good comebacks in an argument

Good Comebacks

If you find yourself in the middle of an argument, we’ve prepared a list of comebacks to make your friends, enemies, or frenemies shut up! They should think twice before they pick a fight with you because with our list of good comebacks, you’ll always have the last word!

• 😎   What are Good Comebacks?
• 😈   Good Comebacks for Jerks
• 😡  Awesome Comebacks for Bullies

What are Good Comebacks?

Do you ever get that feeling while arguing with a friend or stranger, and you get so riled up that you just have to say something back? You want to say something that will shock and make them shut up? Well, that is what a good comeback means. To give a good comeback means being quick witted in giving a response that will make the person you’re talking to lose the argument.

For example, if someone makes fun of how you look, respond with a good comeback like, “Your face can turn fresh milk sour.” Let’s see how they respond to that!

A good comeback means not letting others’ words weaken you. You have to be mentally strong and ready for any attack that comes your way. It might not always be easy coming up with something witty, and it’s okay because we’ll give you a long list of good comebacks to help you!

👉 If you don’t want to be antagonistic all the time, you can also make people feel at ease with these conversation starters!

Good Comebacks for Jerks

If someone says something mean to you, then it’s only normal to retaliate. When it comes to a good comeback the delivery is key. You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. Don’t let any jerk get to you and see your weakness. You have to strike back with the wittiest and most creative comeback while it’s still hot.

Show how quick witted you are with this list of good comebacks for jerks!

1. Hey, your village called. They said they wanted their idiot back.

Be an idiot in your village, not mine.

2. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Your parents are plenty ashamed already.

Maybe shame runs in the family?

3. I hope multi-verses don’t exist. I would hate to be in the universe where you’re funny.

Pitch this to Marvel.

4. You don’t need a straw, because you already suck.

At least they are saving the fishes.

5. I would tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty sure you don’t have one.

Either that or it’s just really small?

6. Jealousy is a disease. I hope you get well soon.

Get a prescription for that.

7. There are so many people on earth and I just had to meet you.

8. if genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant..

Congratulations on having genius kids!

9. Oh was your ego hurt? Do you want a kiss on your boo-boo?

Nothing hurts more than a crushed ego.

10. Are you normally this obnoxious, or did you take classes?

You must have been at the top of your class.

11. I clean up germs all day, but no matter how hard I scrub, I can’t seem to get you off.

When soaps say they clean 99% of germs, you’re the 1%.

12. It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.

The corner of my lips just want to go down.

13. A corpse is better company than you.

At least they know how to be quiet.

14. All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.

If you could be fixed, I would have done that a long time ago.

15. Did God make you with his eyes closed?

And his hands tied together?

16. Your skin is glowing from all the radiation coming from your toxic personality.

I’m surprised you’re not covered in boils.

17. You seem to have a lot on your mind–a lot of bullshit.

Your brain must be brown-colored.

18. Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes. Like your parents.

They only committed one grave mistake in life.

19. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got five fingers, the middle one is for you.

20. you hear that that’s the sound of me not caring..

Sometimes silence is the best response.

21. Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat asshole.

You’re just a large asshole.

22. Being a dick to me won’t make yours bigger.

Stop trying to overcompensate.

23. I must have been imagining things. I thought you made a valid point.

When talking to jerks, valid points are non-existent.

24. My heart jumped when I saw you. I thought you were the monster under my bed.

It’s uncanny!

25. Please move away from the sunlight. I hate the smell of burning plastic.

I’m pretty sure it’s toxic.

👉 Check out our list of the best dad jokes, because who doesn’t love silly dad jokes!

Awesome Comebacks for Bullies

The best way to respond to bullies is to not let them get away with anything. If you ever encounter a bully or anyone who says something mean to you for no good reason, snap right back at them!

Take a look at these awesome comebacks for bullies!

1. I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all the shit talking you do.

Your mouth must taste like shit all the time.

2. Louis Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.

I’m glad he never met you, because that song is a classic.

3. Is this what you wanted to be when you grew up? A pain in the ass?

Talking to you makes me want to get a butt massage.

4. You’re the reason why the divorce rate is so high.

You’re the type of person people don’t wanna live forever with.

5. I really enjoy the silence of your company. Can you shut up more often?

A silent jerk is one of the most peaceful feelings ever.

6. You don’t have to repeat yourself. I heard you, but I just wanted to ignore you.

I hope that’s clear enough to make them quiet.

7. I love the sound you make when you shut up.

It’s like peace on earth.

8. Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?

I’m waiting for you to start making sense.

9. You can be anything you want…except good looking.

You could try going to the doctor for that.

10. I bet your brain always feels fresh, seeing as how you’ve never used it.

It’s as good as new.

11. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.

It takes bad experiences with people to make us realize things in life.

12. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?

I think you’re a natural. You don’t need lessons.

13. Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies. Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.

Spawn of satan?

14. Earth is full. Go home.

Speak to them in alien talk in case they’re not actually human.

15. I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

This is just really what you are.

16. The last time I saw something like you… I flushed it down the toilet.

You look like shit. Plain and simple.

17. I sure hope there’s a lifeguard in your gene pool.

Jerks shouldn’t be allowed to procreate.

18. Of course I talk like an idiot.This is the only way you can understand me.

If you can’t get through to them, just talk like them!

19. If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

You’re two faced but they’re both ugly with ugly personalities.

20. It’s because of people like you that God doesn’t talk to us anymore.

You are that hopeless.

21. You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?

Just one day of you not being an idiot would relieve all of us some stress.

22. You’re not as bad as people say. You’re a whole lot worse.

I’ve learned to keep my expectations low.

23. Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?

Maybe a little bit of both?

24. Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.

It’s good to give your brain a little bit of exercise every now and then.

25. I wanted to live life without many regrets. Then I met you.

Now my life is full of regrets, especially one big one.

👉 Keep any conversations flowing with some of the silliest knock-knock jokes around!

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• ENTERTAINMENT
• 100 Of The Very Best Good Comebacks

Your friends say the meanest things sometimes, don’t they?  

That can be a good thing. It’s your chance to pounce. Though, it’s not always easy to think of a comeback on the spot. You could be…dumbass partners in crime? No, you want something witty, something to cut them to their core. You don’t want to match their ridiculousness. Worse, you don’t want them to have the last word, So, we’ve compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. Don’t delay. Make sure you commit these to memory.

Good Comebacks  

• You hit the nail right on the head. Too bad your parents took it literally.  
• Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?  
• The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming. And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well.  
• Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes. Your parents, for one.  
• No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.  
• Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.  
• A corpse is better company than you.  
• The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.  
• Your ignorance makes my racist uncle look like Albert Einstein.  
• You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you.  
• You’re the type of person that uses their 3 rd grade research paper as a resume booster.  
• Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic ass personality.  
• I’ve never had many life goals. I’m just really grateful I’m not you.  
• I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute. Care to help?  
• Your absence would affect me greatly. I’d finally get some peace and quiet.  
• Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.  
• You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.  
• Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies. Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.  
• Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you? Allow me to be the first one.  
• Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand. I’m going to call on someone else.  

Also :  100 Funny Insults

Best Comebacks  

• When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.  
• You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.  
• I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.  
• I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience. And I’m leaving early.  
• This is a lose-lose situation for me. I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left.  
• You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.  
• You are the architect of your life. Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Good luck.  
• I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.  
• All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.  
• Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?
• Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.  
• I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there.  
• The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”
• Being a dick to me won’t make yours bigger.  
• Ditch the outfit. You’re enough of an asshat as it is.  
• I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon.  
• The amount of meaningful things you’ve done in your life wouldn’t be enough to fill a single page.  
• I’d hate to come across a universe where you’re funny.  
• I’d spell it out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABC’s  
• Swallow your pride and your tongue while you’re at it.

Also :  55 Good Roasts

Savage Comebacks

• You should come with a warning label.  
• They say our brains don’t stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early.  
• Good job. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son.  
• Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat asshole.  
• I can’t think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death.  
• It got a little chillier in here once I realized you were a cold-hearted bitch.  
• Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?  
• I don’t have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute.  
• I understand everything you said. I’m choosing to ignore you.  
• I gave out all my trophies a while ago, but here’s a participation award.  
• When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.  
• Aww, don’t worry, you are wanted…wanted for several accounts of perjury.  
• I didn’t put garlic over my door because I think you’re a vampire. It just smells much better than you.  
• Every cloud has a silver lining. I’m still trying to figure out yours.  
• You’ve got something on your face. No, not there—everywhere.  
• I have a present for you. I present to you: absolutely fucking nothing.  
• My heart was beating fast when I saw you walk in. I thought you were the monster under my bed.  
• If you ever cross my mind, I’ll make sure it’s a busy intersection.  
• Are all your friends this stupid as well? Maybe we can invite them over and, together, you’d constitute one working brain cell.  
• I must have been imagining things. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point.

Baddie Comebacks

• You seem to have a lot on your mind… a lot of bullshit.  
• You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.  
• “Spending some time” would imply I’d spend anything on your ungrateful ass.  
• Row, row, row your boat gently down a raging fucking waterfall.  
• You must be magic because I suddenly don’t give a shit anymore!
• Usually my rule is “3 strikes and you’re out,” but you were out of my mind as soon as you started spewing your bullshit.  
• Glad I could be of assistance. Allow me to assist you in never walking again.  
• The song “Army of One” is an ode to your loneliness.  
• I clean up germs all day, but no matter how hard I scrub, you’re still here.  
• I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all the shit talking you do.
• The hardest pill to swallow is knowing nothing is as lethal as your personality.  
• You’re like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories.  
• There are so many paths in life. Why didn’t you choose the dark alleyway?  
• No matter how many shmucks I meet in my life, I can always trust you to be the absolute worst.  
• Did God make you with his eyes closed?  
• What did you want to be when you grew up? A pain in the ass?  
• Don’t place your self-worth in other’s hands. That being said, allow me to redirect you to the discount section. I found a spot for you.  
• Journey to the Center of the Earth was based on the quest to find where your head went after you shoved it up your own asshole.  
• A balloon full of piss makes a bigger splash than your entire meaningless existence will on this planet.  
• The truth will set you free. You suck. Ok, you’re free to go.

Mean Comebacks  

• The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you.  
• Are you normally this obnoxious, or is there some class you took?  
• There was some terrible traffic accident on the news today. I was hoping that it was you.  
• It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.
• I didn’t think it was possible to give me more reasons to hate you until today.  
• I wanted to live life without many regrets. Then I met you.  
• Last week’s test was on shapes and colors, but it appears like you might have to revisit that after today’s conversation.  
• Break a leg. No, seriously, break a leg.  
• How awful. I was just imagining the day of your birth in my head.  
• I’d have hired an exterminator if I knew you were gonna bug the shit out of me.

Funny Comebacks

• A glowstick has a brighter future than you. Lasts longer in bed, too.  
• I wrote something nice for you in invisible ink. Sorry, it must have washed off.
• The only person falling for you is blind.  
• You can be anything you want…except good looking.  
• Spontaneity is the spice of life , and you’re as plain as they come.  
• I really enjoy the silence of your company. Can you stop talking more often?  
• I’ve never been a great cook, but I still know how to roast your ass.  
• You’re lucky intelligence isn’t measured in negative numbers.  
• You have a lot in common with the wart on my toe: You’re hard to get rid of, and I can’t stand the pain you bring me daily.  
• Listen to your doubts. I think they’re onto something.

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161 Good Roasts & Funny Comebacks To Win Any Argument

Ever been in an argument and wished you had the perfect comeback? If you want to playfully insult a friend, give a sassy comeback, or stop an unwanted advance, we’ve got your back with this comprehensive list of roasts!

New York’s legendary Friars Club held its first roast of Maurice Chevalier in 1949, where, as the guest of honor, he was subjected to hilarious and risqué jokes at his expense. Subsequent TV roasts on Kraft Music Hall (1968), The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast (1974), and Comedy Central Roast (1998) have kept this comedic tradition alive.

Although formal roasts are always done with the consent of the recipient, we believe you should always have a good, funny comeback up your sleeve to win any argument (friendly or otherwise). It never hurts to be prepared, so please feel free to save and make use of this list!

Good Roasts

• I look at you and think… two billion years of evolution for this?
• Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.
• Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
• I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
• You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo bottles.
• If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
• I like the way you comb your hair. It’s impressive how you’re able to hide the horns.
• You are proof God has a sense of humor.
• You haven’t changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
• It’s really fun watching you try to understand everything that’s being said about you.
• Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either.
• Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

• Can I have the name of your hair salon? I need to know where not to go.
• Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.
• You’re as sharp as a rubber ball.
• I would describe your personality as a vibrant shade of beige.
• If you ever had a thought, it would die of loneliness.
• I bet you take more than 15 items through the express lane.
• People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.
• I believed in evolution until I met you.
• If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
• When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time… and walk past.
• You look like a ‘before’ picture.
• There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
• You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.

Good Comebacks

• You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.
• Where is your off button?
• I’d give you a nasty look, but it seems like you’ve already got one.
• Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
• Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah, that is now.
• You know, you’re just not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.
• Have a nice day… somewhere else.
• You do realize I’m just tolerating you, right?
• I’m listening. I just need a minute to process so much stupid information at once.
• Your secrets are always safe with me. I don’t even listen when you share them.
• I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult to stupid people.
• No, that’s fine. You’re certainly entitled to your incorrect opinion.
• Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
• Tell me something… if I didn’t answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 attempts will work?
• I am jealous of people who have never met you.
• Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only did that behind my back.
• I’m so sorry if my brutal honesty inconvenienced your overinflated sense of self.
• I’m not trying to make fun of you, but you can’t even count higher than number two.
• Do you think this hurts my feelings? The only thing that hurts is my eyes when I’m looking at you.
• Why don’t you go play in traffic?
• I never forget a person’s face, but I’ll be happy to make an exception in your situation.
• You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
• I keep thinking you can’t get any dumber, and you keep proving me wrong.

• Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?
• May your life be as pleasant as you are.
• I just love that you don’t care what people think.
• You continue to meet my expectations.
• I admire the way you try so hard.
• I’m not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the world revolves around the sun and not you.
• I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
• You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
• I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
• Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
• I’m just glad that you’re stringing words into sentences now.
• I’d say you’re ‘dumb as a rock,’ but at least a rock can hold a door open.
• You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
• Too bad you can’t Photoshop your personality.
• Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
• Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
• You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.
• Are you ever overwhelmed with the urge to tell someone to shut up? Because that’s how I feel right now.
• If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
• The jerk store called, and they’re running out of you.
• I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
• I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
• There’s no point to making fun of you, because it’d take the rest of the day for you to figure it out.

Savage Roasts

• You’re the reason gene pools need lifeguards.
• We were going to roast you, but apparently, burning trash is an environmental hazard.
• Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
• Everyone brings happiness to a room. I bring happiness when I walk in, and you bring happiness when you leave.
• Most mistakes can be corrected. You are the exception to the rule.
• You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
• It seems your face caught fire, and somebody attempted to stop it with a hammer.
• Why do you spend all your time crying about your past? It’s your future, or lack thereof, you should be upset about.
• You’re the type of person who can’t read the room. You don’t understand when you aren’t wanted.
• You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
• You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it suddenly becomes a beautiful day.
• It’s impossible to underestimate you.
• The real heroes in this world are the ones who have to live with you.
• I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

• It’s kind of sad what happened to your face… Oh wait, that’s how it has always looked?
• If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.
• I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.
• You have the perfect face for radio.
• You don’t need to fear success. Trust me; you have nothing to worry about.
• Do you know the best part about being your friend? Not having to see you all the time.
• I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
• You have such a beautiful face… But let’s put a bag over that personality.
• There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist.
• I can’t wait to spend my whole life without you.
• Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
• They say opposites attract. In that case, I hope you meet someone who is good looking, intelligent, and cultured.

Funny Roasts

• You are the human version of cramps.
• I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
• When you were born, the doctors probably threw you out of the window, but the window threw you back.
• Let’s play horse. I’ll be the front, and you be yourself.
• If I was on a desert island with you and a tin of corned beef, I’d eat you and talk to the corned beef.
• Everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing the privilege.
• Don’t worry… the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
• I told my therapist about you. She didn’t believe me.
• When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. I figure it’s smart to give myself a head start.
• When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? And can you go back there?
• Roses are red, violets are blue, so many people are pretty, but what happened to you?
• You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.
• Whatever doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
• You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.
• You deserve to be loved… from a distance.
• Your grades say marry rich, but your mirror says study harder.
• You look like you get beat up for a living.
• I’m not saying you’re ugly, but maybe you should start walking backwards.
• You’re my favorite person… besides every other person I’ve ever met.
• If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
• People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes.
• Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot.
• You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
• Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.

Funny Comebacks

• I will not have a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.
• I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
• You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.
• OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
• I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch.
• First off: Brush your teeth.
• You’re like a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
• If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
• I don’t have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you.
• Rolling your eyes isn’t going to help you find your brain.
• I didn’t mean to push your buttons. I was just looking for mute.
• It’s all about balance… you start talking, I stop listening.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• When I listen to you, I think you really are going to go far. I hope you stay there.
• Light travels faster than sound. It explains why you seemed smart… until I finally heard you speak.
• Sweetheart, the only thing bothering me is that thing between your ears.

• You should use glue instead of chapstick.
• It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
• You’re the reason God created amnesia.
• Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don’t wanna be mean, but you need listerine, not a sip, not a swallow but the whole friggin’ bottle.
• You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
• You’re about as funny as a fart in a spacesuit.
• Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
• I smell something burning. Are you trying to think again?
• I bet your pH level is 14. Basic.
• You have the charisma of a wet sock.
• You look easy to draw.
• You’ve got so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
• You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
• If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your butt.
• I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
• If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.
• I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
• I’d insult you, but then I’ll have to explain it afterwards, so never mind.
• Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
• Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they’re nothing.
• Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for instance.
• I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
• Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?
• People like you are the reason I am on medication.

👉 Want more ? Read over 100 perfect comeback stories !

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