domestic abuse personal essay

I Used to Judge Women in Abusive Relationships — Until I Became One

When your self esteem is chipped away and you're terrified of being alone, you may not even realize it's abuse.

He threw the car into park, and turned to face me with a look of pure rage. His fist connected with the left side of my jaw, the right side of my head hit the passenger-side window, and I heard a loud crack .

He wasn't finished, though. He grabbed my hair and pinched my arm, bruising it instantly, and then he reached over and squeezed my throat. I somehow croaked out, "You loved me once!" and he let go, disgust on his face. It was after midnight, and I got out of the car, numb and overwhelmingly ashamed, and walked a mile back to my friend's house as he squealed the tires and raced away from me.

Two days later, I drove myself to an urgent care facility when I couldn't move my neck.

"How did you sustain the injury?" the young doctor asked me.

"I was at a Super Bowl party and playing on the floor with some kids, and one of them jumped on my neck," I lied. It was the first of many lies I would tell about my relationship. The thought of telling the truth was humiliating. Plus, I thought, It's my fault anyway .

The doctor glanced at the fading finger imprints around my throat and the angry green and black bruises on my arm. I could feel his gaze on me as he wrote a prescription for a painkiller and muscle relaxers.

"You have a severe sprain," he told me. "You're lucky you didn't break it."

Later that week, I was in a golf cart with a colleague at a client event, wearing a short-sleeved shirt with a collar. I reached over to grab a water bottle, and the bruises on my upper arm were exposed.

My colleague took my hand and looked me in the eye. "Please don't tell me it's like that, Kristin," he said quietly. I looked away.

A Slippery Slope

It didn't start like this when I met my live-in boyfriend six years earlier. At first, he was loving and sweet and attentive. I was already in love with him by the first time he called me a worthless piece of s*** in an alcohol-infused fury; I was in shock. I thought about leaving him that night, but I was frozen with indecision. I loved him, after all. And my mind had started to believe what he said about me.

The next morning, he was sober again and rushed to apologize, holding me in his arms while I cried. The cycle began.

.css-107b7z2{font-family:MajestiBanner,MajestiBanner-weightbold-roboto,MajestiBanner-weightbold-local,Georgia,Times,Serif;font-size:1.625rem;font-weight:bold;letter-spacing:0.03rem;line-height:1.2;margin:0rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){.css-107b7z2{font-size:2.5rem;line-height:1;}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.css-107b7z2{font-size:2.8125rem;line-height:1;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-107b7z2{font-size:3.125rem;line-height:1;}}.css-107b7z2 b,.css-107b7z2 strong{font-family:inherit;font-weight:bold;}.css-107b7z2 em,.css-107b7z2 i{font-style:italic;font-family:inherit;} Over the course of several years, I had learned to see myself through his eyes: unattractive, unlovable, and stupid.

The first time he kicked me, I was walking down the stairs to our apartment, and he told me it was my fault. I "pushed his buttons" and made him do it. Soon, I started taking all the blame for his rages, walking on eggshells every moment we were together.

Over the course of several years, I had learned to see myself through his eyes: unattractive, unlovable, and stupid. I believed him when he told me that he was the best I would ever find and that I was not sexy or desirable. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that he was talking about himself — not about me.

I thought I knew all about abusive relationships before I found myself in the middle of one. I thought I was too smart to get involved with someone who would hurt me physically and mentally. I thought I knew what to look for and that it would be so obvious that I needed to walk away. I thought I didn't fit into the "stereotypical" mold of what a domestic violence survivor looks like. I'm sure that once upon a time, I looked down on women who were in abusive relationships and found them weak.

Breaking the Silence

In the end, I didn't walk away from him. And I didn't tell my closest friends and family for years about what happened — most of them not until after he left me to move in with another woman four years into our marriage. Now, I tell my story without (most of) the shame; I believe it's important to share it to show others that someone can come through this and survive. And perhaps thrive. Maybe it will help someone you know. Maybe it will help you . I tell the story to help my nieces, my friends, my colleagues, myself.

People are often baffled by how beautiful, intelligent women fall in love with (and even marry) abusers. The truth is that it happens very gradually. It begins with a sarcastic putdown, and is followed up quickly by an apology. It may escalate to a kick or a slap, with more apologies and promises that it will never happen again. By the time I realized that I was in a bad relationship, I had invested so much of myself and my self-esteem had been chipped away so drastically, I was terrified to be alone.

You may know someone who has been abused, and you can't understand why she doesn't leave. She may be afraid that no one else will love her. Perhaps she has kids and doesn't know how to provide for them on her own. He may have threatened to kill her. She may be so ashamed that no one knows the extent of the abuse and suffers in silence. He may be someone powerful or well-liked in the community, and she is afraid no one would believe her.

This post is part of a Good Housekeeping series of stories about domestic violence and abuse . If you or someone you know is at risk, reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 . If you are in danger, call 911. More information and resources are available at the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence or the National Online Resource Center for Violence Against Women .

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Stanford University School of Medicine blog

A domestic violence survivor’s story

Editor's note: This story contains details of domestic violence.

Stanford med school saved my life. Not in the metaphorical way, but in a very literal way. If I didn't start medical school when I did, there is a high chance I wouldn't be alive today.

I struggled writing this piece because only a small handful of people know my story. By the time you're done reading these 800 or so words, you'll know only part of it, but what I hope you take away from it is this: Domestic violence victims can come in all shapes and sizes.

They aren't always timid, quiet, and weak, as they are often stereotyped to be in movies and on TV. They might be outspoken, confident, lighthearted and outgoing. To my fellow medical students and colleagues in the health care field: It is the latter type of person, the type who's able to hide their abuse behind confidence and success, who needs our help the most.

This is something that I've kept largely hidden, but I'm writing this today with the hope that my story will stick with you, such that more domestic violence victims can be saved by advocates who take the time to genuinely listen and ask questions.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I am a domestic violence survivor.

For about 1.5 years, I was both emotionally and physically abused by my then partner while I was living abroad and working in the public health field. Looking back, I realize now how brainwashed I was at the time, thinking that he loved me, that things could change, that the bruises on my body and literal twisted joints - and more hurtful than those even, the things he said to me - were my fault.

I'm currently in the most supportive, loving, incredible relationship, and I know now how wrong I was to think those things about my abuser.

What I hope to accomplish in this piece is to help others understand how they, as health care professionals, caring friends, and concerned colleagues, can empower domestic violence victims and save lives. Two stories stand out when I think about how others fell short of helping me escape.

The first missed opportunity happened in a makeup store. He had hit me in fits of rage before, but this was the first time he had hit my face hard enough to cause bruising.

I walked into a cosmetics store looking for makeup to cover the black and blue splotches on my lip. The cashier looked concerned, pursed his lips, but said nothing. He helped me find a concealer that matched my skin tone, then explained "color correction" products to me. I remember how I held back tears and was so ready to tell everything to this stranger, had he only asked where my bruises came from.

The second missed opportunity happened at an optometrist's office. I later learned in medical school that when someone endures blunt trauma near their eyes, tiny blood vessels in the eyes can burst, causing a bloodshot look that can't be "cured" by eye drops. This was how my eyes looked when I walked into the office, hoping for an eye exam. (I wouldn't have normally gone in but the night before, after hitting me, my then-partner snapped my glasses in half to further impair me.)

The optometrist asked me why my eyes were so red; I lied and said I had slept with my contact lenses in overnight. After he tried relieving the redness with eye drops to no avail, he furrowed his brow, seemed as if he was going to inquire further, then shook his head and completed my eye exam so that I could order new glasses.

He was the only person aside from my abuser who had seen me in four days, and how I wished he had asked more questions.

There were many instances during which a single question or concerned comment from a friend, doctor, or random makeup store cashier could have snapped me out of this scary, disillusioned reality that had become my new normal, but that never happened. Had it not been for starting medical school here at Stanford in 2016, I'm not sure if I would have ever convinced myself that I was strong enough - or worth enough, good enough, valuable enough - to escape.

If you think that your patient, your friend, or your colleague is a domestic abuse victim or survivor, pity and looks of sympathy are the last things she needs. Believe her, listen to her, support her, and you will save her.

If you are a domestic abuse victim or survivor, please know this: You are strong, and you are not alone.

Please share this with your family, friends, and colleagues. Medical school saved my life, but not everyone is afforded the same opportunity.

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When Love is Brutal: Personal Narrative of Surviving Domestic Abuse

Swati Kamble

My reason for writing this narrative is that I want to face the demons. I want to make sense of the things that happened to me. But not just for me. I want people to know, especially the young girls and women who are conditioned to endure violence and who are silently fighting abuse. I want them to know that they are not alone in this fight. To the society that pretends it is a private matter, I want to say loud and clear that domestic abuse is real. It happens more frequently than we would like to believe. It happens across caste, class, religion and race. Education level of the abuser or  the abused doesn’t have  much impact on how badly you may be beaten up or how long you will stay in that relationship before you get out, if you are able to get out at all. The physical and mental trauma undoubtedly has a long-lasting impact. As survivors, we may feel weak and feeble. But we shouldn’t blame ourselves and should courageously voice out the injustice.

I want to also establish that as much impact the ever pervasive violence has on my life, it does not define me. The person that abused me is just one of the many faceless aggressors around the world who has the same violent, manipulative and guilt-tripping traits. Many educated young girls and women in our community fear and feel ashamed to come out as battered women. I want to plead to all those courageous women out there: don’t let your personal narratives be unheard, don’t be invisible, trapped in the statistics of domestic violence. Let the staggering figures have faces, speak out. Come forward with your stories in solidarity for those beautiful souls who are still struggling to make decisions. Don’t fight in silence.

Coming to my narrative, I have been in a relationship with a man I had known for many years. I respected him and placed my trust in him as a friend and a confidante. I was open to him about my life, my feelings, worries and doubts. However over the years, I started to realize that he used those pieces of my life to coerce me, humiliate me and to isolate me. I had always painted an image of him to be a socially conscientious and sensitive person believing in human rights and values. Every time he hit me, I would look at that instance of abuse as an exception, trying to uphold the image I had of him, until the exception became the norm.

One criticism or question to him, and I was sure to get hit. At times I struggled to ensure not to disappoint him. I began a race with myself to prove to him that I was becoming what he wanted me to be. Although the irrationality of beatings and justifications over the years became more and more clear, I simply kept feeding into his expectations to maintain the peace. Indeed there were times in those five years that I questioned him, but not truly. I agreed to his arguments. I believed that it was my fault to get beatings. I apologized to him for committing ‘mistakes’. Once, he hit me in broad daylight on a street full of people for boarding the general compartment of a train and not the ‘ladies compartment’. He said hitting me was a punishment, to ensure I would remember the next time. I was beaten black and blue with a belt for going on a school reunion picnic because boys also participated in this picnic. He said he didn’t trust any man other than my father and brothers for my safety. He said I was ignorant, that I didn’t know how the world works and therefore I needed his protection.

Growing up as a teenager at home, I didn’t follow a certain hour curfew. But in my mid-twenties, in that relationship, I felt enchained. I would cut short on family events and cancel going out. One angry phone call from him and I frantically left the turmeric ceremony of a friend. I swore to him that I didn’t dance in that ceremony. He said if I properly explained the reasons for attending these events, he would allow me to go. But to him, my explanations were never sufficient. He would say I didn’t have awareness of my body. He would hit me as a punishment so as to remind me to always wear a dupatta (scarf worn over clothes as additional covering for upper front body). At one time, I was hit for bringing ‘burnt’ chapati and ‘leftover gravy’ for him. He said, ‘This shows how much importance I have in your life. You are careless because you don’t value me.’ I was hit again because I became upset and wouldn’t eat.

I was hit in so many instances. Inside the house but also in public places, in Mumbai and during our stay in Europe, on a subway full of people, on bus stops, and while walking through busy streets. I wouldn’t understand why people didn’t question him or stop him. During my gender studies course in a prestigious European university, I was hit to the point where I had to go to the hospital. The side of my eye where he had punched was bleeding. My eye was blue and swollen for days and so was my body. I resumed classes after a week and made my presentation wearing sunglasses. I told my classmates I had fallen off an escalator. Last year when I told one of those classmates what the truth was, she said she wasn’t surprised. She didn’t want to confront me at that time and probe with too many questions, but she knew something wasn’t right. She said many other women in the class actually gossiped about it. It really surprised me that there was such a silence around domestic violence, even among these ‘feminists-to-be’. At that time I didn’t reach out for help. I feared several bad consequences, especially for him in a foreign land if I did so.

He would hit me more aggressively every time I cried for help. When I said I would tell our parents about how he treats me, he would say: ‘We hadn’t involved our parents when we took the decision to be together. We will solve our matters ourselves now too.’ Every time I said I wanted to end this relationship, he would reply: ‘You can’t take this decision on your own, alone’. When I said I would lodge a complaint against him he would say: ‘But you have hit me too, we are equals’, referring to the very few times I had hit him in defense. Or even: ‘In a patriarchal society like ours, my pride is wounded much more by getting hit by a woman.’ When I spoke of rights and equality, he would say: ‘Don’t get influenced by ‘personal is political’ of feminists. Don’t try to be a feminist because it will ruin you.’ He said: ‘Look around. Which feminist do you see with proper families? They have destroyed everything.’

He choked me, and pushed me against the wall. Punching me in the head, he had said it was my stubbornness that brought evil out of him. I would freeze, black out… My brain would literally stop working. I wouldn’t speak a thing and this made him angrier. He said ‘he beat me up but just enough to make me speak out.’ It sounded like a police interrogation tactic. He said to me once: ‘Now I understand why men kill their women in frustration.’

I have read about how cycles of abuse function. How there are patterns that every abuser follows. Yet I had to take my own time. The moment I finally broke the silence, over a year ago, talking to friends and family, it felt like a flood of words gushed out my mouth. I didn’t want to remain in silence anymore. The more I spoke, the more I understood how systematically the violence I endured was normalized. Until then I was ashamed, confused, in disbelief and denial that I was a victim of domestic violence.

How could I believe I was that victim? Coming from a humble background, a Dalit girl growing up in a slum of Mumbai. I had achieved things I hadn’t imagined for myself. My family and community respected me. My opinions mattered. People saw me as a confident, independent young woman. But precisely these facts became detrimental to my coming out. I feared all that I had achieved would be shattered if I came out as a victim of domestic violence. As though it was my failure. I thought of the disgrace it would bring upon my family. I feared he would come after me and he would create a big havoc in front of my family. After all he had said he would do so at many occasions.

There are endless stories of brutalities but the trend would always be the same. To have control over me and to discourage me from taking decisions of my own. Coming to Geneva on my own for PhD in September 2014, finally gave me mental space to understand and process things. For example, I would walk on the streets of Geneva and still feel his surveilling eyes watching me. This made me realize the omnipresent terror I was living with. For five years I thought it was going to be impossible to end this relationship. Even in Geneva where I was on my own, it took time for me to believe that I could actually end it. I finally gathered courage and did it. It wasn’t easy, I was guilt-tripped at every step. Even then he didn’t let me go and continued to manipulate me. He spoke of the morality and values I would be digressing from if I left him. He spoke of betrayal. He said I was betraying him without any other explanation and therefore was resorting to a narrative of abuse. He claimed he could explain every instance of abuse towards me, saying he did all of it out of utmost love and compassion for me. He insisted that I was focusing too much on the bad things and was conveniently forgetting all the good he did for me. He said by running away from him I am taking an easy way out, that if I truly loved him, I would stay on to bring positive change in the relationship.

When his manipulations to bring me back into his life didn’t show any results, he started asking for my forgiveness. He promised that he would change, like he had promised previously after every beating. I was asked why suddenly I took such a step. Had I met someone? Later he started with negotiations. He said if he were to accept my decision, I should accept the conditions that he made, by which I was to stay single all my life and not fall in love with anyone. I also was to see him change and he expected that we wouldn’t give up on the activities of the Dalit women’s rights organization we had started together.

It was plain mockery that during our relationship, in social forums we went together to speak as colleagues for Dalit women’s rights and in the private domain my rights were getting violated every day. We both led very contrasting lives. To the outer world I was a confident, outspoken young woman and he an introvert but equally diligent promoter of Dalit women’s rights. In my personal life I was oppressed and he was oppressing me. Who could have ever believed? For example, people were shocked to know he could do something like this to anyone. At the very same instance some told me to forget about it. Most of the people I spoke with gave well-meaning advice. They said you are out of it and that’s what matters. You have a better life ahead and he doesn’t deserve your attention. I saw that as much as people felt sad, shocked about partner abuse, they thought it to be normal. Something to be forgotten about and moved on.

A few common friends didn’t break their silence about this. They thought they couldn’t take sides and told me so. Some took upon task of moral policing. Many couldn’t understand why I didn’t leave earlier. Few asked me why now, after five years? What triggered this sudden decision? As if, by having stayed on for five years in that relationship, I had lost the legitimacy to question it and to finally come out of it. Some thought mine was a hasty decision, and I should think over it. Others made it an issue of pride that I didn’t reach out to them first. Some said he is their friend and they are concerned about the consequences the end of our relationship would have on him.

After the end of this abusive relationship, my life took a dramatic turn. A magical one even, if I may say so. I found an amazing connection with an old friend from Belgium who I could share my every thought with. A year later we decided to get married. As the news of my marriage with a ‘white man’ broke in December 2015, there were further waves of shock. Word went around that I betrayed a ‘good man from our community’ for a ‘white man from foreign land’. I was said to have gone for ‘a better option’. However, many people did reach out and congratulate me. I thank them for their support. I am now in an equal and respectful relationship full of love and trust. My partner, our friends and families on both the parts of the world (India and Belgium) have supported us wholeheartedly. Their support has been crucial for me to stand strong.

Towards the end of my narrative I want to address to the people who want to know why I didn’t leave in those five years. Although I don’t owe any explanation, I am stating the reasons that are commonly recognized in partner abuse. I would like this to help women in abusive relationships to understand the patterns of abuse they are facing.

I didn’t leave because firstly I couldn’t believe I was being abused. I have been an educated and empowered woman, vocal about  marginalized women’s rights. How could this have happened to me? Moreover, the common belief is that domestic abuse would happen to illiterate and dis-empowered women, perpetrated by alcoholic men. Him being a human rights activist, he didn’t fit the profile of a domestic abuser. We both didn’t fit the profiles of the abused and the abuser. I say people, it’s a myth! Domestic abusers do not have a specific profile. I plead women to not feel ashamed because you have been abused. Domestic violence does not define who you are as a person.

I didn’t leave because I tried to find rationality in his reasoning. I started to think that since he couldn’t get angry at me for no reason, maybe I was doing something wrong that made him angry. Gradually I was conditioned to blame myself in this relationship. I thought I could make things better and that time would strengthen trust in the relationship. Research shows that most domestic abusers face aggressive disorder and their anger doesn’t always have rational reasoning. Domestic abusers use systematic strategies for coercion and manipulation. Believing that it’s your fault will further drag you into a cycle of abuse.

I didn’t leave because I believed I could help him. Many a times, he said he needed me to make him a better person. That only I could help him. I started reading articles on living with a temperamental person. My plea to women is ,to not to try save somebody by endangering your own life. Don’t wait for him to change. Because while there are chances he may change, he probably needs an external expert to help. You as a victim of abuse should first seek distance from the abusive relationship for your own safety.

I didn’t leave because I kept raising the threshold to be reached before leaving. First, I told him I would leave him if he abused and humiliated me publically. But when that happened, I started saying I will leave you if you hit me in front of our family members. And when that happened too, I again created a much higher threshold. I said to him, “in the future, if we get married and start a family, I will leave you the day you abuse me in front our kids.” Once he told me after hitting me in front his sister: ‘Now that you brought out an evil side of me in front my sister, I will no longer have any inhibitions to hit you in front of anybody anymore.’ He said, ‘you have just created the worst outcome for yourself.’ I beg all women to have a zero tolerance for any form of abuse. Do not let your respect and dignity be compromised at any cost.

I didn’t leave because I didn’t know how to. Without realizing it, I was imposing rules on myself to keep the peace, to make him happy. This also led to my withdrawal from friends and family. Isolation made it more difficult for me to get an objective explanation of the situation. Dear courageous women, do not close yourself down. Reach out to family and friends. Consider their opinions. Importantly, take your own decisions. We have to live life and learn through it. We all may feel vulnerable. I feel so vulnerable at times and it surprises me even now to think how much of an impact violence has on me. I considered myself ta strong person, and now my vulnerability too has become part of my strength.

Before I conclude, I want to address the people who know the person that abused me. After reading this, some of you might get angry and maybe even distance yourself from him. I feel it may not serve as a solution. There are too many cases of domestic abuse to only blame and punish one person. We have to reflect as a society on how we are dealing with issues of violence. There is naming and shaming of the victims/survivors of domestic abuse. Every time a woman decides to walk out of a bad relationship, her chastity is questioned. Speak out against domestic violence. Support those who speak out against the domestic violence happening to them. There should also be awareness and openness in society to recognize anger and aggression as a psychological disorder. People with anger and aggressive disorder should seek help. Along with children, women are the primary victims of the aggressive disorder of their partners.

I have come to the end of my narrative here. You might think why I am writing about something so personal to me. I have stated the reasons in the beginning of this text. In conclusion, I want to reinforce them. I want to build solidarity with the survivors of domestic violence and to get the discussion going. As we teach our young girls and women lessons of empowerment, we must also equip our whole society, especially men, to be emancipated and to embrace gender equality in its truest sense. Equality, not as a value ‘out there’, but as a habit integrated in our day to day life. Society should nurture its young girls and women to think independently. Rather than emphasizing the virtue of sacrifice, they should be empowered to put themselves first. They should be taught that assertion for their rights is important and normal. Society should, at the same time understand that it is normal for women in an abusive relationship, to be vulnerable and feel at their weakest. Young girls and women should in fact know that it is only when we are able to care for ourselves and value ourselves, that we find our true selves and the strength within, to accept who we are. Jai Bhim!

Swati Kamble is a Dalit women’s rights activist, presently doing a PhD in Socio-economics at the University of Geneva on caste and gender inequalities in policy processes in India. 

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I am soo soo proud of you swati…it takes courage for one to stand up for oneself….i like n respect you even more

Really proud of you. I also there in the process of change. Thank you for writing this really helped me a lot.Now I am seeing u at the place where i was expected from you. all the best for future life journey.

Respect.. And a hug 🙂

Brilliant presentation by a confident woman whose confidence was shattered in marriage and now recovered. Women do take a lot of time to come out of hostile conjugal relations. Her experience is no exception. Better late than never in arriving at truth. The truth of the matter is that every man or woman must live the life of dignity and worthiness. It must ultimately be a self-empowered life, without which human beings will lead a sub-human life. I liked the narrative flow immensely. I am going to post this page in my facebook line. Thanks for sharing all your emotions and reasoning too. What I liked the most is the way you conducted yourself with a sense of dignity in expressing these thoughts. A certain cool and unruffled presentation. Thank you very much.

It’s Shocking dear, I respect you and your courage and decision

beautifully honest. You are a winner.

Swati, first of all congratulations, on being able to marshal all that you went through and then having the courage to put that in words here. Congratulations also, for having the strength and tenacity to not let this break you down. What you went through was horrifying, and I am truly sorry that you had to experience that. Every so often I will find instances of domestic abuse wherein it was known to the families and friends, and no one did anything to question or empower the victim, all because it was considered a “private matter”. This has the power to stun me beyond words, every damn time. Some things are so wrong, that you know it in your bones. And if you stood by and kept silent, then you are equally responsible. So for those who watched you get abused and maintained their silence, that’s on them, not you. I understand why it took you so long to break your silence and get out of that situation. Abuse of that kind shuts down your brain in a way, and it takes years to admit, even to yourself about the gross crime that is being committed against you. And if you are an empowered woman, for all appearances, then it is downright impossible to accept that such a thing might happen to you. You don’t owe anyone an apology or an explanation for why it took you so long to break your silence. It’s your life, and if people didn’t think it was their business to question what was happening to you before, they certainly have no damn business asking you why you speak now and not then. Kudos to you for being brave enough to fall in love again. Really. May you always blaze your way forward.

I salute you.. Stand strong and I wish you happiness in your new relationship. Best wishes and lost of love from Pakistan!!

Thank you for sharing your experience with us all. I m proud of your courage and decision. I would love to meet you if we can. I’ll be coming next week to London. Love, Rina

Very grateful to you Swati for putting into words and breathing life to a necessary aspect that most of us might think but seldom vocalize or humanize our understanding on. I hope you are able to exhale after sharing this and I hope all the affirmations are strengthening and embracing you with love and sister support. As you know, there are mostly two ways in which a Dalit woman’s truth is portrayed by others beyond her in the social spaces. Either she is vilified or her pain is dramatically storified for academic and non profit consumption. I wish you strength to breathe past the vilification. I caution you against capitalistic predators who sell stories of Dalit women’s trauma and pain on institutional stages, aided by Brahmin – savarna, white and other mindless accomplices. Be aware my sister, be aware. I salute you for standing in your truth, culture, power and integrity.You have absolutely broadened understanding of personal and collective accountability around domestic violence by sharing your truth in all its nuanced complexity. Your loving and living approach is inspiring. Jai Bhim !

Dear Swati, Thanks for sharing you experience..as you mentioned it is very difficult for a woman /girl to get realize and accept the reality of violence and to accept that she is a ‘victim’. It needs courage…you give this courage to women through sharing of your story… Congratulations to you to get out from that life..salute to your courage…and yes..congratulations!!! to both of you for your new life…..!!! love you yaar….

Hats off to you madam… May you succeed in all that you want

Thank you for helping us understand better. Hundreds of years of socialization has so deeply embeded violence in us men, it will take a large,strong and militant movement to up root the violence and rid ourselves of it. Thank you Dear I. Take care. In solidarity. Sebbi

can i please have your email id. plzz

Certainly Richa! my email ID is [email protected]

Great,u fought a demon to free yourself.remaining silent for 5 years is torturing yourself.

In our society each and every female were abused.But they didn’t speak and tolerate every things.When educated partners, do these type of behaviour it’s very shocking.We must have to start some campaign, or as a mother we are not giving proper education to both our mail/female child.As you are so educated,I think you should start some work to change society and its orthodox thinking. Most important thing is educate women,so she can understand low,and give good education and humanity lessons to there family’s.lf you’ll start any movement I’ll surely support you.And please involves who has supported to you.looking forward and support you.

You are beautiful, strong and truly inspirational person. Hope that a little lamp may shine for those in the dark trying their way out. Every precisely written.

Swati, power to you. And to all those suffering in silence and agony. And it’s never too late to speak about injustice. Jai bhim!

A very touching narrative. I salute your strength in sharing your personal story. It is only by people like you standing up and sharing that others in the same position will have the the courage to follow. I am so sorry for all the pain you have been through. There is no excuse in a relationship for one person hitting another, absolutely none. Hopefully you have seen the worst, and life will be much more loving and peaceful henceforth. Thank you and with you the best

Thank you so much for sharing.

More power to you, Swati. Congratulations on writing so strongly and clearly about such a traumatic period of your life. I’m sure it will help many others who find themselves in similar situations. All the best for the rest of your life!

Thanks swati for sharing your experience….Very Very congratulations to you for raising your voice against violence….because as you mentioned it is really very difficult for any women or girl to understand and accept it that she is a victim of such kind of violence….Thanks to give courage…And many many congratulations for your new Life…….Love you!!!!!

i really like u r decision. these all experience actually gave me strength to think about my life what i am doing in my life and what i should do in future. thank u Swati

Manisha dear I am happy this narrative has given you strength. Take care of yourself. And please write to me if you feel like: [email protected]

Thank you all! for all your loving and encouraging messages . As a friend very aptly stated we have to work towards healing through conversations. This solidarity has built my courage even more.

Swati you have courage to share this with masses..well done! Thanks for sharing it will definitely help others.

Thanks to share your struggle to fight with your self…and you come out of it with a great courage..well done.Thanks for sharing to give more strength to other friends..

Thanks for sharing your story with rest of the world Swati….I can relate to it a lot as I was in a mentally abusive relationship myself…in my case physical abuse didn’t happen because I didn’t take it but mental abuse was done everyday….but I was not taking it because I was trying to justify him but for my parents as I didn’t want to cause any problem for them as they fulfilled my wish to marry that stupid person against rest of the family…so I was trying keep this marriage alive but I acknowledged the problem from the very first month of my marriage…but later after several years everything was open in front of my whole family that I am living a lie..my marriage was not what it looked from outside….once my family realised that they supported me..they are still supporting me in my decision…always remember things happen for a reason….what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger….there are many women out there who don’t even know that they are victim of mental abuse….I wish we could help them somehow…Indian culture is like that we can’t blame the guys…I am glad that you were smart enough not to marry another jackass from there…

Love and respect.

Salute to a courageous woman.

Proud of you……. Hats Off to You dear !!

Dear Swati, Your narration has given strength to you as well as to so many victims of such kind of violence.All have to work towards it- have to sensitize not only women but also men -“How to respect Women”. If they think that women is a weaker sex, that is an artificial creation, not an edict of God. Again, all should know the legal provisions and constitutional provisions for women and punishments of the offenders for crimes committed on women. For protection of women there is Domestic Violence Act,2005 which has not been able to respond to growing menace of crimes committed on women because the punishment is not exemplary so as to create its impact in the society. Thanks a lot for your posting.

Dear Swati, I find your article so revealing of the abuser’s mentality and I feel it will help other victims to see the signs sooner than they would otherwise. Here are some telltale signs I think all girls should look out for: Whether they are physical or mental abusers, they first establish an image of being “good” themselves. They sell the image very successfully before the victim realizes that it is more a built image than a genuine one. This subtly makes the victim feel morally inferior and therefore doubt their own judgment. The more decent the victim, the longer it takes for them to realize that the abuser is really in the wrong; they try to be generous and want to be sure that the abuser is really bad, that they are not being hasty and biased in their own judgment. And this partly because of the image they successfully project to others as this guy did to you and probably others. The victim then starts wondering if all these people who think well of the abuser could be wrong and further doubt their own judgment. And the silence around of those who think they cannot interfere in the private affairs of a family or a couple also reinforces these doubts. These abusers mouth all the right views and “exploit” the deep rooted prejudices of the society in their favour. They also tend to plead and apologise when they feel they are losing their victim/ that the victim is breaking free, to win them back and try to play the guilt card like this guy who kept saying he depended on you to make him better. So much so every time he misbehaves, the victim thinks they have failed the abuser instead of the other way around.

Your article made me think. If feel: 1. In a way and ironically, the abuser runs true to type. And we would see it straightaway if only we trusted our instincts instead of allowing our “sophisticated” education reason away these signs. Very subtly we also fall prey to the brainwashing that society subjects us to- ideas like it happens only in old fashioned families, it happens only among the poor etc etc. lesson 1: Trust your instincts; do not let anyone or even education suppress your instincts. 2.Another factor that will help a victim identify the problem early and break away from an abusive relationship could be a questioning mind that does not accept conventional concepts of right and wrong, of what is acceptable and what unacceptable etc…

Let all mothers raise our girls to trust their instincts and not tolerate even the faintest whiff of domination. this will help them protect themselves from abuse.

Proud of you Dear …. enjoy each moment of your life 🙂 Thanks for sharing it

Proud & Hats Off to You dear !!

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Writing About Domestic Violence 25

Since October is Domestic Awareness Month, I want to help bring awareness to this issue while offering ways to write about how violence affects each of us personally.

It’s not a subject we like to think about. And when it happens publicly, as recent viral videos have shown, those of us who have not experienced that kind of violence personally express morbid fascination and outrage. We know that no one — man or woman — should have to endure that kind of treatment, but it’s so ubiquitous we don’t know what to do about it.

Domestic Violence Month grew out of the Day of Unity begun in 1981 as a day intended to connect battered women’s advocates in their efforts to end violence against women and children. In 1989 Congress passed the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month Commemorative Legislation, and it has been observed every October since then.

Here is the first paragraph of the President’s proclamation of this year’s awareness month:

Domestic violence affects every American.  It harms our communities, weakens the foundation of our Nation, and hurts those we love most.  It is an affront to our basic decency and humanity, and it must end.  During National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we acknowledge the progress made in reducing these shameful crimes, embrace the basic human right to be free from violence and abuse, and recognize that more work remains until every individual is able to live free from fear.

I think we can all agree with those words. We have made progress since 1989, but we have a long way to go. Here are some recent statistics from a variety of web sources (sources cited at end of post):

• 10% of teenagers are intentionally harmed by someone they are dating. In 2013, that figure included 1.5 million high school students. –
• One woman is beaten by her husband or partner every 15 seconds in the U.S. –
• One in four women experiences domestic violence in her lifetime. –
• It’s not just women. Yes, they represent 85% of the domestic violence victims, but let’s not forget the other 15%. –
• Police are more likely to respond quickly if they think the offender is unknown to the victim. –
• Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.

Reading these statistics has made me wonder how far we have really progressed. Here in the U.S., we believe we are more aware and less tolerant of this kind of violence, so if these are our statistics, how much worse is it in countries where domestic violence is still considered acceptable?

Below, I offer a few journaling, memoir, and personal essay writing prompts to help you develop your thoughts on this issue. Not all the prompts will apply to everyone, so just use what works for you.

The Writing Prompts

Journaling prompts:.

• Perform a word association exercise  with domestic violence at the center. After you’ve finished the word association, set a timer and freewrite for 10 minutes. –
• How do you feel about having a month every year devoted to awareness of this issue? –
• What experience do you have with domestic violence (include emotional and verbal abuse in your answer)? Write about its impact on your decision-making processes, then and now.

Prompts for memoir and personal essay:

• Write about a time you experienced domestic violence, either as a victim or perpetrator. If you never experienced this personally, write a scene about the first time you heard about domestic violence happening to someone you know. –
• How far have we come in the long journey to end domestic violence around the world? Perform some historical research on this subject and write a summary of your findings. –
• Get on a soapbox: Write a speech about what needs to happen to eliminate domestic violence and what your “listeners” can do today. –
• If you have ever been or are a victim of domestic violence, write a compassionate letter to yourself (to the past or present you) offering advice and wisdom for the future.
• If you have never been a victim of domestic violence, but know of someone who has, use your imagination and write a letter from that person’s perspective about why he or she stayed and what it took (or will take) to get out of the situation.

I realize that even if you have never experienced or know someone who has been embroiled in domestic violence, this is not an easy subject to write about — and it is extremely difficult if you have experienced it. To all who take this subject on: thank you for your courage.

This much I know — writing has the power to heal.

I invite your comments on this topic and on the power of writing.

_______________________________

Sources: Domestic Violence Statistics Organization Domestic Awareness Violence Project The Whitehouse.gov press office website Clark County Prosecuting Attorney

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25 thoughts on “ Writing About Domestic Violence ”

Good article, Amber. I did a word association and one of the words I came up with was a love-hate relationship. I had a couple friends years ago that fought constantly to the point of physical violence. We, their peers, called it a love-hate relationship. Now when I look back on it, that phrase seems a form of denial, a way for us to look the other way when it was really a much more serious issue. I hope young people today are more aware than we were.

Barbara, thank you for sharing this bit of insight. You’re right that using the term “love-hate relationship” was probably a way of normalizing the fighting, a way to shrug one’s shoulders and look the other way. I think there is more awareness today and less tolerance of physical violence within a relationship — at least I hope so.

I have been interested in this issue for many years, both from a personal and professional view. I have written a short play and a short story monolgue about domestic violence from a couple of different perspectives. The play has been performed and the monolugue is due to be performed at the end of September. Thanks for addressing the issue on your website.

Thanks for your comment, Dave. Let us know how the performance goes.

Domestic violence doesn’t always exhibit itself with bruises and blood. It permeates the soul, the self esteem, the “your stupid”, “your dumb”, :you re ugly”. Then, controlling your actions, what you say in front of others, being groomed in how to behave in public, control what you read(i.e, library books of your interest), not wanting you to expand your knowledge by going back to school. Hiding your keys just when your about to go to class or stating they will not care for you child as you are leaving the house with no time to find a sitter. The slapping when you don’t agreed, you no longer have a voice, no communication w/family members, Walking on egg shells, pretending to hit you buy stopping one inch from your face. Beating you up, no longer slapping your face but punching your face and jaw because you went to visit your mother on Mother’s Day. Take a rifle down and loads it so you cannot take your children out of the house. The Alhambra police called by neighbor but they only gave me10 minutes to get clothes for kids. they don’t even take his gun away, No arrest or a question of an arrest, This was in 1980 Alhambra California. Policemen will side with the man……it was humiliating. I was bruised but made to feel like a nothing. I missed 1 week of work because of the bruising, had to use makeup to hide the bruises for a few weeks. This was a professional , a man who would later run for city council of Alhambra (lost). Intelligent, charismatic and in control. Emotional abuse damages your esteem that lasts a lifetime, even after 40 years I still don’t wear skirt/dresses because of the critical comments of my legs that in the back of my mind I still feel like he was right. After hearing for 13 years how dumb you are you tend to start to believe it which lead me not to try to go back to school or improve my life. Your fight with domestic abuse physically and emotional doesn’t end when you leave, you are fighting everyday to change how you think about yourself, what you were lead to believe about your looks/intelligence, etc. Even a harder task if you do not have a support group.

Powerfully written, Irene and so true. Every word. The physical abuse is bad. Horrible. But the emotional abuse can be the worst part, because its effects are invisible and, as you share, last a lifetime. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are smart. These are the true words you need to hear. Thank you for sharing your story in a way that every person who reads can feel personally.

I wrote a 6 paged article I just started and it will be under 20 pages. Which sites do I submit this to be paid for it Its my own experiences surviving abuse in childhood and through adulthood and have found writing to be a release like singing is for me.

Inshallah, I can’t tell you which sites to submit it to or even if it’s ready for publishing, but I can say that writing is like singing for the soul. I love that idea. Keep writing and keep sharing about your experiences so that others know they are not alone and there is a way out.

I am a victem of domestic violence 2 years of being “free” im still not.. i need help.. ive had no luck in my life what so ever.. council wont help me im stuck everyday that goes by just seems to get harder and harder im now dealing with heart problems.. waiting on a epg at the doctors and even im having to wait on that because there struggling to get “pads”. My lifes a mess i try to be strong but it just seems i get strong then something hits me again :'( why is it they say it will be ok.. when really it wont.. dreams turn into nightmares, the light fades when the suns shining it just always seems like its raining.. but when its actually raining u can cry freely as no one can see a tear as its just like a rain drop. Im not affraid of being alone im scared for life its self. When i think im getting there its like the mountian i just climed has trippled insize, why at the age of 22 am i getting pannic attaks. Its only been recently i went to the doctors ive had my bloods and waiting on a epc, i feel like my heart is on fire in my chest like theres no one there to put out the flames. My family ask for money when i wish to see them i know in this world thats all this world is about. Im thinking of just getting a horse and carage and going bk in time. But this world has evolved and is getting worse by the day. Those who actually need help are alone and suffeing.. but were do they actually go to get help?

Allyson, I am so sorry you’re struggling as you are. In many cities and towns, there are domestic advocacy groups that have regular support group meetings. In addition, they can often connect you with much-needed resources. See if you can find one near you. And for anyone else who reads this comment, if you have additional suggestions for Allyson, please reply. Thank you.

Good morning Allyson I’m sorry you feel alone and no where to turn if you need someone to talk to I am here. My name is Catherine and I am a Victor of domestic violence it has been 8 years since I’ve been set free. There is more to talk about, I can help you and show you the steps that help me and my kids heal. We will get through this together. My email is [email protected]

Catherine, thank you for sharing your email and offering to help.

Hello i am a 33 year old male and i have myself been physically and emotionally abused for 2 year by my noq ex spouse(female) I am looking to write of my experience as a victim behind closed doors but to the outside world i was portrayed as an abuser by many and all people especially law enforcement. I have learned as a male and my own experience Males cannot be victims. Sitting in a cold concrete cell with numerous injuries for many hours because police refuse to believe a woman can inflict such injuries on a man(im 6 foot 2 190lbs) even though there is not a scratch on my now ex spouse because her lies were chosen as the truth. This is just one example of many and i am now ready to take a stand for myself and others i know who suffer at the hands of there wife, girlfriend, or common-law and write a small book. I do lack the know how of writing a small book, any pointers would be much appreciated, Thank you for reading.

Derek, thank you for choosing to tell your truth. It’s difficult enough for women to be believed when they speak up about abuse, and I can only imagine how much harder it is for a man to speak up in the same situation: he is judged as somehow being “unmanly” and, as you say, people cannot imagine that the woman can be the abuser. But abuse happens both ways, and I think it’s important as a culture that we recognize that and listen to anyone who claims they are physically or emotionally abused. In those situations, I know it’s difficult for people (and police) to know who is lying and who is not, as it is often one person’s word against another. We must find a way to deal compassionately with everyone who says they’ve been a victim of violence.

Regarding writing your story, I suggest you start with a search of my site here. I have a series called “From Memories to Memoirs” and many posts on Journaling for Memoir which will help you get started putting your story on paper. Then, there are posts on writing craft that can help you take it further. In addition, of course, there are many books on the craft of writing memoir. The main thing is to just start writing.

Writing does help..this is a very good approach for a writing prompt..thank u for inspiring me by giving me a creative way to express and share my experience with others..hopefully someone can heal reading my words as I can heal by writing them.

Donna, I’m so glad you found inspiration here. Your voice deserves to be heard and, yes, others can heal by reading and hearing about your experiences and how you overcame abuse. Thank you for sharing.

I have a voice but no one is listening. I am a mother but I am scared for my children. I have a voice but I am not heard or respected . I lived with a bully someone to intimidated me and my children but I am paying the price. No one is listening. My children think its normal but it isnt. Who tells their children they are pigs; who sends their children to bed without food because they want you to do more homework and who washes their children’s mouth with soap and frightens them a bully does over and over but it is supposedly jovial. I left my children because I became scared of a man who picked on me nothing was right. My children watched but I had no voice. . I was financially abused but I have no voice. I am tired and all I seem to do is scream but no one is listening. My former husband does not tell me where my children are. My former husband doesn’t tell me anything about my children. They see therapists but I am not consulted and its his opinion only I have no voice no respect as a mother. I just have to accept, that I cannot prove emotional abuse but I can prove financial but no one is listening. My children will more than likely be abusers and be abuse but I cannot stop it no one is listening. Please listen I was told today I am not burnt but charred . I have paid tens of thousands to a system that is failing my children and myself. I now have my sister in law and she too is suffering the cruel treatment that her husband does to her and her children. He is no different to his brother. I have one person who knows what I went thru. My children are still there and I am desperate to help them and others. Please help me.

Tania, thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching story and the frustration of not being heard, of not having a voice — or, conversely, of speaking up but no one listens. This is far too typical a story. And contrary to the myth that women usually get the children or that women are protected by the courts, my experience is that the courts let us down and do not listen. They believe the abusers. I cannot help you from here, but please do reach out to a domestic violence organization if there is one near you. Women helping women — that is how we recover.

I was a victim of domestic violence and I want to get an essay published but I don’t want him to sue me or do anymore damage to me, how do I go about getting my writing published without putting myself in harms way?

Hi Ellen, I’d like to be in touch re your enquiry and hope you have found a way to be heard. Nearly four years since your post but please email me if you read this as I identify with your dilemma. Best wishes

I sat motionless on the bed, tears streaming down my face and clutching my abdomen, feeling the pain aroung my bruised neck and praying to God, that my unborn child would be ok. There in the darkness, I.knew that few would understand or even sympathize that I was a victim of domestic violence.

My daughter was nearly two years old, when the clouds of life came crashing down, as not only was I living in a private hell at home, I was working in a toxic work environment and trying to be a loving mother to my two young children. I had a mental breakdown at Christmas time. I looked at the Christmas tree and Holiday decor and felt dead inside and two weeks later, my husband hit me in the back of the head, the contusion was the size if a golf ball, and I was in such despair, that I took over 10 anti depressant medication.

My life was spared and my world changed nearly two years later, when fate intervened and saved my babies and myself. My husband was arrested and sent to prison for murder.

It was 35 years ago since he was arrested and a year ago I was told that he was going to be released from prison and immediately, I started to have PSTD flashbacks until I came to the realization that he would be over 1000 miles away and in a wheelchair. He was subsequently denied parole and this past July my son was notified that his father was dying of cancer and my son went to see his father in a prison hospital. His father passed away in August.

My heart and soul goes out to every person who has been and/or is in an abusive relationship. My daughter followed in my footsteps and she was a 4th Generation survivor of Domestic Violence.

There were little to no resources available when I was being abused and he did threaten to kill my young children. He never accepted responsibility for his behavior and at the end, I prayed that he was free from pain and died in peace.

Cindy, thank you for sharing your heartbreaking and courageous story. It’s so important that women know that help is available. There are more resources today than there were 35 years ago — and more empathy for women in that horrendous situation — but we still have a long way to go. Stories like yours help to raise awareness. So again, thank you.

Why when you talk about domestic violence do you only talk about battered wives? I feel great empathy for them and believe that their cause is underfunded. However, the cause of domestic violence against men is UNfunded and even unpublicized.

Thank you for your question, Frances. Domestic violence goes in all directions and all should be talked about and funded. That said, the vast majority of domestic violence is male-to-female violence, so it’s natural that this would get the most attention. Because of the stigma involved (the “male macho” standard), men who are beaten by their partners are less likely to come forward. Hopefully, we can begin to break down some of those double standards in our conversations about the issue.

Ho I’m a survivor of domestic violence which occurred over 40 years.Can I write about it and get paid for my story.

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Domestic Abuse: Types, Causes, and Impact

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

Yolanda Renteria, LPC, is a licensed therapist, somatic practitioner, national certified counselor, adjunct faculty professor, speaker specializing in the treatment of trauma and intergenerational trauma.

Boy_Anupong / Getty Images

• Supporting Someone

Domestic abuse , also known as domestic violence or family abuse, is a pattern of behavior that is used to hurt, terrorize, manipulate, or gain control over a family member.

Domestic abuse may be perpetrated by any member of the household, such as an intimate partner, parent, child, sibling, relative, or staff member. When domestic abuse is perpetrated by an intimate partner, it is referred to as intimate partner violence. When a child is a victim of domestic abuse, it is referred to as child abuse .

People from marginalized groups are at greater risk of experiencing abuse. However, it’s important to recognize that anyone can be a victim of abuse, regardless of their age, race, gender, sexual orientation, class, or faith.

Domestic abuse and intimate partner violence are serious public health issues globally. In fact, it is believed that domestic abuse is the most prevalent but least reported crime in the United States.

This article explores the types, causes, signs, and impact of domestic abuse, as well as some ways to support someone who has been abused.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates. 

If you are in immediate danger, call 911 . For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database .

Types of Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse can take many forms. These are some of the different types of domestic abuse:

• Physical abuse , which is when someone harms the other person’s body, causing them to experience pain or suffer physical injuries. Physical abuse includes slapping, beating, hitting, kicking, punching, pinching, biting, choking, pushing, grabbing, shaking, or burning another person.
• Sexual abuse , which includes any form of touching or sexual contact without the other person’s explicit consent. Sexual abuse also includes any form of sexual contact between an adult and a person below the age of 18 .
• Emotional or psychological abuse , which includes yelling, cursing, name-calling, bullying, coercing, humiliating, gaslighting, harassing, infantilizing , threatening, frightening, isolating, manipulating, or otherwise controlling another person. Emotional/psychological abuse can be just as harmful as sexual or physical abuse.
• Neglect , which involves failing to provide a child or a dependent adult with necessities such as food, water, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision. Neglect can also be emotional, which involves failing to provide love, care, and emotional support to a family member.
• Financial abuse , which involves taking control of an individual's finances by controlling their income, restricting their ability to work, or accumulating debts in their name.
• Cultural identity abuse , which involves using aspects of a person's cultural identity to cause pain. This might involve threatening to out a person as LGBTQ+, using racial or ethnic slurs, or not permitting the person to practice traditions and customs of their faith.
• Technological abuse , which involves using technology as a means to threaten, stalk, harass, and abuse the other person. Examples of this form of abuse include using tracking devices to monitor someone's movements or online activities and demanding to have access to the person's social media or email accounts.
• Immigration abuse , which involves inflicting harm on a person by using their immigration status to threaten or restrict aspects of their life. Examples of this might involve threatening the individual's family members, destroying or hiding their immigration papers, and threatening to have them deported.

Signs of Domestic Abuse

It’s important to recognize domestic abuse because the victims are our friends, family members, coworkers, and neighbors.

These are some of the signs that someone is experiencing domestic abuse:

• Being upset or agitated
• Being withdrawn or unresponsive
• Exhibiting signs of fear or nervousness around certain people
• Displaying sudden changes in behavior or unusual behaviors
• Having injuries such as cuts, bruises, black eyes, or broken bones
• Having bruises, bleeding, torn clothes, or bloodstains around genital areas
• Being dehydrated, malnourished, or unkempt
• Living in unsafe or unsanitary conditions
• Wearing long-sleeved clothing or sunglasses to cover up bruising
• Having unusual eating or sleeping habits
• Being extremely meek and apologetic
• Losing interest in daily activities
• Isolating from friends and family

Causes of Domestic Abuse

Research suggests that there are a number of different factors that contribute to the prevalence of domestic violence:

• Cultural factors: Historically, many patriarchal cultures have permitted the beating and chastising of women and children, who are viewed as a man’s property. Additionally, the concept of a woman’s sexuality is often tied to the family’s honor. Therefore, any actions or behaviors by a woman that are perceived as acts of dishonor toward the family are met with judgment and abuse.
• Legal factors: Law enforcement agencies tend to treat domestic abuse as a private family matter and sometimes hesitate to intervene or get involved. Acts of domestic abuse are often treated with more leniency than crimes committed by strangers. In fact, sexual abuse by intimate partners is not even recognized as a crime in many cultures.
• Economic factors: Lack of economic resources is often associated with domestic abuse.
• Environmental factors: People who have grown up in abusive environments and witnessed or experienced abuse as children may be more likely to perpetrate domestic abuse as adults. This is referred to as the intergenerational cycle of abuse .
• Social factors: Society still tends to blame victims for being abused, which can make it difficult for them to come forward and report their abusers. Victims are often scrutinized minutely, and any imperfections are held against them.
• Substance use: Excessive use of substances such as alcohol and drugs can lead to domestic abuse.

Impact of Domestic Abuse

Being abused can cause a person to:

• Think they did something to deserve the abuse
• Believe they are unwanted and unworthy of love or respect
• Feel guilty or ashamed
• Feel helpless and powerless
• Feel used , controlled, or manipulated
• Be terrified of doing something that will upset their abuser
• Behave differently in order to avoid upsetting their abuser
• Have difficulty sleeping, concentrating, or participating in activities they once enjoyed
• Develop mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety
• Develop physical health conditions such as heart disease, digestive issues, muscle and bone conditions, fertility problems, and nervous system disorders
• Feel responsible for regulating the emotions and behaviors of their abuser
• Feel hypervigilant and like they are constantly walking on eggshells
• Not feel good enough or capable to make it on their own
• Constantly doubt their perception and their decisions

Experiencing domestic abuse can cause physical and mental health issues that persist long after the abuse stops.

Supporting Someone Who Has Been Abused

These are some ways to support someone who has been abused:

• Listen to the person and believe them
• Honor where they are in their process and don't push your personal views
• Offer assistance and let them know they’re not alone
• Help them note down all the details they can remember
• Remind them that they’re not to blame for anything that has happened to them
• Encourage them to seek professional support, either through a confidential hotline or via other medical or mental healthcare providers
• Encourage them to speak up about the abuse and report their abuser to the authorities, because keeping it secret only protects their abuser
• Respect whatever choice they make and let them know you'll be there for them regardless of what they decide

A Word From Verywell

Domestic abuse can take many different shapes and forms. It can be extremely traumatic to experience, leaving behind physical wounds, emotional scars, and health issues. It can affect every aspect of the person’s life and make it difficult for them to function.

Recovery takes time, but speaking up about the abuse, leaving an abusive situation , and seeking treatment are important steps that can help.

United Nations. What is domestic abuse?

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Preventing intimate partner violence .

Li S, Zhao F, Yu G. Childhood maltreatment and intimate partner violence victimization: A meta-analysis . Child Abuse Negl . 2019;88:212-224. doi:10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.11.012

City Government of Annapolis, Maryland. Myths about domestic violence .

Nemours Foundation. Abuse .

Women Against Abuse. Types of abuse .

Department of Human Services. Domestic violence crisis and prevention .

Washington State Department of Social and Health Services. Types and signs of abuse .

Yakubovich AR, Stöckl H, Murray J, Melendez-Torres GJ, Steinert JI, Glavin CEY, Humphreys DK. Risk and protective factors for intimate partner violence against women: Systematic review and meta-analyses of prospective-longitudinal studies . Am J Public Health . 2018;108(7):e1-e11. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2018.304428

Greene CA, Haisley L, Wallace C, Ford JD. Intergenerational effects of childhood maltreatment: A systematic review of the parenting practices of adult survivors of childhood abuse, neglect, and violence . Clin Psychol Rev . 2020;80:101891. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2020.101891

U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. Emotional and verbal abuse .

Malik M, Munir N, Ghani MU, Ahmad N. Domestic violence and its relationship with depression, anxiety, and quality of life . Pak J Med Sci . 2021;37(1):191-194. doi:10.12669/pjms.37.1.2893

Cleveland Clinic. How to heal from emotional abuse .

By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

153 Domestic Violence Topics & Essay Examples

A domestic violence essay can deal with society, gender, family, and youth. To help you decide which aspect to research, our team provided this list of 153 topics .

📑 Aspects to Cover in a Domestic Violence Essay

🏆 best domestic violence titles & essay examples, ⭐ interesting domestic violence topics for an essay, 🎓 good research topics about domestic violence, ❓ research questions on domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a significant problem and one of the acute topics of today’s society. It affects people of all genders and sexualities.

Domestic violence involves many types of abuse, including sexual and emotional one. Essays on domestic violence can enhance students’ awareness of the issue and its causes. Our tips will be useful for those wanting to write outstanding domestic violence essays.

Start with choosing a topic for your paper. Here are some examples of domestic violence essay titles:

• Causes of domestic violence and the ways to eliminate them
• The consequences of domestic violence
• The importance of public domestic violence speech
• Ways to reduce domestic violence
• The prevalence of domestic violence in the United States (or other countries)
• The link between domestic violence and mental health problems among children

Now that you have selected one of the titles for your essay, you can start working on the paper. We have prepared some tips on the aspects you should cover in your work:

• Start with researching the issue you have selected. Analyze its causes, consequences, and effects. Remember that you should include some of the findings in the paper using in-text citations.
• Develop a domestic violence essay outline. The structure of your paper will depend on the problem you have selected. In general, there should be an introductory and a concluding paragraph, as well as three (or more) body paragraphs. Hint: Keep in mind the purpose of your essay while developing its structure.
• Present your domestic violence essay thesis clearly. The last sentence of your introductory paragraph should be the thesis statement. Here are some examples of a thesis statement:

Domestic violence has a crucial impact on children’s mental health. / Domestic violence affects women more than men.

• Present a definition of domestic violence. What actions does the term involve? Include several possible perspectives on domestic violence.
• Discuss the victims of domestic violence and the impact it has on them too. Provide statistical data, if possible.
• Help your audience to understand the issue better by discussing the consequences of domestic violence, even if it is not the primary purpose of your paper. The essay should show why it is necessary to eliminate this problem.
• You can include some relevant quotes on domestic violence to make your arguments more persuasive. Remember to use citations from relevant sources only. Such sources include peer-reviewed articles and scholarly publications. If you are not sure whether you can use a piece of literature, consult your professor to avoid possible mistakes.
• Support your claims with evidence. Ask your professor in advance about the sources you can use in your paper. Avoid utilizing Wikipedia, as this website is not reliable.
• Stick to a formal language. Although you may want to criticize domestic violence, do not use offensive terms. Your paper should look professional.
• Pay attention to the type of paper you should write. If it is an argumentative essay, discuss opposing views on domestic violence and prove that they are unreliable.
• Remember that you should include a domestic violence essay conclusion in your paper too. This section of the paper should present your main ideas and findings. Remember not to present any new information or citations in the concluding paragraph.

There are some free samples we have prepared for you, too. Check them out!

• Domestic Violence and Conflict Theory in Society The Conflict Theory explains remarkable events in history and the changing patterns of race and gender relations and also emphasizes the struggles to explain the impact of technological development on society and the changes to […]
• Domestic Violence against Women Domestic violence against women refers to “any act of gender-based violence that results in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, and mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts as […]
• Break the Silence: Domestic Violence Case The campaign in question aimed to instruct victims of domestic violence on how to cope with the problem and where to address to get assistance.
• Domestic Violence and Repeat Victimisation Theory Domestic violence is a crime which often happens because of a bad relationship between a man and woman and usually continues to be repeated until one of the parties leaves the relationship; hence victims of […]
• Domestic Violence: Reason, Forms and Measures The main aim of this paper is to determine the reason behind the rapid increase of domestic violence, forms of domestic violence and measures that should be taken to reduce its effects.
• Annotated Bibliography on Domestic Violence Against Women They evaluate 134 studies from various countries that provide enough evidence of the prevalence of domestic violence against women and the adverse effects the vice has had for a decade.
• Ambivalence on Part of the Police in Response to Domestic Violence The police have been accused of ambivalence by their dismissive attitudes and through sexism and empathy towards perpetrators of violence against women.
• Domestic Violence: Qualitative & Quantitative Research This research seeks to determine the impacts of domestic violence orders in reducing the escalating cases of family brutality in most households. N1: There is a significant relationship between domestic violence orders and the occurrence […]
• Domestic Violence Ethical Dilemmas in Criminal Justice Various ethical issues such as the code of silence, the mental status of the offender, and limited evidence play a vital role in challenging the discretion of police officers in arresting the DV perpetrators.
• Behind Closed Doors: Domestic Violence The term “domestic violence” is used to denote the physical or emotional abuse that occurs in the homes. Therefore, it has contributed to the spread of domestic violence in the country.
• Alcohol and Domestic Violence in Day-To-Day Social Life My paper will have a comprehensive literature review that will seek to analyze the above topic in order to assist the reader understand the alcohol contributions in the domestic and social violence in our society.
• Social Marketing Campaign on Domestic Violence In this marketing campaign strategy the focus would be centered on violence against women, as a form of domestic violence that is currently experience in many countries across the globe.
• Supporting Female Victims of Domestic Violence and Abuse: NGO Establishment The presence of such a model continues to transform lives and make it easier for more women to support and provide basic education to their children.
• Effects of Domestic Violence on Children’s Social and Emotional Development In the case of wife-husband violence, always, one parent will be the offender and the other one the victim; in an ideal situation, a child needs the love of a both parents. When brought up […]
• Alcoholism, Domestic Violence and Drug Abuse Kaur and Ajinkya researched to investigate the “psychological impact of adult alcoholism on spouses and children”. The work of Kaur and Ajinkya, reveals a link between chronic alcoholism and emotional problems on the spouse and […]
• Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence: Comprehensive Discussion Substance abuse refers to the misuse of a drug or any other chemical resulting in its dependence, leading to harmful mental and physical effects to the individual and the wellbeing of the society.
• Domestic Violence in Marriage and Family While there are enormous reports of intimate partner homicides, murders, rapes, and assaults, it is important to note that victims of all this violence find it very difficult to explain the matter and incidents to […]
• Affordable, Effective Legal Assistance for Victims of Domestic Violence Legal assistance significantly increases the chances for domestic abuse victims to obtain restraining orders, divorce, and custody of their children. Helping victims of domestic violence with inexpensive legal aid is a critical step in assisting […]
• Domestic Violence: Far-Right Conspiracy Theory in Australia’s Culture Wars The phenomenon of violence is directly related to the violation of human rights and requires legal punishment for the perpetrators and support for the victims.
• Domestic Violence and Black Women’s Experiences Overall, the story’s exploration of the reality of life for an African American married woman in a patriarchal society, and the challenges faced by black women, is relevant to the broader reality of domestic violence […]
• Domestic Violence: Criminal Justice In addition, the usage of illegal substances such as bhang, cocaine, and other drugs contributes to the increasing DV in society.
• Witnessed Domestic Violence and Juvenile Detention Research The primary purpose of this study is to examine the relationship between witnessed domestic violence and juvenile detention. Research has pointed to a relationship between witnessed violence and juvenile delinquency, and this study holds that […]
• Domestic Violence Against Women in Melbourne Thus, it is possible to introduce the hypothesis that unemployment and related financial struggles determined by pandemic restrictions lead to increased rates of domestic violence against women in Melbourne.
• Domestic Violence and Its Main Signs In general, the providers should be able to identify the markers of abuse by paying closer attention to the people they serve, treat, teach, or work with.
• Intersectionality in Domestic Violence Another way an organization that serves racial minorities may address the unique needs of domestic violence victims is to offer additional educational and consultancy activities for women of color.
• Domestic Violence and Primordial Prevention In addition, the promotion of social norms against violence and increased penalties for domestic and sexual abuse need to be supported at the legislative level.
• Healthcare Testing of a Domestic Violence Victim Accordingly, the negative aspects of this exam include difficulties in identifying and predicting the further outcome of events and the course of side effects.
• Financial Insecurity: Impact on Domestic Violence Therefore, this problem is global and widespread, and it would be wrong to assume that spousal abuse only exists when couples are poor.
• Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, or Elder Abuse In every health facility, a nurse who notices the signs of abuse and domestic violence must report them to the relevant authorities.
• Educational Services for Children in Domestic Violence Shelters In order to meet the objectives of the research, Chanmugam et al.needed to reach out to the representatives of emergency domestic violence shelters located in the state of Texas well-aware of the shelters’ and schools’ […]
• The Domestic Violence Arrest Laws According to the National Institute of Justice, mandatory arrest laws are the most prevalent in US states, indicating a widespread agreement on their effectiveness.
• Environmental Scan for Hart City Domestic Violence Resource Center In particular, it identifies the target population, outlines the key resources, and provides an overview of data sources for assessing key factors and trends that may affect the Resource Center in the future.
• Domestic Violence Investigation Procedure If they claim guilty, the case is proceeded to the hearing to estimate the sentencing based on the defendant’s criminal record and the scope of assault. The issue of domestic abuse in households is terrifyingly […]
• Educational Group Session on Domestic Violence This will be the first counseling activity where the counselor assists the women to appreciate the concepts of domestic violence and the ways of identifying the various kinds of violence.
• What Causes Domestic Violence? Domestic abuse, which is also known as domestic violence, is a dominance of one family member over another or the other. As a result, the probability of them becoming abusers later in life is considerably […]
• Domestic Violence and COVID-19: Literature Review The “stay safe, stay at home” mantra used by the governments and public health organizations was the opposite of safety for the victims of domestic violence.
• Domestic Violence and COVID-19 in the United States Anurudran et al.argue that the new measures taken to fight COVID-19 infections heightened the risk of domestic abuse. The pandemic paradox: The consequences of COVID 19 on domestic violence.
• Rachel Louise Snyder’s Research on Domestic Violence Language and framing play a significant role in manipulating people’s understanding of domestic violence and the nature of the problem. However, it is challenging to gather precise data on the affected people and keep track […]
• Domestic Violence Prevention and Restraining Order Since upon the expiry of a restraining order, a victim can file a renewal petition the current task is to determine whether the original DVRO of our client has expired, the burden of obtaining a […]
• Domestic Violence Counselling Program Evaluation The evaluation will be based upon the mission of the program and the objectives it states for the participants. The counselors arrange treatment for both sides of the conflict: the victims and offenders, and special […]
• Domestic Violence and Suicide Risk Hence, considering these facts, it is necessary to put the notion of suicide risk in perspective when related to the issue of domestic violence.
• The Roles of Domestic Violence Advocates Domestic conflict advocates assist victims in getting the help needed to cope and move forward. Moreover, these advocates help the survivors in communicating to employers, family members, and lawyers.
• Domestic Violence and Home Visit Intervention As the study concludes, despite the increase in general awareness concerning domestic violence cases, it is still a significant threat to the victims and their children.
• Domestic Violence: How Is It Adressed? At this stage, when the family members of the battered women do this to them, it becomes the responsibility of the people to do something about this.
• Victimology and Domestic Violence In this situation there are many victims; Anne is a victim of domestic violence and the children are also victims of the same as well as the tragic death of their father.
• Domestic Violence Among Police Officers The objective of this research is to establish the level of domestic violence among police officers and relative the behavior to stress, divorce, police subculture, and child mistreatment.
• “The Minneapolis Domestic Violence Experiment” by Sherman and Berk The experiment conducted by the authors throws light on the three stages of the research circle. This is one of the arguments that can be advanced.
• Domestic Violence and Diversion Strategies of Drug Offenders in Australian The article is very informative since outlines a couple of the reasons behind the rampant increase in cases of negligence and lack of concern, especially from the government.
• An Investigation on Domestic Violence This particular experiment aimed to evaluate the nature of relationship and the magnitude of domestic violence meted on either of the partners.
• Educational Program on Domestic Violence The reason why I have chosen this as the topic for my educational program is that victims of domestic violence often feel that they do not have any rights and hence are compelled to live […]
• Family and Domestic Violence: Enhancing Protective Factors Current partner Previous partner Percentage of children When children are exposed to violence, they encounter numerous difficulties in their various levels of development.
• Domestic Violence and Women in Abusive Relationships Despite the fact the author of the article discusses a controversial problem of domestic violence against women based on the data from recent researches and focusing on such causes for violence as the problematic economic […]
• Parenting in Battered Women: The Effects of Domestic Violence In this study, ‘Parenting in Battered Women: The Effects of Domestic Violence on Women and their Children,’ Alytia A. It is commendable that at this stage in stating the problem the journalists seek to conclude […]
• Domestic Violence Types and Causes This is acknowledged by the law in most countries of the world as one of the most brutal symbols of inequality.
• Power and Control: Domestic Violence in America The abusive spouse wants to feel powerful and in control of the family so he, usually the abusive spouse is the man, beats his wife and children to assert his superiority.
• Domestic or Intimate Partner Violence Intervention Purpose of the study: The safety promoting behavior of the abused women is to be increased using a telephone intervention. They were allocated to either of the groups by virtue of the week of enrolment […]
• Federal and State Legislative Action on Domestic Violence In 2004, the state of New York decided to look into some of the ways of preventing this form of domestic violence by forming an Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence in 2005, employers […]
• Environmental Trends and Conditions: Domestic Violence in the Workplace Despite the fact that on average the literacy rate and the rate of civilization in the world have been increasing in the past few decades, the statistics for domestic violence have been increasing on an […]
• Domestic Violence in the Organizations Despite the fact that on average the literacy rate and the rate of civilization in the world has been increasing in the past few decades, the statistics for domestic violence have been increasing on an […]
• Domestic Violence and Honor Killing Analysis Justice and gender equality are important aspects of the totality of mankind that measure social and economic development in the world. The cultural justification is to maintain the dignity and seniority framework of the family.
• Facts About Domestic Violence All aspects of the society – which starts from the smallest unit, that is the family, to the church and even to the government sectors are all keen on finding solutions on how to eliminate, […]
• One-Group Posttest-Only Design in the Context of Domestic Violence Problem This application must unveil the risks and their solutions by researching the variables and the threats to the validity of the research.
• Help-Seeking Amongst Women Survivors of Domestic Violence First, the article explains the necessity of the research conduction, which includes the relevance of the abuse problem and the drawbacks of solving and studying it.
• Domestic Violence as a Social Issue It is one of the main factors which stimulate the study’s conduction, and among the rest, one can also mention the number of unexplored violence questions yet to be answered.
• Reflections on Domestic Violence in the Case of Dr. Mile Crawford Nevertheless, the only way out of this situation is to escape and seek help from the legal system. From a personal standpoint, to help her would be the right thing to do.
• Gender Studies: Combating Domestic Violence The purpose of this paper is to provide a detailed description of domestic violence, as well as the development of an action plan that can help in this situation.
• Domestic Violence Perpetration and Its Predictors The implementation of sound research can help in addressing the problem and decreasing the incidence of domestic violence, which will contribute to the development of American society.
• Domestic Violence Funding and Impact on Society The number of domestic violence cases in the US, both reported and unreported, is significant. The recent decision of Trump’s administration to reduce the expenses for domestic violence victims from $480,000,000 to $40,000,000 in the […]
• Domestic Violence and Millennium Development Goals As a result, a review of the potential of MDGs for resolving the issue needs to analyze the contribution of the goals to the resolution of the instances, consequences, and causes of DV.
• Campaign against Domestic Violence: Program Plan In addition, men who used to witness aggressive behavior at home or in the family as children, or learned about it from stories, are two times more disposed to practice violence against their partners than […]
• Domestic Violence and Bullying in Schools It also states the major variables related to bullying in schools. They will confirm that social-economic status, gender, and race can contribute to bullying in schools.
• Domestic Violence Within the US Military In most of the recorded domestic violence cases, females are mostly the victims of the dispute while the males are the aggressors of the violence.
• Domestic Violence and Married Couples’ Issues There are different types and causes of domestic violence, but the desire to take control over relationships is the most common cause.
• Domestic Violence Impact on Child Maltreatment Reporting The present research aims to address both the general population and social workers to examine the overall attitudes to the reporting of child maltreatment.
• Domestic Violence Management and Budget Cuts On the other hand, the allocation of financial resources with the focus on awareness campaigns has also led to a lack of financial support for centres that provide the frontline services to victims of domestic […]
• Domestic Violence and Its Impact on Victims This paper highlights some of the recent cases of the violence, the forms of abuse involved, and their overall impacts on the victims.
• Family and Domestic Violence Legislation in the US In fact, this law is a landmark pointing to the recognition of the concept of domestic violence at the legal level and acknowledging that it is a key problem of the society.
• Domestic Violence and Social Interventions In conclusion, social learning theory supports the idea that children have a high likelihood of learning and simulating domestic violence through experiences at home.
• Domestic Violence Victims’ Right to Sue Authorities Victims of child abuse and domestic violence have the right to seek legal recourse in case of violation of their rights.
• Domestic Violence and Child’s Brain Development The video “First Impressions: Exposure to Violence and a Child’s Developing Brain” answers some questions of the dependence of exposure to domestic violence and the development of brain structures of children. At the beginning of […]
• Local Domestic Violence Victim Resources in Kent The focus of this paper is to document the local domestic violence victim resources found within a community in Kent County, Delaware, and also to discuss the importance of these resources to the community.
• Domestic Violence Activism in Law and Society I also suppose that some of these people may start lifting their voices against the law, paying particular attention to the idea that it is theoretically allowable that the law can punish people for other […]
• Domestic Violence Abuse: Laws in Maryland The Peace and Protective Orders-Burden of Proof regulation in Maryland and the Violence against Women Act are some of the laws that have been created to deal with domestic violence.
• Theories of Domestic Violence It is important to point out that women have received the short end of the stick in regards to domestic violence. A third reason why people commit domestic violence according to the Family Violence Theory […]
• Domestic Violence in Australia: Policy Issue In this paper, DV in Australia will be regarded as a problem that requires policy decision-making, and the related terminology and theory will be used to gain insights into the reasons for the persistence of […]
• Nondiscriminatory Education Against Domestic Violence The recent event that prompted the proposed advocacy is the criticism of a banner that depicts a man as the victim of abuse.
• Domestic Violence in International Criminal Justice The United Nations organization is deeply concerned with the high level of violence experienced by women in the family, the number of women killed, and the latency of sexual violence.
• Project Reset and the Domestic Violence Court The majority of the decisions in courts are aimed to mitigate the effects of the strict criminal justice system of the United States.
• Same-Sex Domestic Violence Problem Domestic violence in gay or lesbian relationships is a serious matter since the rates of domestic violence in such relationships are almost equivalent to domestic violence in heterosexual relationships. There are a number of misconceptions […]
• Domestic, Dating and Sexual Violence Dating violence is the sexual or physical violence in a relationship which includes verbal and emotional violence. The rate of sexual violence in other nations like Japan and Ethiopia, range from 15 to 71 percent.
• Anger Management Counseling and Treatment of Domestic Violence by the Capital Area Michigan Works These aspects include: the problem that the program intends to solve, the results produced by the program, the activities of the program, and the resources that are used to achieve the overall goal.
• Understanding Women’s Responses to Domestic Violence The author’s research orientation is a mix of interpretive, positivism and critical science – interpretive in informing social workers or practitioners on how to enhance their effectiveness as they deal with cases related to violence […]
• Poverty and Domestic Violence It is based on this that in the next section, I have utilized my educational experience in order to create a method to address the issue of domestic violence from the perspective of a social […]
• Teenage Dating and Domestic Violence That is why it is important to report about the violence to the police and support groups in order to be safe and start a new life.
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence In addition, NCADV hopes to make the public know that the symbol of the purple ribbon represents the mission of the organization, which is to bring peace to all American households.
• Evaluation of the Partnership Against Domestic Violence According to the official mission statement of the organization, PADV is aimed at improving the overall wellbeing of families all over the world and helping those that suffer from domestic violence The organization’s primary goal […]
• Cross-Cultural Aspects of Domestic Violence This is one of the limitations that should be taken account. This is one of the problems that should not be overlooked.
• Domestic Violence in the Lives of Women She gives particular focus on the social and traditional aspects of the community that heavily contribute to the eruption and sustenance of violence against women in households. In the part 1 of the book, Renzetti […]
• Financial Planning and Management for Domestic Violence Victims Acquisition of resources used in criminal justice require financial resources hence the need to manage the same so as to provide the best machines and equipments.
• Violence against Women: Domestic, National, and Global Rape as a weapon for the enemy Majority of cultures in war zones still accept and regard rape to be a weapon of war that an enemy should be punished with.
• Effects of Domestic Violence on Children Development In cases where children are exposed to such violence, then they become emotionally troubled: In the above, case them the dependent variable is children emotions while the independent variable is domestic violence: Emotions = f […]
• Evaluation of Anger Management Counseling and Treatment of Domestic Violence by the Capital Area Michigan Works These aspects include: the problem that the program intends to solve, the results produced by the program, the activities of the program, and the resources that are used to achieve the overall goal.
• Knowledge and Attitudes of Nurses Regarding Domestic Violence and Their Effect on the Identification of Battered Women In conducting this research, the authors sought the consent of the prospective participants where the purpose of the study was explained to participants and confidentiality of information to be collected was reassured.
• Domestic Violence Dangers Mount With Economic, Seasonal Pressures These variables are believed to be able to prompt the family to explore the experiences and meanings of stress and stress management.
• Impact of the Economic Status on Domestic Violence This article investigates the possible factors that may help in explaining the status of women who are homeless and their capacity to experience domestic violence.
• Dominance and “Power Plays” in Relationships to Assist Clients to Leave Domestic Violence According to psychologists, the problem of domestic violence is based on the fact that one partner needs to be in control of the other.
• Art Therapy With Women Who Have Suffered Domestic Violence One of the most significant benefits of art therapy is the fact the patients get to understand and interpret their own situations which puts them in a better position to creatively participate in own healing […]
• Collaborative Crisis Intervention at a Domestic Violence Shelter The first visit is meant to collect the information that the professional in domestic violence deem crucial concerning the precipitating incidence and history of violence.
• Domestic Violence Exposure in Colombian Adolescents In this topic, the authors intend to discover the extent of association of drug abuse to domestic violence exposure, violent and prosocial behavior among adolescents.
• Domestic Violence and Its Classification Sexual abuse is the other common form of maltreatment which is on the rise and refers to any circumstance in which force is utilized to get involvement in undesired intimate action. Emotional maltreatment entails inconsistent […]
• Domestic Violence and Social Initiatives in Solving the Problem The absence of the correct social programs at schools and the lack of desire of government and police to pay more attention to the prevention of the problem while it is not too late are […]
• Domestic Violence in the African American Community Previous research has suggested this due to the many causes and effects that are experienced by the members and especially the male members of the African American community.
• Domestic Violence: Predicting and Solutions There are several factors which predict the state of domestic violence in the future and this will help in preventing domestic violence.
• Domestic Violence: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships The unprecedented rejuvenation of such a vile act, prompted the formation of factions within society, that are sensitive to the plight of women, and fight for the cognizance of their rights in society.
• Domestic Violence against South Asian Women Again, this strategy is premised on the idea that domestic violence can be explained by the financial dependence of women in these communities.
• The Effects of Domestic Violence According to statistics and research provided in the handout, women are at a higher risk of being victims of domestic violence.
• Effect of Domestic Violence on Children This is done with the aim of ensuring that the child is disciplined and is meant as a legitimate punishment. Most of our children have been neglected and this has contributed to the increase in […]
• Domestic Violence and Elderly Abuse- A Policy Statement Though this figure has been changing with the change in the method of survey that was conducted and the nature of samples that were taken during the research process, it is widely accepted fact that […]
• Domestic Violence as a Social and Public Health Problem The article, authored by Lisa Simpson Strange, discusses the extent of domestic violence especially in women and the dangers it exposes the victims to, insisting that severe actions should be taken against those who commit […]
• Guilty until Proven Otherwise: Domestic Violence Cases The presumption of the guilt of a man in domestic violence cases is further proven by the decision of the court in which the man is required to post a bond despite the fact that […]
• Community and Domestic Violence: Elder Abuse In addition, the fact the elderly people cannot defend themselves because of the physical frailty that they encounter, they will experience most of the elderly abuse.
• Community and Domestic Violence; Gang Violence Solitude, peer pressure, need to belong, esteem, and the excitement of the odds of arrest entice adolescents to join these youth gangs.
• Fighting Domestic Violence in Pocatello, Idaho Having realized the need to involve the family unit in dealing with this vice, Walmart has organized a sensitization program that will involve the education of whole family to increase awareness on the issue. The […]
• What Is the Purpose of Studying Domestic Violence?
• What Does Theory Explain Domestic Violence?
• What Is the Difference Between IPV and Domestic Violence?
• What Age Group Does Domestic Violence Affect Most?
• When Domestic Violence Becomes the Norm?
• How Are Domestic Violence Problems Solved in American and Other Cultures?
• What Are the 3 Phases in the Domestic Violence Cycle?
• How Can Domestic Violence Be Explained?
• How Many Deaths Are Caused by Domestic Violence?
• When Was Domestic Violence First Defined?
• How Is a Domestic Violence Prevention?
• How Race, Class, and Gender Influences Domestic Violence?
• Why Do Victims of Abuse Sometimes Stay Silent?
• How Does Domestic Violence Affect the Brain?
• Is Mental Illness Often Associated With Domestic Violence?
• How Does Domestic Violence Affect a Person Emotionally?
• How Does Domestic Violence Affect Children’s Cognitive Development?
• Why Should Employers Pay Attention to Domestic Violence?
• What Are the Causes of Domestic Violence?
• What Country Has the Highest Rate of Domestic Violence?
• How Does Domestic Violence Affect the Lives of Its Victims?
• What Are the Possible Causes and Signs of Domestic Violence?
• How Does Socioeconomic Status Affect Domestic Violence?
• How Does the Australian Criminal Justice System Respond to Domestic Violence?
• How Does Culture Affect Domestic Violence in the UK?
• What Is the Psychology of an Abuser?
• What Is Police Doing About Domestic Violence?
• How Does the Government Define Domestic Violence?
• What Profession Has the Highest Rate of Domestic Violence?
• What Percent of Domestic Violence Is Alcohol-Related?
• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

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Essay on Domestic Violence Against Women

Students are often asked to write an essay on Domestic Violence Against Women in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Domestic Violence Against Women

Introduction.

Domestic violence against women is a global issue, causing harm and suffering. It includes physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, often by a partner or family member.

Forms of Violence

Violence can be physical, like hitting or pushing. Emotional abuse might involve insults or threats. Sexual abuse is another form, often within relationships.

The impacts are severe, affecting women’s mental and physical health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicide.

Education is key in prevention. We should teach respect and equality, and offer support to those affected.

Ending domestic violence is crucial for a healthy society. We must all work together to stop it.

250 Words Essay on Domestic Violence Against Women

Domestic violence against women is a global issue, transcending cultural, geographical, and socio-economic boundaries. Despite its widespread prevalence, it remains largely underreported due to the stigma, fear, and societal norms surrounding it.

The Scope of the Problem

A staggering number of women worldwide experience domestic violence, with the World Health Organization estimating that one in three women has been subjected to physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner. This violence takes various forms, including physical assault, sexual abuse, psychological manipulation, and economic coercion.

Underlying Causes

The root causes of domestic violence against women are deeply embedded in patriarchal norms and gender inequality. Power imbalances, reinforced by societal structures, lead to women’s subjugation and vulnerability to violence. Other factors, such as poverty, lack of education, and substance abuse, further exacerbate the problem.

The impacts of domestic violence against women are profound and far-reaching. Beyond the immediate physical harm, victims often suffer from long-term psychological trauma, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Moreover, the cycle of violence can have intergenerational effects, perpetuating a culture of violence and inequality.

Addressing domestic violence against women requires a multi-faceted approach, encompassing legal reforms, education, and societal change. It is crucial to challenge and transform the deeply ingrained norms and attitudes that perpetuate such violence. Only then can we hope to create a world where women are free from the threat of domestic violence.

500 Words Essay on Domestic Violence Against Women

Domestic violence against women is a pervasive, yet often hidden issue that affects societies worldwide. It is a form of gender-based violence, deeply rooted in gender inequality, and continues to be one of the most notable human rights violations within all societies.

Domestic violence encompasses physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. It is not confined to any particular political or economic system, but it is prevalent in every society in the world. It cuts across boundaries of wealth, race, and culture. The World Health Organization estimates that one in three women worldwide has experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

Underlying Factors

The roots of domestic violence lie in the patriarchal societal structures that validate and perpetuate the domination of men over women. These structures are often reinforced by cultural, religious, and social norms that condone or even encourage violence against women. Economic dependence, fear of social stigma, lack of awareness about legal rights, and inadequate support systems further trap women in abusive situations.

Consequences of Domestic Violence

The consequences of domestic violence against women are far-reaching and devastating. It significantly hampers the overall well-being of women, leading to severe physical and mental health problems. It also imposes enormous costs on society, from direct costs such as healthcare and legal services to indirect costs like lost productivity and intergenerational effects.

Prevention and Response

Preventing and responding to domestic violence requires comprehensive, multidimensional strategies. At the individual level, empowering women through education and economic independence is crucial. At the societal level, changing attitudes and norms that perpetuate gender inequalities and violence is key. Legal measures and policies should be in place to protect victims and punish perpetrators. Moreover, support services like shelters, hotlines, counselling, and legal aid should be readily available and accessible.

Domestic violence against women is a grave violation of human rights with significant societal implications. It is a complex issue that demands concerted efforts from all sectors of society. As we move forward, it is crucial to foster a culture of respect and equality, where violence is unacceptable, and women can live free from the fear of abuse. Only then can we hope to eradicate this blight from our societies and build a safer, more equitable world for all.

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Essay On Domestic Violence

500 words essay on domestic violence.

Domestic violence refers to the violence and abuse which happens in a domestic setting like cohabitation or marriage. It is important to remember that domestic violence is not just physical but any kind of behaviour that tries to gain power and control over the victim. It can affect people from all walks of life and it basically subjects towards a partner, spouse or intimate family member. Through an essay on domestic violence, we will go through its causes and effects.

Causes of Domestic Violence

Often women and children are the soft targets of domestic violence. Domestic violence is a gruesome crime that also causes a number of deaths. Some of the most common causes of domestic violence are illiteracy and economical dependency on the menfolk.

The male-dominated society plays an important role in this problem. Further, dowry is also one of the leading causes which have the consequence of violence against newly-wed brides. In many parts of the world, physically assaulting women and passing horrendous remarks is common.

Moreover, children also become victims of this inhuman behaviour more than often. It is important to recognize the double standards and hypocrisy of society. A lot of the times, the abuser is either psychotic or requires psychological counselling.

However, in a more general term, domestic violence is the outcome of cumulative irresponsible behaviour which a section of society demonstrates. It is also important to note that solely the abuser is not just responsible but also those who allow this to happen and act as mere mute spectators.

Types of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence has many ill-effects which depend on the kind of domestic violence happening. It ranges from being physical to emotional and sexual to economic. A physical abuser uses physical force which injures the victim or endangers their life.

It includes hitting, punching, choking, slapping, and other kinds of violence. Moreover, the abuser also denies the victim medical care. Further, there is emotional abuse in which the person threatens and intimidates the victim. It also includes undermining their self-worth.

It includes threatening them with harm or public humiliation. Similarly, constant name-calling and criticism also count as emotional abuse. After that, we have sexual abuse in which the perpetrator uses force for unwanted sexual activity.

If your partner does not consent to it, it is forced which makes it sexual abuse. Finally, we have economic abuse where the abuser controls the victim’s money and their economic resources.

They do this to exert control on them and make them dependent solely on them. If your partner has to beg you for money, then it counts as economic abuse. This damages the self-esteem of the victim.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Conclusion of the Essay on Domestic Violence

To conclude, domestic violence has many forms which include physical aggression like kicking and biting and it can also be sexual or emotional. It is essential to recognize the signs of domestic violence and report the abuser if it is happening around you or to you.

FAQ of Essay on Domestic Violence

Question 1: Why is domestic violence an issue?

Answer 1: Domestic violence has a major impact on the general health and wellbeing of individuals. It is because it causes physical injury, anxiety, depression. Moreover, it also impairs social skills and increases the likelihood that they will participate in practices harmful to their health, like self-harm or substance abuse.

Question 2: How does domestic violence affect a woman?

Answer 2: Domestic violence affects women in terms of ill health. It causes serious consequences on their mental and physical health which includes reproductive and sexual health. It also includes injuries, gynaecological problems, depression, suicide and more.

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Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help

Domestic violence is a serious threat for many women. Know the signs of an abusive relationship and how to leave a dangerous situation.

Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again — but you fear it will. At times you wonder whether you're imagining the abuse, yet the emotional or physical pain you feel is real. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing domestic violence.

Recognize domestic violence

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Abuse by a partner can happen to anyone, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control a partner.

It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. You might be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
• Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends
• Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear
• Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Threatens you with violence or a weapon
• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

If you're in a same-sex relationship or if you're bisexual or transgender, you might also be experiencing abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identity
• Tells you that authorities won't help you because of your sexuality or gender identity
• Justifies abuse by questioning your sexuality or gender identity

Pregnancy, children, family members and domestic violence

Sometimes domestic violence begins — or increases — during pregnancy. Domestic violence puts your health and the baby's health at risk. The danger continues after the baby is born.

Even if your child isn't abused, simply witnessing domestic violence can be harmful. Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abused and have behavioral problems than are other children. As adults, they're more likely to become abusers or think abuse is a normal part of relationships.

You might worry that telling the truth will further endanger you, your child or other family members — and that it might break up your family. But seeking help is the best way to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Break the cycle

If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

• Your abuser threatens violence.
• Your abuser strikes.
• Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
• The cycle repeats itself.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. You might become depressed and anxious, or you might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You might feel helpless or paralyzed.

You may also wonder if the abuse is your fault — a common point of confusion among survivors of domestic abuse that may make it more difficult to seek help.

Don't take the blame

You may not be ready to seek help because you believe you're at least partially to blame for the abuse in the relationship. Reasons may include:

• Your partner blames you for the violence in your relationship. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their actions.
• Your partner only exhibits abusive behavior with you. Abusers are often concerned with outward appearances and may appear charming and stable to those outside of your relationship. This may cause you to believe that his or her actions can only be explained by something you've done.
• Therapists and health care providers who see you alone or with your partner haven't detected a problem. If you haven't told your health care provider about the abuse, they may only take note of unhealthy patterns in your thinking or behavior. This can lead to a misdiagnosis. For example, survivors of intimate partner violence may develop symptoms that resemble chronic disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome or fibromyalgia. Exposure to intimate partner violence also increases your risk of mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• You have acted out verbally or physically against your abuser, yelling, pushing or hitting your partner during conflicts. You may worry that you are abusive, but it's much more likely that you acted in self-defense or intense emotional distress. Your abuser may use such incidents to manipulate you, describing them as proof that you are the abusive partner.

If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back and look at larger patterns in your relationship. Then review the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses these behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused.

Unique challenges

If you're an immigrant , you may be hesitant to seek help out of fear that you will be deported. Language barriers, lack of economic independence and limited social support can increase your isolation and your ability to access resources.

Laws in the United States guarantee protection from domestic abuse, regardless of your immigrant status. Free or low-cost resources are available, including lawyers, shelter and medical care for you and your children. You may also be eligible for legal protections that allow immigrants who experience domestic violence to stay in the United States.

Call a national domestic violence hotline for guidance. These services are free and protect your privacy.

• If you're an older woman , you may face challenges related to your age and the length of your relationship. You may have grown up in a time when domestic violence was simply not discussed. You or your partner may have health problems that increase your dependency or sense of responsibility.
• If you're in a same-sex relationship , you might be less likely to seek help after an assault if you don't want to disclose your sexual orientation. If you've been sexually assaulted by another woman, you might also fear that you won't be believed.

Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action. Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, a loved one, a health care provider or another close contact. You can also call a national domestic violence hotline.

At first, you might find it hard to talk about the abuse. But understand that you are not alone and there are experts who can help you. You'll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Consider taking these precautions:

• Call a women's shelter or domestic violence hotline for advice. Make the call at a safe time — when the abuser isn't around — or from a friend's house or other safe location.
• Pack an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes and keys. Leave the bag in a safe place. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications handy so that you can take them with you on short notice.
• Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there.

Protect your communication and location

An abuser can use technology to monitor your telephone and online communication and to track your location. If you're concerned for your safety, seek help. To maintain your privacy:

• Use phones cautiously. Your abuser might intercept calls and listen to your conversations. An abusive partner might use caller ID, check your cellphone or search your phone billing records to see your call and texting history.
• Use your home computer cautiously. Your abuser might use spyware to monitor your emails and the websites you visit. Consider using a computer at work, at the library or at a friend's house to seek help.
• Turn off GPS devices. Your abuser might use a GPS device on your vehicle or your phone to pinpoint your location.
• Frequently change your email password. Choose passwords that would be difficult for your abuser to guess.
• Clear your viewing history. Follow your browser's instructions to clear any record of websites or graphics you've viewed.

Where to find help

In an emergency, call 911 or your local emergency number or law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

• Someone you trust. Turn to a friend, loved one, neighbor, co-worker, or religious or spiritual adviser for support.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233; toll-free). Call the hotline for crisis intervention and referrals to resources, such as women's shelters.
• Your health care provider. A health care provider typically will treat injuries and can refer you to safe housing and other local resources.
• A local women's shelter or crisis center. Shelters and crisis centers typically provide 24-hour emergency shelter as well as advice on legal matters and advocacy and support services.
• A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for women in abusive relationships are available in most communities.
• A local court. A court can help you obtain a restraining order that legally mandates the abuser to stay away from you or face arrest. Local advocates might be available to help guide you through the process.

It can be hard to recognize or admit that you're in an abusive relationship — but help is available. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

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• Intimate partner violence. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html. Accessed March 4, 2022.
• American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Committee Opinion No. 518. Intimate partner violence and women's health. Obstetrics & Gynecology. 2012; doi:10.1097/AOG.0b013e318249ff74. Reaffirmed 2019.
• Frequently asked questions about domestic violence. National Network to End Domestic Violence. https://nnedv.org/content/frequently-asked-questions-about-domestic-violence/. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Domestic and intimate partner violence. Office on Women's Health. https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence. Accessed March 4, 2022.
• AskMayoExpert. Intimate partner violence. Mayo Clinic; 2021.
• Goldman L, et al., eds. Intimate partner violence. In: Goldman-Cecil Medicine. 26th ed. Elsevier; 2020. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Ferri FF. Intimate partner violence. In: Ferri's Clinical Advisor 2022. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Internet & computer safety. National Network to End Domestic Violence. https://nnedv.org/content/internet-computer-safety/. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Technology safety & privacy: A toolkit for survivors. Technology Safety. https://www.techsafety.org/resources-survivors. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Intimate partner violence: A guide for psychiatrists treating IPV survivors. American Psychiatric Association. https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/cultural-competency/education/intimate-partner-violence/women. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Domestic violence and lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender relationships. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. http://www.mmgconnect.com/projects/userfiles/File/DCE-STOP_NOW/NCADV_LGBT_Fact_Sheet.pdf. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Bakes K, et al. Intimate partner violence. In: Emergency Medicine Secrets. Elsevier: 2022. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• What is domestic violence? National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. https://ncadv.org/learn-more. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Intimate partner abuse and relationship violence. American Psychological Association: Working Group on Intimate Partner Abuse and Relationship Violence. https://www.apa.org/about/division/activities/partner-abuse.pdf. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• The myth of mutual abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-myth-of-mutual-abuse/. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Final recommendation statement: Intimate partner violence, elder abuse, and abuse of vulnerable adults. U.S. Preventive Services Task Force. https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/uspstf/recommendation/intimate-partner-violence-and-abuse-of-elderly-and-vulnerable-adults-screening. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Information on the legal rights available to immigrant victims of domestic violence in the United States and facts about immigrating on a marriage-based visa fact sheet. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. https://www.uscis.gov/archive/information-on-the-legal-rights-available-to-immigrant-victims-of-domestic-violence-in-the-united. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Domestic violence against men
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Home — Essay Samples — Law, Crime & Punishment — Advocacy — Domestic Violence Persuasive Speech

Domestic Violence Persuasive Speech

• Categories: Advocacy

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Words: 615 |

Published: Mar 13, 2024

Words: 615 | Page: 1 | 4 min read

Table of contents

The prevalence of domestic violence, the impact of domestic violence, the urgent need for action, the broader implications.

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JK Rowling reveals she is survivor of domestic abuse and sexual assault

Author reveals experiences in essay after facing criticism over her comments on trans issues

JK Rowling has revealed her experience of domestic abuse and sexual assault for the first time, in a lengthy and highly personal essay written in response to criticism of her public comments on transgender issues.

In a 3,600-word statement published on her website on Wednesday, Rowling described in more detail than ever how she became involved in an increasingly bitter and polarised debate around the concept of gender identity.

The author revealed she was “a domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor”, citing this alongside her belief in freedom of speech and experience as a teacher as reasons behind her position.

“I’m mentioning these things now not in an attempt to garner sympathy, but out of solidarity with the huge numbers of women who have histories like mine, who’ve been slurred as bigots for having concerns around single-sex spaces,” she wrote.

The piece came after the Harry Potter author posted  a series of messages on Twitter at the weekend that provoked fresh criticism, including one that read: “If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives.”

Since then, prominent figures have publicly argued against her position, including actors who have worked in the Harry Potter franchises such as Daniel Radcliffe and Eddie Redmayne , the non-binary celebrity Jonathan Van Ness and the trans author Juno Dawson.

In her essay, Rowling writes of her own struggles with sexism and misogyny, and her adolescent sense of being “mentally sexless”, adding that reading accounts of gender dysphoria by trans men had made her wonder “if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition”.

“The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. I struggled with severe OCD as a teenager. If I’d found community and sympathy online that I couldn’t find in my immediate environment, I believe I could have been persuaded to turn myself into the son my father had openly said he’d have preferred,” she wrote.

Rowling said she had initially been moved to share her thoughts after reading about proposed “gender confirmation certificates” in Scotland , which will allow trans people to change sex on their birth certificates based on how they identify and not medical and psychiatric reports. She accused her critics of “groupthink” and “relentless attacks”, saying that while she believed trans people needed and deserved protection due to the high rates of domestic and sexual violence they endure, she did not agree that trans women who have not undergone hormone therapy or surgical transition should have access to single-sex spaces.

“When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth,” she wrote.

She said the criticism had left her “in a very dark place inside my head, as memories of a serious sexual assault I suffered in my 20s recurred on a loop. That assault happened at a time and in a space where I was vulnerable, and a man capitalised on an opportunity. I couldn’t shut out those memories and I was finding it hard to contain my anger and disappointment about the way I believe my government is playing fast and loose with women’s and girls’ safety.”

She also confirmed for the first time that she had suffered physical abuse in her 20s. “If you could come inside my head and understand what I feel when I read about a trans woman dying at the hands of a violent man, you’d find solidarity and kinship,” she wrote.

Citing an unnamed poll, Rowling claimed that those who did not support preserving single-sex spaces were “only those privileged or lucky enough never to have come up against male violence or sexual assault, and who’ve never troubled to educate themselves on how prevalent it is”.

She said she had been contacted by “huge numbers” of women who were afraid to speak publicly about trans reforms, and decried institutions and organisations she once admired for “cowering before the tactics of the playground”. She said she believed misogyny and sexism were reasons behind the 4,400% increase in the number of girls being referred for transitioning treatment in the past decade.

“I’ve read all the arguments about femaleness not residing in the sexed body, and the assertions that biological women don’t have common experiences, and I find them, too, deeply misogynistic and regressive. It’s also clear that one of the objectives of denying the importance of sex is to erode what some seem to see as the cruelly segregationist idea of women having their own biological realities or – just as threatening – unifying realities that make them a cohesive political class … It isn’t enough for women to be trans allies. Women must accept and admit that there is no material difference between trans women and themselves,” she wrote.

The essay prompted a heated debate on Twitter. On Wednesday evening Emma Watson, who played Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter films, tweeted : “Trans people are who they say they are and deserve to live their lives without being constantly questioned or told they aren’t who they say they are.”

In a second tweet, she said: “I want my trans followers to know that I and so many other people around the world see you, respect you and love you for who you are.”

• Transgender

More on this story

JK Rowling’s posts on X will not be recorded as non-crime hate incident

JK Rowling will not be arrested under new Scottish hate law, say police

JK Rowling tells of fear former husband would burn Harry Potter manuscript

JK Rowling launches support centre for female victims of sexual violence

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