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Have You Ever Worried About Making a Good First Impression?

In a winning essay for our 2019 Personal Narrative Contest, a teenager writes about wanting to make the right impression on her first day in a new school. Do first impressions matter, or are they overrated?

By Jeremy Engle

Students in U.S. high schools can get free digital access to The New York Times until Sept. 1, 2021.

This special Student Opinion question features one of the winning essays from our 2019 Personal Narrative Writing Contest. You can read all of the 2019 winning essays here , and learn more about participating in this year’s contest, open now until Nov. 17, 2020, here .

Have you ever fretted and agonized over a first encounter?

What did you do to make a good impression? Did you practice witty lines in your head? Did you ransack your closets looking for the perfect outfit?

Have you ever truly bungled a first impression? Or, surprised yourself and won over the crowd despite your great apprehension?

What can you learn about yourself from these first encounters?

In “ First Impressions ,” a winning essay from our 2019 Personal Narrative Contest for students, Isabel Hui writes about a time when she hoped to make a good impression — and what she learned about herself from it. Her narrative reads:

When I woke up on August 4, 2016, there was only one thing on my mind: what to wear. A billion thoughts raced through my brain as wooden hangers shuffled back and forth in the cramped hotel closet. I didn’t want to come off as a try-hard, but I also didn’t want to be seen as a slob. Not only was it my first day of high school, but it was my first day of school in a new state; first impressions are everything, and it was imperative for me to impress the people who I would spend the next four years with. For the first time in my life, I thought about how convenient it would be to wear the horrendous matching plaid skirts that private schools enforce. It wasn’t insecurity driving me to madness; I was actually quite confident for a teenage girl. It was the fact that this was my third time being the new kid. Moving so many times does something to a child’s development … I struggled finding friends that I could trust would be there for me if I picked up and left again. But this time was different because my dad’s company ensured that I would start and finish high school in the same place. This meant no instant do-overs when I pick up and leave again. This time mattered, and that made me nervous. After meticulously raiding my closet, I emerged proudly in a patterned dress from Target. The soft cotton was comfortable, and the ruffle shoulders added a hint of fun. Yes, this outfit was the one. An hour later, I felt just as powerful as I stepped off the bus and headed toward room 1136. But as I turned the corner into my first class, my jaw dropped to the floor. Sitting at her desk was Mrs. Hutfilz, my English teacher, sporting the exact same dress as I. I kept my head down and tiptoed to my seat, but the first day meant introductions in front of the whole class, and soon enough it was my turn. I made it through my minute speech unscathed, until Mrs. Hutfilz stood up, jokingly adding that she liked my style. Although this was the moment I had been dreading from the moment I walked in, all the anxiety that had accumulated throughout the morning surprisingly melted away; the students who had previously been staring at their phones raised their heads to pay attention as I shared my story. My smile grew as I giggled with my peers, ending my speech with “and I am very stylish, much like my first period teacher.” After class, I stayed behind and talked to Mrs. Hutfilz, sharing my previous apprehension about coming into a new school and state. I was relieved to make a humorous and genuine connection with my first teacher, one that would continue for the remainder of the year. This incident reminded me that it’s only high school; these are the times to have fun, work hard, and make memories, not stress about the trivial details. Looking back four years later, the ten minutes I spent dreading my speech were really not worth it. While my first period of high school may not have gone exactly the way I thought it would, it certainly made the day unforgettable in the best way, and taught me that Mrs. Hutfilz has an awesome sense of style!

Students, read the entire article, then tell us:

When have you made a good or bad first impression? Tell us what happened: Who did you meet, and what were the circumstances — was it a job interview, the first day of school or perhaps a chance encounter on the street? What thoughts were going through your head at the time? What made the impression a positive one or not?

Do you agree with the saying, “You’ll never get a second chance to make a first impression”? Have you ever recovered from a bad first impression you made or changed your initial thoughts about someone else?

Do you connect with anything in Isabel’s story? Have you ever fretted and agonized over an anticipated encounter or event? Which moments in the essay did you find most surprising, powerful or moving? Why?

At the end of the essay, Isabel reflects on her experience and gives the reader a take-away: “This incident reminded me that it’s only high school; these are the times to have fun, work hard, and make memories, not stress about the trivial details.” What do you think of that advice? Is there a moment in your life that changed the way you think or look at the world?

Isabel uses many vivid details to capture her feelings of fear and apprehension such as “meticulously raiding my closet,” and “I kept my head down and tiptoed to my seat.” Which “writer’s moves” that Isabel used in her narrative do you admire most? Choose one and share why you thought it was effective. How did it draw you into the story and help you to identify with the author’s situation?

Students, if Isabel’s story inspired you, consider turning what you wrote into your own personal narrative and submit it to our contest , now through Nov. 17, 2020.

About Student Opinion

• Find all our Student Opinion questions in this column . • Have an idea for a Student Opinion question? Tell us about it . • Learn more about how to use our free daily writing prompts for remote learning .

Students 13 and older in the United States and the United Kingdom, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.

Jeremy Engle joined The Learning Network as a staff editor in 2018 after spending more than 20 years as a classroom humanities and documentary-making teacher, professional developer and curriculum designer working with students and teachers across the country. More about Jeremy Engle

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First Impressions: Everything You Need to Make a Good Introduction

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

Jordi Salas/Moment/Getty

How to Make a Good First Impression

• Signs of a Good Impression
• Why It Matters
• Overcoming a Bad Impression

First impressions are the initial opinions that people form the first time they meet another person. Such judgments occur very quickly and are based on the immediate, limited information that is available.

The first impressions people form are often based on immediate observations about characteristics, such as how others look, how they act, what they say, and their general attitude. However, people also bring their own past experiences, expectations, biases , and misapprehensions to the situations when forming impressions.

While first impressions play an important role in how people feel about others, how they treat them, and the future development of the relationship, such perceptions can be biased and inaccurate.

Because first impressions can be wrong, it is important to remember that you should look at other information beyond your initial perceptions when you are making judgments about other people.

This article discusses what you can do to make a good first impression and how to gauge whether or not you have succeeded. It also offers tips for what you can do to help overcome a bad first impression.

Making a good first impression is important, particularly in certain situations. If you are trying to make a good impression on other people, there are some strategies that can help.

Be Aware of Your Body Language

Nonverbal signals can convey a great deal of information, so it is important to make sure that your body language reinforces the impression you are trying to make.

Maintain an open posture and make sure you keep your body angled toward the other person. Sit or stand straight and keep your arms at your sides and your legs straight. Crossing your arms or legs can seem closed off or even defensive.

Watch Your Expressions

In addition to using good body language, be sure to watch how you are responding with your facial expressions. Smiling , for example, can help convey warmth and genuine interest.  

If you are feeling tense, such as during a job interview or while speaking in public, try to maintain a relaxed expression. Researchers have found that people perceive people with happy expressions as more trustworthy.

Dress Appropriately

Appearance, including how you dress, can help convey information about who you are to others. If you are dressed correctly for the occasion, it may help people form a good impression of you.

This doesn't mean that you can't express yourself through your appearance, but it is important to consider how you want to be perceived. Choose clothing that looks neat, is suited to the occasion, and helps you feel comfortable and confident when meeting new people.

Different situations have different expectations. A job interview would necessitate a more formal, professional appearance, whereas meeting a new friend for coffee would involve more casual dress.

Consider Your Words

When speaking to others, focus on using language that is polite, respectful, and non-judgmental. While there are certain opinions or subjects you might feel comfortable discussing with people who already know you well, it is best to try to be considerate of other people's feelings and backgrounds when you are first introduced.

Knowing how to make small talk can be helpful. Neutral topics such as the weather, hobbies, sports, travel, and food can be great icebreakers. Just be sure to avoid critical or controversial opinions, such as trash-talking the other person's favorite sports team.

Instead, try asking open-ended questions about the other person, such as what they are reading or what they enjoy doing in their free time. It can be a great way to convey genuine interest and help the other person form the impression that you are attentive and genuine.

Show Interest in Others

When you are speaking to someone new, practice active listening. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say and make sure that you are listening to their responses.

Focus on the other person is also a great strategy if you are feeling anxious about meeting new people. By concentrating on the other person, you're less likely to focus on your own nervousness.

If you are nervous on a first date, for example, focus on the other person. Express interest in what they have to say and ask questions in a way that feels natural (and not like an interrogation or job interview).

How to Know If You’ve Made a Good First Impression

It isn't always easy or even possible to tell if you've made a good first impression on others. However, there are clues that you can watch for that might provide a bit of insight into what the other person is thinking and feeling:

• Positive feedback : In some cases, people might offer direct feedback about how they are feeling about your meeting. A job interviewer, for example, might tell a job candidate that they are exactly right for the role or indicate that they are impressed by the interviewee's credentials.
• Positive nonverbal signals : Body language that conveys warmth, comfort, and interest is always a good sign. If your conversation partner seems like they enjoy talking to you, it is a good sign that they are forming a positive first impression.
• Further interest : If the other person follows up and contacts you again after your initial meeting, you probably made a good first impression. For example, if you give a potential romantic partner your phone number and they follow up with a text or phone call, it means they were impressed enough to express interest in meeting again.
• Interest in socializing : If you've made a good first impression, the other person might reach out about getting together again. Or they might invite you to participate in some type of activity, such as another date or a potential work project.

Why First Impressions Are Important

People are evolutionarily wired to make snap judgments and quick decisions about others. These initial impressions may be based on very limited information, but they can affect how people see each other, set the tone for future interactions, and leave a lasting mark on how people view one another.

Initial Impressions Affect Other Assumptions

A phenomenon known as the halo effect can also impact people's impressions. If they perceive certain good qualities about you (like that you are nice, professional, and quick-witted), they are more likely to attribute other good qualities to you as well.

First Impressions Affect Future Interactions

Such impressions can have a significant impact in many ways. In the workplace, first impressions can play a role in employment opportunities, leadership roles, collaborations with others, and future advancement. 

In social situations, how well others think of you based on their first assessment might determine the rapport they feel and whether they end up trusting or liking you.

Such impressions can also impact your love life. You might express interest in a potential partner, only to be rebuffed if you leave a poor first impression. 

The ability to accurately recognize other people's emotions is essential for effective social interaction, but some research suggests that poor first impressions can negatively affect the ability to read emotions based on facial expressions.

First Impressions Are Long-Lasting

As the famous saying goes, you never have a second chance to make a first impression, and, for better or worse, those first impressions tend to stick. This is because of a phenomenon known as the primacy effect . Essentially, people tend to have a better memory for the initial information they learned than they do for subsequent information that follows.

When a person thinks about you, those first impressions are more likely to spring to mind over other details they may have learned, all thanks to the primacy effect.

Researchers found that first impressions made based on briefly looking at a photograph of a stranger affected judgments when participants met the same stranger face-to-face a month later.

How to Overcome a Bad First Impression

First impressions are important, but everyone has an off day or makes mistakes in social situations. While it might be more of a challenge to change how you are perceived, there are things you can do to overcome a bad first impression.

If your first meeting was marred by some type of mistake, reach out and apologize . Showing that you are aware of your gaffe and willing to take steps to overcome it can help improve the impression the other person has of you.

Explain What Happened

You don’t want to make excuses, but it can be helpful to provide an honest explanation for why your first meeting went poorly. You might explain that you were nervous, that you weren’t feeling well, that you were distracted, or that you were feeling stressed about something unrelated. No matter the cause, an honest explanation may help the other person better empathize with your situation.

Suggest Another Meeting

If you won’t see them in another setting, ask if you can have another opportunity to let them get to see the real you. However, be willing to respect the other person’s request if they decline your offer.

For example, don't continue pursuing a potential romantic partner after they have told you they are not interested. Don't take it personally; instead, see it as a learning opportunity and try to apply those lessons when you meet someone new.

Let Them See the Real You

If you do get another opportunity to overcome a poor initial impression, make sure you are authentic and consistent in your future interactions. Let the other person see the “real you” in terms of context and situation.

If it’s a second date, let them see the qualities that make you a great romantic partner, such as warmth, kindness, humor, and attentiveness.

In a workplace setting, focus on showing your skills and professionalism. Demonstrating initiative, productivity, and good work habits are just a few ways to help overcome a poor first impression at work.

Poor first impressions happen for a variety of reasons, but there are things you can do to overcome them. Apologizing, offering an explanation, asking for another chance, and showing your best qualities can help others form a more accurate view of who you are and what you have to offer.

A Word From Verywell

Think of first impressions as a building block for relationships—they play a major part in setting the tone for future interactions. Making a good first impression is a great start, but there are also reasons why those initial interactions might be less-than-stellar. Stress, situational factors, and even the other person’s expectations can affect how they see you.

A poor first impression can sink your chances professionally, socially, and romantically, so it is worth it to examine how others react to you in these settings.

Tsankova E, Tair E. Meta-accuracy of very first impressions: A mini review . Front Psychol . 2021;12:736534. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.736534

Wood TJ. Exploring the role of first impressions in rater-based assessments . Adv Health Sci Educ Theory Pract . 2014;19(3):409-427. doi:10.1007/s10459-013-9453-9

Thierry SM, Twele AC, Mondloch CJ. Mandatory first impressions: happy expressions increase trustworthiness ratings of subsequent neutral images . Perception . 2021;50(2):103-115. doi:10.1177/0301006620987205

Colonnello V, Russo PM, Mattarozzi K. First impression misleads emotion recognition . Front Psychol . 2019;10:527. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00527

Gunaydin G, Selcuk E, Zayas V. Impressions based on a portrait predict, 1-month later, impressions following a live interaction . Social Psychological and Personality Science . 2017;8(1):36-44.doi:10.1177/1948550616662123

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

First Impressions

First Impression

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

Human beings are built to size each other up quickly. These first impressions are influenced by a number of factors, such as facial shape, vocal inflection, attractiveness , and general emotional state. People tend to get attached to their initial impressions of others and find it very difficult to change their opinion, even when presented with lots of evidence to the contrary.

As a result, it’s important to be aware of how one comes across to others during a first meeting. Then one can employ impression management skills—modulating any irritating traits and accentuating one's strengths—to ensure that people have a more favorable opinion of one. Everything from clothing style and posture to conversational topics can be adjusted to form a better first impression.

• Making a Good First Impression
• Understanding How Others See You

It takes a mere seven seconds to make a first impression. People thin-slice others based on how a person looks and sounds, more so than their explicit verbal statements. Often, someone's first impression is influenced by implicit attitudes of which they are unaware, which explains impulsive actions like giving special preference to those with physical beauty or more easily trusting a person who has a babyface. The observational powers (biases) of the observer are just as important as the qualities projected by the target, or person being judged, making these judgments a constant dance between objective information and selective signal-reading.

People will quickly judge others’ trustworthiness, physical strength, and intentions to do harm based on subtle facial and vocal cues. These traits may differ slightly across cultures; for example, some studies have found that Chinese societies form first impressions based on competence (i.e., perceptions of intelligence and social status) rather than on physical strength.

People tend to be self-critical after an initial conversation and wrongly assume they’ve made a bad first impression; experts call this tendency to underestimate one’s likeability the “liking gap.” People may also be fooled by the “spotlight effect,” which leads them to believe that others are hyper-focused on them, judging them for every imperfection, awkward question, or bad joke.

Using impression-management skills, you can modify the way you present yourself to influence other people’s perceptions of you. Pay attention to how you speak (whether you’re animated, express emotion , etc.), your facial expressions, your use of gestures, and your posture. Hone your storytelling skills, and show a genuine interest in what others have to say.

The term metaperception refers to how an individual interprets other people’s perceptions of them. Thinking highly of oneself is beneficial; those who believe they are viewed positively by others tend to have higher self-esteem . Most people's metaperceptions tend to be fairly accurate since individuals generally have a stable self-concept that governs how they act around others. For example, if we believe that we’re friendly and likable, we will be more likely to act, or continue to act, in a friendly manner toward strangers.

It can be off-putting when someone comes on too strong at first. Common mistakes include trying to reveal too much about yourself too soon, dominating the conversation, or placing unreasonable demands on other people you don’t know well. When it comes to first impressions, it’s best when the way you believe you are presenting yourself matches how others perceive you.

Metaperception has been widely studied within the realm of narcissism . Narcissists tend to view themselves as confident, agreeable, and friendly. Their high self-esteem may make them seem charming and attractive initially, although this first impression quickly sours . In time, people typically see through to how self-involved and smug narcissists truly are.

While it’s important to use attractive and appropriate photos on social media and online dating sites, we often judge strangers by what they write. Grammar and spelling errors in an online profile can make someone seem inattentive or less intelligent —and therefore less attractive.

Understanding why you have been ghosted may be helpful.

You can build feelings of emotional closeness with your conversation partner when you adjust your listening style to the situation.

A recent study finds that we consider self-control as more authentic for ourselves but impulsive actions as more authentic for others. Here are some of the implications.

Does your love life need a boost? Don’t miss “Dating Sunday.”

What does a can of biscuits have to do with prejudice?

A recent study examines differences in the language patterns of anxiety and depression.

A growing body of research has revealed that many find dog people especially approachable and attractive, and often in surprising ways.

For centuries, humans have attributed considerable significance to hair.

We think we decide with a balanced lens but we judge based on sight a lot more than sound. We trust what we see more than what we hear — and it can be a mistake.

Most of us think we're good interviewers, but many of us are doing things wrong when hiring. Learn about what to do, and what not to do, when meeting with applicants.

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How to Make a Great First Impression

• Rebecca Knight

Prepare talking points ahead of time.

The saying “You only have one chance to make a first impression” holds true in many situations, from job interviews to sales calls. How can you make sure that you start off on the right foot in any of these scenarios? What should you actually say? And what’s the best way to follow up?

• RK Rebecca Knight is a journalist who writes about all things related to the changing nature of careers and the workplace. Her essays and reported stories have been featured in The Boston Globe, Business Insider, The New York Times, BBC, and The Christian Science Monitor. She was shortlisted as a Reuters Institute Fellow at Oxford University in 2023. Earlier in her career, she spent a decade as an editor and reporter at the Financial Times in New York, London, and Boston.

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — First Impression — The Importance and Role of the First Impression in My Life

The Importance of First Impressions in My Life

• Categories: First Impression

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Words: 448 |

Published: Oct 2, 2020

Words: 448 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Works Cited:

• Leder, M. (Director). (2000). Pay it Forward [Film]. Warner Bros. Pictures.

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