arranged marriage opinion essay

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Arranged Marriage Essays Examples

Type of paper: Essay

Topic: Social Issues , Freedom , Marriage , Love , Arranged Marriage , Family , Children , Relationships

Published: 02/21/2020

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Marriage is one of the critical issues in society. As a matter of fact, the roles and functions of marriage make it one f the important union in human race. Those who are religious will assert that marriage was actually instituted by God and this makes it a crucial issue. Arranged marriage is one of the types of marriage, but in this case the marital union is decided by third parties. It is a type of marriage where the groom and the bride are selected by other people rather than making their own decision on who to marry. In the past, this seemed to be the norm but the trend seems to behave continued in some culture or societies. The family members in most cases become part of those bringing the couples together. The parents are in the forefront in approving the potential partner for their children. In fact, the couples may even marry without knowing each other expecting that love will develop and become the best. In general perspective, this is unrealistic situation and brings out various reasons why being against arranged marriage is justified. Regardless of the religion that we belong, arranged marriage is not good. One of the main reason that drives many people to be against arranged marriage is the fact that there is no chemistry and physical attraction between the couples (Hylton, 2013). Research shows that in a marriage there should be bio-chemically compatibility between the two partners who want to get married. Hence, there is no need of putting people at risk. Marriage is actually a life time commitment and arranged marriages id putting the couples on a life time situation against their will. The chemistry between people who want to get married must grow and flourish automatically (Divakaruni, 2011). In arranged marriages love may not grow forever. There is a possibility that the partners do not like each other and focus more on their personalities. This means that the intimacy and the chemistry between the couples will never grow. An arranged marriage is not good because people have no time to learn various characters of the other partner. In most cases, people hide their personalities that may be abusive or flawed in nature. The abusive personality will come into play when individuals are already married, leaving one of the partner in marriage stressed (Hahn, 2011). Arranged marriage does not give the couples an opportunity to learn and tolerate each other characters and personality before getting married. This issue can also be said in non-arranged marriage but it becomes more harmful in arranged marriages due to the fact that you never made the choice. Arranged marriages denounce divorce leaving room for no easy escape. It is worth noting that divorce in arranged marriages comes with very severe penalties. The political, social and religious focus on divorce seems to be complex (Hylton, 2013). People focus more on the arranged marriage rather than focusing on the personal situation of an individual. In fact, people believe that abandoning arranged marriage can lead to lifetime problems. Arranged marriages have no room for free will and free decision making. Regardless of the fact that the couples are given an opportunity to meet before giving consent sound better, but if the couples refuse to consent the relatives go ahead and make the marriage official. In the 21st century, there are various risks associated to marriage, which may include STD and one could want to be tested before marriage. Arranged marriage leaves no room for this cautious and reasonable process. Arranged marriages have lead to abusive and exploitation, especially on the state of guise arranged marriage. In some occasions, arranged marriage may involve underage children, immigration fraud, and other forms of forced marriages. Therefore, the arranged marriages may be carried out in unlawful circumstances (Divakaruni, 2011). There are communities that arrange marriage for their children regardless of age, education schedule or other programs that individuals wish to accomplish before marriage. The arranged marriages violate the rights and freedom of people as stated by the law. Everyone has the right and freedom to choose who they want to get married to. The couples who are victims of forced marriage did not get an opportunity to enjoy this right and freedom. Those who arrange marriage for their children do not respect the desires and needs of their children. This means that the parents are nit sensitive to the desires of the children, which is not fair to the children (Hahn & Austen, 2011). Parents should be in the forefront on protecting the desires and needs of their children. Arranged marriages mostly driven by financial gain and social status at the expense of the happiness of children. There is a big possibility that arranged marriages will bring people who are not compatible. On the other hand those in support of arranged marriages have come up with reasons to support it. These include cultural and religious issues, financial and dynastic gain, and more so the parents take full control of their children life. In general perspective, arranged marriages are bad and should not be supported. Marriage should be a decision made by the couples in free will.

Divakaruni, C. (2011). Arranged Marriage. New York: Wadsworth Hahn, J. (2011). An Arranged Marriage. California: Wiley Hahn, J., & Austen, J. (2011). An arranged marriage. Oysterville, WA: Meryton Press. Hylton, S. (2013). An Arranged Marriage. London: Wiley

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Article Contents

I. introduction, ii. misunderstanding the arranged marriage, iii. understanding arranged marriage, iv. conclusion and suggestions for further research.

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Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution

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Naema N Tahir, Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution, International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family , Volume 35, Issue 1, 2021, ebab005, https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebab005

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This research asks one simple question, a question many studies on the arranged marriage omit to ask, namely “What exactly is the arranged marriage?” Author Naema Tahir, born and bred in the arranged marriage culture, but educated in the free-choice marriage culture, argues that much literature on the arranged marriage fails to offer full exploration of this traditional marital system. Instead, the arranged marriage is often analysed through the lens of the modern free choice marriage system. However, this is not a neutral lens. It considers the free choice marriage to be the ideal. As a result, the arranged marriage is perceived to be a “marriage of shortcomings”, one that fails to meet the standards of the free-choice marriage system. The author encourages readers to break this frame and offers a neutral perspective on this traditional marital system practised by billions around the world. Readers are invited to an in-depth and rigorous analysis of the foundations upon which the arranged marriage system rests. While this analysis zooms in on the case study of one particular focus group, the British Pakistani diaspora, it reveals broad insights into the arranged marriage system in general. This analysis highlights and critically examines social principles fundamental to the arranged marriage system and which are much misunderstood, such as hierarchy, patriarchy, collectivism, group loyalty and the role of parental and individual marital consent. The author argues that it is vital to first understand the traditional structures of the arranged marriage, before one can understand modernizing tendencies the arranged marriage system is currently undergoing. As such, this study hugely contributes to an unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns and is a valuable reading for those interested in marriage, marital systems and the future thereof.

There is a tendency in academic literature to view the arranged marriage from the lens of the autonomous marriage. In this literature the arranged marriage is compared in a binary to the autonomous marriage. 1 While a comparison of the arranged marriage to the autonomous marriage should be an unbiased one, the contrary is true. From this binary, both marital systems are not viewed neutrally. The autonomous marriage, thriving on individual choice, is perceived to be the ideal marital system, while the arranged marriage, supported by traditional kin authority, is not considered ideal. Resulting from this, the autonomous marriage sets the standards of an ideal marriage all marriages must aim for, including the arranged marriage. The arranged marriage is then measured by characteristics typical of the autonomous marriage system. However, the arranged marriage, even in its most modern manifestation, is not an autonomous marriage. Monitoring the arranged marriage as if it were or should be autonomous, emphasizes defects, deficits, lacunas in the arranged marriage on matters related to autonomy. Measured this way, the arranged marriage turns into something faulty. It becomes a marriage of shortcomings.

There is a necessity to study the arranged marriage on its own terms and not in a binary with the autonomous marriage. 2 This will enable judging the arranged marriage on the qualities and rewards it holds for its practitioners. At its core, this article hopes to contribute to an understanding of the arranged marriage from an unbiased lens.

This article is set up in three sections.

Section II will investigate biased understandings of the arranged marriage in more detail, by critically evaluating the binary approach in scholarly literature, illustrated further by a study of a variety of categorizations and close interpretation of definitions on the arranged marriage. Section II argues that in scholarly literature, the arranged marriage is framed as a lesser version of the ideal of autonomous conjugal union.

Section III will aim to construct a Weberian ideal type 3 of the traditional arranged marriage as a useful tool that offers neutral, unbiased insights into general features all arranged marriage systems, to varying degrees, share. The arranged marriage will be understood as a guardianship invested marital system, which is organized in a hierarchical, aristocratic manner, upheld by parental authority, group orientation and belonging. This section will provide a conceptual, theoretical analysis of the arranged marriage by drawing on literature that intersects between tradition and modernity, by leading scholars in the field. 4 Through this analysis a marital system will surface which is embedded in a cultural inherited belief that the young must be relieved of mate-selection which is perceived, not so much as a harmless liberty with mere individual impact, but as a burden that the strongest shoulders in the community must be bear, and as a choice that has broad implications for the family, extended family, and community.

Section IV will conclude as to how knowledge on the arranged marriage proper, as an aristocratic guardianship system, can be applied to the varied practices of changing patterns in arranged marriages, that include the increasing involvement of the young in mate-selection and marriage making. This section will also offer suggestions for further research.

This article will focus on analyses of conjugal practices of British immigrant Pakistanis residing in the UK, the largest Pakistani diaspora in the world that strongly upholds the arranged marriage system. While narrowing down the focus to one culture, norm and values will surface that typically underlie the arranged marriage system in general.

For this article, the following working definition of arranged marriage will be employed: marriage for which the mate selection is under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents and that aligns the families in a durable relational bond that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union. 5 The following working definition will be employed of the autonomous marriage: marriage for which the mate selection is undertaken by the marital agents, who base their selection on subjective criteria with the aim to align the agents in a durable relational conjugal union. 6

1. Biased Binary Approach

The so-called binary approach in the study or representation of the arranged marriage is much criticized in literature. 7 This binary is considered ‘liberal individualist’ 8 or Eurocentric. 9 Set in a binary with the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage is judged by the idealized standards of the autonomous marriage. That which is idealized is individual freedom and conjugal choice. Individualism is considered progressive, there is free choice and the freeing of individual potential. 10 The autonomous marriage elevates the individual who emancipated themselves and rose from the bonds of a history in which marriage choices were not left to solely the individuals. 11 Individuals assume that this transformation from ‘arranged marriages to love matches is progressive and “healthy” … the result should be happier marriages’. 12 Central to the autonomous marriage is the nuclear family, otherwise known as the conjugal or the atomistic family. 13 The dissolving of the extended family into the nuclear family is also seen as a marker of modernity and progress. 14 Modernity signifies improvement, including modernity in the way one marries. 15 Through modernization, arranged marriage will be replaced by self-chosen unions. 16 ‘[A]lthough Western ideas about the family are often opposed or resisted at first, many of these ideas are nevertheless adopted, often in modified forms, because the Western style family is so closely associated with development.’ 17 And while this theory may have its critics, 18 this article claims that it still holds ground as regards arranged marriage.

As suggested by the convergence theory and developmental paradigm, 19 the arranged marriage is held to the expectation that it will one day adapt to the Western ways, and advance into the autonomous marriage, as a sign of emancipation, of progress.

Until then, the arranged marriage appears lacking in those very features so particular of the autonomous marriage: free choice, individual energy, emphasis on the idiocentric conjugal union and the self-centred nuclear family. Literature magnifies those very features and puts the arranged marriage to the test: can it fulfil standards of full and free autonomy? Failing to do so turns the arranged marriage into something faulty. The arranged marriage culture is seen as ‘deficient’ and ‘deformed’. 20 It becomes the ‘other’. 21 ‘[T]he “Orient” is constructed and represented in the binary opposition against the Occident as the “Other”.’ 22 This binary distinction ‘[p]roblematically contributes to the discursive portrayal of arranged marriages as certainly less than and other to mainstream marriage practices’. 23

The social principles of individual freedom and autonomy are given much weight in perspectives on the arranged marriage. However, such principles are not neutral. They are ‘European values, assumptions, cultural codes’, are ‘culturally-determined and biased’, and offer ‘limited historical perspectives’, 24 providing a lens through which the arranged marriage is evaluated. There then, is a free-choice system at one end of the spectrum, a space that cannot be shared with the arranged marriage, for that is a parent-orchestrated endeavour and parents’ ‘subtle coercion has a tainting effect on the child's quality of choice’. 25 Thus emerges at the other end of the spectrum the not so free system called the arranged marriage.

Of course, the arranged marriage is certainly not considered a forced marriage in the studied literature—though media often equate the two. 26 However, literature on the arranged marriage frequently mentions forced unions and thus frequently connects arranged marriage to forced marriage. Besides, an overlap between arranged and forced marriage is often recognized and referred to as a ‘grey area’ with the potential of ‘slippage:’ the slightest increase of duress can lead the arranged marriage to ‘slip’ into a forced one. 27 The arranged marriage is always haunted by force.

The heightened attention to freedom and the lack thereof highlights consent, arguably the most important legal principle the arranged marriage is expected to prove. This consent must be full and free. 28 A recurring question in literature is whether arranged marriage supports full and free consent. 29 If consent is present, the union is considered an arranged marriage. Without consent the union is considered coerced. Consent separates arranged marriage from forced marriage. 30 This leads to a preoccupation in legal and policy discourse with the presence of consent and the absence of coercion in the arranged marriage. 31 The presence of consent and the absence of coercion determine the value of the arranged marriage. In essence, the arranged marriage is framed in yet another binary: that between consent versus coercion, a binary that is damaging and limiting. 32 The culture of the arranged marriage in itself becomes problematic. 33 This culture needs to prove constantly that there is no coercion involved. In addition, the binary is limiting in a different sense too. Consent, full and free is a human rights standard, 34 as well as a legal tool to declare the legitimacy of marriage as an uncoerced union. 35 Yet, consent as it operates in the law is given a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 36 As such, read in ‘plain language’ ‘only “free market” or choice marriages —a hallmark of Western societies—meet the “free and full” requirement because “there is nothing to prevent men and women from taking spouses which do not meet their families” approval’. 37

Arranged marriage contexts do not evolve around the freeing of individual energy. They are characterized by collective dynamisms with a particular ‘distribution of power and wider familial and community involvement’. 38 ‘The arranged marriage process, heavily reliant on parental and sometimes extended family input, fails to measure up to the requirements of free and full consent.’ 39 The attention given to full consent ignores that something given an individualistic bent is a strange bedfellow in a system that is not primarily or fully individualistic, nor aims to be. Consent is a universal principle which certainly has its place in the arranged marriage system. Yet, the language of consent in the discourse on arranged marriage is an expression of the ‘rational individual with free will’ 40 or the ‘free self’. 41 It is the language of an atomistic individual, of ‘an autonomous agent who is able to choose and act freely’. 42 This is not the language of a member deeply engrained in community belonging, duty, and purpose.

To reiterate, individual autonomy, including the right to consent, dictates the preoccupation in literature on arranged marriage. Notions such as agency, control, freedom to date, freedom to reject a selected candidate, negotiating power, the right of marital subjects to fall in love, choice and the freedom to self-select, receive profound consideration as a consequence.

In this regard, it is illustrative that arranged marriage is often categorized in types which reflect differing amounts of yet again this very notion of individual autonomy. There are three main types of categorization: traditional, semi-arranged, or love-arranged marriage types. 43 Arranged marriages earmarked as traditional are described as offering no or very little involvement by the young, 44 as if involvement or the lack thereof is the only feature of traditional arranged marriage. Semi-arranged or hybrid types, also known as joint-venture types, point to control shared by the elders and the young alike, 45 which again only emphasize this control as a shared element, as if nothing is of any relevance other than control . Finally, the love-arranged types are embodiments of near full individual control and individual love. 46 This categorization according to a ‘sliding scale of control’ 47 does not highlight what the arranged marriage in general is or what it offers, other than control, to those practising it. Some authors even reject ‘arranged’ as a word to describe this marital system, as this word suggests a lack of control. 48 Individual control has become a dominating feature by which arranged marriage is judged. But it is again agency and control towards more autonomy that academics are consumed with and not agency or autonomy towards more traditional features arranged marriage offers. Those are simply ignored or not sought for. Those remain irrelevant and underexamined.

There could only be one reason why social principles that are founded upon the philosophy of idiocentrism and the freeing of individual energy, are tirelessly sought in a system that thrives on allocentrism, group-belonging and honour for group loyalty. Arguably, the arranged marriage culture only seems to satisfy the Eurocentric mind if it contains the same recognizable ingredients as the autonomous marriage culture. And as it does not, the arranged marriage represents a lesser marital version than the prized autonomous marriage.

2. Biased Definitions of Arranged Marriage

The above bias is reflected in descriptions and definitions of the arranged marriage. Many descriptions or definitions only really offer information as to who selects the mate, eg ‘parent orchestrated alliances’, 49 or ‘marriages that are instigated by the family’, 50 or ‘arranged by family members or respected members in the religious or ethnic community’. 51 Other definitions view the arranged marriage from a biased Eurocentric appreciation. These definitions accentuate ‘individualizing tendencies’. 52

While there is nothing wrong with individuation and autonomy, especially if so desired by those involved in arranged marriages, 53 headlining these modern notions points to a Eurocentric domination as to how the arranged marriage ought to be valued. Simultaneously, such one-sided promotion undervalues notions that cannot be grouped under ‘individualizing tendencies’ and the freeing of individual energy.

A case in point are the following definitions. Arranged marriages are featured as those ‘in which the spouses are chosen for one another by third parties to the marriage such as parents or elder relatives’, 54 or ‘the partners to which are chosen by others , usually their parents’. 55 In these definitions elders are referred to as ‘third parties’ or ‘others’. These wordings seem innocent, yet they are not. They suggest that marital subjects are the ‘first parties’. This qualification is justified if marriage is perceived to be an alliance between individuals, which is the case in the autonomous marriage system. This qualification is not correct if marriage is seen as an alliance between (extended) families, which emerges in the arranged marriage system. 56 ‘ First ’ parties suggests a hierarchy above ‘ third ’ parties, which is not an attribute of the arranged marriage system where singular members of the group, in this case the marital agents, are not valued above the elders or generally above one’s group. Similarly, mentioning that ‘parents rather than. spouses’ or ‘two families rather than individuals’ 57 contract a marriage is again pointing to a Eurocentric preference for self-selection.

Other definitions amplify attention to the individual more explicitly. For example in the definition ‘marriage arranged by the families of the individuals’, 58 the individual is seen as a separate entity, while, as we shall learn in Section III, a ‘tradition directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual’. 59 Indeed, ‘[t]he ideology that underpins a South Asian “arranged” marriage is that obligations to one’s immediate and more extended family have priority over personal self-interest’. 60 Ignoring this, is judging the arranged marriage from a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 61 In the same vein, many definitions contain the words ‘control’, ‘agency’ ‘choice,’ which all emphasize individual autonomy as the standard and which in effect draw attention to arranged marriage as primarily a space where marital agents negotiate increasing amounts of individual control. Other definitions refer to this ‘control’ highlighting dominion and power, suggesting that the arranged marriage is a battlefield between the elders and the young: ‘Traditional arranged marriage placed considerable power in the hands of the parents, and in particularly the father’. 62 Or, ‘In “traditional” societies, parents or the extended family dominate marriage choices’. 63 The power difference referred to suggests there are two parties with opposing aims and interests, which again is not an insightful reflection of unified interests so characteristic of group cultures. Also, culture here is presented as merely problematic: a father’s or parent’s role is that of power or domination, with negative connotations, and not much else.

A third set of definitions emphasizes the changing and flexible arranged marriage types, especially towards offering more control to the individual. It seems as if the arranged marriage is trying to prove that it is very capable of accommodating modernity and is progressive and evolving, for it has choice, agency, room for dating and romance, or the right of marital agents to say ‘no’ at any stage of the arrangement. This latter is illustrated well by Ahmad’s words referring to marriage as a dynamic process: ‘a family-facilitated introduction of a potentially suitable matched prospective candidate followed by a managed pattern of courtship prior to a potential, and agreed to marriage’. 64 Her words seem to suggest that the only acceptable arranged marriage is a progressive arranged marriage, one that resembles the autonomous marriage.

Love too, when mentioned, generally suggests lovelessness in arranged marriage as opposed to true love in autonomous marriage. 65 Arranged marriages are contrasted to marriage where there is romantic love 66 or to ‘love marriages’ based on romantic attachment between the couple’. 67 Arranged marriages when ‘a couple validates its love choice to their respective families’ 68 would be termed love-arranged or western type marriages. One commonly held view is that love will (hopefully) grow in arranged marriage as time passes. 69 Reference to ‘marriage, then love’, 70 supports this theory. Or when ‘love is not forthcoming’ the couple ‘are increasingly supported to divorce … ’. 71 In these examples it is yet again the love between the spouses, primarily romantic, sensual love, or individual affection that is stressed, which again celebrates the love so typical in the autonomous marriage system. 72

Families that are not conjugal have valued ‘not affection, but duty, obligation, honour, mutual aid, and protection … ’. 73 Such love for family or culture or any type of gift-love 74 are hardly mentioned in descriptions of arranged marriage. Even when ‘companionate’ love features, the focus remains on the spouse’s companionship for one another, and not for any(thing) other. Arguably the Eurocentric perspective holds little regard for other loves than the romantic.

3. Evaluation of Biased Science on the Arranged Marriage

The manner in which the arranged marriage is described in the literature studied is a marker of recognizing the arranged marriage as worthwhile only in so far it mirrors the characteristics of the autonomous marriage system. The words employed to describe the arranged marriage reflect autonomy-related values, but exclude community-related values that are foundational to the arranged marriage system. The arranged marriage is thus undervalued for the fundamental characteristics upon which it rests. These are ignored, not understood, arguably misunderstood, if at all known. Set against the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage then becomes the other, deficient, deformed, a marriage of shortcomings, a marriage lacking in freedom and a marriage that is catching up and trying to prove it is not as traditional, thus not so backwards or rigid as analysts of the arranged marriage suggest.

The arranged marriage proper then remains a much understudied marital system and can only be understood by abandoning the binary approach and adopting a neutral lens. One needs ‘to turn the picture round’ as Tocqueville puts, in his eloquent study of aristocratic systems. 75 Such an aristocratic system is the arranged marriage, as we shall learn below.

As mentioned before, arranged marriages are frequently categorized in types, varying from traditional to hybrid to loosely arranged modern versions. They are frequently studied individually, through empirical research which offers a rich, complex, and varied analysis of arranged marriage practices, in diaspora communities, transnational communities as well as in communities and cultures around the world that are globalizing and are in transition. Yet, while all arranged marriages are arguably different, all do share a basic set of similarities. This section aims to bring these to the surface, drawing on sociology, so as to arrive at an ideal type of the arranged marriage.

The arranged marriage as an ideal type is a theoretical construct. 76 The ideal type emphasizes typical features of the arranged marriage, which all concrete individual arranged marriages share with one another and which are presented ‘into a unified analytical construct’. 77 As such the ideal type, ‘in its conceptual purity … cannot be found empirically anywhere in reality’. 78 ‘It is a utopia’. 79 Yet, it is a necessary tool to bring to the surface a neutral, unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage. It is also a ‘measuring rod’ 80 to measure the reality of cultural differences or change the arranged marriage system is constantly undergoing. 81

Before I proceed, it is vital to address academic opposition against the essentialization of the arranged marriage system. This essentialization is criticized as it captures the arranged marriage in a binary opposition with the autonomous marriage, idealizing the autonomous marriage and ‘othering’ the arranged marriage. This essentialization exaggerates cultural difference. 82 It portrays the arranged marriage as a rigid, static, unchanging, unnuanced system. 83 It ‘assumes the complete hold over the migrant of traditional gender and family norms by underscoring the foreignness of … arranged marriages’. 84 Authors opposing this essentialization are quick to point out that the arranged marriage is a dynamic and highly flexible system, that is able to accommodate change, modernization, individualizing tendencies, agency, romantic love and negotiating spaces, in which especially women assume more control in their endeavours to navigate around victimization by patriarchy. 85

What these scholars are in actual fact doing, unknowingly, is trying to exhibit to the Eurocentric mind evidence that the arranged marriage resembles the autonomous marriage. These authors demonstrate that the arranged marriage is very capable of upholding choice, agency, and control. These authors preoccupy themselves with bringing those qualities in the arranged marriage to the surface of their research. Sequentially, traditional features of this marital system remain understudied.

This section will not essentialize the arranged marriage system from a Eurocentric viewpoint for it desires not to repeat the othering of the arranged marriage. It will not try to prove that the arranged marriage is a flexible modern institution able to accommodate a constant flux of variety and diversity. As valuable as an investigation of that change may be, one cannot study the arranged marriage by studying how it absorbs constant flux. ‘[W]eber defines reality as an “infinite flux” which cannot be apprehended in its totality’. 86 One cannot apprehend arranged marriage on its fundamental shared characteristics if only the constant flux and change towards autonomy dominate academic engagement.

Despite being diverse and different on individual level, there are common qualities that make a marriage an arranged marriage and thus a largely unexamined ideal type of the arranged marriage will be examined in Section III of this article. The rich diversity between cultures, countries, social and economic classes, between religions and religious denominations, between those that have migrated and those that have not, as well as the constant evolution of the arranged marriage, will be left to the efforts of other scholars. 87

At its core, all arranged marriage cultures have marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All marriage arrangers are senior members of the family or community, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures value marriage to be arranged by these senior marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate selection to be not primarily the responsibility of the marital agents, whether they share this responsibility substantially or subtly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate-selection physically and mentally risky, shameful and burdensome for the young to be engaged in, whether the young engage themselves in such matters or not. Family is placed central to marriage in all arranged marriage cultures, as they all consider marriage an alliance between families, whether or not the marital agents emphasize their conjugal alliance above that of the family’s. All arranged marriages guard against an incoming candidate harming family unity or family interests. Objective reasons for marrying are always valued as these support aforementioned family unity and interests, regardless of whether there is room for individual desire and preference. Finally, all arranged marriages are voluntarily accepted by marital agents on the basis of legitimate parental guidance and authority.

As such, all arranged marriage cultures are hierarchical cultures, as they accord different roles and responsibilities to the elders and to the younger ones of a group; they are group cultures that strongly incorporate its members through loyalty to the group and its interests; they are all driven by parental guardianship and authority, rooted in protection, providence and voluntary compliance. These principles of community, hierarchy, guardianship and authority are foundational to the ‘way of life’ 88 of the arranged marriage system, and will be explained below.

1. Arranged Marriage is a Community Oriented System

Literature frequently makes reference to arranged marriage cultures as collectivist, community oriented, occurring in extended families, whether there is individualism or not. 89 Marriage concerns the whole family and families are characteristically extended with extended kinship ties. 90 Marriage choices ‘have a far-reaching impact upon … relatives, affecting the futures and socio-economic positions of a much wider range of kin than just parents and children’. 91 Beyond the conjugal alliance, marriage creates alliances between a variety of family-members. 92 ‘Strategic marriage choices enable social mobility even within the extended kinship network.’ 93 Fox argues that arranged marriage preserves family unity, ‘by felicitous selection of the new spouse’ which ‘allows for the furtherance of political linkages and/or economic consolidation between families … it helps keep families intact over generations; and … it preserves family property within the larger kin unit’. 94 Objective selection criteria are emblematic of the families’ desire to preserve a stable family. ‘Parents usually assess the reputation, economic standing and personalities of the potential in-laws and the educational level and occupation of the potential groom or bride.’ 95 The strong emphasis on pragmatic, unromantic reasons that guide mate-selection are considered wise: the new conjugal addition must suit family background and thus fit harmoniously into its organization. 96 As such, extended families remain strong in the social order. Less attention is paid therefore to subjective love. One learns that spousal love may come as martial time goes by. 97 This need not be romantic, it may as well be love in a ‘more all-encompassing sense’. 98 Typical of group cultures is that ‘[i]ndividual choice … may be constricted either through requiring that a person be bound by group decisions or by demanding that individuals follow the rules accompanying their station in life’. 99 The individual is ‘sacrificed’. 100 ‘The tradition-directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual.’ 101 He is a ‘collective being’ not a ‘particular being’. 102 But such sacrifice ‘is more than offset by the advantages of fulfilling one’s role within the family … ’. 103

2. Arranged Marriage is a Hierarchical System

The mere fact that marriage arranging requires some element of wisdom, experience and providence, suggests hierarchy. Not everyone is suited to make marriage choices, certainly not young children and this applies to all cultures, whether autonomous or arranged. In the latter culture, arranging marriages is a responsibility bestowed upon elders, mostly parents of the marital agents. 104 Elders, given their status and rank, are considered most able, equipped, wise and well connected to undertake the grave and delicate task of mate selection. It is their proper place to screen and select mates and it is the proper place of the young to trust and respect the judgment of the elders in this regard. Pande points to a case of a young woman called Shabnam appreciating this ‘proper place’ as she would never directly go up to her parents with her marriage wishes as ‘parents deserve their izzat ’ 105 (respect NT). And while elders are given the privilege of mate selection, they do not and may not select for their own benefit, but in the best interests and the good of the group, 106 into which are incorporated the interests and the good of the marital agents. 107

Arranged marriage cultures are thus hierarchical. 108 To understand arranged marriage, is to understand hierarchy. Yet, the social principle of hierarchy does not sit well with the Western mind. 109 The western mind views society from the lens of equality and freedom and hierarchical systems lack equality and freedom. Thus arranged marriage is rejected: it is a space where parents have the ‘power’ and upper hand and ‘dominate’ in marriage choices. 110 Arranged marriage becomes nothing more than a ‘chain of command’ 111 or a ‘power hierarchy’. 112 However, as Dumont argues, this is not true hierarchy. 113 To understand hierarchy one must ‘detach … from egalitarian societies’. 114 One must view hierarchical systems on its own merits, in an organic manner. 115

‘[H]ierarchy. comes from the very functional requirements of the social bond.’ 116 Literature offers the organism, a whole or the body as a metaphor to understand hierarchical systems. 117 Hierarchy is ‘the principle by which the elements of a whole are ranked in relation to the whole’. 118 The whole body and its parts are strongly bound together by rules, 119 social control, 120 and a common value system. 121 One accepts as necessary the rank order and the fulfilment of distinct obligations—without this the whole cannot function as it is supposed to function. 122 Decisions are taken by the most able in the interests of the whole and its parts. 123 The most able are the guardians and guardianship and hierarchy are strongly intertwined. 124

Families in arranged marriage cultures are organized hierarchically, with each member aware of its own and other’s status and social ranking, 125 with each member submitting to ‘group control’ and fulfilling ‘socially imposed roles’, 126 with each member keeping in one’s proper place, honouring order, 127 and subject to a ‘hierarchized interdependence’. 128 It is deeply understood that elders arrange marriages—it is their obligation to find matches from good families, and to exercise control as to who joins the family. 129 This applies whether or not they share this task with the marital agents. ‘From the viewpoint of many parents, arranging and seeing through your children’s marriages is a primary duty, to the extent that your role as a parent is unfulfilled until this duty is accomplished.’ 130 It is ‘a matter of great family honour.’ 131 It is a necessity too as ‘marriage normally confers the statuses of wife and husband, which have been and still are regarded in many societies as necessary to being seen as an adult rather than as a child’. 132 It is only through marriage that intimate life with a stranger turned into family is legitimate. So, the young depend on the patronage of the elders. 133 Amber, a twenty-four year old student ‘sought her parent’s intervention stating it was their ‘responsibility’. 134 Elders are not to abandon this role, nor to share it with the less qualified. They too are answerable to tradition and community. 135 But they are bound also, as good guardians and figures of authority, to choose wisely and in the best interest of the child. 136 Below a further exploration will be provided on guardianship, which is ‘a standard justification for hierarchical rule’ 137 and authority which too manifests itself through hierarchical relations. 138

3. Arranged Marriage is a System of Guardianship and Parental Authority

Arranged marriage cultures thrive on authority and entrusted leadership of guardians. Though literature never does, one could call arranged marriage a rule of guardians 139 or of parental authority or an aristocratic marital system. 140 In such a system ‘rulership should be entrusted to a minority of persons who are specially qualified to govern by reason of their superior knowledge and virtue’. 141 The entrusted uphold community values, such as ‘altruism, sacrifice, love … order, security, loyalty, duty’. 142 They govern as guardians, as figures of authority. 143 Traditionally, elders are the entrusted ones. 144 And the young honour their authority. 145 The arranged marriage of Manju and Jagdesh, both from Indian middle class families, offers a good example of these notions. 146 Manju, twenty-one years old at the time and Jagdesh, twenty three, were ‘both told that they would be a good match and should marry’ and soon after their agreement, the marriage took place. 147 Or the case of Saima, a 20-year old student who says that ‘my parents will obviously find the guy for me … I trust them for it … If they come out with a decent guy and say we’d like you to marry him, I’d say yes … ’. 148 In both examples parental authority occupies a central role in match making.

A. But what exactly is authority?

‘The need for authority is basic. Children need authorities to guide and reassure them. Adults fulfil an essential part of themselves in being authorities; it is one way of expressing care for others.’ 151

‘Deeply embedded in social functions, an inalienable part of the inner order of family … ritualized at every turn, authority is so closely woven into the fabric of tradition and morality … ’. 162 As such, traditional authority is embedded in arranged marriage cultures. It ‘roots in the belief that it is ancient’. 163 In arranged marriage cultures traditionally there is trust in parental leadership. 164 One is assured that parents know what is best for their child, as they know their child, sometimes even better than the child knows itself—they see through them. 165 This inspires obedience. 166

Parental authority is a necessary component in arranged marriage systems. Marriage affects a whole family’s stability and future, so marriage choices need to be supervised. 167 The young, inexperienced and not yet wise, are traditionally not considered well trained for this task, as they may be misguided by love. 168 So, arranged marriage societies isolate the young from potential mates. 169 In addition, social control, typical for group cultures, is applied to guard behaviour. 170 Young people can easily fall prey to romantic and sexual behaviour considered disruptive to the dignity and order of the family. 171 Here then arises the necessity for elders to authorize rational mate selection. 172 Of course, this does not exclude that young people may step out of their role. If they do, shame and dishonour may be brought to the family. 173 Such youngsters are considered deviants who must be blamed, heavily punished or re-educated. 174 As such being nourished by parental authority offers security, 175 and enables moral life. 176

4. Studying Arranged Marriage Practices

The idealized typology of the arranged marriage, as a Weberian theoretical construct, demonstrates that, at the outset, arranged marriage systems are traditionally systems of community, hierarchy, guardianship, and authority. So described, the arranged marriage finds its rationality in a system that safeguards mate selection by placing this under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents with the aim to align both families in a durable relational bond, that strengthens its economic and societal standing, and that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union.

This typology is an ideal construct, in the same way the autonomous marriage is also an ideal construct. Borrowing then from William Goode who arrived at an ideal type of the conjugal family, which was also seen as an ideal , the arranged marriage as typified above is also seen as an ideal in that a ‘number of people view some of its characteristics as proper and legitimate, no matter that reality may run counter to the ideal’. 177 Elders in arranged marriage contexts all around the world consider it an ideal to take upon themselves the role of proper guardians and authorities in marriage arranging, and children, in their turn, ideally accept the parental choice, understanding that this is wisely made, that it gains its majesty in legitimate authority. All around the world, this ideal is an inspirational reference point in arranged marriage cultures.

This said, of course reality does not always represent the ideal portrayed, however inspirational. Still, the value of the ideal and the ideal type remain: this construct, even if it is an utopia, is necessary as it provides a neutral and unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage, one that is detached from a restrictive binary approach that others the arranged marriage. The ideal construct serves also as a measuring rod to study the reality of arranged marriage practices that depart from that construct. It ‘[p]rovides the basic method of comparative study’. 178

Taking a look then into these realities, one will find that, for one, elders are not always capable of arranging marriages well. ‘The notion that parents will always act in the child’s best interests is … based on an idealized interpretation of the parent/child relationship and assumes that adults will be altruistic whenever they relate to children with love, care and empathy.’ 179 Elders may not always understand what guardianship truly entails. They may confuse parental authority with the exercise of parental power, force even.

In addition, elders continuously share marriage arranging duties with their children, as the variety of semi-arranged marriage types suggest. These hybrid arranged marriage types are expressions of transformations of marital agents’ role in exercising self-determination and self-realization in marriage matters. They also reflect the changes in traditional parenthood: where once it was the elders who decided for the collective, this is now scrutinized by marital agents’ desires for freedom to (also) decide. In the words of Aguiar ‘arranged marriage has become the locus of a set of liberal and communitarian discourses that articulate competing visions of individual and collective agency’. 180 This does not always run smoothly. Elders may not always believe that transitions towards freedom and individualism are proper. Families often act as buffers against ‘too much’ individualism that is perceived as an isolating and alienating force that disrupts family cohesion and hinders traditions to be passed on from generation to generation. Many, in arranged marriage cultures, parents as well as young people, are grappling with the blended agendas of the liberal and communitarian, of the individual and the collective that are shaping arranged marriage realities. A very sensitive portrayal of an intergenerational struggle in this regard can be seen in the drama film A Fond Kiss : protagonist Casim, son of Pakistani Muslim immigrants to the UK, asks his parents to accept his love choice for Roisin, a Catholic divorcee. In their turn, his parents, emotionally destroyed and shamed by Casim’s desires, plead to their son to accept an arranged marriage to his cousin Yasmin. This Casim refuses and the family breaks up. 181

As indicated earlier, the tendency is to view such realities from a Eurocentric lens, that prizes liberalism and equality, and that advocates the individual’s rise from traditional structures as a marker of sovereignty, supported by contract, geared towards independence and freedom from authority. 182

Again, such views monopolize examination of arranged marriage, are biased, ‘culturally-determined’ and entrenched in ‘limited historical perspectives’. 183 ‘Many people in this world have registers of well-being that are not the same as degrees of freedom, measures such as duty, devotion and responsibility.’ 184 Many people do not value, experience, nor desire full independence from parental authority.

Hybrid arranged marriages are in a sense partly separated from and partly belonging to traditional as well as liberal structures. It is vital to represent and express belonging to these traditional structures in the discourse on arranged marriage. It is important to acknowledge notions of guardianship, authority, and community when one measures change and modernization in arranged marriage realities, but also when one measures distancing from that very modernization in efforts to hold on to traditions.

The current tendency, when marital agents demand a stronger role in mate selection, is to capture this in a language of freedoms, control, agency and the rising individual. This language presupposes that marital agents’ main aim is to free oneself, become independent and ultimately exit the arranged marriage system. 185 It presupposes too that marital agents are very capable of acting independently of their parents. The fact of the matter is, that many marital agents are deeply connected to a system of parental guardianship and authority, they are hierarchically interdependent with family, they cherish strong belonging to their community and understand family cohesion as a necessary component of their family’s well-being in which their well-being is integrated. Marital agents granted or demanding a role in match making, challenge in essence (part of) the authority of parents, but do not act as fully atomistic units. When parents allow their child to jointly decide with them on marriage matters, this is articulated in literature mostly as a step that invests power in the child. However, this ought to also be valued as a sharing of parental authority or guardianship with the child. Adding authority and guardianship to the conversation on the arranged marriage gives rise to a language that relates to and represents community. For instance, why do some parents share their authority, why do others not? It might be possible that some parents deem their children disciplined enough to select wisely, pointing to the principle that ‘discipline is authority in operation?’ 186 It might be that some parents believe that their children can act as their own guardians, partly or in full, given that these children are educated and skilled in ways the elders are not? Might it be that in diaspora contexts elders are searching for new meaning to traditional concepts such as authority and guardianship and need a language to cope with this hybrid dynamic rather than a language that calls upon their children to exit anything traditional? Asking and addressing such questions will contribute to a discourse on arranged marriage that respects the very foundations it is built upon. It is knowledge about these foundations that is pivotal if we wish to understand the arranged marriage proper and change in that domain.

This article argued for a full renunciation of the binary approach adopted in literature in studying arranged marriage. In the binary approach, the arranged marriage emerges as a lesser conjugal union in comparison to the ideal and prized autonomous conjugal union. Recognizing that the arranged marriage must be valued on its own merits, this article sought for an ideal typical construct of the arranged marriage, as a neutral departure point in a study of this marital system and as a tool to explore arranged marriage realities. The arranged marriage is fundamentally rooted in the sociological principles of collective belonging, parental guardianship and the protective, provident authority of elders in match making. This article calls for a fresh discourse on arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns that reflect these principles in order to arrive at a much needed and understudied fuller appreciation and conversation of a marital system that engages hundreds of millions.

In order to be as impartial as humanly possible, this article does not offer personal opinions on or preferences for the arranged or the autonomous marriage. It is of fundamental importance that any scholar on the arranged marriage system (and many other subjects for that matter) is an unbiased scholar or at least strives to be. Neither advocacy of nor opposition to the arranged marriage, and neither advocacy of nor opposition to the autonomous marriage should enter a scholar’s theories and findings. A scholar’s role is not to express any preference for either system, it is not to value one system as better than the other, it is to become independent from any prejudice of one over the other

This article is based on, The Arranged Marriage – Changing Perspectives on a Marital Institution (Unpublished Dissertation Utrecht University) Utrecht, 2019.

Authors referring to this binary are eg F. Shariff, ‘Towards a Transformative Paradigm in the UK Response to Forced Marriages’ (2012) 21 (4) Social and Legal Studies 549–65; M. Aguiar, Arranging Marriage, Conjugal Agency in The South Asian Diaspora (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2018); R. Pande, ‘Geographies of Marriage and Migration: Arranged Marriages and South Asians in Britain’ (2014) 8 (2) Geography Compass 75–86; S. Anitha and A. Gill, ‘Coercion, Consent and the Forced Marriage Debate in the UK’ (2009) 17 Feminist Legal Studies 165–84; M. Khandelwal, ‘Arranging Love: Interrogating the Vantage Point in Cross-Border Feminism’ (2009) 34 (3) Signs 583–609; F. Ahmad, ‘Graduating Towards Marriage? Attitudes Towards Marriage and Relationships among University-educated British Muslim Women’ (2012) 13 Culture and Religion 193–210.

M. Weber, Gesammelte Aufsätze zur Wissenschafslehre (Tübingen: J.C.B. Mohr, 1988) p. 191.

Notably, H. Arendt, Between Past and Future (New York: Penguin Books, 1977); M. Douglas, ‘Cultural Bias’ in M. Douglas (ed.), The Active Voice (London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1982), as referred to by Thompson et al., Cultural Theory (Boulder, San Francisco: Westview Press, 1990); Thompson et al. ibid; M. Douglas, Risk and Blame (London, New York: Routledge, 1992); R.A. Dahl, Democracy and its Critics (New Have: Yale University, 1989); L. Dumont, Homo Hierarchicus (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980); R.A. Nisbet, The Quest for Community (California: ICS Press, 1990); R.A. Nisbet, The Sociological Tradition (London: Heinemann Educational Books Ltd, 1966); R. Sennett, Authority (New York: W.W. Norton, 1980).

For origins of the term ‘arranged marriage’ see Aguiar (n 1) 14.

‘Autonomous marriage’ is used in I.L. Reiss, Family Systems in America (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1976) as referred to by G.R. Lee and L. Hemphill Stone, ‘Mate-Selection Systems and Criteria: Variation according to Family Structure’ (1980) 42 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 319–26, 319.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1); Aguiar (n 1); Pande (n 1); Khandelwal (n 1).

Shariff (n 1) 556, on binary between consent and coercion.

Compare Ahmad (n 1) 194; see also Pande (n 1) 82; see also Aguiar (n 1) 14.

Nisbet 1990 (n 4) pp. 3–4; A.J. Cherlin, ‘Goode's “World Revolution and Family Patterns”: A Reconsideration at Fifty Years’ (2012) 38 (4) Population and Development Review 577–607, 580, 581; see for progress towards the atomistic family C.C. Zimmerman, Family and Civilization (Wilmington Delaware: ISI Books, 2008) pp. 124, 247–49; in general on progress see J.B. Bury, The Idea of Progress (New York: Cosimo Classics, 2008); R.A. Nisbet, History of the Idea of Progress (New York: Basic Book, Inc. Publishers, 1980); see also Arendt (n 4) 100, 101 on progress theory.

See S. Coontz, Marriage, a History, How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Group, 2005) p. 25; See for more on this evolution J. Witte Jr., From Sacrament to Contract , Marriage, Religion, and Law in the Western Tradition (Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) pp. 194–215.

X. Xiaohe and M. King Whyte, ‘Love Matches and Arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication’ (1990) 52 (3) Journal of Marriage and the Family 709–22, 709.

See for these terms W.J. Goode, World Revolution and Family Patterns (New York: The Macmillan Company, 1970) p. 1, and Zimmerman (n 10) pp. 30–36.

A. Thornton, Reading History Sideways: The Fallacy and the Enduring Impact of the Developmental Paradigm on Family Life (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2005), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also, K. Allendorf and R.K. Pandian, ‘The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India’ (2016) 42 (3) Population and Development Review 435–464, 435.

Cherlin (n 10) 581.

Allendorf and Pandian (n 14) 435.

Thornton (n 14), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 593.

Cherlin (n 10) 594.

On the ‘convergence theory’, see Goode (n 13) and Cherlin (n 10); on ‘developmental paradigm’ see Thorntan (n 14) as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also A. Shaw, A Pakistani Community in Britain (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1988) pp. 2, 3 on the expected disappearance of Pakistani migrants’ culture.

M. Enright, ‘Choice, Culture and the Politics of Belonging: The Emerging Law of Forced and Arranged Marriage’ (2009) 72 (3) The Modern Law Review 331–59, 338.

R. Pande, ‘Becoming Modern: British-Indian Discourses of Arranged Marriages’ (2016) 17 (3) Social & Cultural Geography 380–400, 384; see on consequence of ‘othering’ of migrants, Pande (n 1) 75; Shariff (n 1) 562.

E. Said, Orientalism (New York: Penguin, 1978) as referred to by S.R. Moosavinia et al, ‘Edward Said’s Orientalism and the Study of the Self and the Other in Orwell’s Burmese Days’ (2011) 2 (1) Studies in Literature and Language 103–13, 104.

Pande (n 21) 384.

Moosavinia et al, (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

P.J. Gagoomal, ‘A “Margin of Appreciation” for “Marriages of Appreciation”: Reconciling South Asian Adult Arranged Marriages with the Matrimonial Consent Requirement in International Human Rights Law’ (2009) 97 The Georgetown Law Journal 589–620, 601; compare Shariff (n 1) 557.

E.g.: ‘I fled in just the clothes I was wearing’: How one Muslim woman escaped arranged marriage, Mirror , 17 September 2012; L. Harding, ‘Student Saved from Arranged Marriage’, The Guardian , 14 March 2000, as referred to by R. Penn, ‘Arranged Marriages in Western Europe: Media Representations and Social Reality’ (2011) 42 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 637–50, 639, for more examples, see 639–41; see also Aguiar (n 1) 11, 12.

Enright (n 20) 332; Shariff (n 1) 557; Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; G. Gangoli et al, Forced Marriage and Domestic Violence among South Asian Communities in North East England (Bristol: University of Bristol, Northern Rock Foundation, 2006), as referred to by Anitha and Gill (n 1) 167.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), G.A. Res. 217A, (III), U.N. Doc A/810, 10 December 1948, Article 16 (2); International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), GA. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 23 (3); International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (ICESCR), G.A. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 10 (1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11–13, see also Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11, 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 13, 14; Shariff (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 338.

UDHR (n 28); ICCPR (n 28); ICESCR (n 28).

Aguiar (n 1) 13.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611.

R.W. Hodge and N. Ogawa, ‘Arranged Marriages, Assortative Mating and Achievement in Japan,’ in Nihon University Population Research Institute, Research Paper, Series No. 1986, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 601.

Shariff (n 1) 562; see also Anitha and Gill.

Shariff (n 1) 557.

Aguiar (n 1) 67; see also Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; see also Thompson et al, (n 4) 7 on the ‘individualistic social context’.

See for a slightly different categorization R.B. Qureshi, ‘Marriage Strategies among Muslims from South Asia’ 1991 10 (3) The American Journal of Islamic Social Sciences , as referred to by A.U. Zaidi and M. Shuraydi, ‘Perceptions of Arranged Marriages by Young Pakistani Muslim Women Living in a Western Society’ 2002 33 (4) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 495–514, 496.

Qureshi (n 43) as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; Gagoomal (n 25) 592; Cherlin (n 10) 589; see also for modified traditional types, Shariff (n 1) 558; H. Siddiqui, ‘Review: Winning Freedoms’ (1991) 37 Feminist Review 78, 81, as referred to by Enright (n 20) 340, ft 45; see also R. Pande, ‘I Arranged my Own Marriage': Arranged Marriages and Post-colonial Feminism’ (2015) 22 (2) Gender, Place & Culture 172–87, 175; S.P. Wakil et al, ‘Between Two Cultures: A Study in Socialization of Children of Immigrants’ (1981) 43 (4) Journal of Marriage and Family 929–40, 935; see also Ahmad (n 1).

Qureshi (n 43), as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; S.A. Patel, An Exploratory Study of Arranged-Love Marriage in Couples From Collective Cultures (Dissertation Northern Illinois University, Ann Arbor: ProQuest LLC) 2016, 10; J. Kapur, ‘An Arranged Love Marriage: India’s Neoliberal turn and the Bollywood Wedding Culture Industry’ (2009) 2 Communication, Culture, and Critique 221–33, as referred to by Patel 10; Cherlin (n 10) 590; Shariff (n 1) 558.

Shariff (n 1) 558; S. Seymour, Women, Family, and Child Care in India: A World in Transition (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999) p. 212, as referred to by Kandelwal (n 1) 595; K. Kezuka, ‘Late Marriage and Transition from Arranged Marriages to Love Matches: A Search-theoretic Approach’ 2018 42 (2) The Journal of Mathematical Sociology 237–56, 237; N.D. Manglos-Weber and A.A. Weinreb, ‘Own-Choice Marriage and Fertility in Turkey’ (2017) 79 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 372–89, 373; Pande (n 21) 389.

Shariff (n 1) 558, who refers to M. Stopes-Roe and R. Cochrane, Citizens of this Country: The Asian-British (Clevedon: Multilingual Matters, 1990).

Ahmad (n 1) 195, 200; M.J. Bhatti, Questioning Empowerment: Pakistani Women, Higher Education & Marriage (Dissertation University at Buffalo, State University of New York, 2013) 153.

R. Huch, ‘Romantic Marriage’, in H. Keyserling ed., The Book of Marriage: A New Interpretation by Twenty-four Leaders of Contemporary thought (New York: Harcourt, Brace & Company, 1926) pp. 168, 177, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 607/n 112.

S. Davé, ‘Matchmakers and Cultural Compatibility: Arranged Marriage, South Asians, and American television’ (2012) 10 (2) South Asian Popular Culture 167–83, 168.

F.B. Ternikar, Revisioning the Ethnic Family: An Analysis of Marriage Patterns Among Hindu, Muslim, and Christian South Asian Immigrants (Dissertation, Chicago, Illinois, August 2004) 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 206, see also 207.

See among others Ahmad (n 1) and Aguiar (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 331, italics added.

Pande (n 21) 384, italics added, referring to the Oxford English Dictionary.

K. Charsley and A. Shaw, ‘South Asian Transnational Marriages in Comparative Perspective’ (2006) 6 (4) Global Networks 331–44, 335; Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; see also Penn (n 26) 637.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43), 496 (italics omitted).

D. Riesman et al, The Lonely Crowd: A Study of the American Changing Character (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1961) p. 17.

A. Shaw, ‘Kinship, Cultural Preference and Immigration: Consanguineous Marriage Among British Pakistanis’ (2001) 7 (2) Royal Anthropological Institute 315–34, 323.

G.W. Jones, Changing Marriage Patterns in Asia (Working Paper, Asia Research Institute, Series 131, 2010) 4.

P. Wood, ‘Marriage and Social Boundaries among British Pakistanis’ (2011) 20 (1) Diaspora 40–64, 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 200.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338; Khandelwal (n 1).

Davé (n 50) 167, 168.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338.

M. Aguiar, ‘Cultural Regeneration in Transnational South-Asian Popular Culture’ (2013) 84 Cultural Critique (2013) 181–214, 183.

Aguiar (n 1) 7.

A. Patel, ‘Marriage, then Love — Why Arranged Marriages Still Work Today,’ Global News , 26 July 2018.

K. Qureshi et al, ‘Marital Instability among British Pakistanis: Transnationality, Conjugalities and Islam’ (2014) 37 (2) Ethnic and Racial Studies 261–79, 276.

Pande (n 1) 75; for more on this love see K. Bejanyan et al, ‘Associations of Collectivism with Relationship Commitment, Passion, and Mate Preferences: Opposing Roles of Parental Influence and Family Allocentrism’ (2015) 10 (2) PLoS ONE 1–24, 3; Goode (n 13) 9, 12; Coontz (n 11) 149; Compare Zimmerman (n 10) 39.

R.A. Nisbet, Twilight of Authority (Indianapolis: Liberty Fund, Inc. 2000) 235.

C.S. Lewis, ‘The Four Loves’ in C.S. Lewis (ed.), Selected Books (London: Harper Collins, 1999) pp. 5, 15.

A. de Tocqueville, La Démocratie en Amérique (Paris: Gallimard, 1961, 2 vols.), English Translation by H. Reeve: Democracy in America (London: 1875) as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17.

Compare the ideal type of the conjugal family, Goode (n 13) 7.

Weber (n 3) 191, translation by H. Ross, Law as a Social Institution (Oxford: Hart Publishing, 2001) p. 34.

L.A. Coser, Masters of Sociological Thought (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1977) p. 223.

Compare Goode (n 13) 7.

Khandelwal (n 1) 584, 586, 605.

Ahmad (n 1) p. 194; Pande (n 21) p. 384; see also R. Mohammad, ‘Transnational Shift: Marriage, Home and belonging for British-Pakistani Muslim Women’ (2015) 16 (6) Social & Cultural Geography 593–614, 596.

Pande (n 44) 172, 183; Pande (n 21) 384.

Khandelwal (n 1); Ahmad (n 1); Pande (n 1); Mohammad (n 83); Pande (n 44) 181.

S.J. Hekman, Weber, the Ideal Type, and Contemporary Social Theory (New York: University of Notre Dame Press, 1983) p. 20.

For existing analyses on the topic, see Goode (n 13); D. Mace and V. Mace, Marriage East and West (London: Macgibbon and Kee, 1960); for marriages and caste in India, see Dumont (n 4); for Pakistani immigrants in Oxford and arranged marriages, see Shaw (n 19); see also Pande (n 45); Ahmad (n 1); Aguiar (n 1).

Thompson et al (n 4) 1.

See e.g. Aguiar (n 1) 15, 25, 139–44; G.L. Fox, ‘Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara, Turkey’ (1975) 37 (1) Journal of Marriage and Family 180–93, 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Kezuka (n 46).

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320: see also Mate selection theories, Encyclopaedia of Sociology, The Gale Group Inc., Encyclopedia.com: https://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/mateselection-theories (last visited 14 July 2019).

Shaw (n 60) 325.

See eg Goode (n 13) pp. 240, 241; R.O. Blood, The Family (New York: Free Press, 1972) pp. 293–96, as referred to by Fox (n 89) 187.

A. Shaw, ‘Drivers of Cousin Marriage among British Pakistanis’ (2014) 77 Human Heredity 26–36, 31.

Fox (n 89) 181.

Shaw (n 93) 31.

See also Fox (n 89) 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611; Lewis (n 74) 5, 15 in general on gift-love.

Thompson et al. (n 4) 6, referring to the grid-group analysis.

Tocqueville vol 2 (n 76) 90–92, as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17; Shaw (n 19) 6.

Riesman et al (n 59) 17.

Dumont (n 4) 7.

Shaw (n 19) 6, referring to immigrant Pakistanis.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Pande (n 44) 177.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320 see also Fox (n 89) 181.

See for various examples Gagoomal (n 25) 615, 617, 618.

G.P. Monger, Marriage Customs of the World: From Henna to Honeymoon (Santa Barbara, California: ABC-CLIO, 2004) 13.

Dumont (n 4) 2, 239, 19, 20; Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Jones (n 62) 4; Wood (n 63) 40–64, 41.

P. Crone, Pre-Industrial Societies (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 2003) p. 99; Dumont (n 3) 19.

Dumont (n 4) 19.

Ibid., 17, 2.

Compare Crone (n 111) p. 104 on an organic view of society.

Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Dumont (n 4) 66, 240, 243, 244; Crone (n 111) pp. 99, 107; Thompson et al (n 4) 59.

Dumont (n 4) 66.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6.

Ibid., (n 4) 6.

T. Parsons, ‘A Revised Analytical Approach to the Theory of Social Stratification’ in R. Bendix et al (eds.), Class, Status and Power (London: Glencoe, 1954), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Dumont (n 4) 17–19; see in general on guardianship Dahl (n 4) 52–64, 73.

Parsons (n 121), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19, see also 239, 240.

Dahl (n 4) 52.

Monger (n 108) 13.

Crone (n 111) p. 105, who refers to pre-industrial societies and hierarchy.

Dumont (n 4) 18.

M. Shams Uddin, ‘Arranged Marriage: A Dilemma for Young British Asians’ (2006) 3 Diversity in Health and Social Care 211–19, 211; F.M. Critelli, ‘Between Law and Custom: Women, Family Law and Marriage in Pakistan’ (2012) 43 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 673–93, 677; Fox (n 90) 186,181.

Shaw (n 60) 324.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211.

G.R. Quale, ‘A history of marriage systems’ in Contributions in Family Studie s, Issue 13 (Westport, US: Greenwood press, 1988) 2.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18; see also Sennett (n 4) 126.

Ahmad (n 1) 201; in a similar vein see Mohammad (n 83) 603; see also Wakil et al (n 44) 936 on this responsibility.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18, 17.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II (London: Everyman’s Library, 1994) 196.

Arendt (n 4) 93.

On guardianship see Dahl (n 4) 52.

On aristocracy see Tocqueville II (n 76), see Dumont (n 4) p. 18.

See for an explanation on tradition and authority, M. Weber, The Theory of Social and Economic Organization , A.M. Henderson and T. Parsons (trans.), T. Parsons (ed.) (New York: Oxford University Press, 1947) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142.

Compare Pande (n 44) 177; Shams Uddin (n 129) 211; Ahmad (n 1) 201 on trust and respect for parents.

Gagoomal (n 25) 589, 590.

Ibid., 590.

Ahmad (n 1) 201.

Arendt (n 4) 92.

Sennett (n 4) 15; see also Arendt (n 4) 92.

Weber (n 144) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142; Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Arendt (n 4) 93, 103.

Sennett (n 4) 18; Arendt (n 4) 93.

Sennett (n 4) 15–22.

Sennett (n 4) 16.

Arendt (n 4) 111; Weber, as referred to by Sennet (n 4) 22.

Weber, without further reference, as referred to by Sennett (n 4) 22.

Derived from Sennett (n 4) 19.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 107, 108.

Ibid., 142.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211: Ahmad (n 3) 201.

MTV Documentary, True Life: I'm Having an Arranged Marriage , 2007, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 617; Pande (n 21) 387; Gagoomal (n 25) 615; see also Sennett (n 4) 17 on a conductor that sees through members of the orchestra.

Sennett (n 4) 17.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Fox (n 89) 181.

See W.J. Goode, ‘The Theoretical Importance of Love’ (1959) 24 (1) American Sociological Review 38–47, 43–46; compare also Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; H. Papanek, ‘Purdah in Pakistan: Seclusion and Modern Occupations for Women’ (1971) 33 (3) Journal of Marriage and Family 517–30, 520.

Goode (n 168) 43; Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Shams Uddin (n 129) 212.

See for more Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; Papanek (n 169) 520.

F. Bari, Country briefing paper: Women in Pakistan, Asian Development Bank July 2000. http://www.adb.org/Documents/Books/Country_Briefing_Papers/Women in Pakistan , as referred to by Critelli (n 129) 677; Shaw (n 60) 330; see also Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

Thompson et al (n 4) 59; see also in general on shame, N.P. Gilani, ‘Conflict Management of Mothers and Daughters Belonging to Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultural Backgrounds: A Comparative Study’ 1999 22 Journal of Adolescence 853–65, 854, 855; Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II , 298, 303, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 114.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 151.

Goode (n 13) 7.

Coser (n 80) 223.

C. Breen, Age Discrimination and Children’s Rights. Ensuring Equality and Acknowledging Difference (Leiden: Brill Nijhoff, 2006) as referred to by A. van Coller, ‘Child Marriage – Acceptance by Association’ (2017) 31 International Journal of Law, Policy and The Family 363–76, 369.

Aguiar (n 1) 215.

Film A Fond Kiss , Ken Loach 2004; see also the Film What Will People Say , Iram Haq 2017 on a similar intergenerational struggle between an immigrant Pakistani father and his daughter in Sweden.

Derived from Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 116.

Moosavinia et al (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

S. Mahmood, Politics of Piety: The Islamic Revival and the Feminist Subject (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2011), as referred to by Aguiar (n 1) 219.

For more on this exit see Anitha and Gill (n 3) 176–80; Shariff (n 3) 550, 551, 553, 561, 562.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 150.

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125 Arranged Marriage Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

Inside This Article

Arranged marriages have been a longstanding tradition in many cultures around the world. While the practice may seem unconventional to some, it continues to be a prevalent way of finding a life partner in various societies. If you are tasked with writing an essay on arranged marriages, you may find it challenging to come up with a compelling topic. To assist you in this endeavor, we have compiled a list of 125 arranged marriage essay topic ideas and examples. Whether you are in favor of this practice or wish to explore its drawbacks, this comprehensive list will provide you with a plethora of options to choose from.

• The history and evolution of arranged marriages.
• Analyzing the reasons behind the persistence of arranged marriages.
• Cultural differences in arranged marriages: A comparative analysis.
• The impact of arranged marriages on gender equality.
• The role of religion in arranged marriages.
• Exploring the psychological effects of arranged marriages on individuals.
• Love vs. arranged marriages: Which is more successful?
• The changing dynamics of arranged marriages in modern society.
• Arranged marriages and family dynamics: A closer look.
• The ethical implications of arranged marriages.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health.
• Arranged marriages and societal expectations: A complex relationship.
• The role of parental involvement in arranged marriages.
• Arranged marriages and marital satisfaction: Are they correlated?
• The influence of arranged marriages on family bonds.
• Arranged marriages in Western societies: Cultural appropriation or acceptance?
• The role of love in arranged marriages.
• Arranged marriages and divorce rates: Is there a connection?
• The consequences of refusing an arranged marriage.
• The impact of arranged marriages on children's well-being.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of consent.
• The influence of arranged marriages on economic stability.
• The changing perceptions of arranged marriages in younger generations.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in LGBTQ+ individuals.
• Arranged marriages and domestic violence: Is there a link?
• The role of caste and class in arranged marriages.
• Arranged marriages and societal pressure: An in-depth analysis.
• The influence of arranged marriages on marital longevity.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of romantic love.
• The impact of arranged marriages on individual autonomy.
• Arranged marriages and dowry system: A critical examination.
• The influence of arranged marriages on career choices.
• Arranged marriages and cultural preservation: A symbiotic relationship.
• The role of matchmaking agencies in arranged marriages.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in immigrant populations.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of marital bliss.
• The influence of arranged marriages on sexual satisfaction.
• Arranged marriages and intergenerational conflicts.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with disabilities.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of love at first sight.
• The influence of arranged marriages on reproductive choices.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of personal happiness.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with mental illnesses.
• Arranged marriages and the role of extended family in decision-making.
• The influence of arranged marriages on educational attainment.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of marital compromise.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with chronic illnesses.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of loyalty.
• The influence of arranged marriages on cross-cultural understanding.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on future generations.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in survivors of abuse.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of sacrifice.
• The influence of arranged marriages on language preservation.
• Arranged marriages and the role of astrology in partner selection.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with addiction.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of shared values.
• The influence of arranged marriages on political alliances.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals from different religious backgrounds.
• The role of arranged marriages in reducing divorce rates.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with body image issues.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of companionship.
• The influence of arranged marriages on cultural assimilation.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals with eating disorders.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of compromise.
• The role of arranged marriages in preserving cultural traditions.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with anxiety disorders.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of shared responsibilities.
• The influence of arranged marriages on interracial relationships.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals with depression.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of family loyalty.
• The role of arranged marriages in maintaining social order.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of personal growth.
• The influence of arranged marriages on migration patterns.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals with phobias.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of trust.
• The role of arranged marriages in preventing social isolation.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with personality disorders.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of shared aspirations.
• The influence of arranged marriages on cultural identity.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of resilience.
• The role of arranged marriages in maintaining familial harmony.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with autism spectrum disorder.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of compromise in decision-making.
• The influence of arranged marriages on language preservation in immigrant communities.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals with bipolar disorder.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of emotional support.
• The role of arranged marriages in preventing social exclusion.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with schizophrenia.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of shared values in parenting.
• The influence of arranged marriages on cultural assimilation in diaspora communities.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals with substance abuse disorders.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of intergenerational understanding.
• The role of arranged marriages in preserving cultural heritage.
• The impact of arranged marriages on mental health in individuals with eating disorders.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of companionship in later life.
• The influence of arranged marriages on interracial relationships in multicultural societies.
• Arranged marriages and the impact on mental health in individuals with anxiety disorders.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of family loyalty in blended families.
• The role of arranged marriages in maintaining social order in diverse communities.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of personal growth in long-term relationships.
• The influence of arranged marriages on migration patterns in transnational marriages.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of trust in long-distance relationships.
• The role of arranged marriages in preventing social isolation among immigrant communities.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of shared aspirations in career choices.
• The influence of arranged marriages on cultural identity in multicultural societies.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of resilience in overcoming challenges.
• The role of arranged marriages in maintaining familial harmony in extended families.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of compromise in decision-making within relationships.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of emotional support in long-term partnerships.
• The role of arranged marriages in preventing social exclusion in diaspora communities.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of shared values in parenting across cultures.
• Arranged marriages and the concept of intergenerational understanding in family dynamics.
• The role of arranged marriages in preserving cultural heritage in multicultural societies.

This extensive list of arranged marriage essay topics provides you with a wide range of options to explore this complex and multifaceted subject. Whether you want to delve into the psychological effects, cultural implications, or societal expectations surrounding arranged marriages, these topics will surely inspire you to write an engaging and thought-provoking essay. Remember to choose a topic that resonates with your interests and aligns with the purpose of your essay, ensuring an enriching and insightful exploration of arranged marriages.

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Arranged Marriages’ Advantages and Disadvantages

Welcome to our argumentative essay sample on arranged marriage: advantages and disadvantages. Here, you’ll find the disadvantages and advantages of arranged marriage, discussion, statistics, and other aspects of the debate.

Arranged Marriage: Essay Introduction

Arranged marriages in the modern society, arranged marriage advantages and disadvantages, advantages of arranged marriages, disadvantages of arranged marriages, arranged marriage: essay conclusion, works cited.

Arranged marriages were very popular in traditional societies across the world. Arranged marriage was considered the best way through which a man or woman of the right age could get the right life partner for the continuity of a given lineage. However, modernization and Westernization have changed this mindset about arranged marriages not only in Western countries but also in various parts of the world.

Inasmuch as arranged marriages are still common all over the world. Many people now prefer selecting their life partners through unarranged processes. The debate about the relevance of arranged marriages is still raging in various societies across the world.

The practice is still common among Muslim communities, but the current generation is very keen on selecting their life partners based on love other than through arranged processes. This does not mean that arranged marriages are non-existence in the modern society. According to Tseng (127), arranged marriages are still common in the current society. The researcher seeks to determine the benefits and shortcomings of having arranged marriages.

Arranged married were very common in past societies. Many factors made arranged marriages to be very important in traditional societies. Entezar (52) gives an example of a typical Muslim society in Saudi Arabia, where arranged marriages were very common in the past.

In this society, morality was highly valued. As children grew up, they had to understand and appreciate their identity. Boys had to grow up knowing that they would be heads of their families and had to work hard towards making their future life as good as they desired. On the other side, girls had to grow up knowing that they were responsible for household chores. They had to know how to prepare their homes and take care of their children.

At the adolescent stage, there were strict rules concerning the manner in which adolescent boys and girls were expected to interact. At this delicate stage of development, boys were not expected to mingle freely with girls (Lamanna and Riedmann 33). This was important because the elders knew that if this happened, then these teenagers might find themselves engaging in irresponsible behavior that may ruin the future of the girls. Society highly cherished the virginity of a woman at marriage, and this was one of the ways of protecting it.

In this kind of social setting, it was very difficult for young adults planning to marry to mingle with the members of the opposite sex so that they could understand each other and determine whether they were in love and could live together. This made it necessary for the parents or the society to arrange the marriages for their children.

With all the experience they had and knowledge about other families, parents could determine the appropriate life partner for their children. In most cases, they would conduct an investigation on the family and the man or woman who is planned to be the life partner of their children.

When they were satisfied, they would inform their children about the intended union. According to Roberts (78), although the two who were to be unionized were given the liberty to give their verdict over the issue, especially the man, they were expected to respect their parents’ opinion. However, rejecting a partner that the parents had approved was considered rude and unethical. For this reason, the parents’ decision would prevail, and the marriage would proceed with the blessings of parents from both sides.

The social structure of many communities around the world is changing very first due to the changes brought about by science and technology. It is common for an Emirati girl to travel to the United Kingdom or the United States at a tender age for further studies. Similarly, people from other parts of the world are flocking to the United Arab Emirates for various reasons, from tourism to trade. For instance, Dubai is currently one of the most diversified cities on earth because of its relevance as a strategic business hub.

As Tseng (43) puts it, the current society is a global village. The emergence of modern technologies and the relevance of the Western education system have redefined the social structure of society not only in the Middle East but also in the entire world. A child does not need to leave Abu Dhabi for the United States in order to be Westernized. The movies they watch and the music they listen to make them question some of the established systems in their traditional setting.

In the current society, it is not possible to prevent close interactions between adolescent girls and boys in Muslim communities. Parents have realized that the best gift they can give to their children is formal education, irrespective of their gender. For this reason, boys and girls will mingle freely at school.

They share classrooms, and sometimes, they are assigned tasks together. According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), teachers have been forced to bear the pressure from human rights activists who insist on giving both boys and girls equal opportunities at school. This involves treating them equally in every activity, especially at higher levels of learning.

In this highly integrated setting, young adults can get to understand each other. A young man planning to marry should know that different women behave differently. The same case will apply to a woman. She will know the kind of man she would want as a life partner. Entezar (39) calls this liberation. The education system liberates the mind of the younger generation from tight control from their parents.

They can look at the world from their own perspective to determine what they want in life. The main question that many people have been asking is the relevance of arranged marriages in the current liberated society. In the past, young adults would not mingle easily, and this made it difficult to choose the right life partner. In the current society, this has changed as the education system makes it possible for these people to interact very closely.

In the past, knowledge and wisdom were believed to rest with the elders, and their views were almost considered a sacred command that was not to be questioned, even if it was apparent that they were in error. In the current society, the younger populations have been liberated, and they have the capacity to advise the elders about the future.

Despite these facts, a number of people still find arranged marriages very important for the well-being of the couple and the community at large. At this stage, it will be important to analyze the benefits and shortcomings of arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages remain popular not only among Muslims but also in other societies around the world. According to Tseng (81), even in the West, it is common to see parents trying to influence the choice of life partners for their children.

This is an indication that even with all the education that their children may have and the westernizations- having been born and brought up in the West, the parents always have the feeling that their children could make a mistake when choosing their life partners. This creates a feeling that they should play a role in making this important choice. This is a strong suggestion that arranged marriages have benefits that should not be ignored.

One of the biggest advantages of arranged marriages is that the partners will have a perfect match when it comes to culture, religion, social status, lifestyle, and many other factors that always affect the compatibility of couples. As Browne (83) notes, basing marriage on love is great, but sometimes when love defines everything, then one would be blinded to some of the social incompatibilities that may make life difficult for the couple after marriage.

It will force the partners to make compromises, some of which may go against one’s own beliefs and customs. At the early stages of life, making such compromises may be simple because of the infatuation brought about by the feeling of love.

However, as the couple settles down in marriage, these realities start setting in, and it may cause serious strains in the relationship. Unless the couple is strong-willed and determined to make everything work in their favor, the marriage can be brought to an end after a short while. The following figure shows the rising cases of divorce in the UAE from 1960 to 2008.

This problem can easily be solved when the marriages are arranged. The people arranging the marriage will ensure that the couple is perfectly compatible before they can be allowed to marry.

It is a fact that in arranged marriages, the couple gets to benefit from the support they get from their parents and family members. When parents and members of the community are allowed to play a part in arranging the marriage, they will feel honored. They will take all the responsibilities in the entire marriage process. The parties who are getting into this union will be relieved of the financial burden that is involved in organizing the marriage.

Members of the community will ensure that all the expenses are addressed because it is their responsibility. All the tasks will be addressed from the communal level, meaning that the couple will get maximum support when organizing the wedding. The feeling that family members are happy with the marriage also has a positive psychological impact on the partners.

They will start life knowing that they have the full support of members of their communities. In such weddings, people will come and celebrate together as they witness the union. Given the fact that they were the organizers, make feel responsible. They will bring many gifts to help the couple start life without struggling much.

Marriages are designed to last forever, whether it is in the traditional setting or in modern Westernized society. When two people come together in marriage through the support of the parents and community members, they get a wide base of moral support whenever they have problems in their families.

Given the fact that members of the society organized their marriage, they have the moral authority to go back to them in case they are experiencing problems. Parents from both sides can be called to help solve the problem, and they will feel obliged to extend their help. The two will realize that their union is not limited to their family. Such unions bring together the entire community, and this minimizes the chances of divorce.

Every member of the community will try to help the couple work out their way in life, even in the face of challenges. The partners from both sides will also find themselves with a moral obligation to the community. They will know that their families and society cherish their marriage. This will make them determined to find solutions to the problems that may affect their marriage as a way of respecting their family members. In such unions, even children group up knowing the importance of love and family ties.

According to a survey conducted by Roberts (2), arranged marriages are becoming less common in modern society. This is so because people have come to realize that arranged marriages have a number of flaws that make them undesirable. Below are the results obtained from the survey in four countries about the attitude of members of society towards arranged marriages.

From the statistics shown above, it is clear that most of the participants in this survey noted that they do not have favorable attitudes toward arranged marriages. They noted a number of factors that make them feel that arranged marriages are a practice that should not be encouraged in modern society. The following are some of the specific disadvantages of arranged marriages. According to Browne (73), in arranged marriages, the decision to choose one’s partner is taken away from one’s hands.

The elders have the sole discretion of choosing a life partner for an individual who plans to marry. Marriage is a complex process that involves bringing together two completely different individuals into a lifetime union. The personality of the life partner will define the quality of life one has.

Given the sensitivity of this issue, one should be allowed to take time to understand the other person who is supposed to be the life partner. This would require a long time of interaction, trying to understand the personality of the person to determine if a life together can be a personality. The opportunity is denied to people who engage in arranged marriages.

According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), in most cases, couples in arranged marriages find themselves in union with people who have contrasting personalities. It is important to appreciate that sharing religious beliefs, cultural practices, or social status may not necessarily make them compatible. The personalities of an individual may not be rigidly defined using demographical factors. Sometimes people of a completely different caste may find themselves more compatible than those that share their caste.

What makes the whole system very complex is the attachment that members of the family will have to that marriage. The two couples may be forced to stay together even if they find fundamental contrasts in their personalities simply because their parents and community members arranged their marriage. Such people will stay in their marriages because of the wish of their parents. As Entezar (67) notes, the marriage will cease to be blissful, and it will turn into a prison, as demonstrated in the figure below.

As demonstrated in the above figure, the partners will have more questions than answers in their union. Happiness will be gone, and in most cases, they will regret why they accepted the union in the first place. According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), love in arranged marriages takes a secondary position. The partners are not given time to bond and develop love towards each other before their marriage.

Those who are involved in arranging the marriage always assume that the two will develop an attraction and love towards each other once they are in a marriage. However, this fallacy should be avoided. Chances are high that if the two entered into a marriage without love, then they may spend their entire lives without loving each other.

Entezar (56) describes such unions as marriages of convenience. The parties involved in the marriage will not be doing it for their own sake and for the sake of love. They will be doing it for the sake of their parents. They will be trying to please people around them, disregarding the importance of a strong bond that is always created by love. This weakens the foundation of their marriage.

The research by Browne (47) shows that arranged marriages are vulnerable to interferences from external forces. When family members participate in bringing the couple together, they will develop a feeling that they have the right to define the way the family is run. Each of the family members will make an effort to define the way the couple will be leading their lives. In some cases, these family members may find themselves positions in the newly created family.

They will want to visit the new family at wish, and whenever they have a personal problem, they will demand help from the couple simply because they participated in bringing them together. As Tseng (112) says, such environments are not good for the growth of the new family. Sometimes the demands of these family members may be unrealistic. Such negative forces are uncommon when the couple makes their own decisions when marrying.

Arranged marriages are still commonly practiced in the modern society. It is clear from the above discussion that this form of marriage was more common in traditional societies than it is in the current society. However, even in the current society, it is clear that one cannot dismiss the relevance of arranged marriages.

These marriages help in bringing family members together when choosing a life partner. This research reveals that despite these advantages, arranged marriages also have shortcomings that should be considered before a family can subject one of their own to it. Based on this discussion, using a blend of arranged and unarranged marriages may be of great benefit to the members of the family and, most importantly, to the couple.

Browne, Ken. An Introduction to Sociology . Cambridge: Polity Press, 2011. Print.

Entezar, Eshan. Afghanistan 101: Understanding Afghan Culture . New Jersey: Xlibris Corporation, 2008. Print.

Lamanna, Mary, and Agnes. Riedmann. Marriages & Families: Making Choices and Facing Change . Belmont: Wadsworth, 2006. Print.

Roberts, Kathleen. Communication Ethics: Between Cosmopolitanism and Provinciality . New York: Lang, 2008. Print.

Tseng, Wen-Shing. Handbook of Cultural Psychiatry . San Diego: Academic Press, 2001. Print.

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Arranged Marriage, Pros And Cons (Essay Sample) 2023

Arranged marriage, pros and cons.

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Arranged marriage refers to a marital union between a man and a woman, whereby families and relatives identify and select spouses for their children with or without their input or choice. These marriages have long been a practice of numerous cultures, particularly before the 18th century. However, some communities do practice them to date. Some people consider such marriages as old-fashioned despite research finding that document their divorce rates at two percent as compared to love marriages that attract a rate of fifty percent in some countries. Thus, these unions bring great things, but they also attract negative aspects.

Arranged marriages eliminate the stress associated with dating. The pressure people undergo when finding potential spouses to settle down with is often overwhelming, discouraging, stressful and mostly result in heartaches. It is because one has to meet several people, some of whom are uninterested in marriage, some do not fit with one’s marital requirements, and others who are a potential match are uninterested in matrimony. However, an arranged marriage eliminates all these scenarios, as one is sure the people they meet want marriage, and they do not have to worry about conflicting personalities as marriage presents a perfect opportunity to adjust.

Parents and family find the right spouse for their children and secure their future in arranged marriages. Every parent endeavors to give the best to their children while hoping they live happy lives as possible. Arranged marriages present families the opportunity to ensure this by taking upon themselves to find the right husband or wife. Due to the immense wisdom and experience parents have about marriage, they precisely choose a son or daughter in law from a respectable family, who share a similar religion, are equally educated, well settled in life and wealthy. The selected spouse thus results in a perfect match that outcome in a happy marriage and a secured life.

These unions assure family harmony. Whenever an individual takes a potential spouse to their family, there is the possibility of them not approving or liking them or having a good relationship with their families. Arranged marriage eliminates this as both families knowingly fix their children to the family of their choice. Also, before agreeing, parents conduct extensive research on the other family before approval. Hence, eliminating reasons to hate or argue with them. Consequently, good relationships and connections that are long-lasting result.

Contrary, this type of marriage robs off individuals of their right to choose. When a family and relatives decide their child’s spouse, it makes it impossible for the child to raise concerns, fears, and objections, even when they dislike or are incompatible with the potential spouse. It, therefore, makes such individuals powerless and hopeless. Hence, practically push them into forced arrangements that rouse unhappiness, depression, and misery.

People wedded through arranged marriages lack ownership of the nuptials. These people rarely feel in control of the institution as everything about it, including, whom to marry, when to wed and the type of wedding to have are a choice and plan of their families. Additionally, even after marriage, families control and weigh in on their actions and plans. Thus, the married couple misses opportune moments for them to bond, own the process and the resulting marriage. Moreover, it instills lack of decisiveness and direction for the institution.

In conclusion, arranged marriages avail numerous benefits that pave the way for long-lasting successful marriages for many couples. However, it is worth noting that lack of freedom and control of the choice of a spouse one ends up married to, increasingly results in these marriages failing.

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Some people believe that arranged marriages lead to more stable relationships, while others argue for the importance of love-based marriages. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion.

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344 Marriage Essay Topics & Examples

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• The Marriage in Norway in the 1800s The paper reviews the tendencies of matrimonial and reproduction life in Norway in the 19th century. The research study is based on the academic peer-reviewed article that analyzes marriage in the country in the 1800s.
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• Traditional Marriage and Love Marriage Comparison In this paper, the pros and cons of love marriage and traditional marriage will be discussed to clarify which one is a better or just more appropriate option for modern people.
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• Effects of Same Sex Marriage to the Society Therefore, the paper will seek to elaborate on the effects of same sex marriage to the society. The number of children being raised in the available families has reduced leading to a declining population and […]
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• Taqiya and Mut’ah in Islam: The Legal Status of Mut’ah Marriage in Indonesia It is essentially a temporary contract marriage, in which a man and a woman agree to assume the roles of husband and wife for a limited period.
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• Interracial Marriage and Emirati Identity Issues According to the Federal National Council, the prevalence of interracial marriages in the UAE is threatening Emirati women, in terms of their ability to be married by a fellow Emirati man.
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• Interracial Marriage Explained Secondly, an interracial marriage promotes the general acceptance of people from a different race in the new society or community and also promotes the appreciation of other people’s values in the new community and their […]
• Sex and Marriage Relations Analysis The problem of the modern married couples is that the notion of sex became the dominant in the relations and the faithfulness in the family is not in honor now.
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• Marriage Decline as a Social Problem in the US To discuss the social illness of declining marriages in the US, the incorporated is the social constructionist perspective. The origins of the constructionism can be traced back to the attempts to establish the nature of […]
• Marriage in the Bible According to the book of genesis 1:28, after creating a man and a woman, God bestowed them with blessings and told them to “…be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and […]
• Importance of Communication in Marriage Marriage is the first step in establishing a family and the kind of communication that exists between the partners determines the kind of family that they will establish.
• Factors Influencing Perception on Same-sex marriage in the American Society The protagonists and antagonists of this marriage institution have always clashed over the tenet of the same-sex marriage against the moral standards of the society.
• American Marriage in transition Nevertheless, the Great Depression and the two World Wars drove women from homes into the labor market, and this had a major effect on the roles and expectations of both husbands and wives within the […]
• Love, Marriage, and Divorce He weighs the possible outcomes, and mostly, these were negative elements such as discrimination of his side of the family who are expected to wait only for food and drink during the wedding, other wedding […]
• Let Me Not to the Marriage of Two Minds by William Shakespeare The reader can interpret starting lines as the response to the question of the priest in the wedding ceremony about the reasons preventing the couple from getting married The structure of the phrase “Let me […]
• Marianne Weber’s Views on Marriage Traditionally, the role of a husband was that of a breadwinner and a patriarch of the family, whereas a wife’s duties were to take care of their children and keep the family hearth.
• Marriage Types and Their Critical Components Increasingly, variations have also encompassed how one of the traditional expectations of marriage, that is, siring children, is construed and whether spouses are of the same or different sexes.
• Arranged Marriages in India According to Bertolani, marriage in Indian society is strictly arranged by the parents of potential marriage partners and does not necessarily have to involve love. Thus, arranged marriage in the context of Indian society is […]
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• The Role of Marriage on the Example of Two Plays The plays Waiting for Godot and A Long Day’s Journey into Night indirectly imply the topic of the marriage’s role and how it impacts the individuals.
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• Unforgiveness in Marriages and Families I think true forgiveness in the context of marital or familial relationships cannot be achieved without a complete understanding of the causes of the transgression and the reasons behind one’s inability to forgive.
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• Premarital Cohabitation’s Impact on Marriage Though premarital cohabitation used to be linked to an increased probability to a divorce.recent studies confirm that cohabitation enhances the power of a marriage.
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• Comparison of Marriage in Elizabethan Times and in “Othello” The man was believed to be the head of the family, and he had the legal right to punish his wife.
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• The Meaning of Marriage: A Comparison of Articles In addition to the titles of academic journals and articles, it is possible to determine which field of science an article belongs to from its content, the language used, and the focus of the study.
• The Love and Marriage Relationship Analysis This shows that the researcher was determined to obtain accurate results from the subjects with the least, and that is the strength of the research.
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• Marriage in Muslim Cultures and America In the Muslim religion, which is most widespread in the Arabian countries and among the Arabian people, marriage is perceived differently than in the American culture.
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• Interracial Marriages in “Like Mexicans” by Gary Soto Therefore, Soto’s decision to marry a Japanese woman should encourage Mexican people to change their negative attitude towards other ethnic groups and practice interracial marriages.
• COVID-19: How Race, Gender and Marriage Contribute to Humanity A study by Landivar et al.about the effect of the virus on gender and marriage in the US reveals that the pandemic has worsened gender inequality in employment.
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• Specific Communication Styles That Make for Happy Marriages The next style of communication is submissive, characterized by a desire to please other people, and avoid conflicts by all means.
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• Stephanie Doe: Misyar Marriage as Human Trafficking in Saudi Arabia In this article, the author seeks to highlight how the practice of temporary marriages by the wealthy in Saudi Arabia, commonly known as misyar, is a form of human trafficking.
• The Opinion of Americans on Whether Gay Marriage Should Be Allowed or Not Based on the political nature of the population, 43% of the democrats think, American society supports gay marriages and only 18% of the republicans hold the same view.
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• Doomed Marriage in “The Girls in Their Summer Dresses” by Irwin Shaw The most common answer to this question is that these people love each other. The article The Girls in Their Summer Dresses testifies to the fact that marriage is doomed.
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• Cross-Border Marriages Between Japan and China: Reasons and Results Besides, the statistics of Japanese men and women dissatisfied with their marriages is humbling; consequently, determined to find a more gratifying alternative, men are engaged in cross-border marriage enterprise.
• Same-Sex Marriage Policy & Social Impact Reflection Creation of public policies and laws are significantly influenced by the diversity in culture forcing the government to engage with the society when developing policies.
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• Marriage Premium for Professional Athletes Researchers in the sphere of the labor economy agree that there is a connection between marital status and the number of wages earned by men.
• “How I Met Your Mother”: Ideas of Marriage The central relationship throughout the series is Marshall and Lily’s marriage, with its ups and downs, individual quirks, and their influence on each other.
• Woman’s Position in Marriage: Similarities in History With time she began to see the creeping figures in the pattern of the wallpapers in the room; with an absence of any physical and mental activity, her anxiety began to increase and resulted in […]
• For Richer (Not for Poorer): The Inequality Crisis of Marriage An example of a factual claim made by the writer is where she states that the number of marriages in the United States dropped by 5% from the year 2009 to 2010.
• In Defense of Marriage Act 1996 As the editorial holds, the power of the law is lower than that of the congress and therefore its application on the subject of marriage is like depriving the congress of its powers of regulating […]
• Effect of Same-Sex Marriage on the Legal Structure of Gender in All Marriages Despite the fact that the current article does not address the gender roles in the family, parallels can be drawn showing that in no way the institutionalization of same-sex marriage can have an effect on […]
• Gender, Love and Sexuality: Healthy Marriage Formation Parties in marriage must have trust in each other because it is a basis for the growth of their union. Parties in a marriage need to be romantic as it harnesses love and loyalty.
• Same Sex Marriages: Definition and Main Problems In essence, the opposition of same sex marriages practically comes out of the use of the word “marriage”; such that, same sex couples enjoy the same rights as partners from contemporary marriages.
• Emotionally Focused Therapy Effectiveness in the Instituion of Marriage The suitability of the elements of the methodology determines the appropriateness. They indicate the main themes of the study and provide a beginning for the reader to understand the problem that is being researched and […]
• Marriage and Mothering Challenges In the modern world, the institution of marriage and the issue of motherhood have experienced challenges due to changes in perception.
• Interventions in Institution of Marriage Analysis This paper helps to understand the principles of evaluation research, the effectiveness of the intervention selected for settling marital discord and the use of evidence elicited in the research analysis for the purpose of enhancing […]
• The Case Against Gay Marriage The Constitutional protection to equal rights under the law has been invoked over and over again to try and afford homosexuals “equal right” to the social institution of marriage and to social security when one […]
• Conflict and Marriage Satisfaction To manage solving differences effectively, individuals in a marriage relationship should learn the thinking and positive and negative behaviors of their partners and have a positive perception towards these partners. This leads to unresolved conflicts […]
• Marriage and Physical Well-Being The dissolution of a marriage combined with the poor quality of the marriage leading up to the divorce is associated with the decline of both mental and physical health resulting in the increased use of […]
• Cohabitation Before Marriage One of the many disadvantages of cohabiting is that in this condition, you are never sure of your partner’s next move.
• Irony of Marriages in an Indian Set Up On the contrary, it is a belief, which can well be attributed to the rigidity of an Indian cultural norm that forces its followers to believe that the institution of marriage is indeed a handiwork […]
• Marriage and Family Systems: Western Society and Kadara of Nigeria The institution of marriage in the modern culture holds a distinct development over the years. In these cultures, marriage is negotiated by the parents of the betrothed.
• Re-Thinking Homosexual Marriage in Rational and Ethical Fashion We demonstrate that the way out of the hysterical debate is to consider soberly the basis for supporting the ordinary family as the basic unit of society and protector of the next generation.
• Gay Marriage and Bible: Differences From Heterosexual Practice When respected the bonds of marriage leads to the good not only of the couple and their children, but also to the good of society as a whole.
• Gay Marriage: Evaluation Argument The basic theme of the article was to present advocacy of gay marriage and a thorough presentation of arguments in favor of the legalization of gay marriages.
• Same Sex Marriage Morality: Discussion Patterson further concluded that as long as the homosexual parents could let their children understand the real scenario, there is a strong indication that children could very well accept and love their parents even though […]
• Do Young Couples Marriages Always End in Divorce? The reasons for the failure of the marriage is supposed to stem from the immaturity of the parties involved and the ill preparedness of the couple to deal with the changes that married life brings […]
• Temporary Marriage in Lebanon: Pros and Cons Supporters of temporary marriage in Lebanon argue that, since the union does not involve use of force, it cannot be termed as a violation of the right of women.
• The Concept of Marriage: Discussion They control their language and behavior and this is a prime example of symbolic interactionism that is instrumental in the institution of marriage.
• Marriage Rates in Oklahoma and Illinois This essay dwells much in the states of Illinois and Oklahoma and the differences and the reasons for this differences will make up the body of this discussion. Marriage rate differs a lot in the […]
• Interracial Marriage: History and Future Developments Sigler in- “Civil rights in America: 1500 to the present” is of the opinion that the civil rights of the citizens of America is helpful to make and end to the racial segregation in America.”Politics […]
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IvyPanda . "344 Marriage Essay Topics & Examples." February 29, 2024. https://ivypanda.com/essays/topic/marriage-essay-topics/.

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Ielts writing task 2 sample 63 - marriages are arranged by the parents but in other cases, people choose their own marriage partner, ielts writing task 2/ ielts essay:, in some countries, marriages are arranged by the parents but in other cases, people choose their own marriage partner..

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Why we need to stop telling women to ‘just get married’

Marriage is having a moment in American discourse. TikTok videos extol the virtues of being a stay-at-home wife and mother who also feeds chickens, makes sourdough bread and has five children.

Magazines and newspapers are filled with articles and columns exhorting people to just suck it up and marry . Or even offer up marriage as the solution to the inequality in our nation . And these stories are focused on women, because it’s young women who are more likely to opt out of marriage and it’s older women who are divorcing their husbands .

The “just get married” discourse feels like a tightening rope around women who are already seeing their rights reversed through the rollback of Roe.

Recently, an essay published in New York Magazine’s The Cut even argued for marriage as a feminist reclamation. Marriage, as the author described it, is a protectorate, wherein she is taken care of and pampered. It truly sounds nice given the level of exhaustion American women are experiencing, after carrying the weight of cognitive and domestic labor , and doing the work of the social safety net . But it’s worth pointing out that gilded cages are still cages. 

The “just get married” discourse feels like a tightening rope around women who are already seeing their rights reversed through the rollback of Roe. Women who saw the vast lack of a social safety net during the pandemic and saw America take back whatever advances we made that helped families, while rolling out the war machine. Women are dying because we don’t have choices. Still, the answer that is shouted back at us is “just marry.”

But marriage has never been a safe space for women. And any argument that marriage provides comfort and equality under the benevolent protectorship of a husband isn’t borne out by the history of marriage — or the reality of it.

Even now, with all of its supposed advantages, marriage can be a trap for women, who are more likely than men to experience physical and emotional abuse in marriage. And nearly 20% of marriages involve violence . In 2021, 34% of female murder victims were killed by their intimate partner, compared to only 6% of male murder victims.

Marriage as an institution has been more about keeping some people out and locking others in. Founded on the laws of coverture, historically in marriage a woman’s identity was subsumed under her husband. But, of course, this relative safety of the marital relationship was only afforded to wealthy women. Poor people, the enslaved, queer or disabled people have been historically excluded from the benefits of marriage. Enslaved women , often forced into marriage, only kept those relationships at the whims of their enslavers, and were subject to sexual and racial violence as a result. Today, mass incarceration that targets Black men makes keeping a marriage together harder . Additionally, staying together as a family becomes difficult when the child welfare system targets Black families . And for centuries, until 1967, when the Loving v. Virginia Supreme Court ruling legalized interracial marriage, marriage was a means of policing racial purity. Also, it wasn’t until 2014, when the Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges, that gay marriage was made equal in the United States. People who are disabled were excluded from marriage because historically they were often institutionalized. Today, people who are disabled are often barred from the institution of marriage because they can lose access to life-saving benefits .

And you don’t have to look too far back in American history to see how wives were viewed under the law. It wasn’t until 1993 that marital rape was finally outlawed in all 50 states. 

In response to these statistics, critics often accuse women of simply choosing to marry the wrong person. As if you can choose your way out of systemic inequality and an institution that was founded on the fundamental loss of personhood. In sum, marriage never has been, nor ever will be, a form of freedom. 

It’s tempting, in a world beleaguered by a pandemic, where women still earn less than men, and where there is no affordable childcare, to see marriage as an appealing way of opting out of the ceaseless grind of capitalism. Better to work for a man who loves you rather than "the man," the logic goes. But it’s an upsetting logic, presuming that marriage is still the work of a woman, rather than a partnership of equals. Plus, that logic doesn’t parse. All it does is economically isolate women. A wife is far more likely to be abused by her husband than a stranger, and stay-at-home moms are more likely to be depressed and anxious .

Freedom isn’t found under the guardianship of a marriage, it’s found when we are seen as equal partners and given equal opportunities to earn money and control our bodies and our destinies.

In “The Second Sex,” Simone de Beauvoir argued that marriage is premised on a man treating a woman as a person enslaved while making her feel like a queen. She also notes, “It is more comfortable to endure blind bondage than to work for one’s liberation; the dead, too, are better suited to the earth than the living.” Beauvoir’s words feel like a face slap from the past, reminding modern women how long we’ve been struggling to be free from the unpaid labor of marriage and how much farther we have to go. Freedom isn’t found under the guardianship of a marriage, it’s found when we are seen as equal partners and given equal opportunities to earn money and control our bodies and our destinies.

Partnership, when executed with mutual respect, can be amazing. But marriage as an institution has never been about a woman’s freedom. And it won’t be until we have full equality.

Lyz Lenz is the author of the book "This American Ex-Wife."   She lives in Iowa and writes the newsletter  “Men Yell at Me.”

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Lou Conter, Last Survivor of the Battleship Arizona, Dies at 102

Escaping injury in the Japanese attack on the ship in Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, he went on to help in recovering bodies and putting out fires.

By Richard Goldstein

Lou Conter, the last known survivor of the battleship Arizona, which sank with the loss of 1,177 sailors and Marines in Japan’s sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, plunging the United States into World War II, died on Monday at his home in Grass Valley, Calif. He was 102.

The death was confirmed by Warren R. Hull, a co-writer (with his wife, Annette Hull) of Mr. Conter’s 2021 memoir, “The Lou Conter Story: From U.S.S. Arizona Survivor to Unsung American Hero."

Mr. Conter, who held the rank of quartermaster, a position assisting in the Arizona’s navigation, was on his shift shortly after 8 a.m. on Sunday, Dec. 7, 1941, when a Japanese armor-piercing bomb penetrated five steel decks and blew up more than one million pounds of gunpowder and thousands of rounds of ammunition stored in its hull as the ship was moored in the harbor, in Honolulu, Hawaii.

“The ship was consumed in a giant fireball,” he wrote in his memoir.

Mr. Conter, who was knocked forward but uninjured, tended to survivors, many of them blinded and badly burned. When the order to abandon ship came, he was knee deep in water. A lifeboat took him ashore, and in the days that followed he helped in recovering bodies and putting out fires. Only 93 of those who were aboard the ship at the time lived; 242 other crew members were ashore.

Mr. Conter later attended Navy flight school and flew 200 combat missions in the Pacific, some of them involving nighttime dive bombing of Japanese targets. During one three-night period, his crew rescued 219 Australian coast watchers from New Guinea who were in danger of being overrun by approaching Japanese. He received the Distinguished Flying Cross for that exploit.

Holding the rank of lieutenant, Mr. Conter went on to fly 29 combat missions during the Korean War and serve as an intelligence officer for a Navy aircraft carrier group. In the late 1950s, he helped establish the Navy’s first SERE program (Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape) to train Navy airmen in how to survive if they were shot down in the jungle and captured.

He retired from the Navy in 1967 as a lieutenant commander and was later a real estate broker and developer in the Los Angeles area.

Louis Anthony Conter was born on Sept. 13, 1921, in the northern Wisconsin town of Ojibwa, a son of Nicholas and Lottie Conter. His father was involved in construction work that eventually took the family to Wheatridge, Colo., outside Denver. After graduating from high school, Lou joined the Navy in 1939 and reported to the Arizona in January 1940.

His wife, Valerie, died in 2016. His two previous marriages ended in divorce. He had three children from his first marriage and another three from his second, along with many grandchildren. Complete information about his survivors was not immediately available.

His death came almost a year after that of Ken Potts , the second-to-last survivor of the attack, who was also 102.

Mr. Conter’s home in Grass Valley, in Northern California near Tahoe National Forest, was filled with memorabilia from the Arizona, including a piece of the wreckage. He once said that “each morning I wake up, pay homage” to all the Americans killed on Pearl Harbor Sunday, “including the 1,177 of my shipmates on the Arizona, and go from there.”

He rejected any notion that the dwindling number of Arizona survivors should be hailed as heroes. “The 2,403 men that died are the heroes,” he said in a 2022 interview with The Associated Press, referring to all the Americans who perished in the Pearl Harbor attack. “I’m not a hero. I was just doing my job.”

Until 2020, when the infirmities of age limited him, Mr. Conter attended annual memorial services at Pearl Harbor organized by the Navy and the National Park Service.

The U.S.S. Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor , which is overseen by the park service, marks the resting place of 1,102 of the crewmen killed in the attack on what President Franklin D. Roosevelt called “a date which will live in infamy” when he asked Congress for a declaration of war with Japan. The memorial, built in 1962 and visited by nearly two million people annually, straddles the sunken hull of the Arizona without touching it.

It reads: “To the memory of the gallant men here entombed and their shipmates who gave their lives in action on December 7, 1941, on the U.S.S. Arizona.” The battleship’s sunken remains are a National Historic Landmark.

Alex Traub contributed reporting.