emotionally and psychologically troubled that when she died in 1962, with bottles of drugs beside […]
• “Death and Justice” by Edward I. Koch Although the issue of the death penalty is quite controversial, it is the most effective deterrence and the fairest justice that can be done to the victims of the most serious offenses.
• Why Are We Afraid of Death? However, it can be interesting to understand why the rest of the people are so afraid of death. People are afraid of the unknown.
• Worldviews in Religions on the Aspect of Death and Afterlife The essay compares and contrasts the worldviews of Christianity, medieval Buddhist and Muslim on the aspect of death and afterlife and is covered as follows.
• The Death of the Moth by Virginia Woolf It was as if they were mindful of what had happened to the moth but in truth these creatures were simply taking a break.
• The Theme of Death in the World of Literature Important is the fact that the death is personified in the poem and has the role of the gentleman. The death is presented as a powerful element of the poem and of the narrator’s life […]
• All Are Equal in Death Death refers to the lasting termination of all life’s tasks in a human being. Death chances on its prey in the middle of their actions and strikes equally to all.
• “Dancing Skeletons: Life and Death in West Africa” The conflict is expressed in how the author describes her culture shock when introduced to the native women’s way of treating children or the procedure of female genital mutilation, for that matter.
• Death and Dying in Christianity and Buddhism Birth and death are part of everybody’s life: birth is the beginning of living, and death is the end of it.
• Philosophy: “Death” Essay by Thomas Nagel Therefore, the first element of viewing death is evil that the author examines is the contrast of this occurrence to life, which is perceived as good.
• Perspectives of Death In the different interpretations of death, there is a section of people that believe death is the final stage in the life journey of both human beings and plants.
• The Theme of Death in Literary Works The Duke reflects on the death of the Duchess and finding a new mistress to please him. The significance of the use of dramatic monologue is that it distinguishes the poet from the main speaker […]
• Reflection on Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “On Death” We are not aware what happens at the moment of death or after it and seek to find the answers to the questions raised by Shelley in the poem “On Death”.
• Life After Death: Scientific and Religious Answers Is there a life after death? In any way, there is no life after death.
• Death and Dying in Modern Christianity This is well elaborated in the bible as an explanation of the reward to the righteous and the justices that will be accorded to the evil.
• Ethical Issues of Death and Dying The aim of the end of life care is to ensure that the dying person encounters the least discomfort during the dying process.
• Protests Over the Death of George Floyd The suspect was cooperating with the officers who instead treated him harshly and pinned him to the ground against the police conduct.
• From Birth to Death: Human’s Destiny The reason people seem to be so attached to Facebook and blogs is because they think this is their primary means of communicating and connecting to the world.
• Death and Suffering: War Opposing Viewpoints The number of human casualties is very much alarming Take the case of the Second World War. It is considered to be the worst and the most deadly war ever fought in the history of […]
• The Concepts of Death and Afterlife in Religious Beliefs I find it most interesting how human societies tend to come up with the idea of the temporal nature of death due to the cycles of seasons and the day and night that they witnessed […]
• Modern Christianity View and Perspective on Death and Dying Some Christians believe that death is safe to the people of God and that it is a necessity to fit in the complete delight of God.
• A Systematic Study of Suffering and Death in Christianity There exist six major perspectives that try to explain the meaning and existence of suffering in Christianity: First, the Bible exploits well the subject of suffering; it does not leave it to the believers’ own […]
• Buddhism: The Concept of Death and Dying Life is permanent but death is the transition of a human soul to either one of the six Buddhist realms. The purpose of this paper is to explain the concept of death from the Buddhist […]
• Death & Mourning Rituals in China The unique beliefs put into the basis of Chinese philosophy, particularly those concerning the phenomena of death and dying may have a significant impact upon the patients’ attitudes and decision in the end-of-life care and […]
• Death in Psychological and Personal Understanding Of course, young people are often ignorant of this issue, but there is always certain period when people have to face the problem. I believe people have to think about death when they are young […]
• Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Most of these studies focused on the incidences of SIDS, factors that are responsible for the condition, and the possible measures that could be put in place to reduce the incidence of the condition.
• Death and Terminal Illnesses Some of the diseases under this category are heart diseases in the advanced stages and to some extent cancer.”In popular use, terminal conditions indicate diseases which will end the life of the sufferers in a […]
• Good Life and Death for Humans and Other Animals As such, the question of what is a “good life” and a “good death” both for humans and animals raises many arguments and opinions, some of which are so remarkably contradictory that it seems strange […]
• The American Way of Death: Process Analysis in Writing The American Way of Death is one of such literary works, the author of which uses process analysis writing form and focuses her attention to the details, inherent to funerals.
• Magellan’s Death in the Philippines and Captain Cook’s Death in Hawaii Captain Cook was a surveyor in the royal navy and in 1778, he made his first trip to the Hawaiian Islands. The Hawaiians were very hospitable to the captain and his crew.
• Environmental Pollution and Increased Birds Death The increase in the population of different animals may also cause the death of birds. This leads to the extinction of some animals and birds hence massive death.
• Death Anxiety Is a Multidimensional Concept While concentrating on these dimensions of the death anxiety, it is possible to determine such concrete fears as the fear of dependency, the fear of the pain experienced in the dying process, the fear associated […]
• The Elephant in the Room: Existentialism and the Denial of Death In Tolstoy’s The Death of Ivan Ilych, Peter Ivanovich experiences a chilling moment as he contemplates his own mortality in light of the long and painful period of torture and agony that befell his colleague […]
• “Death” by Thomas Nagel: The Issue of Death and How People Think of It In a way, this contradicts his above reasoning that if there is no one to experience the loss of good life, then the absence of suffering and realization is not bad at all.
• Analysis of Nagel’s Death: The Assumptions and Theories He explained death as the end of living; this meant the life of an individual would be terminated at the time of death.
• Death, Loss, and Grieving Grieving is the process of accepting and acknowledging the reality of death and the loss that has occurred due to death of a loved one in the society.
• Self-Reflection on Life Values, Goals, and Death I want my life to be full of genuine relationships despite how challenging it is to find and cultivate such bonds in modern society.
• Death and Dying: How to Accept the End of Life Ideas Loss-related grief hurts and is frequently intolerable, and it can be challenging to maintain a good outlook on life when one is in pain.
• Atkinson’s Death Penalty Article: Rebuttal Argument Regardless of unrealistic and irrelevant assertions about therapeutic jurisprudence, the death sentence is an efficient deterrence and punishment mechanism when seen within the context of vigilante justice and as a part of the current legal […]
• Restorative Justice and the Death Penalty Draft thesis: The death penalty, when viewed under the retributive justice framework and as a part of the existing justice system, is an effective deterrent and punishment measure irrespective of impractical and irrelevant restorative justice […]
• The Death Definition and the Need for Euthanasia If the concept of the soul is to be believed in, then one’s death is simply a process that detaches the soul from the body.
• Capital Punishment and the Death Penalty Furthermore, the defense and, in the United States, the prosecution has the right of vexatious challenge, which allows it to confront several participants without providing a reason.
• Heracles’ Death in Women of Trachis and Modern Perspective The concept of a good death changes over time, and what was considered a good and glorifying death in ancient times may be terrifying today.
• Psychology: The Aftermath of a Death Thus it is necessary to analyze the emotions and experiences of others in order to have a general idea of the problems that occur in different people.
• The Wisdom of Silenus: The Meaning of Life & Death When thinking about this idea, it is difficult to take any specific point of view about it because the meaning of life primarily lies in the process of a lifetime; making any goal the meaning […]
• Can There Be Agreement as to What Constitutes Human Death From a biological point of view, death is considered a natural fact of the termination of life due to the exhaustion of the body’s vital resources.
• Medical Ethics and Life & Death Decisions I believe there is no need to use medical technology if the patient’s condition is too severe to react to treatment, such as attempting a prolonged treatment for metastatic cancer.
• Low Vitamin D and Risk of Premature Death Categories of clear communication index, including the Main Message and Call to Action, Language, Information Design, State of the Science, Behavioral Recommendations, Numbers, and Risks, will evaluate the general consumer publication.
• Experience With Death in Personal Life Facing death is an ordeal because it leads to nervousness, prolonged sadness, and pain of loss. Third, facing death is an ordeal because we feel the pain of loss.
• The Black Death: Causes and Reactions This paper discusses the causes of the Black Death, human contribution to the spread of the disease, and describes the responses to the Black Death.
• Media Journal Assignment: Elijah McClain’s Death The death of a young Elijah was quite a shocking revelation about injustice that is taking place in the country. It demonstrates the social solidarity of people on the injustice that has taken a place.
• The Impact of Martin Luther King’s Death Luther King’s personality, his life, and his death caused more significant changes in expanding the rights of the African American people.
• “Death on Demand Is Not Death With Dignity” by Debra Saunders The author uses the example of Brittany Maryland, who is diagnosed with terminal cancer and moves to Oregon as assisted suicide is legal there.
• Impact of Divorce vs. Death of Loved One On the contrary, suffering as a result of divorce is similar to experiencing a loved one’s death in many aspects. In my view, the impact of divorce and the death of a loved one should […]
• Social Causes of Suicide: Sex, Race, Ethnicity, Age Group, and Mechanism of Death Suicide is one of the top ten main causes of death in the United States, making it a major issue. The suicide rate in the West is higher than in the South, Midwest, and Northeast.
• Euthanasia: Nurses’ Attitudes Towards Death The weakest part of the article is that most of the participants did not clearly define the concept of euthanasia, which casts doubt on the reliability of the sampled data.
• Health Policy to Solve Premature Death Inequality Further, the policy will teach the community about the dangers of drug and substance abuse and how it relates to premature deaths.
• Newspaper Coverage of Adolf Hitler’s Death It marks the end of the era of the terrible events of the Holocaust, the seizure of Poland, the extermination of millions of people.
• Impact of Intentional Death Problem Moreover, the negative consequences of euthanasia are the devaluation of human life, violation of the equality of people before the law, medical duty, and the structure of the doctor-patient relationship.
• Tyler Skaggs’s Death Reminding About Opioid Crisis The case of Tyler Skaggs serves as a reminder of the problem that is crucial in the United States nowadays the opioid crisis.
• Attitude Towards Death Essay: Life-Span Development Therefore, I try to maintain respect for this phenomenon and thereby try to enjoy every moment of life so as not to regret anything on my deathbed. It became an increasingly sensitive topic to me […]
• Death Case Insanity: Application of a Treatment to a Convict It is possible that this forcible application of a treatment to a convict may find expressions elsewhere in the future, using the case discussed in the article as a catalyst.
• Medical Error as Causes of Preventable Death One of the notable examples of significant damage to patient health due to a medical error in our hospital was the case of LIS caused by rapid correction of hyponatremia.
• The Investigation of Rigor Mortis: Method to Determine the Time of Death One of the methods to determine the time of death is the investigation of rigor mortis. Considering the state of the body, it is possible to determine the time of death using the progression of […]
• Death and Funeral Customs of the Ainu and Nuer Peoples The high level of interest in the thematic is due to transformations in the rituals that indicate changes in the social order and conditions of its existence.
• Death and Stages of Grief However, such an understanding can be questioned due to the invention of life support devices and the development of the death of the brain concept.
• Experiences of the Death of Spouse In order to elaborate the appropriate one, it is crucial to address Maslow’s Human Motivation and Hierarchy of Basic Human Needs.
• Regulated Cell Death Induced by Membrane-Interacting Peptide Amphiphiles Media from the cells will be removed and replaced with the fluorescent dilution media and incubated for 45 minutes. For visualization, the PA solution with 1 wt% of a fluorescent analog will be used.
• Death Perspectives in Epicurus’ Theory Starting with the assumptions that fear of this phenomenon is one of the most important stimuli in the life of people and ending with the suggestions that death is not bad for the deceased, thinkers […]
• Understanding of the Death Concept by Children The death component of irreversibility involves the child’s ability to conceptualize that death is permanent and the dead never return to life.
• Researching of Why Human Beings Fear Death From the religious perspective, some people know about their sins committed on earth in their life and are afraid of the punishment for those sins as opposed to people who believe in God and His […]
• Atherosclerosis: St. Louis Cardinal’s Death The function of the arteries is to carry oxygenated blood from the heart to other parts of the body, while the function of the veins is to transport deoxygenated blood from other organs to the […]
• Circumstances and Facts Behind the Death of Pamela Langley This memorandum highlights the circumstances and facts behind the death of Pamela Langley and the subsequent trial of the accused, Mr.
• Women’s Life Stories: Maori Sudden Infant Death Keeping in mind the analysis of both – modifiable and non-modifiable risk factors in relation to SIDS, it becomes obvious that equal attention is to be paid to biological and behavioral variables along with social […]
• Wrongful Death: How to Prove Legally That Death Was Wrongful The plaintiff sued the vehicle’s driver, County and the driver’s defendant on behalf of the decedent’s estate and as a family member.
• Mr. B’s Death: Valium Case However, this was not the case as the patient was only monitored for the blood pressure and the saturation of oxygen without monitoring the pulse rate and the breathing rhythm.
• The Line Between Life and Death: The Terri Schiavo Case A clear definition of a person who is alive is important in order to be able to make decisions about patients in a vegetative state.
• A Psychological Perspective on Death and Mourning The psychological perspective in health psychology is interested in trying to explain how biological, environmental, and psychological factors have influenced and affected health psychology and also the prevention and treatment of illness and diseases.
• Death Rates and Causes: Global Health Assessment Furthermore, it has been recognized that both methods of research are applicable within the cultural context as well within the context of beliefs and perceptions of the individuals the conducts the research and individuals that […]
• Heart Disease: Cell Death During Myocardial Infarction This process is known as the non-reversible cell injury because of the changes in the cell structure and functions when the cell membrane is damaged, and the cell dies.
• The Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Ordinal variables show a “clear ordering of the categories”. In a ratio scale, the size interval represents a ratio or proportion of the total values.
• A Root Cause Analysis for Mr. B’s Death Without the tools, the doctor could neither measure the response to the sedation appropriately nor sense when the situation of the patient was worsening.
• Alzheimer Related Morbidity and Death Among New Yorkers Generally, Alzheimer disease is a form of dementia, which inflicts a loss of memory, thinking and behavior. The proportion of ethnic and racial diversity in the US is increasing.
• Vibrio Cholerae: Death by Diarrhoea Although it is widely believed that Vibrio cholerae is a human pathogen, implying that human beings serve as the natural host, it has the capacity to persist and survive in the absence of a human […]
• The Book “On Death and Denying” by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross According to Kubler-Ross, the stage of denial is the first in the grieving process. According to the Bible, Job says, “shall we not accept the good things that God does and adversities?” This is an […]
• The Death of a Loved One: Methods of Coping for the Elderly Prior to the start of the study, Mr.G.stated he did not remember the information the researcher had discussed and did not remember signing the consent.
• Abortion-Related-Maternal Death in Dominican Republic There is need to focus the effort in pressuring the lawmakers to respect the rights of women. The Dominican law prohibits women from abortion even the life of woman and the child is in danger.
• Problem of Death and Bereavement: Case Studies The life of a newborn child, no matter how disabled or handicapped it may be, is guarded by the ‘sanctity of human life’ doctrine, and the wishes of the parents or the prospects of the […]
• Death From Preventable Injuries: Predicting When Emergency Surgery Is Needed as Early as Possible The first attempt to quantify this occurred in 1999 when, at the instigation of a presidential task force, the Institute of Medicine extrapolated findings from three states to estimate that from 44,000 to 98,000 people […]
• Trauma and Death in World Literature and Films The themes of trauma and death unite the novel “The Day of the Locust” by Nathaniel West, the short story “Grief” by Scholastique Mukasonga, and the short film The Neighbors ‘Window by Marshall Curry.
• The Death of Hybrid Bodies in Literature and Cinematography The death itself is not always physical, it is the mental process of rejection or accommodation to the surrounding world, as the beast’s metamorphosis and integration into the human life paradigm is also a certain […]
• Hindu Death Rites and Provision of the End-of-Life Care Hindus have a particular perception of death and what happens to a person in the afterlife, shaping the appropriate for them end-of-life care.
• Global Inequity in Preventable Maternal Death Hence, in the framework of the international governance lens, discussions on the alienation of global inequity within the prevention of maternal deaths are relevant and reasonable to provide.
• The Role of Cocaine in the Death of Len Bias The primary focus of this paper is to analyze the existence of cocaine, its consumption, and connected public opinion at the end of the 20th century studying life and death of Len Bias, a renowned […]
• OSHA: Death Caused by Ladder Falls The first one is selecting the wrong type of ladder, which stems from the lack of understanding of essential tools. The most common cause of ladder accidents is the incorrect use of them.
• Suffering of Death Organs: Organ Donors and Transplantation The author begins the article by discussing how the past cessation of breathing used to be one of the recognized signs of death and how the development of the iron lung and later the artificial […]
• U1 IP Medicolegal Death Investigation There is one more problem: the bigger the interval between the death time and the body found, the more inaccurate will be the estimation.
• Line-of-Duty Death (LODD) or Critical Injury A group of persons with knowledge on the insurance policies of the company should be appointed to render assistance to the family in the filing of claim forms.
• The Chinese Belief on Death and Dying These distinctions are visible due to several cultures act of subjecting to an influencing experience of death in the African perspective, the keeping with the nature of the Bible or its times, the people from […]
• When Butterflies Die: Alvarez and Her Idea of Death Considering a loss as a chance to take a closer look at ourselves, Alvarez interprets the old idea of drinking the honey and throwing away the bee, applying it to people’s subconscious and suggesting to […]
• Greek Attitude Towards Death and Afterlife The thoughts about death and the beyond can send shivers down the spine of a contemporary person and the attitude of ancient Greeks to death was practically the same.
• Nature of Self, Death, and Ethics in Buddhism The state of ultimate reality is pervasive and it builds the foundation of being and the source of energy in every atom and the life of every creature.
• Death in TV-Series “Six Feet Under” The paradox that is based on the conventional fear of death and the perception of death almost as one more member of the family cannot but leave a significant sign on each member of the […]
• The Duty to Die. “Going to Meet Death” by John Hardwig This approach is considered with the fact of how these loved ones should, on the one hand, bear all those condemnations and disagreements with life and words about soon death along with a perpetual presence […]
• Wit by Margaret Edson How to Face Death Through the story, the writer explains the tragic life of the Professor and how she recalls the story of her life which she spent without anybody to care and love for.
• Denial of Death in Major Religions I will agree at this point that the God that both the Christians serve and the Muslims is the same God because both religions believe that this supreme God is not comparable and will never […]
• The Western Corpse: Are We a Death-Denying Society? This belief in the body as merely a shell is also assisted by the fact that the corpse in modern times is no longer prepared for disposal by the loving hands of the friends and […]
• Clinical Ethics of Death and Dying Patients Some factors that must be considered when taking a patient off a Ventilator, and the possibility of an End Of Life Decision, are the patient’s age, Multiple Organ Dysfunction Scores, the future outlook for the […]
• The Death of George Washington He is considered to be one of the most prominent politicians in the history of the United States. The twentieth century was marked with increased attention to the death of George Washington.
• Spiritual and Psychological Forms of Death As these are applied to cancer patients, they often involve identifying the patient’s pattern of negative stress-related beliefs and the environmental triggers for such beliefs.
• Death Sentence to Muslim Terrorists: Should We Murder People Who Had Done the Same Before? In my opinion, the aim to punish is not the most important in this, but we should try to avoid the same crimes in the future, and that is the aim of Mankind.
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20 of the Most Beautiful and Considerate Poems About Death

Last Updated on March 4, 2024

Table of Contents

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMMjAbH_W8c&ab_channel=SpokenVerse

During times of mourning, poetry can convey feelings in a way that other forms of expression simply cannot. Whether you are looking for something to write on a condolence card or the perfect poem to add to a funeral service, we’ve got you covered.

1. There Is No Night Without A Dawning by Helen Steiner Rice

There is no night without a dawning

No winter without a spring

And beyond the dark horizon

Our hearts will once more sing…

For those who leave us for a while

Have only gone away

Out of a restless, care worn world

Into a brighter day.

2. If I Should Go by Joyce Grenfell

If I should die before the rest of you,

Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone.

Nor, when I’m gone, speak in a Sunday voice,

But be the usual selves that I have known.

Weep if you must,

Parting is hell.

But life goes on,

So sing as well.

3. Peace My Heart by Rabindranath Tagore

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.

Let it not be a death but completeness.

Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.

Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.

Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.

Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.

I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light your way.

4. If I Should Go Tomorrow – Author Unknown

If I should go tomorrow

It would never be goodbye,

For I have left my heart with you,

So don’t you ever cry.

The love that’s deep within me,

Shall reach you from the stars,

You’ll feel it from the heavens,

And it will heal the scars.

5. Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

6. Turn Again to Life by Mary Lee Hall

If I should die and leave you here a while,

be not like others sore undone,

who keep long vigil by the silent dust.

For my sake turn again to life and smile,

nerving thy heart and trembling hand

to do something to comfort other hearts than mine.

Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine

and I perchance may therein comfort you.

7. All Nature Has a Feeling by John Clare

All nature has a feeling: woods, fields, brooks

Are life eternal: and in silence they

Speak happiness beyond the reach of books;

There’s nothing mortal in them; their decay

Is the green life of change; to pass away

And come again in blooms revivified.

Its birth was heaven, eternal in its stay,

And with the sun and moon shall still abide

Beneath their day and night and heaven wide.

8. Inside Our Dreams by Jeanne Willis

Where do people go to when they die?

Somewhere down below or in the sky?

‘I can’t be sure,’ said Grandad, ‘but it seems

They simply set up home inside our dreams.’

9. If Only by Unknown Author

If only we could see the splendour of the land

To which our loved ones are called from you and me

We’d understand

If only we could hear the welcome they receive

From old familiar voices all so dear

We would not grieve

If only we could know the reason why they went

We’d smile and wipe away the tears that flow

And wait content.

10. I Fall Asleep by Samuel Butler

I fall asleep in the full and certain hope

That my slumber shall not be broken;

And that though I be all-forgetting,

Yet shall I not be forgotten,

But continue that life in the thoughts and deeds

of those I loved.

11. Light by Francis Bourdillon

The night has a thousand eyes.

And the day but one;

Yet the light of the bright world dies

With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes.

And the heart but one:

Yet the light of a whole life dies

When love is done.

12. Silent Tear by Unknown Author

Each night we shed a silent tear,

As we speak to you in prayer.

To let you know we love you,

And just how much we care.

Take our million teardrops,

Wrap them up in love,

Then ask the wind to carry them,

To you in heaven above.

13. For Katrina’s Sun Dial by Henry Van Dyke

Time is too slow for those who wait,

Too swift for those who fear,

Too long for those who grieve,

Too short for those who rejoice,

But for those who love, time is

14. Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower; 

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf,

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day

Nothing gold can stay.

15. Separation by W.S. Merwin

Your absence has gone through me

Like thread through a needle.

Everything I do is stitched with its color.

16. The Window by Rumi

Your body is away from me

but there is a window open

from my heart to yours.

From this window, like the moon

I keep sending news secretly.

17. Requiem by Robert Louise Stevenson

Under the wide and starry sky  

Dig the grave and let me lie:  

Glad did I live and gladly die,  

And I laid me down with a will.  

This be the verse you ‘grave for me:         

Here he lies where he long’d to be;  

Home is the sailor, home from the sea,  

And the hunter home from the hill.

18. My Constant Companion By Kelly Roper

Grief is my companion,

It takes me by the hand,

And walks along beside me

in a dark and barren land.

How long will this lonesome journey last,

How much more can my weary heart bear?

Since your death, I’ve been lost in the fog,

Too burdened with sorrow and care.

People tell me my sadness will fade,

And my tears will reach their end.

Grief and I must complete our journey,

And then maybe I’ll find happiness again.

19. The Well of Grief by David Whyte

Those who will not slip beneath

the still surface on the well of grief,

turning down through its black water

to the place we cannot breathe,

will never know the source from which we drink,

the secret water, cold and clear,

nor find in the darkness glimmering,

the small round coins,

thrown by those who wished for something else.

20. For Grief by John O’Donohue

When you lose someone you love,

Your life becomes strange,

The ground beneath you becomes fragile,

Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;

And some dead echo drags your voice down

Where words have no confidence

Your heart has grown heavy with loss;

And though this loss has wounded others too,

No one knows what has been taken from you

When the silence of absence deepens.

Flickers of guilt kindle regret

For all that was left unsaid or undone.

There are days when you wake up happy;

Again inside the fullness of life,

Until the moment breaks

And you are thrown back

Onto the black tide of loss.

Days when you have your heart back,

You are able to function well

Until in the middle of work or encounter,

Suddenly with no warning,

You are ambushed by grief.

It becomes hard to trust yourself.

All you can depend on now is that

Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.

More than you, it knows its way

And will find the right time

To pull and pull the rope of grief

Until that coiled hill of tears

Has reduced to its last drop.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance

With the invisible form of your departed;

And when the work of grief is done,

The wound of loss will heal

And you will have learned

To wean your eyes

From that gap in the air

And be able to enter the hearth

In your soul where your loved one

Has awaited your return

All the time.

Posted by: Igor Ovsyannnykov

Igor is an SEO specialist, designer, photographer, writer and music producer. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading books, taking photos, producing house music, and learning about cinematography. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games.

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I’ve spent a lifetime dreading the loss of a parent. And now it’s finally happened

I am shocked at how shocked I am. Why are we so unprepared when the inevitable comes to pass?

R ound at my mate’s house, one Saturday morning when I was 17 years old, something astounding appeared on his television. This was 3 November 1984. I know this for sure because I just looked it up. It was the day Indira Gandhi was cremated. Laid out on a sandalwood pyre, her head clearly visible, her body – her actual body – was in plain sight as her son lit the pyre to see his mother, in the words of most newspaper reports, consigned to flames .

I was aghast, horrified. But my friend’s dad said a thing that made me think again. It went something like this: “No, I think it’s very healthy. Death’s too hidden away in our society. I was in my 40s before I saw a dead body, and it was my father’s. What preparation did I have for that?” These words stuck fast in my mind.

And in the blink of an eye, almost 40 years on, last week it was me finding myself with a dead body for the first time, and it was my dad’s. Where was my preparation for this moment? I’d picked up precious little since watching Gandhi’s mortal remains disappear on that wide-eyed morning half a lifetime ago. Would this moment have been any easier if I’d spent the intervening years in a society less inclined to hide away its dead, in a world of public, coffin-less cremations or wakes with open caskets? I don’t know. I asked a couple of close friends with experience of both, one of Punjabi heritage, the other Irish. They didn’t know either. Both winced at some challenging childhood memories.

I tried to compute what was in front of me. I was surprised at how sure I was that the body itself was now irrelevant. His soul, his consciousness, his – how can I put it? – his himness had vanished. It wasn’t him. This was reassuring insomuch as it rendered what I was looking at kind of meaningless. But that’s not to say I will ever be able to unsee it so, again, I just don’t know.

I remain shocked at how shocked I am at his dying. After all, he was 86, we knew it was coming and it was a mercy to him – to all of us – that it came when it did. And though I loved him greatly, I’m surprised and even a bit guilty about being so terribly upset. It feels not far short of self-indulgent when I share the news with those of my friends who lost parents, let alone siblings and children, way before their time. It’s these tragedies that consume our attention, which is quite understandable, and as it should be. But I for one had slightly lost sight of the fact that standard, common or garden, had-a-good-innings-type deaths of aged parents remain bloody awful.

So, if you don’t mind, herewith, in no particular order, some thoughts. Just stuff that’s occurred to me since my dad had a fall (dread phrase), fracturing his shoulder, on 20 January. He was discharged from A&E that night, and a few days later a rehabilitation bed was found for him in a rural community hospital nearly an hour’s drive away. He died there six weeks later.

Here’s a thing: in the 10 days since, I’ve typed that word died hundreds of times, yet I’m still shocked every time I do so. Just when I was starting to get used to it, I got a text referring to my “dad’s death”. I’d not seen it expressed like that. Death. Death rather than died. It floored me. Odd that. Dying, too; I flinched as I typed that above. Wow. If even the most basic nouns and verbs lie in wait, scattered on this Via Dolorosa like shards of glass, how are you supposed to negotiate any of it?

This little hospital was a nice place, with kindness available to him day and night. But it slowly became clear he wouldn’t be coming out of there. I suppose the thing about a deathbed is that you don’t want to be on it for too long. For a while it felt as if he was stuck between a life he didn’t want to live any more and a death he didn’t want to die. The notion of life being thrown into reverse, into “the whole hideous inverted childhood”, as Larkin put it , turns out to be devastatingly, almost farcically accurate. Of all the many indignities involved there was one that finished me off: seeing Dad reduced to drinking from a sippy cup. A sippy cup, for fuck’s sake. Enough. I just looked up that poem and couldn’t even get past its title. I can’t even type the title here. I may well never read it again.

As the end rushed towards us, I realised that there are two types of people in the world. There are those who are familiar with dying and death, and there are those who aren’t. In the former group are doctors and nurses, emergency service workers, clerics, undertakers and so on. These people, and thank God for them, know what to expect and what to do. In the vast majority are the rest of us, who are woefully – mercifully? – short of “hands-on” experience of the dead. And still less of the process of dying, of the hours, minutes and moments before the end comes.

Initially, alone with him, I veered wildly between fear, gratitude, horror, grief, patience and impatience. I sat, stood or paced around. I did a Wordle, read a Jack Reacher novel, ate a scotch egg. Everything felt a bit wrong. Once the rest of the family were there it felt better. All the above still applied but now a little laughter found its way into the room. And so the moments passed.

And then it happened.

All my life I’d worried about my dad dying. Other close family too, obviously, but mainly my dad. I’ve no idea why. Here I was, around half a century after I first started worrying about this very thing happening. And it had happened. I couldn’t, and can’t, get my head around much at all. About the only thing I am sure of is that 50 years of worrying about it was properly pointless. Because imagining – let’s call it pre-feeling – this pain turned out to be no preparation at all for the real thing.

Peter John Chiles. Born 18 February 1938. Died 9 March 2024.

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster, writer and Guardian columnist

Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here .

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Study Today

Largest Compilation of Structured Essays and Exams

Essay on Death

December 2, 2017 by Study Mentor Leave a Comment

Man is mortal. Death is evident in a phenomenon which strikes each person sooner or later. Life is not possible without death. It is a never ending circle from birth, death and rebirth. i.e. if you believe in reincarnation. People say they are afraid of death but in reality they are afraid to die.

We all know we are destined to die one day or another. Deep down, we all fear that day our death is in front of ours eye. Because all your life death sounds like a myth to you.

It is the moment when death stands eyes to eyes, tall and confident of taking you from yourselves; that realization dawns upon you. You realize that death is not all that glorified as shown in movies. It is a much harder phenomenon.

Actually it is death what makes every second of life worth living. If you would not have found death, you would not try to live a life worth living. Don’t lie a death before your death. The fear of death is what moves us to see and experience the good things in life.

Because we know that death is certain and it can down any day upon us. So why not experience all the beautiful things on Earth before going? A life lived for others are always worth living. It makes you feel alive inside. It gives you a feeling that you still have life alive inside you. Because when you learn to show compassion to others, you show that you have the capacity within you to loves and to trust others.

Make sure that you don’t lie before your death. Because that is what is more important. Whatever is your lifespan that is not in your hands? God sends it scribbled into your hands. But have you chose to spend that time is certainly in your hands.

When a death occurs in a family, the person is mourned over and all good things about him are discussed; having aside his negative deeds. Even when a person is on his deathbed, he is tracked with all the luxuries and is given loads of affection. But my question is that if death will come to all of us and we are dying minute by minute every day, then we aren’t nice to all the people around us!?

The person you just met may be dead the other day. Maybe you left things on a bad note and never got to sort out what was going on between you two.

And that is when you realize that you would do anything just to have them back from doom to be beside you-alive breathing and kicking.

This is how death affects the mind of a person. All their near and dear ones lose their sanity. It is just one person that dies the actual death yet it is the complete family that goes dead inside even without realizing it. You crave their company all day.

You wish for death to befall you instead of them but this we all know that this cannot happen. It messes your head badly and you feel regret and remorse all time for what happened. At a point of time you even start blaming yourself for the mishap because you can’t get past the fact that your near and dear one was just swallowed by the void of death.

You contemplate ‘what if’ all your life. But you don’t realize that it’s no use. Because that person will never come back to console your conscience. They will always remain alive in your heart, in your memories, shading your dreams beautifully.

We just realized that life is short and one should make complete use of it. Live life to the fullest. It is in today that one can live his dreams. Whatever you have dreamt for your future will dash to the ground lest you are not alive to see it with your own eyes, it will be of no use.

No, I am not saying that we should not think about our future. But what I am trying to convey is that we should not dwell in our past or in our future. Past cannot be changed and future cannot be predicted. You should plan for the future but you should live your life to the fullest.

You will not get your life back once god decides to take it from you. There are many creatures who are dying to live a life that you are living. But what is the use of it if you do not know how to make full use of the potential lives you have been gifted with. You have been sent on this earth to serve a higher purpose and you should definitely do your part on this stage nicely.

When we die, it is our body that leaves. The soul of a person always remains alive. It keeps on changing bodies like clothes. Have you ever noticed that as soon as a person dies, he is referred to as a body and not a person? This is because his soul has left his body. And without soul, no life is possible. Soul is like the fuel of our body. Without soul, our body is just a lifeless structure of blood and bones.

Different philosophies say different things about reincarnation of life. But according to me, there is no rebirth. It is all in our head. Humans don’t carry their karma to the next birth. Karma is a bitch and she knows how to rub it in your face and pay you back.

She takes the account of your sins and good karma in this birth only. I do not understand why people keep on writhing and whining about the happenings of afterbirth. But they don’t realize that they cannot control what happens to them after their death.

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Beautiful Death Quotes

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The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.

Nothing can happen more beautiful than death.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

When the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.

Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.

People living deeply have no fear of death.

While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.

When he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night And pay no worship to the garish sun.

The death of a beautiful woman, is unquestionably the most poetical topic in the world.

Death is the destination we all share, no one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life.

Death is beautiful when seen to be a law, and not an accident. It is as common as life.

Wherever you feel death, feel it. Don’t escape. Death is beautiful; death is the greatest mystery, more mysterious than life. Through life you can gain the world, the futile world- meaningless, worthless. Through death you can gain the eternal. Death is the door.

Dying to your own attachments is a beautiful death. Because this death releases you into real life. You have to die as a seed to live as a tree.

If I die, what a beautiful death.

Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there.

No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow.

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Guest Essay

José Andrés: Let People Eat

By José Andrés

Mr. Andrés is the founder of World Central Kitchen.

In the worst conditions you can imagine — after hurricanes, earthquakes, bombs and gunfire — the best of humanity shows up. Not once or twice but always.

The seven people killed on a World Central Kitchen mission in Gaza on Monday were the best of humanity. They are not faceless or nameless. They are not generic aid workers or collateral damage in war.

Saifeddin Issam Ayad Abutaha, John Chapman, Jacob Flickinger, Zomi Frankcom, James Henderson, James Kirby and Damian Sobol risked everything for the most fundamentally human activity: to share our food with others.

These are people I served alongside in Ukraine, Turkey, Morocco, the Bahamas, Indonesia, Mexico, Gaza and Israel. They were far more than heroes.

Their work was based on the simple belief that food is a universal human right. It is not conditional on being good or bad, rich or poor, left or right. We do not ask what religion you belong to. We just ask how many meals you need.

From Day 1, we have fed Israelis as well as Palestinians. Across Israel, we have served more than 1.75 million hot meals. We have fed families displaced by Hezbollah rockets in the north. We have fed grieving families from the south. We delivered meals to the hospitals where hostages were reunited with their families. We have called consistently, repeatedly and passionately for the release of all the hostages.

All the while, we have communicated extensively with Israeli military and civilian officials. At the same time, we have worked closely with community leaders in Gaza, as well as Arab nations in the region. There is no way to bring a ship full of food to Gaza without doing so.

That’s how we served more than 43 million meals in Gaza, preparing hot food in 68 community kitchens where Palestinians are feeding Palestinians.

We know Israelis. Israelis, in their heart of hearts, know that food is not a weapon of war.

Israel is better than the way this war is being waged. It is better than blocking food and medicine to civilians. It is better than killing aid workers who had coordinated their movements with the Israel Defense Forces.

The Israeli government needs to open more land routes for food and medicine today. It needs to stop killing civilians and aid workers today. It needs to start the long journey to peace today.

In the worst conditions, after the worst terrorist attack in its history, it’s time for the best of Israel to show up. You cannot save the hostages by bombing every building in Gaza. You cannot win this war by starving an entire population.

We welcome the government’s promise of an investigation into how and why members of our World Central Kitchen family were killed. That investigation needs to start at the top, not just the bottom.

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has said of the Israeli killings of our team, “It happens in war.” It was a direct attack on clearly marked vehicles whose movements were known by the Israel Defense Forces.

It was also the direct result of a policy that squeezed humanitarian aid to desperate levels. Our team was en route from a delivery of almost 400 tons of aid by sea — our second shipment, funded by the United Arab Emirates, supported by Cyprus and with clearance from the Israel Defense Forces.

The team members put their lives at risk precisely because this food aid is so rare and desperately needed. According to the Integrated Food Security Phase Classification global initiative, half the population of Gaza — 1.1. million people — faces the imminent risk of famine. The team would not have made the journey if there were enough food, traveling by truck across land, to feed the people of Gaza.

The peoples of the Mediterranean and Middle East, regardless of ethnicity and religion, share a culture that values food as a powerful statement of humanity and hospitality — of our shared hope for a better tomorrow.

There’s a reason, at this special time of year, Christians make Easter eggs, Muslims eat an egg at iftar dinners and an egg sits on the Seder plate. This symbol of life and hope reborn in spring extends across religions and cultures.

I have been a stranger at Seder dinners. I have heard the ancient Passover stories about being a stranger in the land of Egypt, the commandment to remember — with a feast before you — that the children of Israel were once slaves.

It is not a sign of weakness to feed strangers; it is a sign of strength. The people of Israel need to remember, at this darkest hour, what strength truly looks like.

José Andrés is a chef and the founder of World Central Kitchen.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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Who were the World Central Kitchen aid workers killed in Gaza by Israel?

SAIFEDDIN ISSAM AYAD ABUTAHA, PALESTINIAN

Lalzawmi "zomi" frankcom, australia.

DAMIAN SOBOL, POLAND

James kirby, john chapman, james henderson, uk.

JACOB FLICKINGER, UNITED STATES AND CANADA

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Reporting by Lewis Jackson and Alasdair Pal in Sydney; Farouq Suleiman in London; Editing by Michael Perry, Ros Russell and Gareth Jones

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Work is underway to begin clearing the wreckage of Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge more than a week after a faltering cargo ship crashed into it, sending the span collapsing into the harbor and killing six construction workers who were thrown into the water.

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Bold & Beautiful May Just Pull Off Sheila’s Most Unexpected Return Yet

Curtis Harding

Thursday, April 4th, 2024

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It’s been a little while since Sheila’s latest death on The Bold and the Beautiful , but the show’s finally gotten to putting her to rest with all three of her mourners.  Well, two. Hope was just there to offer support. Actually, maybe one and a half. Finn’s not entirely sure what he’s feeling right now. Deacon, though, he’s definitely mourning Sheila’s death!

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Bold & Beautiful Mystery: Where Is the Real Sheila Carter and Other Burning Questions

Against all odds, he fell in love with the sociopath. And it seemed, at the time, that she loved him too. So much so that he’s still convinced she turned her life around. Clearly, he’s struggling right now — so much so that tomorrow’s Bold & Beautiful spoilers have him following Sheila’s body to the crematorium.

That may seem to be pretty final and possibly even healing, but it could be just about the worst thing Deacon could do if is mental state is starting to fray right now.

More: A new Parisian romance for Thomas

“Despite what everyone else thought about Sheila,” Sean Kanan explained in an interview with Soap Opera Digest , “she represented a significant pillar in what was holding up his new life, and now, once again, he finds himself in a place where he doesn’t have anybody. I mean, yes, he has Hope but it’s a different kind of love.”

Moving on after Sheila’s death has not been easy for Deacon. And it may be about to get a lot worse.

“I think there’s a part of him that’s kind of broken,” Kanan admitted, adding that “it remains to be seen how he’s actually going to cope with it.” Deacon hasn’t been shy in telling everyone that he really, truly loved Sheila, but, “everyone thinks he’s crazy and he’s starting to doubt his own sanity a little bit.”

And losing touch with your sanity — especially when it comes to Sheila who, herself, often had a very  tenuous grip on reality — can be a slippery slope.  If his life is crumbling, he’s questioning his own sanity and he’s still trying to figure out how to cope, that could make Deacon extremely vulnerable. Maybe it would even be enough to really start to go crazy. Or so he’d think.

More: A part of John McCook’s past we never knew

Because what if, after he accompanies Sheila’s body to cremation and even stays to see the deed done, he starts seeing Sheila in different places? Maybe he’d be certain he’s seen her in disguise, maybe as herself. He’d catch flashes in the crowd, someone off in the distance. He’d chase after her, but she’d be gone.

And that’s when he’d really start to question his sanity because she is, after all, dead. He’s seen her body, watched it get  cremated and said goodbye. It doesn’t get much more final than that, no matter what Sheila may have pulled off in the past. Maybe he’d start telling people like Hope and they’d stop just thinking he’s crazy and tell him that he is. (Gently, we would hope, in Hope’s case.)

The thing is, we’re all pretty sure this is one big ruse and Sheila’s still out there. But how reliable would Deacon be? Is he seeing her lurking around waiting to make her big comeback and strike at those she hates or is he really, truly cracking up? What if it’s a bit of both?

Deacon’s final goodbye could instead turn out to be the first step in saying hello. For Deacon’s sake, we hope Sheila really is coming back. For everyone else’s, though, it might be better off if it’s all just in his head.

Take a look at our photo gallery of Sheila and Deacon’s strange love below. 

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<p>Back in 1992, Sheila Carter moved from <span style="text-decoration: line-through"><em>The Young and the Restless</em></span> Genoa City to Los Angeles in hopes of making a new life for herself — by faking her death and pretending that she hadn’t stolen Lauren Fenmore’s husband and baby, <em>and</em> tried to murder both her mother and her rival.</p>

<p>Eight years later, devilish Deacon Sharpe started raising hell in the City of Angels, chasing after Rick Forrester’s wife Amber Moore, punching Bridget Forrester’s V-card (while on speakerphone with her family!) and leaving her mom Brooke Logan pregnant with a new half sister, Hope.</p>

<p>Decades passed. Sheila married Eric Forrester and shot almost everyone she’d ever met. Deacon got hitched to a Whitman’s Sampler of women ranging from Macy Alexander to Nikki Newman. Then, upon Sheila’s latest resurrection and Deacon’s latest release from prison, they crossed paths at Il Giardino.</p>

<p>Sheila was majorly poutypants because surprise son Finn Finnegan’s bride Steffy Forrester wouldn’t forget about all the shootings and welcome her into the family. Deacon was grumpy extra, too, because his criminal record had for <em>some</em> reason made Hope’s husband Liam Spencer suspicious of him.</p>

<p>Sharing a hotel room with her new pal, Sheila threw herself at Deacon every chance she got. And then she invented some more chances to do so. The thing was, he was more interested in rehooking up with babymama Brooke, who at least <em>that</em> week was happily hitched to her destiny, Ridge Forrester.</p>

<p>Miffed that Brooke had joined the chorus of detractors singing, “Hit the road, Jack!” Sheila arranged for the recovering alcoholic to fall off the wagon. Unfortunately for the schemer, in her inebriated state, Brooke fell off the wagon and right onto Deacon’s lips. Drama ensued.</p>

<p>Upon discovering the dirty trick that Sheila had pulled on Brooke, Steffy vowed to tell her stepmother and Finn and even people that didn’t care. Rather than be exposed as the diabolical schemer that she’d always been, Sheila took aim, accidentally shooting her son and deliberately shooting her daughter-in-law.</p>

<p><span style="text-decoration: line-through">Knowing</span> Thinking that she’d killed Finn, Sheila couldn’t even enjoy the fact that Deacon offered her a shoulder to cry on. Well, she couldn’t enjoy it as much as she would have if she’d been aware at the time that Finn was only “dead,” not <em>dead</em>-dead. Big difference, any soap fan will tell ya.</p>

<p>By and by, Sheila was busted and arrested, escaped, cut off a toe to fake the rare bear-related death, found out that Finn’s adoptive mother Li Finnegan was nursing him back to health, “killed” Li and seduced Deacon while in disguise. Yeah, it was a very busy time for the merry murderess.</p>

<p>Given that harboring a wanted madwoman violated his parole all kindsa ways, Deacon wasn’t too thrilled about having Sheila forcibly bunking at his hovel. On the other hand, he didn’t so much mind the fact that the amorous psycho provided him with all the love he could make.</p>

<p>Despite the fact that Bill was keeping Sheila from being sent back up the river, she continued to be drawn to Deacon. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Bill, she insisted, it was just that… <em>ugh</em>. When they went to bed together, it was tantamount to actually going to sleep!</p>

<p>After Sheila confessed to killing Lance Day, Bill revealed that, <em>muahaha</em>, he’d been playing her all along. She was going to prison, and he, Steffy, Finn, all of ’em would be rid of her forever. “On second thought,” Sheila second-thought, “maybe I should’ve just stuck with Deacon.”</p>

<p>Understanding the position in which he’d been put, Sheila forgave Deacon for his part in her arrest. And, though he knew it defied logic, he still had a soft spot for her. If only things had worked out differently for them. Well, for them and all the people she tried to kill (and, in Lance’s case, <em>did</em> kill).</p>

<p>Deacon meant to keep Sheila at arm’s length, really he did. But doggonit, he just couldn’t quit her. As the lovers could have predicted, Sheila’s <span style="text-decoration: line-through">friends</span> victims did not line up to throw them an engagement party. “Daddy” wouldn’t be swayed, however. He was hell-bent on putting a ring rather than cuffs on it.</p>

<p>Desperate, Hope went so far as to cut out Deacon from her and her kids’ lives. But even that blow didn’t knock any sense into his head. All she could do, then, was plead and re-plead her case that there were lots of women in L.A. who took less of a “Shoot first, ask questions never” approach to life than Sheila did.</p>

<p>Sheila was sure, really sure, that all would be forgiven when her stalking of Finn resulted in her being in the right place (the beach) at the right time (Kelly’s near-drowning) to do a good deed (fishing her stepgranddaughter out of the sea). Sheila was wrong, really wrong.</p>

<p>Sheila being Sheila, she couldn’t resist the opportunity to splash around in hot water by approaching Kelly while she was on a playdate. Steffy’s response? Let’s just say that somewhere her namesake grandmother had to be smiling.</p>

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