older sister essay

My Sister Essay

500 words essay on my sister.

Sisters are a blessing for everyone in this world. Many of us have sisters whom we love unconditionally. Some have elder sisters while others have younger sisters. Nonetheless, we all are lucky to have been blessed with sisters. Through my sister essay, I will tell more about my sister and my unconditional love for her.

My Younger Sister

I have a younger sister who is five years younger than me. She is my whole world and I cannot live without her. When I first found out that I’m a big sister, I couldn’t contain my happiness . I remember playing with her all day when she was an infant.

My sister used to stop crying whenever I came back from school. As she started to grow up, we became even closer. Somehow, the age gap between us started to lessen and she turned into a friend of mine.

I can share all my secrets with my younger sister. Even though she is younger than me, she does not act like it. She is a very mature girl who handles all my moods and whims accordingly.

Moreover, she is the one who makes me understand things sometimes when I cannot see them clearly. Moreover, she also makes everyone in our family laughs with her cute little antics. Everyone in my family adores her as she is the youngest member of our family.

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My Sister’s Personality

My sister has a very unique personality which is not seen commonly in today’s world. She never judges anyone for their deeds. She is a religious person who believes we humans must not judge someone else as God will take care of it.

She has a bubbly personality and can brighten up the room wherever she goes. My sister is a sweet person who always tries to help out others. I have seen her help her friends all the time, even if they are acquaintances, she helps them equally.

Moreover, she is very lively. You will always find her playing around or goofing around with someone. She does not like sitting in one place, thus she is always all over the place. Further, she is very creative.

She has a solution to almost anything and everything. My sister has the special talent to find easy ways to do a difficult job. All of us always ask for her advice to simplify any kind of work.

I respect my sister for standing out of the crowd and always doing her own thing. Even if no one is doing it, she does not back off from doing the unique thing. She is my support system and inspiration.

Conclusion of My Sister Essay

All in all, I adore my sister a lot. She inspires me to become a better person and not judge anyone. As she is always empathetic towards animals , I also try my best to feed them and take care of them whenever possible. I hope to be a good sister to her and bring all the joy in her life.

FAQ of My Sister Essay

Question 1: Why are sisters so important?

Answer 1: Sisters are an essential part of everyone’s lives. When we have sisters, we tend to not feel lonely and fearful. Moreover, they love us unconditionally and accept us without any judgement. Thus, we feel someone is always there for us.

Question 2: What is the role of a sister?

Answer 2: A sister acts as a role model and teacher who help the younger siblings to learn about many things. Just like parents, older sisters have a positive influence on their siblings. Similarly, younger sisters bring joy and help us never lose our childish side.

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Drops of Ink

The Role of Being an Older Sister

Ellie George , Editor in Chief | December 3, 2021

Sadie Parvis

One of the last things my grandpa ever told me, as I was standing with my younger sister, was to “take care of each other.” 

Of course, this statement left me with a plethora of unanswered questions.

Why did he choose this to be the last thing he told me? My grandpa was a man of very few words, so when he spoke, people listened. That is why these five words meant the world to me, and because of his words, my perception of what it meant to be an older sister changed as I entered high school.  

Originally, I didn’t want to be an older sister. I was the star of the family- not only am I my parents’ first child, I was the first grandchild for both of my grandparents, and first niece for all of my aunts and uncles. The wall of pressure to maintain a marker of success was slowly built, brick by brick, after each birth of my two siblings, and eventually nine cousins.

Was this pressure pushed upon me by my adult family members, or by myself? Being the eldest sibling holds enough responsibility on its own, but being the eldest daughter carries a level of duty and dependability that being an eldest son does not. I am the built-in babysitter of my family and the example in school for my siblings to follow. 

Why is being an eldest daughter so different from being an eldest son? Why was my experience of growing up with younger siblings so different from my male classmates with younger siblings? 

It is scientifically proven that a child’s personality directly corelates with the birth order and gender of the children in their family. In the novel “The Eldest Daughter Effect,” Lisette Schuitemaker and Wies Enthoven explore birth order, and the effects of being the oldest sibling in a family, specifically targeting the journey and challenges of being an older sister.

After interviews and surveying eldest daughters, they had compelling results. Eldest daughters commonly grow up to be ‘people pleasers’ and perfectionists. Consequently, this phenomena affects all relationships an eldest daughter will have, even past their life of living at home with their parents and siblings.  

Societally, matriarchs or older women are usually tagged as caregivers, or the heart of the familial center. Therefore, consciously or unconsciously, parents push a version of this pressure onto their eldest daughters. 

Furthermore, older siblings are the easiest family members for a younger sibling to follow. They are old enough to set a good example, but young enough to be respected as one would respect a friend. 

That is a BIG responsibility. Especially for older sisters. Not only do you have to set a good example academically, you have to be a good role model in a society of extreme body expectations and standards. 

I have a younger sister, and as I have gotten older, being a body positive role model for her has slowly become important to me. I had to navigate middle school drama, self esteem issues, and social media influence without an older sister’s example to follow. So I wanted to give the support to my younger sister that I never had.

This isn’t to say that young boys don’t experience a similar phenomenon, but girls experience an extreme amount of expectations that boys do not. 

Being a ‘good’ older sibling is different for every family dynamic. Being a good older sister, to me, is promoting a healthy mind and body and highlighting the importance of good mental health and self esteem. 

As I grow older, and bloom into my older sister role, I have begun to understand, and almost appreciate the responsibilities that come with it. I am proud to have been given this opportunity to help my younger siblings grow into beautiful people. I love being an older sister, and all of the responsibilities that come with it. 

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Terrie Jeschke • Mar 21, 2022 at 5:16 pm

What a wonderful article! I am the grandmother of a young lady who just became stepsister to two boys and half sister to another boy. She is the oldest by a year. I already see these characteristics developing – she is a people pleaser; she watches out for the 3 year old; she’s caring. It is nice to know this is a role she will come to enjoy.

Janet George • Dec 8, 2021 at 8:04 am

Great article!

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The Plight of the Eldest Daughter

Women are expected to be nurturers. Firstborns are expected to be exemplars. Being both is exhausting.

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Being an eldest daughter means frequently feeling like you’re not doing enough, like you’re struggling to maintain a veneer of control, like the entire household relies on your diligence.

At least, that’s what a contingent of oldest sisters has been saying online. Across social-media platforms, they’ve described the stress of feeling accountable for their family’s happiness , the pressure to succeed, and the impression that they aren’t being cared for in the way they care for others . Some are still teens; others have grown up and left home but still feel over-involved and overextended. As one viral tweet put it, “are u happy or are u the oldest sibling and also a girl”? People have even coined a term for this: “eldest-daughter syndrome.”

That “syndrome” does speak to a real social phenomenon, Yang Hu, a professor of global sociology at Lancaster University, in England, told me. In many cultures, oldest siblings as well as daughters of all ages tend to face high expectations from family members—so people playing both parts are especially likely to take on a large share of household responsibilities, and might deal with more stress as a result. But that caregiving tendency isn’t an inevitable quality of eldest daughters; rather, researchers told me, it tends to be imposed by family members who are part of a society that presumes eldest daughters should act a certain way. And the online outpour of grievances reveals how frustratingly inflexible assumptions about family roles can be.

Research suggests some striking differences in the experiences of first- and secondborns. Susan McHale, a family-studies professor emeritus at Penn State University, told me that parents tend to be “focused on getting it right with the first one,” leading them to fixate on their firstborn’s development growing up—their grades, their health, the friends they choose. With their subsequent children, they might be less anxious and feel less need to micromanage, and that can lead to less tension in the parent-child dynamic. On average, American parents experience less conflict with their secondborn than with their first. McHale has found that when firstborns leave home, their relationship with their family tends to improve —and conflict then commonly increases between parents and their younger children, because the spotlight is on them. Birth order can also create a hierarchy: Older siblings are often asked to serve as babysitters, role models , and advice-givers for their younger siblings.

Read: The longest relationships of our lives

To be clear, birth order doesn’t influence personality itself—but it can influence how your family sees you, Brent Roberts, a psychology professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, told me. Eldest kids, for example, aren’t necessarily more responsible than their siblings; instead, they tend to be given more responsibilities because they are older. That role can affect how you understand yourself. Corinna Tucker, a professor emerita at the University of New Hampshire who studies sibling relationships, told me that parents frequently compare their children—“‘This is my athlete’; ‘this is my bookworm’; … ‘so-and-so is going to take care of me when I’m old’”—and kids internalize those statements. But your assigned part might not align with your disposition, Roberts said. People can grow frustrated with the traits expected of them—or of their siblings. When Roberts asks his students what qualities they associate with firstborns, students who are themselves firstborns tend to list off positives like “responsible” and “leadership”; those who aren’t firstborns, he told me, call out “bossy” and “overcontrolling.”

Gender introduces its own influence on family dynamics. Women are usually the “kin keepers,” meaning they perform the often invisible labor of “making sure everybody is happy, conflicts are resolved, and everybody feels paid attention to,” McHale told me. On top of that emotional aid, her research shows, young daughters spend more time, on average, than sons doing chores; the jobs commonly given to boys, such as shoveling snow and mowing the lawn, are irregular and not as urgent.

Daughtering is the term that Allison Alford, a Baylor University communication professor who researches adult daughters, uses to describe the family work that girls and women tend to take on. That can look like picking up prescriptions, planning a retirement party, or setting aside money for a parent’s future; it can also involve subtler actions, like holding one’s tongue to avoid an argument or listening to a parent's worries. Daughtering can be satisfying, even joyful. But it can also mean caring for siblings and sometimes for parents in a way that goes above and beyond what children, especially young ones, should need to do, Alford told me.

Read: When kids have to act like parents, it affects them for life

Research on eldest daughters specifically is limited, but experts told me that considering the pressures foisted on older siblings and on girls and women, occupying both roles isn’t likely to be easy. Tucker put it this way: Women are expected to be nurturers. Firstborns are expected to be exemplars. Trying to be everything for everyone is likely to lead to guilt when some obligations are inevitably unfulfilled.

Of course, these conclusions don’t apply to all families. But so it is with eldest daughters: Although not all of them are naturally conscientious or eager to kin-keep, our cultural understanding of family roles ends up shaping the expectations many feel the need to rise to. The people describing “eldest-daughter syndrome” are probably all deeply different, but talking about what they share might make their burdens feel a little lighter. And the best-case scenario, Alford told me, is that families can start renegotiating what daughtering looks like—which should also take into account what eldest daughters want for themselves.

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Being an older sibling

I am the older sister. Being an older sister has it’s pluses and minuses. One of the pluses is that you will always be older an more mature than your younger sibling. Some other good things is that your parents don’t have to be there to chaperone you from place to place. Another good thing is that you are smarter and know more. Some of the bad things is that you have more chores and responsibilities BECAUSE you are older. Also little siblings tend to tag along when you don’t want them to. And the want to play with you when you are busy doing something else. A lot of older siblings say they hate there younger siblings but in the end I do love my little brother <3. Being older and more mature is good. One time when I was gelling my little brothers mohawk I wet my hands and put a little water on his hair and he started freaking out because I wet his hair. Not having a chaperone, or your mom biking or driving you around places is good because you can just say, “Mom I’m going to Joey’s*” and just walk out of the door to your bike, instead of getting mom to bring you all the way to your friends house. Being smarter than your little sibling is good because if s/he asks you a Question you are more likely to actually know the answer, rather then if you are the younger sibling and an older sibling asks you a Question you probably aren't going to know what clothes look better on her or what to do when she likes a boy. But being an older sister does come with its minuses. Compared to my brother I have a lot more chores . I have to empty the bottom of the dishwasher and he only has to do the top (which is much smaller). I have to care for all of the animals and he does what? NOTHING! Little siblings like to tag along with you because they look up to you and because you are older and cooler. But it is annoying when the want to tag along with you to your friends house. I usually just try to shake him off, but that defiantly is a minus. My brother always wants me to play card games with me when I am doing my math or something. It is very annoying because one, I can’t concentrate on my math and two, I always feel bad rejecting him because he is younger. After all of those things like fighting, making up, and fighting, and making up. I still love my little brother. After all it was destinies choice. Or was it?

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Sibling Relationships in Older Adulthood: Links with Loneliness and Well-being

Clare m. stocker.

Department of Psychology, University of Denver

Megan Gilligan

Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University

Eric T. Klopack

Department of Sociology, University of Georgia

Katherine J. Conger

Department of Human Ecology, University of California, Davis

Richard P. Lanthier

Graduate School of Human Development and Education, The George Washington University

Tricia K. Neppl

Catherine walker o’neal.

Department of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Georgia

K.A.S. Wickrama

Associated data.

Researchers have documented associations between family relationships and a variety of well-being outcomes. Yet, sibling relationships, the longest lasting relationships in most people’s lives, have received very little research attention beyond young adulthood. The goals of the current study were to: provide descriptive information about sibling relationships in later adulthood, investigate predictors of individual differences in sibling relationship quality, and examine associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness, and well-being in later adulthood. The sample included 608 older adults (329 men, 279 women) who were 64.6 years old (SD = 4.58) on average. Participants provided self-report data about their relationships and well-being. Results showed that older adults reported high levels of sibling warmth and low levels of sibling conflict and parental favoritism. Sister-sister pairs had warmer sibling relationships than other gender-compositions. Sibling conflict and parental favoritism were positively associated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, hostility and loneliness. Sibling warmth was negatively associated with loneliness. Loneliness partially mediated the associations between sibling relationship quality and well-being. Results from this study highlight the importance of sibling relationships in older adults’ health and well-being.

Researchers working from life course ( Elder, 2001 ), family systems ( Cox & Paley, 1997 ; Fingerman & Bermann, 2000 ) and attachment ( Bowlby, 1980 ; Cicirelli, 1989 ) perspectives have documented associations between family relationships and a variety of well-being outcomes. Yet, sibling relationships, the longest lasting relationship in most people’s lives, have received less research attention than other family relationships. Recent demographic changes indicate that Americans are living longer, having fewer children, divorcing later in life, and spending more of their lives as widows or widowers ( Brown & Lin, 2012 ; Furstenberg, Hartnett, Kohli & Zissimopoulos, 2015 ; Suitor, Gilligan & Pillemer, 2016 ). Given that about 85% of Americans have at least one sibling, these demographic shifts suggest that relationships with brothers and sisters may become increasingly important as Americans age. However, sibling relationships in older adulthood have been understudied compared to other life stages. The goals of this study were: first, to provide descriptive information about the nature of sibling relationships in older adulthood, second, to examine predictors of individual differences in older adults’ sibling relationships, and finally, to investigate associations among the quality of sibling relationships, loneliness, and well-being in later life.

In childhood and adolescence, most siblings live together and have emotionally intense relationships characterized by high levels of both warmth and conflict ( Dunn, 1985 ; McHale, Updegraff & Whiteman, 2012 ). In young adulthood, levels of sibling conflict and rivalry are lower and sibling warmth is comparable or higher than in adolescence ( Conger & Little, 2010 ; Jensen, Whiteman & Fingerman, 2018 ; Milevsky, Smoot, Leh & Ruppe, 2005 ; Scharf, Shulman & Avigad-Spitz, 2005 ). Young adult siblings also spend less time together and have less contact than earlier in development ( Jensen et al., 2018 ; Lindell, Campione-Barr, & Killoren, 2015 ; White, 2001 ). In midlife, adults may become increasingly involved with their procreative families and careers. The little research available on this developmental period suggests that sibling relationships in midlife are emotionally meaningful although less intense than sibling relationships earlier in the lifespan ( Suitor et al., 2016 ). As individuals move into older adulthood, they may no longer have spouses to rely on, and their adult children may be busy with their own families. Thus, in later adulthood, do sibling relationships fill a role that other family relationships may no longer play? Do warm and supportive sibling relationships help ameliorate stress and loneliness and contribute to improved adjustment? Is sibling conflict in older age linked to adjustment difficulties? Or do brothers and sisters grow apart in later life and have little impact on each other’s well-being?

The little research to date on sibling relationships in later adulthood suggests that, in general, older adults report having positive relationships with their siblings ( Bedford & Avioli, 2012 ; Cicirelli, 1995 ; Connidis, 2010 ; White, 2001 ), and brothers and sisters often maintain contact with each other ( Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ; Paul, 1997 ; Spitze & Trent, 2006 ). In a large national panel sample of adults aged 16 – 95, contact between siblings declined during early adulthood and remained stable in midlife and later life ( White, 2001 ). In later adulthood, siblings report exchanging both emotional and instrumental support ( Campbell, Connidis, & Davies, 1999 ; Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ; White, 2001 ; White & Reidmann, 1992 ). Giving and receiving help from siblings declined in early adulthood, stabilized in midlife, and increased slightly after age 70 for those with siblings living nearby ( White, 2001 ). In addition, research has shown that older adults often avoid negative interactions and focus on maintaining positive contact with the people they are closest to ( Carstensen, Issacowitz & Charles, 1999 ; Gold, 1987 ; 1989 ; Lang & Carstensen; 1994 ) and tend to have positive global views of family relationships ( Winkeler, Filipp & Boil, 2000 ). Given these findings, we anticipated that the older adults in the current study would report that their relationships with siblings were generally positive and that they would be in regular contact with each other.

Predictors of Individual Differences in Older Adults’ Sibling Relationships

A variety of factors including structural features of families may be associated with individual differences in older adults’ sibling relationships. In numerous studies, and in fact across the life course, sister-sister sibling pairs had closer relationships than brother-brother or brother-sister pairs ( Connidis, 1989 ; Milevsky et al., 2005 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). In a sample aged 16–95, siblings who were married had lower levels of contact, support, and exchange than siblings who were not married ( White, 2001 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). In contrast, in a sample of young adults assessed at age 25, and again at age 30, there were no effects of marital status on sibling relationship quality ( Jensen et al., 2018 ). Many older adults’ parents are deceased. One large panel study of Dutch families found that sibling contact increased after the death of a parent and both contact and conflict increased after the death of a second parent. However, these increases were short lived and over time, siblings whose parents were deceased had lower levels of contact and conflict than siblings whose parents were alive ( Kalmjn & Leopold, 2019 ). In studies of American families, scholars have found that adult siblings had warmer relationships, more contact, and supported one another more when one or both parents were alive compared to siblings whose parents were dead ( Khodyakov & Carr, 2009 ; Spitze & Trent, 2018 ; White & Reidmann, 1992 ). In the current study, we tested whether individual differences in sibling relationship quality were predicted by: gender, sibling gender composition, age spacing between siblings, marital status and whether participants’ parents were alive or deceased.

In older adulthood when siblings typically live apart from each other, the amount of contact they have may be related to individual differences in their relationships ( Conger & Little, 2010 ; Volkom, 2006 ). In young adulthood, sibling contact was positively associated with warmth and negatively associated with rivalry ( Stocker et al., 1997 ). And, in the age of increasing options for connection through technology and social media, siblings have multiple opportunities for maintaining contact regardless of proximity ( Conger & Little, 2010 ; Lindell et al., 2015 ). In the current study, we examined associations between several types of contact and sibling relationship quality.

Life course ( Antonucci, Akiyama & Takahasi, 2004 ; Elder, 2001 ), family systems ( Cox & Paley, 1997 ; Fingerman & Berman, 2000 ) and adult attachment ( Cicirelli, 1989 , 1995 ) theories suggest that sibling relationships are likely to be associated with well-being across the life-span. A central tenet of life course theory is that individual development needs to be considered in the context of socio-historical events and close social relationships that can affect the individual and family. In a complementary fashion, family systems and adult attachment theories examine the links among family interactions and individual well-being. Family systems theory posits that family relationship dynamics are linked across various family subsystems (e.g., there is spillover between the parent-child subsystem and sibling subsystem). Attachment theory, which focuses on the nature of emotional bonds between parent and child ( Bowlby, 1980 ) or between siblings (e.g., Bank & Kahn, 1982 ; Stewart, 1983 ), suggests that siblings can provide emotional support and mitigate feelings of loneliness in adulthood and later life ( Cicirelli, 1989 ).

Numerous studies have documented associations between sibling relationship quality and psychological adjustment in childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. Hostility and conflict between siblings has been linked with internalizing problems such as anxiety and depression as well as with externalizing problems such as risky and antisocial behavior (see Feinberg, Solmeyer & McHale, 2012 & McHale et al., 2012 for reviews). Some research has shown that siblings can act as positive influences and sources of support for one another ( Davies, Parry, Boscoe, Martin & Cummings, 2018 ; Hollifield & Conger, 2014; Jenkins & Smith, 1990 ). Finally, a large body of work has demonstrated that feelings of rivalry and perceptions of parental favoritism are negatively associated with psychological well-being in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood ( Jensen, Whiteman, Fingerman & Birditt., 2013 ; Richmond, Stocker, & Rienks, 2005 ; Young & Ehrenberg, 2007 ).

To date, few studies have examined the associations between sibling relationship quality and adjustment past young adulthood. However, one study found that for middle-aged women, conflict with siblings was linked to more negative self-concept and more symptoms of psychological distress ( Paul, 1997 ), and a recent study found that tension in sibling relationships was associated with depressive symptoms in middle aged adults ( Gilligan et al., 2017 ). Similarly, in a small sample of 61 to 91 year-olds, perceptions of closeness to a sister were associated with lower levels of depression ( Cicirelli, 1989 ). In addition, research has demonstrated the deleterious impact of parental differential treatment on psychological well-being in adulthood ( Davey, Tucker, Fingerman, & Savla, 2009 ; Peng, Suitor, & Gilligan, 2016 ; Pillemer et al., 2010 ; Suitor, Gilligan, Peng, Jung, & Pillemer, 2015 ; Suitor et al., 2016 ).

Research has shown that loneliness and social isolation are common among older adults and are linked to both physical health problems and psychological difficulties ( Cacioppo, Hughes, Waite, Hawkley, & Thisted, 2006 ; Cornwell & Waite, 2009 ; Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010 ; Ong, Uchino, & Wethington, 2015 ). Loneliness is defined as, “a subjective feeling that accompanies the perception that one’s social needs are not being met by the quantity or especially the quality of one’s social relationships” ( Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010 , pg. 1). Loneliness has been conceptualized as an emotional pathway that may connect social isolation, and poor quality relationships to health and well-being difficulties ( Ong et al., 2015 ; Steptoe, Ahankar, Demakakos, & Wardle, 2013 ). Thus, in the current study, we explored whether poor sibling relationship quality in older adults was associated with higher levels of loneliness, which in turn, would be linked to poor well-being outcomes.

These associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness and well-being could differ for various subgroups of siblings. For example, previous research has shown that sister-sister pairs have closer relationships than other gender compositions ( Connidis, 1989 ; Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ), so it is possible that the links between sibling relationships and well-being are stronger for them than for other sibling gender combinations. It is also possible that individuals’ gender, marital status and their parents’ alive or deceased status could influence these associations. Thus, we explored the roles of these variables as moderators of the associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness and well-being.

In summary, given that Americans are living longer than in previous generations and that sibling relationships may take on increased salience as we age ( Uhlenberg, 1996 ), coupled with the fact that loneliness is linked to poor health and well-being, it is important to learn more about associations between sibling relationships and adjustment in later life. The first aim of this study was to describe characteristics of sibling relationships in later life. We predicted that older adults would report high levels of warmth and low levels of hostility and parental favoritism. The second aim was to examine predictors of individual differences in sibling relationship quality in later life. We expected that sister-sister pairs would have the most positive sibling relationships. We tested the effects of age, age spacing between siblings, number of siblings in the family, marital status, and whether participants’ parents were living or deceased on sibling relationship quality, but we did not make a priori hypotheses about these associations. We predicted that contact between siblings would be associated with more positive and less negative sibling relationships. The final goal was to investigate associations among sibling relationship quality, loneliness, and well-being. We predicted that warmth would be associated with fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility and with lower levels of loneliness, and that conflict and parental favoritism would be positively associated with depression, anxiety, and hostility and loneliness. Based on the idea that sibling relationships could provide support and ameliorate loneliness among older adults, we tested a structural equation model in which loneliness mediated the link between sibling relationship quality and well-being. Finally, we examined the moderating roles of gender, sibling dyad gender composition, marital status, and parents’ living status on the hypothesized paths in the SEM.

The sample included 608 older adults (329 men, 279 women) who participated in the Later Adulthood Study ( Wickrama, et al., 2017 ). These participants were initially recruited for a larger longitudinal study of families in rural Midwestern United States ( Conger & Conger, 2002 ). The subsample used in the current study were all participants in the LAS (N = 758) who completed questionnaires about their relationships with a living sibling. Participants were white, were 64.6 years old on average (SD = 4.58), had an average of 13.8 years of education ( SD = 2.06), and the mean household income was $96,000 (SD = 97,971). Five hundred and two participants were married (251 men, 251 women), 35 were widowed (30 men, 5 women), and 61 were divorced (41 men, 20 women). Of the 502 married participants, 406 were married to other participants (i.e., 203 couples). The gender composition of sibling pairs included: 166 brother-brother pairs, 148 older brother-younger sister pairs, 143 older sister-younger brother pairs, and 151 sister-sister pairs. The average age spacing between siblings was 2.97 years ( SD = 2.29). On average, participants had 3.74 siblings ( SD = 2.36), 1.41 of whom were still living. Four hundred and ninety participants (80.46%) had both parents deceased, 69 (11.33%) had both parents living, and 50 (8.21%) had one living parent and one deceased parent. Table 1 provides descriptive statistics of all study variables.

Descriptive Statistics of Study Variables

Note: N = 608.

Consistent with the data collection procedures established in the early years of the larger project ( Conger & Conger, 2002 ), participants were interviewed in their homes and completed questionnaires about their relationship with the living sibling closest in age to them during a two-hour home visit. In cases in which married couples participated, each partner was interviewed and completed questionnaires in a separate room in order to maintain confidentiality. Participants were paid $110 on average for their participation. Data for this report were collected in 2015. This study received approval from the institutional review board of the University of Georgia.

Adult Sibling Relationship Questionnaire - very short form.

Participants completed the ASRQ-VSF ( Lanthier & Stocker, 2014 ) about their relationship with the living sibling closest in age to them. The ASRQ-VSF is a shortened version of the 81-item ASRQ ( Stocker, Lanthier, & Furman, 1997 ). (See supplemental Table 1 for a list of ASRQ-VSF items). It consists of 18 items that loaded on three scales: warmth (6 items), conflict (6 items) and parental favoritism (6 items). Warmth and conflict items were rated on 5- point Likert scales that ranged from 1 = hardly at all to 5 = extremely much. Parental favoritism items were about perceptions of mothers’ and fathers’ favoritism toward the participant and his or her sibling. These items were rated on 5- point scales (1 = participant is usually favored, 2 = participant is sometimes favored, 3 = neither participant nor sibling are favored, 4 = sibling is sometimes favored, and 5 = sibling is usually favored). Parental favoritism items were recoded as absolute discrepancy scores (0 = neither sibling is favored, 1 = parent sometimes favors one sibling over the other, and 2 = parent usually favors one sibling over the other). Scale scores were created by taking the mean of the 6 items that made up that scale. If participants’ parents were deceased, they were asked to make their ratings based on their relationships with parents and siblings, “during your adult years.” If participants’ parents were alive, they based their ratings on their relationships, “during the last year.” (There were no mean differences on parental favoritism scores for participants whose parents were alive compared to those whose parent(s) were deceased.) Warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism scales had adequate variability and were internally consistent: Cronbach alphas were: .93 for Warmth, .88 for Conflict, and .86 for Parental favoritism. Correlations between warmth and conflict and parental favoritism were significant and negative ( r = −.12 and r = −.22 respectively). Conflict and parental favoritism were significantly positively correlated ( r = .23).

Because the ASRQ-VSF had not previously been used for older adults, we conducted a Confirmatory Factor Analysis to examine the factor structure. Results supported the predicted factor structure with three independent factors: warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism (see Supplemental materials, Figure S1 ). The model fit the data adequately (CFI = .90, SRMR = .06). Because many of the participants were married to each other, robust standard errors were calculated using a sandwich estimator to account for clustering effects using the “CLUSTERING IS” command in Mplus ( Muthén & Muthén, 1998–2015 ). In this procedure, individual level variances are corrected for cluster level (here couple level) variances. This method has been used extensively throughout sample survey literature and has been shown to be unbiased for clustered data regardless of setting ( Williams, 2000 ). All factor loadings in both the first and second order factors were significant (p < .001). Second order indicators were relatively well balanced, with no standardized loading absolute value below .35 or above .64.

Contact between Siblings.

Contact between siblings was measured by two questions: “During the past 12 months, how often did you see this sister or brother in person?” and “During the past 12 months, how often have you had contact with this sister or brother by phone, email, text, Facebook / other social media, by video chat (like Skype or Facetime) or by writing letters?” Both items were answered using 6-point Likert scales that ranged from 1 = every day to 6 = never. The inter-item correlation for the two items was r = .62, p < .001. Each item was reverse scored so that high scores indicated more contact. The mean of the two items made up the contact score. The scale was internally consistent, Cronbach alpha = .76.

Loneliness.

Participants completed the 20 item UCLA Loneliness Scale, version 3 ( Russell, 1996 ). Sample items include: “How often do you feel that no one knows you well?” and “How often do you feel there are people you can turn to?” Items were reverse coded when necessary such that higher scores indicated greater loneliness. Responses range from 1 = (never) to 4 = (often). Items were summed and divided by 20 to create a total score. The scale was internally consistent, Cronbach alpha = .92.

Well-being.

Participants reported on symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility on the Symptom Checklist-90-Revised (SCL-90-R) ( Derogatis, 1983 ). Participants indicated their degree of discomfort regarding adjustment problems on a scale of 0 = (not at all) to 4 = (extremely) during the past week. Example items include: “feeling blue” and “low in energy or slowed down” (depression); “nervousness or shakiness inside” and “feeling tense or keyed up” (anxiety); and “temper outbursts you cannot control” and “having urges to beat, injure, or harm someone” (hostility). Items corresponding to each subscale were averaged together to create scale scores of depression, anxiety, and hostility. The 13-item depression subscale was internally consistent ( α = .89), as was the 10-item anxiety subscale ( α = .86), and the 6-item hostility subscale ( α = .65).

Family Structure and Control Variables.

Participants’ reported their gender, their sibling’s gender, their age and their sibling’s age, number of siblings in the family, marital status, whether their parents were alive or deceased, years of education, and household income. Sibling gender dyad composition was a 4- level categorical variable in which 1 = brother-brother dyad, 2 = older brother-younger sister dyad, 3 = older sister-younger brother dyad, and 4 = sister-sister dyad. Age spacing between siblings was represented by the absolute difference between the two siblings’ ages. Marital status was coded as: 1 = married, 2 = widowed or divorced. Parents’ alive / deceased status was coded as: 1 = both parents alive, 2 = one parent alive and one parent deceased, 3 = both parents deceased. Household income was calculated as (business income - business expenses) + (income from employment) + (farm income - farm losses) + (income from other sources). Therefore, some participants had negative incomes if they lost money in business or farming.

Characteristics of Sibling Relationships in Older Adulthood

Means, associations, and MANOVAs reported below were conducted using Stata 14.2 ( StataCorp, 2015 ). The mean level of warmth in the sibling relationship was 2.75 ( SD = 1.11) on a 5-point Likert scale. The average level of conflict was lower than the mean level of warmth, 1.32 ( SD = 0.56) on a 5-point Likert scale. Reports of conflict were highly skewed toward “no conflict.” The mean level of parental favoritism was also relatively low, 0.59 ( SD = 0.59) on a scale that ranged from 0 – 2. The average amount of contact between siblings was 2.72 ( SD = 1.07), which fell about mid-way between “once a week” and “more than once a week” but was less than “every day.”

We produced a MANOVA (not shown) to examine the associations between the independent variable, sibling gender composition, and three dependent variables, sibling warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism. (Sibling gender composition had four levels: 1 = brother-brother, 2 = older brother-younger sister, 3 = older sister-younger brother, and 4 = sister-sister). F -tests for conflict and parental favoritism were not significant. The global F -statistic for warmth was significant ( F = 16.55, df = 3, 632 ,p < .001). Post-hoc analysis showed that sister-sister sibling pairs had higher levels of warmth in their relationships than all other sibling gender combinations. No other sibling pair comparison was significant. Mean sibling warmth for brother-brother, older sister-younger brother, older brother-younger sister, and sister-sister dyads were 2.46 (1.05), 2.66 (1.05), 2.64 (1.08), and 3.26 (1.09) respectively (standard deviations in parentheses).

Participants’ age was negatively correlated with parental favoritism, and there was a positive correlation between age spacing between siblings and parental favoritism. Women reported warmer sibling relationships than men (see Table 2 ). There were no significant effects of marital status (married vs. widowed or divorced) or number of siblings in the family on sibling relationship quality. We produced another MANOVA (not shown) examining the association between the independent variable, parents’ living status (1 = both parents alive, 2 = one parent alive and one parent deceased, 3 = both parents deceased) and the dependent variables: sibling warmth, conflict, and parental favoritism. Parents’ living status was not linked to scores on conflict or parental favoritism. The global F -test for warmth was significant ( F = 5.57, df = 3, 602 , p < .01). Post-hoc tests indicated that participants with both parents living reported greater warmth in their sibling relationships than participants with one living parent and participants with both parents deceased. Mean sibling warmth for respondents with both parents living, one living parent, and both parents deceased were 3.07 (1.05), 2.42 (1.03), and 2.74 (1.11) respectively (standard deviations in parentheses).

Zero Order Correlations of Study Variables (N = 608)

Results from correlational analyses indicated that the amount of contact between siblings was positively associated with warmth and negatively associated with parental favoritism (see Table 2 ).

Associations among Sibling Relationship Quality, Loneliness, and Well-being

As expected, sibling conflict and parental favoritism were positively correlated with measures of loneliness and symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility. Sibling warmth was negatively associated with loneliness and was not associated with measures of well-being. Loneliness was positively correlated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility. (See Table 2 ).

For the next step in the analyses, we tested a structural equation model (SEM) using Mplus 7.4 (Muthén & Muthén, 1998–2015). Because many of the participants were married to each other, robust standard errors were calculated using a sandwich estimator to account for clustering effects (as described earlier). Results from the SEM analysis (shown in Figure 1 ) in which loneliness partially mediated the association between sibling relationship quality and wellbeing outcomes showed that the model provided an adequate fit to the data (χ 2 (37, N = 608) = 104.63, p < .001, CFI = .94, RMSEA = .06). Gender, age, marital status, years of education, and household income were entered as controls in this model. None of the control paths were significant with two exceptions; being married was associated with less loneliness (β = −.16, p < .001), and education was negatively associated with loneliness (β = −.11, p < .01). We also tested a model including a number of additional controls (not shown), including sibling dyad gender composition, age spacing between siblings, contact, and parental living status. This model with additional controls produced nearly identical results as the original model (no standardized estimate changed by more than .05 and pattern of significance was the same). Results from the trimmed model are presented below.

Structural Equation Model: Associations Among Sibling Relationship Quality, Loneliness and Well-being

Note: N = 608; χ 2 = 104.63(37)***; RMSEA= .06, CFI = .94; †p<.10, **p<01, ***p<.001, two-tailed p-tests; standardized estimates shown, all controls used for all endogenous variables.

Each of the three sibling relationship scales loaded significantly on the latent factor, sibling relationship quality (warmth = .33, conflict = −.37, and parental favoritism = −.63), and each of the three indicators of well-being loaded significantly on the latent factor, well-being (Depression = .93, anxiety = .78, and hostility = .67). Sibling relationship quality was significantly associated with loneliness (β = −.23 , p < .01), and loneliness was significantly associated with well-being (β = .58, p < .001). These associations represent medium and large effects respectively ( Cohen, 1988 ). The path between sibling relationship quality and well-being was significant (β = −.29 , p < .05) when associations with loneliness were held to zero (i.e., a direct model with no mediator). This unmediated association was a medium effect size ( Cohen, 1988 ). This path became nonsignificant (β = −.15, p = .053) when loneliness was included in the model as a mediator. These paths were near to Cohen’s medium effect size. Because we would not expect indirect effects to have a normal distribution, we used a bootstrapping procedure to estimate 95% confidence intervals for the indirect effect estimate without using normal theory ( Bollen & Stine, 1990 ). In this procedure, 1000 resamples were drawn to construct a bootstrap distribution. This distribution was corrected for bias, and the confidence interval was constructed using the quartiles from this distribution. The indirect path from sibling relationship quality to well-being mediated by loneliness was significant (β = −.14, p < .001; unstandardized 95% CI [−5.13 - −1.01]) and explained 47.06% (specific indirect effect / total effect) of the total association between sibling relationship quality and well-being.

To assess potential moderators of the associations described above, we conducted a series of group difference tests (not shown) in Mplus ( Muthén & Muthén, 1998–2015 ). We estimated a model with parameters fixed to be the same for both groups and a model with parameters for hypothesized regression paths freed between groups for each moderator. If the χ 2 value was significantly lower in the second model, that is evidence that the models differed by group ( Dimitrov, 2010 ). We began by comparing men and women. The model with freed parameters did not significantly improve on the model with fixed parameters (Δ χ 2 = 107 (3), p > .05). Thus, there was no evidence that the associations above varied by gender. We also compared sister-sister dyads to all other gender compositions and found no significant differences between these groups (Δ χ 2 = 6.11 (3), p > .05). In addition, there were no significant differences between respondents with both parents living versus all other respondents (Δ χ 2 = 1.17 (3), p > .05). Finally, we compared married to unmarried respondents and found a significant difference between these groups (Δ χ 2 = 12.25 (3), p < .01). However, Wald tests comparing parameter estimates for married and unmarried participants showed no significant differences in individual paths at the .05 level ( Cohen, Cohen, West, & Aiken, 2003 ).

Americans are living longer than in previous generations ( Bedford & Avioli, 2012 ; Furstenberg et al., 2015 ). Thus, the sibling relationship, the longest lasting relationship for most people, may become increasingly relevant for older adults and may be linked to their well-being. Key findings from our study are as follows. Sibling relationships among older adults were characterized by high levels of warmth and low levels of conflict and parental favoritism. Some family structural variables (gender, sibling gender composition, age, age spacing between siblings, and parents’ living status) were associated with individual differences in dimensions of sibling relationship quality. Sibling conflict and parental favoritism were positively associated with symptoms of depression, anxiety, hostility, and loneliness. Sibling warmth was negatively correlated with loneliness. Loneliness partially mediated the association between sibling relationship quality and older adults’ well-being. Implications of these findings as well as suggestions for future research are presented in the following sections.

Participants’ reports of warmth were about mid-level on the 5-point warmth scale, and they reported low levels of conflict in their relationships with brothers and sisters. These levels of conflict were lower than typically found in childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood ( Furman & Buhrmester, 1985 ; McHale et al, 2012 ; Stocker et al., 1997 ). Previous research has noted that older adults, compared to middle aged adults, tend to have a global positive bias toward family members ( Winkeler et al., 2000 ). Thus, they may rate their sibling relationships more favorably than during earlier stages of development. It may also be the case that in later adulthood, rather than simply having a ‘rose tinted’ view of family relationships, siblings no longer engage in much conflict, or they choose to avoid negative interactions. It should be noted that participants rated their relationship with the living sibling closest in age to them, not with the sibling they felt closest to emotionally. Thus, one would expect a range in the quality of these relationships, yet these older adults rated their sibling relationships as more positive than negative.

Participants’ reports of parental favoritism were also quite low, although they were similar to levels reported by young adults ( Stocker et al., 1997 ). Many of the participants had one or both parents who were deceased, yet there were no significant differences between the amount of parental favoritism reported by those whose parents were alive or deceased. Research on sibling relationships in young adulthood and midlife has shown that it is common for adults in these developmental stages to perceive favoritism (or differential treatment) by their parents ( Jensen et al., 2013 ; Peng et al., 2016 ; Pillemer et al., 2010 , Suitor et al., 2015 , 2016 ). Taken together, this pattern of findings suggests that even in later life, and regardless of whether parents are alive or deceased, adult children are sensitive to perceived differences in parental favoritism.

Participants were in contact with each other in a variety of ways such as in person, over the phone, or on social media between once a week and several times a week, on average. These findings align with previous research that indicates that older adult siblings often maintain regular contact with each other ( Connidis & Campbell, 1995 ; Paul, 1997 ; Spitze & Trent, 2006 ). The current data were collected in 2015, and contact was greater than the once or twice a month that was reported by White (2001) and may be due in part to increases in social media and cell phone use since White’s data were collected.

Individual differences in sibling relationship quality were predicted by several family structure variables. Women reported more warmth than men, and similar to findings from other developmental periods, sister-sister pairs had warmer relationships than all other gender combinations ( Connidis, 1989 ; Milevsky et. al., 2005 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). These findings are consistent with previous research that suggests that women tend to be the “kin-keepers” of families and more relational than men ( Gilligan, 1982 ; Salari & Zhang, 2006 ). Age was negatively correlated with parental favoritism, indicating that with increasing age, older adults reported less parental favoritism. This finding is consistent with other research that has shown that perceptions of negative aspects of family relationships tend to decrease as adults age ( Charles & Carstensen, 2008 ). Interestingly, greater age spacing between siblings was associated with higher levels of parental favoritism. This finding is somewhat counterintuitive given that widely spaced siblings should have fewer similarities or issues that might promote sensitivity to parental favoritism. Participants were in the “young-old” age group; 90% were between ages 59 and 70 and most were married and still working. It will be important for future research to examine the impact of age and age-spacing across a wider range of later adulthood, particularly in later stages of older age when retirement and spousal illness or death are more common.

The number of siblings in the family was not significantly associated with the quality of the sibling relationship. Also, marital status was not associated with the quality of the sibling relationship. This finding did not support previous results that older adults who are unmarried were closer to their siblings than married individuals ( Campbell et al., 1999 ; White, 2001 ; White & Riedmann, 1992 ). Whether participants’ parents were alive or deceased was not associated with reports of parental favoritism but was significantly associated with sibling warmth. Participants with both parents alive had warmer sibling relationships than those with one or both parents deceased. These results suggest that parents may play a kinkeeping role for their adult children that might contribute to higher levels of warmth among siblings with living parents than deceased parents ( Kalmijn & Leopold, 2019 ).

Consistent with results from an earlier study with young adult siblings ( Stocker et al., 1997 ), we found that frequency of contact between siblings was positively associated with warmth and negatively associated with parental favoritism. As the role of technology and social media grows and as older Americans become more facile with these forms of communication, the opportunity to exchange information and support with siblings who do not live close by may increase. Moreover, recent research suggests that the type of technological communication (i.e., synchronous, in real time such as texting and talking vs. asynchronous, not in real time such as email and Facebook) may be differentially associated with sibling relationship quality ( Lindell et al, 2015 ). In addition, in older adulthood, one sibling may adopt new technology (e.g. texting) and another may not, thus creating the potential for less personal communication. These issues deserve further study.

As predicted, the quality of older adults’ sibling relationships was associated with their well-being. Conflict and parental favoritism were positively associated with depression, anxiety, and hostility symptoms. However, sibling warmth was not significantly associated with adjustment outcomes. These results are similar to those found at younger developmental stages in that there tend to be stronger ties between the negative aspects than the positive features of sibling relationships and psychological adjustment ( Feinberg et al., 2012 ; McHale et al., 2012 ). The fact that older adults’ perceptions of parental favoritism was the highest loading scale on the sibling relationship factor and was associated with poorer adjustment is noteworthy because one might predict that at this late stage of development, adults would no longer be sensitive to perceived inequities in parental behavior, from either earlier in adulthood or currently. However, the associations between parental favoritism and adjustment were consistent with findings from studies that range across childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and midlife ( Jensen et al., 2013 ; McHale et al., 2012 ; Peng et al., 2016 ; Pillemer et al., 2010 ; Suitor et al., 2015 ) and suggest that issues having to do with parental favoritism continue to be at play in older adulthood

Given that levels of loneliness are high in older adults and that numerous studies have found connections between loneliness and poor physical and mental health in older adults (see Cacioppo et al., 2018; Cornwell & Waite, 2009 ; Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010 ; Steptoe et al., 2013 ), we examined loneliness as a mediator between older adult sibling relationship quality and well-being. Results from a SEM analysis showed that loneliness partially mediated this association; thus, future research could investigate the role of loneliness as a mechanism that connects family relationships and well-being. For example, do poor quality relationships contribute to feelings of loneliness, which in turn contribute to low well-being, or is the direction of influence the reverse? In addition, it would be interesting to study older adults’ sibling relationships in conjunction with other close relationships. Do sibling relationships have a unique role in relation to older adults’ loneliness and well-being or could another relationship substitute for the sibling relationship?

Moderation analyses showed that there were no significant differences in results from the SEM between men and women, sister-sister dyads and all other sibling gender compositions, and respondents with both parents living vs. those with one or both parents deceased. There was a significant difference in the fit of the SEM for married and unmarried participants, but follow-up tests showed no significant differences in individual paths for married and unmarried participants. This deserves further study because the nature of associations among sibling relationships, loneliness, and well-being may vary for those with and without spouses.

In addition to the contributions of this research, there are several limitations. The sample consisted of white adults from the Midwest; thus results may not generalize to other ethnic groups. However, previous findings from this sample have been replicated across other more diverse samples such as African American ( R. D. Conger et al., 2002 ), Mexican American ( Parke et al., 2005 ), and Finnish families ( Solantaus, Leinonen, & Punamaki, 2004 ), giving us greater confidence in the generalizability of our results. Specific to studies with siblings, previous research has shown that “familism” (one’s sense of family obligation) contributes to the nature of adolescent sibling relationships in Mexican Origin families ( Updegraff, McHale, Whiteman, Thayer & Delgado, 2005 ). Clearly, research is needed on older adult sibling relationships in a variety of ethnic groups and cultural settings. There were several measurement issues that could have affected our findings. First, data were based on one sibling’s self-reports. Future research should include both siblings’ perspectives and incorporate other methodologies, such as observations. Second, because the ASRQ-VSF was not designed for older adults, there could be other dimensions of the sibling relationship in later life that our measure did not capture. Third, the ASRQ-VSF assessed parental favoritism on an absolute scale, results could have differed if the direction of parental favoritism has been measured. Finally, these data were from one point in time; longitudinal research is needed to examine both the direction of associations among sibling relationships, loneliness, and well-being, as well as how these associations change or remain stable across adult development.

Results from this study have several implications for policy and practice. As our population ages, policy makers should attend to the role that sibling relationships play in older adults’ health and well-being. Furthermore, professionals working with families in applied settings might design interventions that decrease sibling conflict and perceptions of parental favoritism as well as promote sibling relationships as sources of companionship and support for older adults. Moreover, the relationships between siblings in midlife should be considered as many adult siblings will need to cooperate in managing their aging parents’ health and well-being.

In conclusion, results from the current study increase our understanding of sibling relationships in later adulthood and provide directions for future research. Demographic changes in the United States indicate that Americans are living longer, having fewer children, divorcing later in life, and spending more time as widows and widowers than in previous generations ( Brown & Lin, 2012 ; Furstenberg et al., 2015 ; Suitor et al., 2016 ). Moreover, loneliness is high among aging Americans and is linked to poor mental and physical health ( Cacioppo et al., 2006 ; Cornwell & Waite, 2009 ). In later life, sibling relationships may become increasingly important as sources of support and may mitigate feelings of loneliness and contribute to well-being.

Supplementary Material

Supplemental material, acknowledgments.

This research is currently supported by a grant from the National Institute on Aging (AG043599, Kandauda A. S. Wickrama, PI). The content is solely the responsibility of the authors and does not necessarily represent the official views of the funding agencies. Support for earlier years of the study also came from multiple sources, including the National Institute of Mental Health (MH00567, MH19734, MH43270, MH59355, MH62989, MH48165, MH051361); the National Institute on Drug Abuse (DA05347); the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (HD027724, HD051746, HD047573, HD064687); the Bureau of Maternal and Child Health (MCJ-109572); and the MacArthur Foundation Research Network on Successful Adolescent Development Among Youth in High-Risk. Some of these data and ideas were presented at the National Council on Family Relations annual conference in San Diego, CA, 11/8/2018.

Contributor Information

Clare M. Stocker, Department of Psychology, University of Denver.

Megan Gilligan, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University.

Eric T. Klopack, Department of Sociology, University of Georgia.

Katherine J. Conger, Department of Human Ecology, University of California, Davis.

Richard P. Lanthier, Graduate School of Human Development and Education, The George Washington University.

Tricia K. Neppl, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University.

Catherine Walker O’Neal, Department of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Georgia.

K.A.S. Wickrama, Department of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Georgia.

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Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

Students are often asked to write an essay on Being the Oldest Sibling in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

The role of an oldest sibling.

Being the oldest sibling is like being a mini-parent. You’re often expected to set an example for your younger siblings. You guide them, protect them, and help them navigate through life.

Responsibilities and Challenges

With this role comes responsibilities and challenges. You need to be mature and responsible, which can sometimes feel like a burden. Yet, it’s also an opportunity to grow and learn.

Benefits of Being the Oldest

Despite the challenges, being the oldest sibling has its perks. You get to experience things first and pave the way for your siblings, which can be rewarding.

250 Words Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

The privilege and pressure of being the oldest sibling.

Being the oldest sibling in a family is a position that carries both privileges and pressures. The role is often characterized by leadership and responsibility, but also comes with unique challenges.

Leadership and Responsibility

As the oldest, you are your siblings’ first role model. Younger siblings look up to you, learning from your actions and decisions. You are often tasked with guiding them, providing support, and even mediating disputes. This responsibility can be rewarding, fostering a sense of maturity and leadership skills.

Pressure and Expectations

However, being the eldest also means facing high expectations from parents and society. You’re expected to set a good example, excel in academics, and often help with household chores. This can lead to additional stress and a feeling of constant scrutiny.

The Balancing Act

Balancing the privileges and pressures of being the oldest sibling is a delicate act. It requires understanding and empathy towards your younger siblings, patience with yourself, and effective communication with your parents.

In conclusion, being the oldest sibling is a unique position filled with both challenges and rewards. It shapes one’s personality, instills leadership skills, and teaches the art of balancing responsibilities. Despite the pressures, the bond formed with younger siblings and the growth experienced as the eldest is truly invaluable.

500 Words Essay on Being the Oldest Sibling

Being the oldest sibling in a family is an experience that is as rewarding as it is challenging. It is a role that can shape an individual’s personality, influence their relationships, and impact their future.

The Role of Leadership

The oldest sibling often assumes a leadership role within the family. This role is not just about being in control or having authority; it’s about responsibility, guidance, and protection. The oldest sibling is typically the first to navigate the trials and tribulations of growing up, from the first day of school to the first heartbreak. These experiences, while unique to each individual, provide a blueprint for younger siblings to follow. The oldest sibling is often seen as a role model, a figure of admiration, and a source of advice. However, this leadership role also comes with its own set of challenges.

The Burden of Expectations

Being the oldest often means bearing the weight of high expectations. Parents, consciously or unconsciously, may expect the oldest sibling to set an example, to be a beacon of success for their younger siblings. This can create a significant amount of pressure, leading to stress and anxiety. The oldest sibling might feel the need to suppress their own desires or ambitions to meet these expectations, which can lead to feelings of resentment or dissatisfaction.

The Dynamics of Sibling Relationships

Being the oldest sibling can also shape the dynamics of sibling relationships. The oldest often finds themselves in the role of a third parent, responsible for their siblings’ well-being. This can lead to a complex mix of feelings – love and protectiveness, but also frustration and a longing for personal space. This dynamic can also lead to conflicts, as the oldest sibling navigates the delicate balance between being a sibling and assuming parental responsibilities.

Personal Growth and Development

Despite the challenges, being the oldest sibling can significantly contribute to personal growth and development. The leadership role can foster qualities like responsibility, empathy, and patience. The pressure of expectations can drive ambition and resilience. The complexities of sibling relationships can enhance interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence.

In conclusion, being the oldest sibling is a multifaceted experience filled with privileges and pressures. It is a role that can shape an individual’s personality, influence their relationships, and impact their future. While it comes with its own set of challenges, it also offers unique opportunities for personal growth and development. It is a role that requires balance – between fulfilling expectations and pursuing personal ambitions, between being a sibling and being a leader. Ultimately, it is a role that can be as rewarding as it is challenging.

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The Science of Siblings

At the heart of this cozy coffee shop lies a big sister's love for her little brother.

Yuki Noguchi

Sibling Coffee Roasters owner Libby Powell poses with her brother, Benjamin Withem, outside her West Virginia coffee shop. In her hand is an early photo of the pair — one they are trying to re-create. Susana Raab/for NPR hide caption

Sibling Coffee Roasters owner Libby Powell poses with her brother, Benjamin Withem, outside her West Virginia coffee shop. In her hand is an early photo of the pair — one they are trying to re-create.

The Science of Siblings is a new series exploring the ways our siblings can influence us, from our money and our mental health all the way down to our very molecules. We'll be sharing these stories over the next several weeks.

There's a coffee shop in the historic center of Charles Town, W.Va., where Libby Powell's family memorabilia hang from the exposed brick walls.

On one shelf, there's a photo of Libby posing with her towheaded baby brother. A jar of oatmeal-and-butterscotch cookies called Salty Siblings perches by the cash register. An elegant copper roaster parked in the shop's front bay window churns out the store's custom blends, including a popular one with Ethiopian beans named after that baby brother: The Benjamin.

Powell named this place Sibling Coffee Roasters — and it stands as a testament to one of her most cherished relationships.

Powell was already 14 and in high school when her brother, Benjamin Withem, was born 34 years ago. By that time she'd already thought a lot about the significance of having a sibling in her life. She knew, through intuition and experience, what the scientific research now shows: That this connection can deeply affect our mental and physical health over the course of our lives , for good or for ill.

Libby Powell was 14 years old and a high school student when her brother, Benjamin, was born. Susan Raab for NPR hide caption

"We have a human need to bond," she says. "Your friends are going to come and go. But when it's family, if your sibling is your friend, they're going to be there forever."

About 80% of children in the United States grow up with a sibling. It's a relationship that usually comes with shared experiences of family and childhood — and maybe also shared bedrooms and rivalries. Research about siblings' influence on our development and psychology is a relatively new field . But scientific studies show those relationships shape us in myriad ways, seen and unseen. And the impact of those relationships — good or bad — endures well beyond childhood, into middle age and beyond.

In adolescence, siblings are very influential when it comes to risk-taking behaviors that can include things like sex or substance abuse . Even in middle age, being on good terms with our siblings continues to strongly correlate with our mental and physical well-being, especially during life transitions like a divorce or caring for ailing parents. Late in life, siblings can help support one another to maintain their health and companionship, and recounting shared memories can be a powerful antidote to loneliness .

"Siblings matter. They matter above and beyond our parents. They matter above and beyond our peers," says Shawn Whiteman, who studies human development at Utah State University.

A sibling worth waiting for

On this bustling Saturday morning, Powell picks up a bag of The Benjamin off the shelves by the cash register and reads its label: "Sibling's brotherly love blend." It is mild, in keeping with her brother's personality, with a blueberry-like flavor. "I definitely wanted that to encompass what his taste for coffee is," she says.

Powell says she once experimented with a dark roast she called "The Sibling Rivalry," but it didn't fit any part of her ethos.

"I hated it," she says. "And I don't like to fight with my brother, so I decided — we're not going to carry a dark roast."

As a girl, Powell — a Baptist preacher's daughter — yearned to have a brother or sister, and her parents, Mike and Naysa Withem, tried to have more children.

Sibling Coffee Roasters features a variety of house-made baked goods including a "Salty Sibling" cookie. Susana Raab for NPR hide caption

When Libby Powell was about 2, they started taking in foster children. Those experiences were inevitably marked by disappointment, because for one reason or another they could not stay, says Naysa Withem.

The last foster child, an older boy named James, stayed for seven years, and Powell grew up thinking of him as her actual big brother, complete with all the skirmishes and antics that come with traditional siblings.

"I remember the arguments, and getting into trouble with him, and doing things with him that were sneaky," Powell says.

But when he was 16, her foster brother chose to leave the family, a decision that left a 10-year-old Powell devastated: "I was alone. It was like all eyes were back on me, and I didn't know what that felt like because I don't think I remember being an only child." His absence, and the sense of isolation, fed her desire for siblings.

Her parents, meanwhile, were trying to have another child. "I remember my mom had gotten pregnant and I was so excited," Powell recalls. "I remember that feeling and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a big sister.'"

It was not to be: Powell was with her mother when she miscarried. "That was traumatic," says Naysa Withem.

Powell and her mother, Naysa Withem, load a display case with baked goods. Pierre Kattar/NPR hide caption

So when Baby Benjamin arrived two years later, his sister was waiting with open arms.

"I just remember just thinking: 'This is the prettiest baby I've ever seen in my life,'" she says, her voice rising with emotion. Her brother shuffles from around the counter in the shop's back kitchen and pulls her in for a tight hug.

Awash with gratitude that he was born alive and healthy, Powell says she doted on her brother like a doll, lathering him with lotions and changing his diapers and clothes.

Around the time Benjamin Withem was potty trained, Powell headed to college. Even though the time they overlapped in the same house was limited, her brother says he had developed a close connection with her that endured: "It's nice to always be reminded that you have these shared experiences that are constantly pulling you back together."

Sibling Coffee Roasters is a family affair; brother Benjamin Withem will stop by to indulge in a cold brew and chat with mother Naysa Withem, father Michael Withem, and sister and owner Libby Powell. Here, they pose in front of a quilt Naysa made for the shop. Susana Raab for NPR hide caption

An evolving relationship

The study of sibling relationships and their influence on how we think or act hasn't been as studied as other family relationships — like those between mothers and children, for example. Researching siblings also isn't easy, because no two families are alike. Variations like gender, age gap, or the number of siblings can really matter, making comparisons between families difficult and conclusions harder to draw.

One classic example where that can get complicated is birth order — something popularly believed to have a great deal of influence on our personalities. While some earlier studies suggested it might have some impact, most research doesn't bear out the idea that birth order has any lasting significance on who we become, says Utah State's Whiteman.

Still, siblings are overall very influential because they're usually our first peers. We might idolize them or battle them, but either way, through them we learn how to relate to others.

"Peers, if you have too many conflicts with them, they are just not going to be your friend anymore, but siblings really can't get away from it," says Nicole Campione-Barr, a psychologist who researches family dynamics at the University of Missouri. "So it's really one of our only training grounds socially to understand how to handle conflict in effective ways."

Powell says hello to her brother, Benjamin Withem, at her coffee shop. Susana Raab for NPR hide caption

Powell says hello to her brother, Benjamin Withem, at her coffee shop.

Libby Powell, for example, recalls how her brother used her as a sounding board — especially in his teen years, and especially after he'd made a mistake.

"If he was going to be in trouble or if he made a bad decision, he came to me first — and he was feeling out what my reaction would be," she says.

"I think he was testing the waters," she says, before having to tell their parents.

Naysa Withem, who's been watching her two children reminisce as she cleans the shop's kitchen, chimes in with a correction: "He was hoping you would cushion that with mom and dad," she says with a laugh.

The dynamics between siblings often change in young adulthood, as they explore independent paths. That was true also for Ben Withem who, after college, took a cybersecurity job in the Middle East — a world away from his sister in Charles Town.

Have a story about your sibling? Share it with us!

"That was definitely the most distance we've experienced," he says. And being that far was "almost like hitting the reset button" on their relationship, he says.

Powell found that "reset" difficult and says she felt angry. "I felt those same feelings when James left — when my foster brother left," she explains. At the same time, her brother had recently married, which meant Powell had to adjust to make room for another important person in his life. "That was hard for me because I'm sharing my little brother, who I thought that I had a little control over."

Libby Powell says that she and her brother were always close and have hardly ever fought. Susana Raab for NPR hide caption

It was the only time they remember any tension existing between them. They had one fight, which culminated with Powell accepting her brother as an adult peer.

"He was taking a stand as an adult for the first time ... and I was put exactly where I needed to be put," Powell recalls, nodding approvingly toward her brother. Benjamin Withem, the more introverted sibling, agrees silently, deferring to her memory.

Through their adult lives, coffee played a big role in keeping them connected. Withem loved good coffee, and Powell says she relied on bad coffee for decades to get her through working overnight shifts as a nurse. He tried roasting beans in his popcorn popper; she eventually began following her younger brother's lead and upgraded to their current, kitchen-table-size industrial roaster.

Powell discovered she loved the taste of her own freshly roasted beans, as well as the coffee culture and social life that surrounded it.

Powell roasts her own coffee beans at her shop in West Virginia. Pierre Kattar/NPR hide caption

"I just found that coffee — the way that he would describe it — it wasn't just a drink, but it was a relationship," she says.

When she opened Sibling Coffee Roasters five years ago, Powell saw it as a kind of extension of that relationship, a chance to share the warmth and support she associates with siblinghood. She says the shop connects her to the community she's lived in her whole life, and it gives her an excuse to talk to people about their lives and their troubles.

"I always wanted to feel cared for, and I always have felt that way," she says, "and I know that there's just way too many people out there that don't."

Powell says the coffee shop is a kind of extension of her relationship with her brother, a chance to share the warmth and support she associates with siblinghood. Susana Raab for NPR hide caption

Powell says the coffee shop is a kind of extension of her relationship with her brother, a chance to share the warmth and support she associates with siblinghood.

Sibling Coffee Roasters also reflects the dream that Benjamin Withem will eventually open up another shop as they grow old together.

It's a sentiment he shares, he says. "I see the name she picked as the open invitation."

• sibling relationships
• Science of Siblings
• family and relationships
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• broken relationships

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Older Sister College Essays Samples For Students

4 samples of this type

While studying in college, you will surely have to pen a lot of College Essays on Older Sister. Lucky you if putting words together and organizing them into relevant text comes easy to you; if it's not the case, you can save the day by finding a previously written Older Sister College Essay example and using it as a model to follow.

This is when you will definitely find WowEssays' free samples directory extremely useful as it embodies numerous professionally written works on most various Older Sister College Essays topics. Ideally, you should be able to find a piece that meets your requirements and use it as a template to develop your own College Essay. Alternatively, our qualified essay writers can deliver you a unique Older Sister College Essay model crafted from scratch according to your custom instructions.

Ask The Adolescent To Describe His/Her Family Essay Examples

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Family problems during early childhood and adolescence (infancy to eight years old).

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Essay on My Elder Sister in English

Students will be equipped to describe their sister and write at length on the topic ‘Essay on My sister’. Make a note of the concepts used to draft an essay. The student should write an essay on the topic after revising the points below. They will be able to write the essay using pronouns,  opposite words and describing words.

I. How to Talk About Your Sister?

A sister is a very special person who can be both your guide and your best friend. She might not be the most intelligent, most talented, or the ideal sibling. She is the one person you can completely rely on. She is the one that can make you giggle and cheer you up when you are upset. She is always there for you to support and encourage you. She can effortlessly make you feel great.

Write an essay following the below points to convey how much your sister means to you.

• Write about Her Hobbies. Every person has their own hobbies and interests. It can be reading books, watching movies, travelling, cooking, gardening, listening to music, playing different sports, etc. You probably know about your sister’s hobbies and interests because sisters know each other very closely. Mention all of them in your essay.
• Write One or Two Good and Bad Qualities of Your Sister: People have different types of personality traits, and some of them can be either positive or negative. Your sister also has a few good and bad qualities. You can mention them in your essay. Her good qualities include the way she treats you or your elders. She might be very good in a certain field like singing, dancing, or any other activity, she might help you with your studies, etc. The bad qualities can be she may snore when she sleeps, or she might tease you in front of your parents. You can mention all of them while drafting your essay.
• Write How You and Your Sister Spend Time with Each Other: There is a list of fun activities sisters do together to spend time together. Sisters usually spend quality time watching movies, going for a long walk, cooking meals, playing games, etc. Mention the things you both do together in your essay.
• Sample: Essay on My Elder Sister

I have an elder sister. Her name is Saheli Mitra. She is 5 years older than me. She is very taller than me. She is in the sixth standard. She is the only sibling I have

We get to spend a lot of time together because we attend the same school. After school, we spend the evenings playing together. On weekends, we make plans and spend quality time with each other by watching movies, cooking meals, etc. We share all of our secrets with one another and have a lot in common. She is fond of singing and drawing. My sister is very smart and good at studies. She is always ready to lend her helping hand to people who need it. She is also very kind to animals because she believes animals can’t communicate their needs and we should always help them. My sister is my mentor. She always guides me if I make any mistakes.

She also has a good habit of keeping everything organized, which I really admire. She is a very kind and loving person. I love my sister so much and wish her good health.

I. Pronouns

What are the Pronouns Used in Writing on the topic ‘My elder sister’?

Words that replace nouns are called pronouns. We use pronouns to avoid repetition.

I have an elder sister. Her name is Saheli.  She is 5 years older than me.

II. Opposite Words

How can we Use Opposite Words in the Essay on Sister?

She is very  tall , and I am somewhat  shorter .

III Describing Words

How Can We Use Describing Words to Write an Essay on ‘My Sister’?

Describing words are used to describe or provide more information about a noun which could be a person, place, or object.

She is a very  kind  and  loving person.

IV. Try it Yourself

Write an essay on ‘My sister’.

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How To Write An Essay On ‘My Sister’ for Grades 1, 2 and 3

Key Points to Remember While Writing an Essay on ‘My Sister’

10 lines on ‘my sister’ in english, short paragraph on ‘my sister’, long essay on ‘my sister’, what will your child learn from this essay on my sister.

Writing essays is a fun and important activity for children. The earlier your child starts writing essays, the better it is. Why? Well, when children write a composition, they form ideas in the head, improving their thought process. Then they express those ideas on paper in short and simple sentences, which helps them create a strong foundation of English grammar. It also improves their writing skills. Writing helps develop fine motor skills at an early age. Writing a paragraph on a topic like ‘My Sister’ can actually be one of their favourite topics. Your children have a really special bond, especially if one of them has a sister. It’s time we jump straight in and show you how to write on a topic that’s simple, yet complex.

There are a few essential points children need to remember while writing an essay on ‘My Sister’. Let us show your child how to write this essay stepwise:

• The first step is to let your child think of all the points they would like to consider while writing an essay on this topic.
• Next, let your child note down the ideas to form an outline and cover all the points while composing the essay.
• Let them start creating easy-to-read, short and simple sentences from the outline they have formed.
• Advise your child not to get too deep while describing any single idea; this will help them stick to the stipulated word count.
• Guide your child to write with the flow. This will make them enjoy writing the essay.
• Encourage them to mention all the little things they want to share about their sister.

Your child has a unique relationship with their sister. Let us guide your child to express this emotion and write an essay on My Sister in 100 words. It’s in simple English, perfect for Class 1 and 2 kids: 

• My sister’s name is Aasha, which means hope.
• My sister is hopeful and positive and has been given the perfect name for it.
• She is three years older than me.
• We study in the same school.
• She is very kind-hearted and helpful.
• She is very loving, caring and understanding.
• My sister is very creative.
• She loves to read and has a very big collection of storybooks and other books of different categories.
• She paints beautifully, and loves painting nature and animals. 
• My sister loves animals.

The bond between siblings is one of the strongest bonds there is.. A sister is a person who holds an important role in a child’s life. Here are tips for writing a short paragraph on My Sister for children:

My sister’s name is Aasha. The word ‘aasha’ means hope. Like the meaning of her name, she is very positive, cheerful, and full of hope. My sister is just three years older than me. I call her Dii with love. Dii and I study in the same school. After school, we play together with Kalu and Sheru, our furry friends. My sister can draw beautiful pictures. She makes lovely greeting cards on everyone’s birthdays and other occasions. She also does many DIY projects and recycles things at home. My sister is a wonderful human being. She is helpful, kind-hearted and caring towards everyone. She immensely loves animals and birds. She also loves plants. I accompany my Dii when she goes to feed the strays in our community. We also feed the birds every morning. I help my Dii take care of the plants in our garden. My sister is the best human being.

A sister is a very special person, one who plays the role of a best friend or even a mother figure. Let us help your child of Class 3 write a composition about their sister:

My sister’s name is Aasha. She is elder to me by three years. We study in the same school. We spend a lot of time together during the day. After school, we play together with Kalu and Sheru, our furry friends. In the evenings, we study together. She is good at her studies. She can draw amazing pictures. She makes beautiful crafts from things lying around at home. Last week, she made a fancy flower vase from a used jar. She also loves to read and listen to soft music.

She has a huge collection of books at home. She also borrows books to read from our school library. One of her favourites is the series ‘The Famous Five’ by Enid Blyton. Her favourite cartoon shows are Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes. My sister is a beautiful person. She has a big heart and helps everyone around her. She is very kind to poor people. Last week, she gave food to a poor, older man passing by. She lends a helping hand to everyone at home and outside home, whoever needs it.

She is also kind and helpful to animals. My sister says that everyone should help animals because they can’t speak and ask for help when in need. My sister is respectful towards the elders and also those who are younger than her. She is very patient. She calmly repeats and explains things to me if I don’t understand at once. She is a responsible person. She is cheerful and lively and creates a positive environment that everyone loves.

My sister is my guide. I ask for her suggestions whenever I need any advice. If I do anything wrong, she explains to me politely. I also like her habit of keeping all her things organised. She has everything in perfect order, all neat, starting from her pens and pencils to her clothes and books. She also helps me organise my belongings. She helps me with my school projects. She helps my friends too.

My sister is unique. She doesn’t try to follow others. She does her things. She shares every single thing with me. Even if there’s a small bar of chocolate, she makes it a point to share it with me. There’s another trait I love about my sister. She always tries to find solutions instead of complaining about anything. She is my biggest support system. She is my best friend. I love my sister very much!

Essay writing is always a helpful activity for your child. Besides improving writing skills and creativity, writing an essay or composition on ‘My Sister’ will make your child realise the importance of their sibling.

We hope the examples mentioned above will help your child write a beautiful English essay on their sister. Besides the benefits of writing essays, your child will love writing about their sister. When your child writes an essay about their sister, it makes them understand the importance of this special relationship.

Essay On ‘My Brother’ for Class 1, 2 and 3 Kids My Father Essay for Class 1, 2 and 3 Children ‘My Teacher’ Essay for Lower Primary Classes

• Essays for Class 1
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What being an older sister really means, being an older sister, has brought so much joy to my life. even if it doesn't seem like it, i'm so proud to have a crazy, funny younger brother..

Being an older sister can come with challenges, but overall is a gift. It’s a lifelong journey of being a role model. You have this lifetime of being there for a younger sibling and sometimes it can be difficult to always be there for them. Being an older sister has many different responsibilities, but it’s nothing but fun. You have a pal for life and a friend that is there until the end. It’s a great feeling when you have siblings that look up to you for guidance and friendship. There’s a lot of great memories while growing up as the older sibling, but I think the joy is actually being there for my younger sibling. It is common for siblings to go through struggles. If there’s anything I have learned by being an older sibling, it’s being there for them. You have someone who is a few years younger and looks up to you more than you will know.

Since coming to college, it’s been difficult to be there for my younger sibling. However, I have found time to make sure I reach out to him. I think I have appreciated the gift of having a younger sibling. I would do pretty much anything for him. I wouldn't trade being the first born for anything, because having a younger brother is something great. I've learned so much about myself from him and I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. We might not have the best relationship some of the time, but I look forward to the coming years. We are now older and I am excited to see how our friendship will change over the next years.

Even though we're both getting older, I miss the days when you followed me around everywhere. We have had our ups and downs, but I look forward to (maybe) actually getting along. I promise, no matter how I am during the day, I will always be there for you and as a friend and role model for you. I hope that you learn from all the things that life has to offer and I hope you'll be successful in the coming years.

I am incredibly proud to be your sister and all of the fun it has brought. Being an older sister can bring so much joy to life. Being an older sister has taught me patience. I have found that to be kind to others is always important, even when you don't want to be to a group of 17 year olds. Being patient with younger siblings, has taught me a lot about growing up. I hope my younger brother has learned a lot from me. I look forward to where our friendship and family will go in a few years. Being an older sister has brought a friend for life, even if we fight every other day.

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Grateful beyond words: a letter to my inspiration, i have never been so thankful to know you..

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

You have taught me that you don't always have to strong. You are allowed to break down as long as you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. When life had you at your worst moments, you allowed your friends to be there for you and to help you. You let them in and they helped pick you up. Even in your darkest hour you showed so much strength. I know that you don't believe in yourself as much as you should but you are unbelievably strong and capable of anything you set your mind to.

Your passion to make a difference in the world is unbelievable. You put your heart and soul into your endeavors and surpass any personal goal you could have set. Watching you do what you love and watching you make a difference in the lives of others is an incredible experience. The way your face lights up when you finally realize what you have accomplished is breathtaking and I hope that one day I can have just as much passion you have.

SEE MORE: A Letter To My Best Friend On Her Birthday

The love you have for your family is outstanding. Watching you interact with loved ones just makes me smile . You are so comfortable and you are yourself. I see the way you smile when you are around family and I wish I could see you smile like this everyday. You love with all your heart and this quality is something I wished I possessed.

You inspire me to be the best version of myself. I look up to you. I feel that more people should strive to have the strength and passion that you exemplify in everyday life.You may be stubborn at points but when you really need help you let others in, which shows strength in itself. I have never been more proud to know someone and to call someone my role model. You have taught me so many things and I want to thank you. Thank you for inspiring me in life. Thank you for making me want to be a better person.

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life..

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Don't freak out

This is a rule you should continue to follow no matter what you do in life, but is especially helpful in this situation.

Email the professor

Around this time, professors are getting flooded with requests from students wanting to get into full classes. This doesn't mean you shouldn't burden them with your email; it means they are expecting interested students to email them. Send a short, concise message telling them that you are interested in the class and ask if there would be any chance for you to get in.

Attend the first class

Often, the advice professors will give you when they reply to your email is to attend the first class. The first class isn't the most important class in terms of what will be taught. However, attending the first class means you are serious about taking the course and aren't going to give up on it.

Keep attending class

Every student is in the same position as you are. They registered for more classes than they want to take and are "shopping." For the first couple of weeks, you can drop or add classes as you please, which means that classes that were once full will have spaces. If you keep attending class and keep up with assignments, odds are that you will have priority. Professors give preference to people who need the class for a major and then from higher to lower class year (senior to freshman).

Have a backup plan

For two weeks, or until I find out whether I get into my waitlisted class, I will be attending more than the usual number of classes. This is so that if I don't get into my waitlisted class, I won't have a credit shortage and I won't have to fall back in my backup class. Chances are that enough people will drop the class, especially if it is very difficult like computer science, and you will have a chance. In popular classes like art and psychology, odds are you probably won't get in, so prepare for that.

Remember that everything works out at the end

Life is full of surprises. So what if you didn't get into the class you wanted? Your life obviously has something else in store for you. It's your job to make sure you make the best out of what you have.

Navigating the Talking Stage: 21 Essential Questions to Ask for Connection

It's mandatory to have these conversations..

Whether you met your new love interest online , through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

1. What do you do for a living?

What someone does for a living can tell a lot about who they are and what they're interested in! Their career reveals a lot more about them than just where they spend their time to make some money.

2. What's your favorite color?

OK, I get it, this seems like something you would ask a Kindergarten class, but I feel like it's always good to know someone's favorite color . You could always send them that Snapchat featuring you in that cute shirt you have that just so happens to be in their favorite color!

3. Do you have any siblings?

This one is actually super important because it's totally true that people grow up with different roles and responsibilities based on where they fall in the order. You can tell a lot about someone just based on this seemingly simple question.

4. What's your favorite television show?

OK, maybe this isn't a super important question, but you have to know ASAP if you can quote Michael Scott or not. If not, he probably isn't the one. Sorry, girl.

5. When is your birthday?

You can then proceed to do the thing that every girl does without admitting it and see how compatible your zodiacs are.

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

If you're like me, you have big goals that you want to reach someday, and you want a man behind you who also has big goals and understands what it's like to chase after a dream. If his biggest goal is to see how quickly he can binge-watch " Grey's Anatomy " on Netflix , you may want to move on.

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

This is a go-to for an insight into their personality. Based on how they answer, you can tell if they're goofy, serious, or somewhere in between.

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

For some, this may be a hard question if it involves a family member or friend who has since passed away . For others, it may revolve around a tradition that no longer happens. The answers to this question are almost endless!

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

We all have parts of our lives and stories that we wish we could change. It's human nature to make mistakes. This question is a little bit more personal but can really build up the trust level.

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

I mean, duh! If you're a dog person, and he is a cat person, it's not going to work out.

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

Personally, I am a Christian, and as a result, I want to be with someone who shares those same values. I know some people will argue that this question is too much in the talking stage , but why go beyond the talking stage if your personal values will never line up?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Even homebodies have a must visit place on their bucket list !

13. What is your ideal date night?

Hey, if you're going to go for it... go for it!

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

For me, it was hands-down Nick Jonas . This is always a fun question to ask!

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

Let's be real, if you put a label on it, you're not going to see your significant other at their best 24/7.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

This can lead to some really good conversations, especially if they have a tattoo that has a lot of meaning to them!

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

It's always interesting to see if how the person you're talking to views their personal traits lines ups with the vibes you're getting.

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

This question can go multiple different directions, and it could also be a launching pad for other conversations.

19. What's the best gift you have ever received? 

Admittedly, I have asked this question to friends as well, but it's neat to see what people value.

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

Work hard, play hard, right?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

This is always interesting because no matter how compatible your personalities may be, if one of you wants to be serious and the other is looking for something casual, it's just not going to work.

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Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in challah bread or easter bread.

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

A few weeks ago, I was given a loaf of bread called Challah (pronounced like holla), and upon my first bite, I realized it tasted just like Easter Bread. It was so delicious that I just had to make some of my own, which I did.

The recipe is as follows:

Ingredients

2 tsp active dry or instant yeast 1 cup lukewarm water 4 to 4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 cup white granulated sugar 2 tsp salt 2 large eggs 1 large egg yolk (reserve the white for the egg wash) 1/4 cup neutral-flavored vegetable oil

Instructions

• Combine yeast and a pinch of sugar in small bowl with the water and stir until you see a frothy layer across the top.
• Whisk together 4 cups of the flour, sugar, and salt in a large bowl.
• Make a well in the center of the flour and add in eggs, egg yolk, and oil. Whisk these together to form a slurry, pulling in a little flour from the sides of the bowl.
• Pour the yeast mixture over the egg slurry and mix until difficult to move.
• Turn out the dough onto a floured work surface and knead by hand for about 10 minutes. If the dough seems very sticky, add flour a teaspoon at a time until it feels tacky, but no longer like bubblegum. The dough has finished kneading when it is soft, smooth, and holds a ball-shape.
• Place the dough in an oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and place somewhere warm. Let the dough rise 1 1/2 to 2 hours.
• Separate the dough into four pieces. Roll each piece of dough into a long rope roughly 1-inch thick and 16 inches long.
• Gather the ropes and squeeze them together at the very top. Braid the pieces in the pattern of over, under, and over again. Pinch the pieces together again at the bottom.
• Line a baking sheet with parchment and lift the loaf on top. Sprinkle the loaf with a little flour and drape it with a clean dishcloth. Place the pan somewhere warm and away from drafts and let it rise until puffed and pillowy, about an hour.
• Heat the oven to 350°F. Whisk the reserved egg white with a tablespoon of water and brush it all over the challah. Be sure to get in the cracks and down the sides of the loaf.
• Slide the challah on its baking sheet into the oven and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through cooking. The challah is done when it is deeply browned.

I kept wondering how these two breads could be so similar in taste. So I decided to look up a recipe for Easter Bread to make a comparison. The two are almost exactly the same! These recipes are similar because they come from religious backgrounds. The Jewish Challah bread is based on kosher dietary laws. The Christian Easter Bread comes from the Jewish tradition but was modified over time because they did not follow kosher dietary laws.

A recipe for Easter bread is as follows:

2 tsp active dry or instant yeast 2/3 cup milk 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/4 cup white granulated sugar 2 tbs butter 2 large eggs 2 tbs melted butter 1 tsp salt

• In a large bowl, combine 1 cup flour, sugar, salt, and yeast; stir well. Combine milk and butter in a small saucepan; heat until milk is warm and butter is softened but not melted.
• Gradually add the milk and butter to the flour mixture; stirring constantly. Add two eggs and 1/2 cup flour; beat well. Add the remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes.
• Lightly oil a large bowl, place the dough in the bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.
• Deflate the dough and turn it out onto a lightly floured surface. Divide the dough into two equal size rounds; cover and let rest for 10 minutes. Roll each round into a long roll about 36 inches long and 1 1/2 inches thick. Using the two long pieces of dough, form a loosely braided ring, leaving spaces for the five colored eggs. Seal the ends of the ring together and use your fingers to slide the eggs between the braids of dough.
• Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place loaf on a buttered baking sheet and cover loosely with a damp towel. Place loaf in a warm place and let rise until doubled in bulk, about 45 minutes. Brush risen loaf with melted butter.
• Bake in the preheated oven until golden brown, about 30 minutes.

Both of these recipes are really easy to make. While you might need to have a day set aside for this activity, you can do things while the dough is rising or in the oven. After only a few hours, you have a delicious loaf of bread that you made from scratch, so the time and effort is really worth it!

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer..

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake , have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart , no matter how dirty the water may look.

Every year when summer rolls back around, you can't wait to fire up the boat and get back out there. Here is a list of things you can probably identify with as a fellow lake-goer.

A bad day at the lake is still better than a good day not at the lake.

It's your place of escape, where you can leave everything else behind and just enjoy the beautiful summer day. No matter what kind of week you had, being able to come and relax without having to worry about anything else is the best therapy there is. After all, there's nothing better than a day of hanging out in the hot sun, telling old funny stories and listening to your favorite music.

You know the best beaches and coves to go to.

Whether you want to just hang out and float or go walk around on a beach, you know the best spots. These often have to be based on the people you're with, given that some "party coves" can get a little too crazy for little kids on board. I still have vivid memories from when I was six that scared me when I saw the things drunk girls would do for beads.

You have no patience for the guy who can't back his trailer into the water right.

When there's a long line of trucks waiting to dump their boats in the water, there's always that one clueless guy who can't get it right, and takes 5 attempts and holds up the line. No one likes that guy. One time my dad got so fed up with a guy who was taking too long that he actually got out of the car and asked this guy if he could just do it for him. So he got into the guy's car, threw it in reverse, and got it backed in on the first try. True story.

Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

Similar to the "jeep wave," almost everyone waves to other boats passing by. It's just what you do, and is seen as a normal thing by everyone.

The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Alcohol seems to be a big part of the lake experience, but other drinks are squeezed into the room remaining in the cooler for the kids, not to mention the wide assortment of chips and other foods in the snack bag.

Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake Zone" a piece of your mind.

There's nothing worse than floating in the water, all settled in and minding your business, when some idiot barrels through. Now your anchor is loose, and you're left jostled by the waves when it was nice and perfectly still before. This annoyance is typically answered by someone yelling some choice words to them that are probably accompanied by a middle finger in the air.

You have no problem with peeing in the water.

It's the lake, and some social expectations are a little different here, if not lowered quite a bit. When you have to go, you just go, and it's no big deal to anyone because they do it too.

You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

The number of anchors you go through as a boat owner is likely a number that can be counted on two hands. Every once in a while, it gets stuck on something on the bottom of the lake, and the only way to fix the problem is to cut the rope, and you have to replace it.

Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

If you're the typical lake-goer, you likely might have an average-sized boat that you're perfectly happy with. However, that doesn't mean you don't stop and stare at the fast boats that loudly speed by, or at the obnoxiously huge yachts that pass.

Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

You've learned this the hard way, coming back from a day in the water and seeing the flowers on your bathing suit that were once white, are now a nice brownish hue.

The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

If the driver knows how to give you a good ride, or just wants to specifically throw you off, you know you're done when you're speeding up and heading straight for a big wave. Suddenly you're airborne, knowing you're about to completely wipe out, and you eat pure wake. Then you get back on and do it all again.

You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

One of the many nice things about the life at the lake is that everybody cares about everything a little less. Rolling up to the place wearing only your swimsuit, a cover-up, and flip flops, you fit right in. After a long day when you're sunburned, a little buzzed, and hungry, you're served without any hesitation.

Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Every once in a while you're hit with technical difficulties, no matter what type of watercraft you have. This is one of the most annoying setbacks when you're looking forward to just having a carefree day on the water, but it's bound to happen. This is just one of the joys that come along with being a boat owner.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

One of the many interesting things that make up the lake culture is the fact that many people name their boats. They can range from basic to funny, but they are unique to each and every owner, and often have interesting and clever meanings behind them.

There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

Summer is your all-time favorite season, mostly because it's spent at the lake. Whether you're floating in the cool water under the sun, or taking a boat ride as the sun sets, you don't have a care in the world at that moment . The people that don't understand have probably never experienced it, but it's what keeps you coming back every year.

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• My Sister Essay in 100, 200, 300, 400, 500 Words for All Students

In This Blog We Will Discuss

My Sister: Short Paragraph (100 Words) for Class 1, 2, 3

I have a younger sister; she is only 7 years old. She is the youngest member of our family. Her name is Sushi. Sushi is a really cute girl and everyone loves her very much. I also love her a lot. Her behavior and attitude are very fine. She reads in class two.

She never misses her classes. I take her school with me and bring back too. Sometimes my father takes her. Her hobby is playing with dolls. She has a lot of dolls in her cabinet. He has most of them as a gift on her birthday.

My Sister: Essay (200 Words) for Class 4, 5

Introduction: Most of us have sisters in my family . Some of us have a younger sister and some of us have an elder. In my family, we are four brothers and sisters. There is only a sister who is elder than all of us. Today I am going to share something about her.  

My Sister: My sister’s name is Tahmina and she reads to the nearest college in Physics. I think she is going to become a scientist. She has set up a small lab in the house and our entering is limited there. But sometimes she calls all of us to show her little experiments. I love her science experiments, these are really exciting.

She is a bright student at her college. She is very helpful and helps everyone. When any of us face any problem, we ask her and she finds a solution for us. We think that she knows everything and can do anything. She is our superhero. We love to spend time with her.  

Conclusion: My sister the best sister ever, she is the strongest, the funniest and the greatest of all time. We all love her so much and she also loves us.

Essay on My Younger Sister (300 Words) for Class 6, 7

Introduction: A younger sister is always cute and adorable. I have got a younger sister . Today I will share a few words about her. She is really adorable and loving.  

My Younger Sister:  Her name is Neha, and she is five years old. She has just started to go to kindergartens. Neha is the youngest member of our family. And that’s why she is the most loving one. Everyone loves her a lot. In her school time, my mother takes her to school and my father brings her back. Sometimes I also do that.  

Her Hobbies: We all have got some hobbies. Neha also has a really beautiful hobby . She loves reading books. When she started learning the letter and then words, she started reading. My father bought lots of Hindi cartoon storybooks for her. She started reading and now performing really well.

She spends lots of time reading books which is pretty much rare to see at the age of five. She is an exceptional girl. She can understand so many things at that young age.  

Best Friend: Besides reading books, she spends most of her time with me. She thinks as an elder brother, I know everything in the world. While she asks me anything, I can give her a good and suitable answer that’s why she considers me a brilliant person. And that’s how I am her best friend . While she keeps asking several questions.  

Conclusion: I think Neha has a really good brain and she is going to be one of the brightest students. I really love her so much. She is the cutest little girl I have ever seen in my entire life.

My Elder Sister: Essay (400 Words) for Class 8

Introduction: Maybe my sister is not the greatest, the funniest, or not the perfect but she is the one whom I can trust. She is the one who can make me laugh. She is the one who can make me feel great. And that’s how every sister has been really important in our life. Today I will share a few words about my elder sister.

She is a really amazing girl. It’s not possible to complete writing about her. One of the cutest things about me and her, we always keep fighting. She is elder than me, but I win the fight always. But I never hit her and she also doesn’t.  

My Elder Sister: Her name is Tanisha. She is a student of computer engineering is the nearest college. She is a very bright student. She is doing really amazing at college. In her school time, she was the top one in every class. I and she spend lots of time together. Even we live in the same room.

When I face any problem or depression, I tell her about the whole matter. Most of the time, she is so much supporting and find a solution for me. She doesn’t mock me with my weaknesses. And that’s why I love and respect her so much.  

Her Special Skill: She has really amazing singing skills. She started singing in her school days. When my father realizes that she is an amazing singing vocal, he calls a teacher for her. She is still learning music from then. I think she is going to be the next big singer because he has that potential for her.

In a few local programs, she performed very well and got lots of appreciation. Last year, she participated in a musical competition in Mumbai, she became third and got the opportunity to sing for a record company. This is a very big milestone in her life. I always wish her the best for an amazing singing career.  

Her Kindness and Other Virtues: One of the most important virtues that he has got is kindness. She is always kind for the poor and helpless people. In last winter vacation , we went to spend time with our uncle, aunt, and cousins. She bought lots of blanket for the poor villagers in that winter .  

Conclusion: I love her so much. I think she is the best sister ever in the world.

Essay on My Sister (500 Words) for Class 9, 10

Introduction: I have got an elder sister. And she is one of the most important people in our family. Everyone has younger or elder sisters. I’ve got too. Sisters always love, they love us so much. We need to love them too; they are our best well-wisher. There is none in the world who wants better for us than our sisters. Today I will share my words about my elder sister.  

My Sister: Her name is Alia; she is a student at Medical College. She is studying MBBS for two years. After completing college, she will start working as a doctor. She is the only sibling that I have got. Her college is near our house and that’s why she can move from home.

That’s the reason that’s why I have got so much time to spend with her. She is really amazing. I love everything about her. She shares and teaches me so many things. When I go through difficulties, I have none to share but my dear sister.

She is always there for me, supporting and suggesting to me. She is the best advisor; I have got in my life. She never asks to do any bad thing. She has a very good judgmental brain, and that never let her take wrong decisions. She is a bright student too.

In her school time, she was top everywhere from grades one to ten. She never looked back and gets admitted into medical college. She is performing really well there and hoping the best for the future.  

My Role model, My Sister: I consider my sister as my role model. I want to be like her. And that’s why I am following her. I take tips from her about everything in my life. And she is helping me without any hesitation. There are a few reasons that are why I want to be like her.

The most important thing is she has no negativity. She is super positive every time. I love her laughing face, she never gets worried anytime. And that thing gives me so much motivation and inspiration. I forget the pain and all the problems in my life when I spend time with her.

Another reason is her amazing studying skills. She is a very good student. I want to be a good student like her and want to perform well in every stage of my life.  

Helpful Mentality: His most important and attractive character part is a helpful mentality. She is really helpful. We always say charity begins at home. She started helping my mother in the kitchen and that’s how she started. She always works hard even after her so much study pressure. Sometimes she cooks food and washes clothes.

My parents are really happy with her helpful mentality. Not only in the family, but she is also helpful in the college too. I found a few girls came to our house for free tuition. She even helps them with her own notes.  

Conclusion: She is my most amazing sister in the world. I know and admit that every sister is special for everyone. She loves me so much and I love her too.

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That Viral Essay Wasn’t About Age Gaps. It Was About Marrying Rich.

But both tactics are flawed if you want to have any hope of becoming yourself..

Women are wisest, a viral essay in New York magazine’s the Cut argues , to maximize their most valuable cultural assets— youth and beauty—and marry older men when they’re still very young. Doing so, 27-year-old writer Grazie Sophia Christie writes, opens up a life of ease, and gets women off of a male-defined timeline that has our professional and reproductive lives crashing irreconcilably into each other. Sure, she says, there are concessions, like one’s freedom and entire independent identity. But those are small gives in comparison to a life in which a person has no adult responsibilities, including the responsibility to become oneself.

This is all framed as rational, perhaps even feminist advice, a way for women to quit playing by men’s rules and to reject exploitative capitalist demands—a choice the writer argues is the most obviously intelligent one. That other Harvard undergraduates did not busy themselves trying to attract wealthy or soon-to-be-wealthy men seems to flummox her (taking her “high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out” to the Harvard Business School library, “I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence”). But it’s nothing more than a recycling of some of the oldest advice around: For women to mold themselves around more-powerful men, to never grow into independent adults, and to find happiness in a state of perpetual pre-adolescence, submission, and dependence. These are odd choices for an aspiring writer (one wonders what, exactly, a girl who never wants to grow up and has no idea who she is beyond what a man has made her into could possibly have to write about). And it’s bad advice for most human beings, at least if what most human beings seek are meaningful and happy lives.

But this is not an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying older men. It is an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying rich men. Most of the purported upsides—a paid-for apartment, paid-for vacations, lives split between Miami and London—are less about her husband’s age than his wealth. Every 20-year-old in the country could decide to marry a thirtysomething and she wouldn’t suddenly be gifted an eternal vacation.

Which is part of what makes the framing of this as an age-gap essay both strange and revealing. The benefits the writer derives from her relationship come from her partner’s money. But the things she gives up are the result of both their profound financial inequality and her relative youth. Compared to her and her peers, she writes, her husband “struck me instead as so finished, formed.” By contrast, “At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self.” The idea of having to take responsibility for her own life was profoundly unappealing, as “adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations.” Tying herself to an older man gave her an out, a way to skip the work of becoming an adult by allowing a father-husband to mold her to his desires. “My husband isn’t my partner,” she writes. “He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did.”

These, by the way, are the things she says are benefits of marrying older.

The downsides are many, including a basic inability to express a full range of human emotion (“I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that constrains the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him”) and an understanding that she owes back, in some other form, what he materially provides (the most revealing line in the essay may be when she claims that “when someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them”). It is clear that part of what she has paid in exchange for a paid-for life is a total lack of any sense of self, and a tacit agreement not to pursue one. “If he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive,” she writes, “but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials.”

Reading Christie’s essay, I thought of another one: Joan Didion’s on self-respect , in which Didion argues that “character—the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life—is the source from which self-respect springs.” If we lack self-respect, “we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out—since our self-image is untenable—their false notions of us.” Self-respect may not make life effortless and easy. But it means that whenever “we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously un- comfortable bed, the one we make ourselves,” at least we can fall asleep.

It can feel catty to publicly criticize another woman’s romantic choices, and doing so inevitably opens one up to accusations of jealousy or pettiness. But the stories we tell about marriage, love, partnership, and gender matter, especially when they’re told in major culture-shaping magazines. And it’s equally as condescending to say that women’s choices are off-limits for critique, especially when those choices are shared as universal advice, and especially when they neatly dovetail with resurgent conservative efforts to make women’s lives smaller and less independent. “Marry rich” is, as labor economist Kathryn Anne Edwards put it in Bloomberg, essentially the Republican plan for mothers. The model of marriage as a hierarchy with a breadwinning man on top and a younger, dependent, submissive woman meeting his needs and those of their children is not exactly a fresh or groundbreaking ideal. It’s a model that kept women trapped and miserable for centuries.

It’s also one that profoundly stunted women’s intellectual and personal growth. In her essay for the Cut, Christie seems to believe that a life of ease will abet a life freed up for creative endeavors, and happiness. But there’s little evidence that having material abundance and little adversity actually makes people happy, let alone more creatively generativ e . Having one’s basic material needs met does seem to be a prerequisite for happiness. But a meaningful life requires some sense of self, an ability to look outward rather than inward, and the intellectual and experiential layers that come with facing hardship and surmounting it.

A good and happy life is not a life in which all is easy. A good and happy life (and here I am borrowing from centuries of philosophers and scholars) is one characterized by the pursuit of meaning and knowledge, by deep connections with and service to other people (and not just to your husband and children), and by the kind of rich self-knowledge and satisfaction that comes from owning one’s choices, taking responsibility for one’s life, and doing the difficult and endless work of growing into a fully-formed person—and then evolving again. Handing everything about one’s life over to an authority figure, from the big decisions to the minute details, may seem like a path to ease for those who cannot stomach the obligations and opportunities of their own freedom. It’s really an intellectual and emotional dead end.

And what kind of man seeks out a marriage like this, in which his only job is to provide, but very much is owed? What kind of man desires, as the writer cast herself, a raw lump of clay to be molded to simply fill in whatever cracks in his life needed filling? And if the transaction is money and guidance in exchange for youth, beauty, and pliability, what happens when the young, beautiful, and pliable party inevitably ages and perhaps feels her backbone begin to harden? What happens if she has children?

The thing about using youth and beauty as a currency is that those assets depreciate pretty rapidly. There is a nearly endless supply of young and beautiful women, with more added each year. There are smaller numbers of wealthy older men, and the pool winnows down even further if one presumes, as Christie does, that many of these men want to date and marry compliant twentysomethings. If youth and beauty are what you’re exchanging for a man’s resources, you’d better make sure there’s something else there—like the basic ability to provide for yourself, or at the very least a sense of self—to back that exchange up.

It is hard to be an adult woman; it’s hard to be an adult, period. And many women in our era of unfinished feminism no doubt find plenty to envy about a life in which they don’t have to work tirelessly to barely make ends meet, don’t have to manage the needs of both children and man-children, could simply be taken care of for once. This may also explain some of the social media fascination with Trad Wives and stay-at-home girlfriends (some of that fascination is also, I suspect, simply a sexual submission fetish , but that’s another column). Fantasies of leisure reflect a real need for it, and American women would be far better off—happier, freer—if time and resources were not so often so constrained, and doled out so inequitably.

But the way out is not actually found in submission, and certainly not in electing to be carried by a man who could choose to drop you at any time. That’s not a life of ease. It’s a life of perpetual insecurity, knowing your spouse believes your value is decreasing by the day while his—an actual dollar figure—rises. A life in which one simply allows another adult to do all the deciding for them is a stunted life, one of profound smallness—even if the vacations are nice.