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Mike Robbins

Infusing Life and Business with Authenticity and Appreciation

The Importance of Self-Trust

October 25, 2021 6 Comments

The Importance of Self-Trust

How well do you trust yourself?

For most of us, myself included, self-trust can be tricky.

Many of us second guess ourselves. We don’t listen to our gut, trust our instincts, or we hang onto negative memories or regrets from the past. These things and others can make it difficult for us to trust ourselves and thus create challenges in our relationships, work, and lives.

But you’re not alone. Lack of self-trust, while debilitating in many ways, is quite common. We all doubt ourselves sometimes – but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. It’s perfectly normal.

So how do you stop doubting yourself and start living an authentic life full of self-love, confidence, and truth?

Like most important aspects of our life and growth, the first step in our expansion process is to notice and tell the truth about why it can be difficult.

In the case of self-trust, once we can honestly acknowledge our challenges (and have some compassion for ourselves), we can consciously choose to trust ourselves in a more authentic way.

When we bring some mindful self-awareness and get curious about why we doubt ourselves or lack self-trust, that’s when we begin to learn about ourselves, our insecurities, and what we can do to grow as human beings.

What makes it difficult or challenging for you to trust yourself fully?

Take a moment to consider this question. The more compassionately aware we can be, the more likely we can move beyond it and let go of our “story” about why we can’t trust ourselves.

How to Build Self-Trust

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your ability to trust yourself:

1) Listen to yourself

We all have inner wisdom. Some refer to this as our intuition, others call it our gut, and others relate to it as our higher consciousness. Whether you call it one or all of these things (or something else), I believe that we’re all very intuitive. A big part of trusting ourselves is understanding that we each have a deep sense of what is true and right for us in most situations. As we practice listening to this inner wisdom (through meditation, prayer, quiet time, breath, conscious thought, and more), we begin to trust ourselves on a deeper level.

2) Don’t be afraid to fall

Remember: we all fail sometimes – but that doesn’t mean that we should ever give up on pursuing our dreams and goals. Be willing to take risks, go for it, and make mistakes. When you fall, get back up . So often, we don’t try things because we think we might fail. I love Wayne Gretzkey’s famous quote about this: “I missed 100% of the shots I never took.” While it can be scary for us to take risks in life, one of the greatest ways we can build our capacity for self-trust is to go for it, even if we fail. As we build up our ability to take risks, we also grow our capacity for courage, expanding our ability to trust ourselves.

3) Forgive yourself

Many of us live in a constant state of guilt, disappointment , or shame, which is not the healthiest way to live. We’re only human. We make mistakes, and we learn from them. One of the main reasons we don’t trust ourselves is that we haven’t forgiven ourselves for mistakes we’ve made, the pain we’ve caused, or the regrets we have. These demons from our past haunt us, and we use them as evidence to not go for things and not trust ourselves. As we enhance our capacity to forgive ourselves, we heal from the past and breathe new life into our experience, creating a genuine sense of enthusiasm for both the present moment and our future. And, as we’re able to forgive ourselves, we can let go of our attachment to being perfect and having to do everything just right, which allows us to trust ourselves more freely.

Are You Struggling With Self-Trust?

Here are a few other things you can do to boost your self-trust:

  • Be decisive
  • Honor your emotions
  • Set reasonable goals
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Practice self-care
  • Be yourself
  • Spend time with yourself
  • Reward yourself

Think of something important in your life right now – a decision you’ve been on the fence about because you’re worried about making the wrong choice (i.e., not trusting yourself).

Given what we’ve been discussing here, what would you do regarding this vital issue if you fully trusted yourself? I bet if you listen to your inner wisdom, allow yourself to take a risk, and know that you can forgive yourself no matter what happens – the answer to the question, “What should I do?” is probably pretty clear.

What can you do to enhance your self-trust and listen to your inner wisdom more? Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more here on my blog below.

I have written five books about the importance of trust, authenticity, appreciation, and more. In addition, I deliver keynotes and seminars (both in-person and virtually) to empower people, leaders, and teams to grow, connect, and perform their best. Finally, as an expert in teamwork, leadership, and emotional intelligence, I teach techniques that allow people and organizations to be more authentic and effective. Find out more about how I can help you and your team achieve your goals today. You can also listen to my podcast here .

Liked this post? Here are three more!

Are You Bringing Your Whole Self to Work? Prioritizing Our Mental Health Facing Challenges: How to Appreciate and Learn From Them

This article was published on January 29, 2015, and updated for 2021.

Related posts:

  • It’s Okay to Make Mistakes
  • Trust is Granted Not Earned
  • Why Empathy is Important: How to Become More Empathetic
  • Trust Yourself

Reader Interactions

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March 28, 2015 at 6:45 pm

Consider trusting 1self is about BEing, rather than DOing (call it “being in action”). One can only trust 1self; every1 else shows up as ‘trustworthy” or not …

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January 2, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Loving ourselves. Many of us hate ourselves for things we do which don’t seem to work week most of the time, our looks that we end hating ourselves. The more we hate ourselves the more we don’t trust ourselves. We need to learn to love who we are, the way we look and that each is unique

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October 28, 2021 at 12:51 am

Interesting and inviting to read more on such issues.

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October 28, 2021 at 1:06 pm

I consider trust as a fundament for having sufficient positive thinking, and positive energy to take initiatives that can be important for growing and change my mind set, being empathetic, living in the reality that the world is global and we all must be responsible for ourselves, our family, our nation, but last and not least for all people on earth. Curacao, October 10, 2021 A.F.M. Bloem, educationalist, retired but still learning every single day.

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January 31, 2022 at 5:59 am

A difficult topic, but we really need to learn the lesson ourselves …

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August 8, 2023 at 4:23 am

i trust jesus chirst, i trust my self, and i have trust in you

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The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself

essay on trust yourself

“I prayed for guidance and learned to trust myself.”

These wise words feel so apt for this time. When we’re able to trust and think well of ourselves , it enables us to thrive in multiple areas of our lives.

Of course, if it were easy to simply trust ourselves and be done with it, there’d be far fewer stressed people and a whole lot more people pursuing the dreams that inspire them and facing their challenges with faith, not fear.

Building my own self-trust

Over the course of recent years, I’ve had to trust myself far more than I’ve wanted to. A few years ago, based on strong assurances that my husband would be relocated back to the United States—where we had lived for 11 years and where our four children had largely grown up (I’m an Aussie)—we sent our oldest children ahead to boarding school.

But then, a plot twist. My husband’s company said they wanted him to take a role in Singapore. Moving to Asia was not in my plans. But I packed up my home and set up shop there, intent on making the most of this unplanned chapter of my life.

Fourteen months after uprooting our life, another plot twist—my husband was reassigned to a different role. However, this time, I had a child about to enter his senior year of high school, and so unable to transfer curriculums yet again.  

So, I found my family spread across not two, but three continents. To say this was not a part of my “family vision” is an understatement.

Reclaiming your own power

As I write this now, still to reunite my family, I’ve found myself weathering another storm. Except this one I’m sharing with millions of others.  

COVID-19 disrupted the lives of people across the globe. It’s normal to feel fearful, ungrounded and off-kilter, as though the world has tilted off its axis. Yet, as I wrote in You’ve Got This! The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself , when the ground beneath us feels shaky and so much is uncertain, we have to look within ourselves for the security we seek. That is, we have to trust that within us lie the resources we need to handle whatever unfolds ahead . We don’t do this one time and emerge braver forever more. No, we must do it again and again—one day, one hour and sometimes one minute at a time.

Of course, it’s only natural to feel anxious or stressed when dealing with so much uncertainty and seismic levels of disruption. I was about to do a monthlong book and speaking tour across the U.S., and alas, like so many plans, it was canceled. So if you’ve been feeling anxious right now, know you’re not alone. The entire world is experiencing that kind of vulnerability . 

Trusting yourself is not about becoming invulnerable to fear or eradicating self-doubt. Rather, it’s reclaiming the power that we surrender to our fears and choosing each day to show up from a place of faith rather than fear; of self-trust rather than self-doubt.

Walking the path of faith over fear is not about religion. It’s about daring to lean into a deeper source of power that lives within us and around us. It’s about taking the ultimate risk and placing a bet on ourselves that within us is all that’s required to meet the demands of each moment as it arises. 

Becoming your own hero

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Self-trust is the essence of heroism.” We are each walking our own hero’s journey , and each day we wake up, we have the opportunity to start anew in building the self-trust that true heroism requires. 

Day by day, choice by choice, one brave act of heroism at a time, you build self-trust each time you are braver than you want to be. You do it each time you risk falling short as you pursue what tugs at your heart, each time you defy your doubts and honor your gifts, each time you lay your vulnerability on the line for the sake of a noble cause and each time you look within for the light that you seek.  

If ever there was a time to be the hero of our own lives—to ground ourselves in our innate “enoughness,” listen to the whispers of our inner sage, step up to the plate in our lives and search inside ourselves for—and ground ourselves in—the self-certainty missing around us—it is now.  

You’ve got this. I’ve got this. We’ve got this.

Decide today that you will ground yourself in faith, not fear. Then ask yourself, “What would I do today if I trust that whatever happens, I can handle it?”

Breathe in faith, breathe out fear.

Breathe in faith again.

12 principles for building self-trust

Adapted from You’ve Got This! The Life Changing Power of Trusting Yourself:

  • Don’t wait for confidence. Begin before you feel ready; life rewards action, not indecision.
  • Doubt your doubts. When you let fear call the shots, you sell yourself short.
  • Dial up your daring. Be bold in the vision you create for your life.
  • Embrace your fallibility. Get off your own back and give yourself permission to be human.
  • Use your gifts. Honor your talents and do more of what you do well.
  • Strengthen your wings. Prioritize what empowers you to thrive under pressure.
  • Stand tall in your worth. When you talk yourself down, you short change the world.
  • Risk vulnerability. Lay down your armor and unleash your true strength.
  • Choose faith over fear. Trust a higher force is conspiring for your greatest good.
  • Find your uplift. Surround yourself with those who embolden you.
  • Surrender resistance. Embrace uncertainty and look within for the security you seek.
  • Own your power. Be an ambassador for the world you want to live in.

This article was updated April 2023. Photo by Makhh/Shutterstock

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Margie Warrell

Best-selling author and mother of four, Margie Warrell is on a mission to embolden people to live and lead more bravely. Margie’s gained hard-won wisdom on building courage since her childhood in rural Australia. Her insights have also been shaped by her work with trailblazing leaders from Richard Branson to Bill Marriott and organizations from NASA to Google. Founder of Global Courage, host of the Live Brave podcast and advisory board member of Forbes Business School, Margie’s just released her fifth book You’ve Got This! The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself . She’d love to support you at www.margiewarrell.com .

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The Marginalian

Trust Yourself: Emerson on Self-Reliance as the Essence of Genius and What It Means to Be a Nonconformist

By maria popova.

essay on trust yourself

No one has made more beautiful nor more convincing a case for trusting our inner voice than Ralph Waldo Emerson (May 25, 1803–April 27, 1882) in his 1841 essay “Self-Reliance,” perhaps the best-known piece in his Essays and Lectures ( public library | free download ) — that endlessly rewarding trove of Emerson’s wisdom on the two pillars of friendship , the life of the mind , the key to personal growth , what beauty really means , and how to live with maximum aliveness .

essay on trust yourself

At thirty-nine, Emerson writes:

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius. Speak your latent conviction, and it shall be the universal sense; for the inmost in due time becomes the outmost.

In a sentiment his soul-brother Henry David Thoreau would come to echo a decade later , Emerson laments the ease with which we accept the judgments and opinions of others as objective truth while dismissing our own — a lamentation all the timelier a century and a half later, as the 24-hour media cycle feeds us ready-made opinions under the guise of objective news:

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another.

Nearly four decades before Nietzsche wrote that “no one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life,” Emerson admonishes that “imitation is suicide” and counsels:

The power which resides in [each person] is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried. […] Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.

A century before the Golden Age of consumerism — that ultimate trance of commodified conformity from which we’re only just beginning to awaken — Emerson urges:

Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion… Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist.

essay on trust yourself

In a sentiment that calls to mind poet Wendell Berry’s beautiful observation that solitude makes our inner voices audible , Emerson adds:

The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

Complement this particular portion of Emerson’s wholly indispensable Essays and Lectures with Eleanor Roosevelt on conformity and integrity , Kierkegaard on why we conform , and Keats on how solitude opens our channels to truth and beauty .

— Published April 6, 2016 — https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/04/06/emerson-self-reliance/ —

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Trust Yourself: Emerson’s Self-Reliance The Buddha of the West's greatest essay

essay on trust yourself

Emerson’s essay Self-Reliance was one of the first pieces of philosophy I ever read. And it was one of those fortuitous encounters that shaped my life in many ways. I first read it as a teenager at a crossroads in life; it was a time when big decisions about the future had to be made and Self-Reliance gave me the self-belief to dream more audaciously than my timid heart was temperamentally accustomed to.

It’s been a good few years since I sat down and went through the whole thing and so when I sat down recently and did just that I found myself blown away once again by this rhetorical masterpiece. If you’ve never read it I would recommend sitting down for five minutes and reading the first few paragraphs ( link to full essay ).

It’s an absolutely sublime bit of work and reading it today I can see how much it has coloured my worldview and shaped who I am. I don’t think of it that often anymore (except when certain lines from it bubble up to the front of my consciousness now and again) but, just as your average modern European doesn’t give much thought to the Ancient Greeks, there’s an archaeology of the soul whereby even things forgotten continue to shape us whether we are aware of them or not.

Reading it has yet again filled me with inspiration. Everything that I mean and everything that I feel with the words living philosophy is embodied in this essay. I can see foreshadowings of what Emerson would call The Living Philosophy’s “long foreground” in this essay. The inspiration was no doubt helped along this time by the more recently acquired knowledge that Emerson’s work was a pivotal influence on Nietzsche.

Obviously this time I had another intention when reading it as well and that was with the eye of a communicator. I was reading it with an eye to its essence with an eye to what it is about, how it unfolds, and why it is so amazing. And being quite a floral rhetorical piece rather than an argument made up of a series of propositions I actually had a bit of difficulty unearthing the structure.

I could go down a whole rabbit hole on this — it’s something I’ve thought about quite a lot recently with books and with all reading — the not so obvious art of how to read a book well. This time I thought I’d play with a lens that I picked up from my recent dabblings in Continental Philosophy and that is the idea of binary oppositions  — essentially pairs of opposites — something I imagine we’ll be exploring in much more depth when we start talking about Derrida.

So I began looking for the binary oppositions in Emerson’s piece and I can only recommend this approach highly enough because it unlocked the whole essay for me. I could now see the things that Emerson valued both in their hallowed haloed form and in their shadow vice form.  And so I thought that this might make an interesting way of approaching this essay of essays: through the medium of the binary oppositions that show what Emerson truly values. So this article is going to be an exploration of Emerson’s work through the lens of these binaries: greatness vs. meanness; the aboriginal self vs society; the dead past vs. the eternal present; and self-reliance vs. conformity.

Greatness vs. Meanness

essay on trust yourself

A good binary opposition to start with that really sets the scene is Emerson’s dichotomy between greatness and meanness — or to use Nietzsche’s preferred term mediocrity. What the “great” value of Self-Reliance is seeking to bring about is the state of greatness. Emerson is concerned with the great people of history and he is encouraging us loyal readers to rise above the inertia of mediocrity and to attain the levels of human greatness.

The kind of people he has in mind aren’t just sages but statesmen, generals scientists and mystics. There’s Jesus and Socrates, Napoleon and Scipio, Pythagoras, Newton, Emmanuel Swedenborg, Diogenes, Zoroaster Washington, and Caesar.

These are all great individuals who left an indelible mark on the world. It wasn’t through the force of pen or sword that they did so but through the force of character. They were all self-reliant individuals who broke free from the gravity of society and were true to their inner genius. Emerson calls us to rise to the heights that are possible of humanity and to count ourselves among the greats rather than succumbing to the inertia of mediocrity.

Self vs Society

essay on trust yourself

Evening on Karl Johan Street by Edvard Munch (via Wikimedia: Public Domain)

The second key binary opposition is between society and what Emerson calls the aboriginal Self.

This aboriginal self is the source of all genius, it is the source of virtue and of life. This source Emerson tells us can be called Spontaneity, Instinct or Intuition (after which “all later teachings are tuitions”).

So self-reliance then isn’t a reliance on a simple ego it’s not about becoming selfish. On the contrary Emerson tells us that the key trait of self-reliance is obedience and faith. It is following the course of this inner wisdom. He writes that he “Who has more obedience than I masters me, though he should not raise his finger.”

This following the self then isn’t about forcing our will on the world but it is to “allow a passage to its beams.” For those who have studied Jung , this immediately brings to mind his conception of the Self – the centre of consciousness around which our ego is to orbit and to be obedient to.

Over against this noble oversoul is Society. Society is Emerson’s big demon in Self-Reliance . It’s everything that the aboriginal self is not. For all the lightness of the aboriginal self, society is the darkening cheapening force in human life.

Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater.

Under the influence of society, we tow the line of the shoulds and should nots. We become blinker-eyed members of “communities of opinion”. Society tames the genius of individuals who step out of line with what the mainstream says and greet the genius with sour faces but Emerson tells us “the sour faces of the multitude, like their sweet faces, have no deep cause, but are put on and off as the wind blows and a newspaper directs.”

Under the influence of society all of our virtues are impotent. The virtues of those allied to society are “penances” — it’s not something that bubbles up from within, it’s not an expression of this soul or spirit but something that is extorted, something done out of guilt.

This capitulation to society’s demands “scatters your force” and we are left muddied shadows of ourselves.

The Dead Past and the Eternal Present

essay on trust yourself

The Garden of Death by Hugo Simberg (via Wikimedia: Public Domain)

Connected to this society/self opposition is the binary opposition between the present and the past. The past is what society is loyal to. It wants us to respect the status quo – the way things are, the way the Bible tells us, or that the various authorities tell us.

“But the man in the street, finding no worth in himself which corresponds to the force which built a tower or sculptured a marble god, feels poor when he looks on these. To him a palace, a statue, or a costly book have an alien and forbidding air, much like a gay equipage, and seem to say like that, “Who are you, Sir?””

But Emerson reminds us that they are nothing without us.

“they all are his, suitors for his notice, petitioners to his faculties that they will come out and take possession. The picture waits for my verdict; it is not to command me, but I am to settle its claims to praise.”

This is what Emerson encourages most in us. It is being true to the voice of that aboriginal self and that can only happen in the present because it is not only the ancient authorities and the status quo that holds us in chains but it is our own past. In one of the lines from the essay that has stuck with me throughout the years he writes that:

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.”

This encouragement towards truth and integrity ties in with the divine spirit that the aboriginal self is tied up with. This spirit “shoves Jesus and Judas equally aside”. The great individual “belongs to no other time or place”. The roses under his window make:

“no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are; they exist with God to-day. There is no time to them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect in every moment of its existence.”

The truth is not something revealed millennia ago in the Bible or the Upanishads or any other sacred text. The truth – the divine spirit – disdains time. It is always in the present it is always here and now.

The past is dead. The present is where life always is:

“This one fact the world hates; that the soul becomes; for that forever degrades the past”

And so Emerson tells us to shun the words in the books, to shun the words of authorities and to attune ourselves to this inner voice to what our heart tells us to do. Following the course of this inner star you may appear inconsistent to those around you — today you are doing this and the next day you are onto something else. But, in an image that has been lodged in my mind since I first read Self-Reliance Emerson writes:

“The voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks. See the line from a sufficient distance, and it straightens itself to the average tendency. Your genuine action will explain itself and will explain your other genuine actions.”

Self-Reliance vs Conformity

essay on trust yourself

All of which brings us to the central opposition of the text: Self-Reliance vs Conformity. Your conformity to Society’s demands “explains nothing” “But do your work, and I shall know you.”

In yet another story from Self-Reliance that has stayed with me over the years, and one of my favourite from any book, Emerson tells the story of a response he gave to an advisor of his who was trying to as he puts it importune him with the dear old doctrines of the church.

“‘On my saying, “What have I to do with the sacredness of traditions, if I live wholly from within?’ my friend suggested—‘But these impulses may be from below, not from above.’ I replied, ‘They do not seem to me to be such; but if I am the Devil’s child, I will live then from the Devil.’”

Which he follows up with the kicker:

“No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature. Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution; the only wrong what is against it.”

This is Self-Reliance in a nutshell. It is setting aside what Society tells you to do. It is to put on a sour face if needs be and to above all be true to your principles – to honour truth above all things, to esteem what is right above the principles of those around you and to have “no law above truth’s”.

This is the way to genius. This is the way to greatness. It is to quieten the voices outside of you—to disengage from those external voices and to tune in to the inner Muse, to the aboriginal self, to the drumbeat of your own soul which may guide you hither and thither but there is a purpose in all the wandering. As Tolkien wrote ‘not all who wander are lost’.

In our modern civilised world Emerson sees that we are “afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other.” But the greats — the self-reliant individuals embrace “the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born” and rather than dwelling on the past they walk abreast with their days.

And so Emerson tells us to go swim in the “internal ocean” and stop going to society to “beg a cup of water.”

In summary then Self-Reliance is a call for each of us to embrace our potential and to live fearlessly in obedience to our highest and deepest nature. It’s about setting aside the voices of the masses and past and to start living according to truth.

essay on trust yourself

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How To Trust Yourself

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I have a tendency to stop everything that I start.

Here’s how it goes: I get an idea, I am consumed by the excitement of it. I daydream about it, plan it, and acquire the necessary tools to start. I begin with an eager and hopeful heart. And then I lose interest. Perhaps I reach a dead end, or found someone else doing it better. Sometimes I just don’t master a new skill as quickly as I would have wished.

So I stop pursuing the idea, leaving a trail of unused craft supplies, story outlines, and empty domain names in my wake. Shameful receipts, if you will, of all the things that might have been. And for many years, I allowed those “failed” followthroughs to define me—that I am a person who cannot trust herself to bring an idea to fruition.

But being able to trust yourself is crucial; at my healthiest, I know I can support myself no matter who criticizes me, what happens, or how many obstacles I face. I no longer defeat myself before I begin, and I accept the process of “stopping” as a natural and healthy end to something that no longer serves me. Self-trust is understanding how and when to implement our boundaries, without limiting or overextending ourselves.

“Self-trust is understanding how and when to implement our boundaries, without limiting or overextending ourselves.”

So as we step into 2023, I want to disconnect my self-esteem from how motivated I am to pursue my ideas. I’m reminding myself that I am not the skeins of yarn that were never crocheted, the drafted blog posts I never published, nor am I the coffee shop I never started. I am not my ideas. I am the container of them.

It’s a shift from only trusting my ideas, to trusting me (the container) as a whole and healthy person. As I’m learning more about how my brain works, I’ve discovered the COM-B model for behavior change, which highlights three areas (Capability, Opportunity, and Motivation) that need to balance in order to affect change. Essentially this framework asks:

  • Do you have the skills, physically or psychologically, to do this?
  • Are you surrounded by external factors to make this possible?
  • Are you motivated to do this?

As I’m re-evaluating my self-trust and standards of success, I’m seeing how much I have deprioritized the first two bullet points. Instead, I’ve often only measured my worth as far as my motivation lasts (spoiler alert: that’s not sustainable). So I’ve declared this my year of repairing a trusting relationship with myself—and maybe you want to, too. Here’s where I’m starting:

Take care of yourself.

The first step of self-care, from what I’ve learned, is forgiving ourselves for the ways we’ve hurt ourselves in the past. It’s the first step in rebuilding any relationship worth repairing. If your mind is less like a neat and tidy Pez dispenser, and more like a pile of scattered M&Ms (like mine is), you may have navigated harsh self-talk for many years. 

Just because your mind changes, or feels scattered, doesn’t mean that you deserve to talk down to yourself. Ideas come and go—that’s natural! It’s not because you are untrustworthy, flaky, or less deserving of celebration. Practice some affirmations that meet you exactly where you’re at, rather than only loving yourself when you feel like you deserve it.

Physical self-care is important here, too. HINDZ, a soothing creator who sits down and chats over a cup of tea, notes in his video on self-trust : “When you can take care of yourself, you can trust yourself.” Addressing your basic needs like hungry, thirst, or fatigue without “if” or “when” conditions, help us flex our self-trust muscles.

Understand yourself.

The comparison game is real, and I’m distancing myself from social media because of it. Instagram in particular, I’ve found, muddies the water between where my values lie and which accomplishments and aesthetics the algorithm is serving me. I feel a lot clearer on who I am when I’m not endlessly scrolling.

To replicate this feeling IRL, I try to prioritize alone time. When we’re able to spend time with ourselves, whether that’s in solitary meditation or in the car after dropping the kids off at school, we can ask ourselves more about who we really are and what is most important to us. Boiling down to the basics helps us discover our values —and those change much less frequently than our ideas. These are the “why” behind our whims. Are you driven by a desire to be creative? To be efficient? To communicate clearly?

“Boiling down to the basics helps us discover our values—and those change much less frequently than our ideas.”

So maybe you have a hundred ideas today (phew, me too!). How will pursuing them support your values, whether you succeed or fail? If you value simplicity but suddenly have an idea to own a mansion filled with legos, that might not be the right fit. Give those ideas that aren’t aligned a gentle mental hug, and then let them go. (You can always return to them if or when your values change).

Support yourself.

I used to view changing my mind as a weakness, and didn’t always give myself the grace to support my in-flux mind properly. Take it from me, this doesn’t work. (Or take it from the Harvard Business Review, which found that our most creative ideas are frequently our last ones ). Change is natural and productive—not a personal flaw.

“Change is natural and productive— not a personal flaw.”

So ask yourself, truly, how you can best accommodate your mind that’s maybe moving a thousand miles a minute. Is it more time to brainstorm? Is it an encouraging accountability buddy, or is it solitude and silence? I like to return to the COM-B model above, asking myself if I need to improve a skill, update my external opportunities, or find more motivation. 

Find and use a system that works for you, like a digital calendar, a virtual assistant, or a wall full of sticky notes. And, of course, allow yourself to change systems when the novelty wears off or when the system begins adding stress (instead of relieving it).

Ultimately one of the most important ways we can support ourselves is, funny enough, asking for help. If you feel something is worth pursuing, but don’t know the next step, reach out to friends, family, or people who’ve been there. Internet strangers can count too!

Hold yourself accountable.

The final boss for every squiggly-brained person is accountability (thanks to Michelle from Holisticism for introducing me to that term).

I often thought I lacked self-discipline, but now I realize the word “self-discipline” is much too harsh. We don’t need more rules and expectations for ourselves—I argue that we need less. Trusting ourselves isn’t about fitting our squiggly selves into a perfect box, it’s about creating a squiggly container that fits our unique aspirations and limitations.

If we’re struggling to set healthy expectations for ourselves, we can instead practice accountability with the smallest things. Tell yourself you will shower today, and then shower. Or decide that you’ll step one foot out the door today, and do it. Self-trust is hard-won, and you sometimes have to go back to the very basics to lay the groundwork, especially if you haven’t trusted yourself for a long time.

“Self-trust is hard-won, and you sometimes have to go back to the very basics to lay the groundwork.”

I find it’s a balance between understanding my values as a whole person, and zooming in on the minutiae of achievable goals to build myself back up. It’s both/and, not either/or.

In the end, though, self-trust isn’t just about doing the things you say you’re going to do. It’s also stopping when you’re ready to stop. Don’t keep forcing yourself to do something you no longer have reason or motivation to do (like how I’m still feeding my sourdough starter, even though I haven’t used it in years). Acknowledge when you’ve reached your limits, physically, mentally, emotionally—and pause for a bit of rest when it’s time. Think of it as eating until you’re full or sleeping when you’re tired; when we understand our needs and respect them, we show up for ourselves as a trusted friend.

So yes, I have stopped what I’ve started—I always will. That’s the point of starting! To do something with your whole heart that excites you and inspires you, until you find it’s time to stop.

When you trust yourself, you’ll know when it’s time to rest. And when it’s time to begin again.

Emily McGowan  is the Editorial Director at The Good Trade. Born and raised in Indiana, she studied Creative Writing and Business at Indiana University. You can usually find her in her colorful Los Angeles apartment journaling, caring for her rabbits and cat, or gaming. Say hi on Instagram !

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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self Reliance

What does Emerson say about self-reliance?

In Emerson's essay “ Self-Reliance ,” he boldly states society (especially today’s politically correct environment) hurts a person’s growth.

Emerson wrote that self-sufficiency gives a person in society the freedom they need to discover their true self and attain their true independence.

Believing that individualism, personal responsibility , and nonconformity were essential to a thriving society. But to get there, Emerson knew that each individual had to work on themselves to achieve this level of individualism. 

Today, we see society's breakdowns daily and wonder how we arrived at this state of society. One can see how the basic concepts of self-trust, self-awareness, and self-acceptance have significantly been ignored.

Who published self-reliance?

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote the essay, published in 1841 as part of his first volume of collected essays titled "Essays: First Series."

It would go on to be known as Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self Reliance and one of the most well-known pieces of American literature.

The collection was published by James Munroe and Company.

What are the examples of self-reliance?

Examples of self-reliance can be as simple as tying your shoes and as complicated as following your inner voice and not conforming to paths set by society or religion.

Self-reliance can also be seen as getting things done without relying on others, being able to “pull your weight” by paying your bills, and caring for yourself and your family correctly.

Self-reliance involves relying on one's abilities, judgment, and resources to navigate life. Here are more examples of self-reliance seen today:

Entrepreneurship: Starting and running your own business, relying on your skills and determination to succeed.

Financial Independence: Managing your finances responsibly, saving money, and making sound investment decisions to secure your financial future.

Learning and Education: Taking the initiative to educate oneself, whether through formal education, self-directed learning, or acquiring new skills.

Problem-Solving: Tackling challenges independently, finding solutions to problems, and adapting to changing circumstances.

Personal Development: Taking responsibility for personal growth, setting goals, and working towards self-improvement.

Homesteading: Growing your food, raising livestock, or becoming self-sufficient in various aspects of daily life.

DIY Projects: Undertaking do-it-yourself projects, from home repairs to crafting, without relying on external help.

Living Off the Grid: Living independently from public utilities, generating your energy, and sourcing your water.

Decision-Making: Trusting your instincts and making decisions based on your values and beliefs rather than relying solely on external advice.

Crisis Management: Handling emergencies and crises with resilience and resourcefulness without depending on external assistance.

These examples illustrate different facets of self-reliance, emphasizing independence, resourcefulness, and the ability to navigate life autonomously.

What is the purpose of self reliance by Emerson?

In his essay, " Self Reliance, " Emerson's sole purpose is the want for people to avoid conformity. Emerson believed that in order for a man to truly be a man, he was to follow his own conscience and "do his own thing."

Essentially, do what you believe is right instead of blindly following society.

Why is it important to be self reliant?

While getting help from others, including friends and family, can be an essential part of your life and fulfilling. However, help may not always be available, or the assistance you receive may not be what you had hoped for.

It is for this reason that Emerson pushed for self-reliance. If a person were independent, could solve their problems, and fulfill their needs and desires, they would be a more vital member of society.

This can lead to growth in the following areas:

Empowerment: Self-reliance empowers individuals to take control of their lives. It fosters a sense of autonomy and the ability to make decisions independently.

Resilience: Developing self-reliance builds resilience, enabling individuals to bounce back from setbacks and face challenges with greater adaptability.

Personal Growth: Relying on oneself encourages continuous learning and personal growth. It motivates individuals to acquire new skills and knowledge.

Freedom: Self-reliance provides a sense of freedom from external dependencies. It reduces reliance on others for basic needs, decisions, or validation.

Confidence: Achieving goals through one's own efforts boosts confidence and self-esteem. It instills a belief in one's capabilities and strengthens a positive self-image.

Resourcefulness: Being self-reliant encourages resourcefulness. Individuals learn to solve problems creatively, adapt to changing circumstances, and make the most of available resources.

Adaptability: Self-reliant individuals are often more adaptable to change. They can navigate uncertainties with a proactive and positive mindset.

Reduced Stress: Dependence on others can lead to stress and anxiety, especially when waiting for external support. Self-reliance reduces reliance on external factors for emotional well-being.

Personal Responsibility: It promotes a sense of responsibility for one's own life and decisions. Self-reliant individuals are more likely to take ownership of their actions and outcomes.

Goal Achievement: Being self-reliant facilitates the pursuit and achievement of personal and professional goals. It allows individuals to overcome obstacles and stay focused on their objectives.

Overall, self-reliance contributes to personal empowerment, mental resilience, and the ability to lead a fulfilling and purposeful life. While collaboration and support from others are valuable, cultivating a strong sense of self-reliance enhances one's capacity to navigate life's challenges independently.

What did Emerson mean, "Envy is ignorance, imitation is suicide"?

According to Emerson, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to you independently, but every person is given a plot of ground to till. 

In other words, Emerson believed that a person's main focus in life is to work on oneself, increasing their maturity and intellect, and overcoming insecurities, which will allow a person to be self-reliant to the point where they no longer envy others but measure themselves against how they were the day before.

When we do become self-reliant, we focus on creating rather than imitating. Being someone we are not is just as damaging to the soul as suicide.

Envy is ignorance: Emerson suggests that feeling envious of others is a form of ignorance. Envy often arises from a lack of understanding or appreciation of one's unique qualities and potential. Instead of being envious, individuals should focus on discovering and developing their talents and strengths.

Imitation is suicide: Emerson extends the idea by stating that imitation, or blindly copying others, is a form of self-destruction. He argues that true individuality and personal growth come from expressing one's unique voice and ideas. In this context, imitation is seen as surrendering one's identity and creativity, leading to a kind of "spiritual death."

What are the transcendental elements in Emerson’s self-reliance?

The five predominant elements of Transcendentalism are nonconformity, self-reliance, free thought, confidence, and the importance of nature.

The Transcendentalism movement emerged in New England between 1820 and 1836. It is essential to differentiate this movement from Transcendental Meditation, a distinct practice.

According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Transcendentalism is characterized as "an American literary, political, and philosophical movement of the early nineteenth century, centered around Ralph Waldo Emerson." A central tenet of this movement is the belief that individual purity can be 'corrupted' by society.

Are Emerson's writings referenced in pop culture?

Emerson has made it into popular culture. One such example is in the film Next Stop Wonderland released in 1998. The reference is a quote from Emerson's essay on Self Reliance, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

This becomes a running theme in the film as a single woman (Hope Davis ), who is quite familiar with Emerson's writings and showcases several men taking her on dates, attempting to impress her by quoting the famous line, only to botch the line and also giving attribution to the wrong person. One gentleman says confidently it was W.C. Fields, while another matches the quote with Cicero. One goes as far as stating it was Karl Marx!

Why does Emerson say about self confidence?

Content is coming very soon.

Self-Reliance: The Complete Essay

Ne te quaesiveris extra."
Man is his own star; and the soul that can Render an honest and a perfect man, Commands all light, all influence, all fate ; Nothing to him falls early or too late. Our acts our angels are, or good or ill, Our fatal shadows that walk by us still." Epilogue to Beaumont and Fletcher's Honest Man's Fortune Cast the bantling on the rocks, Suckle him with the she-wolf's teat; Wintered with the hawk and fox, Power and speed be hands and feet.

Ralph Waldo Emerson Self Reliance

Ralph Waldo Emerson left the ministry to pursue a career in writing and public speaking. Emerson became one of America's best known and best-loved 19th-century figures. More About Emerson

Ralph Waldo Emerson Self Reliance Summary

The essay “Self-Reliance,” written by Ralph Waldo Emerson, is, by far, his most famous piece of work. Emerson, a Transcendentalist, believed focusing on the purity and goodness of individualism and community with nature was vital for a strong society. Transcendentalists despise the corruption and conformity of human society and institutions. Published in 1841, the Self Reliance essay is a deep-dive into self-sufficiency as a virtue.

In the essay "Self-Reliance," Ralph Waldo Emerson advocates for individuals to trust in their own instincts and ideas rather than blindly following the opinions of society and its institutions. He argues that society encourages conformity, stifles individuality, and encourages readers to live authentically and self-sufficient lives.

Emerson also stresses the importance of being self-reliant, relying on one's own abilities and judgment rather than external validation or approval from others. He argues that people must be honest with themselves and seek to understand their own thoughts and feelings rather than blindly following the expectations of others. Through this essay, Emerson emphasizes the value of independence, self-discovery, and personal growth.

What is the Meaning of Self-Reliance?

I read the other day some verses written by an eminent painter which were original and not conventional. The soul always hears an admonition in such lines, let the subject be what it may. The sentiment they instill is of more value than any thought they may contain. To believe your own thought, to think that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius.

Speak your latent conviction, and it shall be the universal sense; for the inmost in due time becomes the outmost,—— and our first thought is rendered back to us by the trumpets of the Last Judgment. Familiar as the voice of the mind is to each, the highest merit we ascribe to Moses, Plato, and Milton is, that they set at naught books and traditions, and spoke not what men but what they thought. A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light that flashes across his mind from within, more than the luster of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought because it is his. In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.

Great works of art have no more affecting lessons for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility than most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else, tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another.

There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried. Not for nothing one face, one character, one fact, makes much impression on him, and another none. This sculpture in the memory is not without preestablished harmony. The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray. We but half express ourselves and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents. It may be safely trusted as proportionate and of good issues, so it be faithfully imparted, but God will not have his work made manifest by cowards. A man is relieved and gay when he has put his heart into his work and done his best; but what he has said or done otherwise, shall give him no peace. It is a deliverance that does not deliver. In the attempt his genius deserts him; no muse befriends; no invention, no hope.

Trust Thyself: Every Heart Vibrates To That Iron String.

Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, and the connection of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their age, betraying their perception that the absolutely trustworthy was seated at their heart, working through their hands, predominating in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest mind the same transcendent destiny; and not minors and invalids in a protected corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution, but guides, redeemers, and benefactors, obeying the Almighty effort, and advancing on Chaos and the Dark.

What pretty oracles nature yields to us in this text, in the face and behaviour of children, babes, and even brutes! That divided and rebel mind, that distrust of a sentiment because our arithmetic has computed the strength and means opposed to our purpose, these have not. Their mind being whole, their eye is as yet unconquered, and when we look in their faces, we are disconcerted. Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it. So God has armed youth and puberty and manhood no less with its own piquancy and charm, and made it enviable and gracious and its claims not to be put by, if it will stand by itself. Do not think the youth has no force, because he cannot speak to you and me. Hark! in the next room his voice is sufficiently clear and emphatic. It seems he knows how to speak to his contemporaries. Bashful or bold, then, he will know how to make us seniors very unnecessary.

The nonchalance of boys who are sure of a dinner, and would disdain as much as a lord to do or say aught to conciliate one, is the healthy attitude of human nature. A boy is in the parlour what the pit is in the playhouse; independent, irresponsible, looking out from his corner on such people and facts as pass by, he tries and sentences them on their merits, in the swift, summary way of boys, as good, bad, interesting, silly, eloquent, troublesome. He cumbers himself never about consequences, about interests: he gives an independent, genuine verdict. You must court him: he does not court you. But the man is, as it were, clapped into jail by his consciousness. As soon as he has once acted or spoken with eclat, he is a committed person, watched by the sympathy or the hatred of hundreds, whose affections must now enter into his account. There is no Lethe for this. Ah, that he could pass again into his neutrality! Who can thus avoid all pledges, and having observed, observe again from the same unaffected, unbiased, unbribable, unaffrighted innocence, must always be formidable. He would utter opinions on all passing affairs, which being seen to be not private, but necessary, would sink like darts into the ear of men, and put them in fear.

Society everywhere is in conspiracy - Ralph Waldo Emerson

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs.

Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. I remember an answer which when quite young I was prompted to make to a valued adviser, who was wont to importune me with the dear old doctrines of the church. On my saying, What have I to do with the sacredness of traditions, if I live wholly from within? my friend suggested, — "But these impulses may be from below, not from above." I replied, "They do not seem to me to be such; but if I am the Devil's child, I will live then from the Devil." No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature. Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it. A man is to carry himself in the presence of all opposition, as if every thing were titular and ephemeral but he. I am ashamed to think how easily we capitulate to badges and names, to large societies and dead institutions. Every decent and well-spoken individual affects and sways me more than is right. I ought to go upright and vital, and speak the rude truth in all ways. If malice and vanity wear the coat of philanthropy, shall that pass? If an angry bigot assumes this bountiful cause of Abolition, and comes to me with his last news from Barbadoes, why should I not say to him, 'Go love thy infant; love thy wood-chopper: be good-natured and modest: have that grace; and never varnish your hard, uncharitable ambition with this incredible tenderness for black folk a thousand miles off. Thy love afar is spite at home.' Rough and graceless would be such greeting, but truth is handsomer than the affectation of love. Your goodness must have some edge to it, — else it is none. The doctrine of hatred must be preached as the counteraction of the doctrine of love when that pules and whines. I shun father and mother and wife and brother, when my genius calls me. The lintels of the door-post I would write on, Whim . It is somewhat better than whim at last I hope, but we cannot spend the day in explanation. Expect me not to show cause why I seek or why I exclude company. Then, again, do not tell me, as a good man did to-day, of my obligation to put all poor men in good situations. Are they my poor? I tell thee, thou foolish philanthropist, that I grudge the dollar, the dime, the cent, I give to such men as do not belong to me and to whom I do not belong. There is a class of persons to whom by all spiritual affinity I am bought and sold; for them I will go to prison, if need be; but your miscellaneous popular charities; the education at college of fools; the building of meeting-houses to the vain end to which many now stand; alms to sots; and the thousandfold Relief Societies; — though I confess with shame I sometimes succumb and give the dollar, it is a wicked dollar which by and by I shall have the manhood to withhold.

Virtues are, in the popular estimate, rather the exception than the rule. There is the man and his virtues. Men do what is called a good action, as some piece of courage or charity, much as they would pay a fine in expiation of daily non-appearance on parade. Their works are done as an apology or extenuation of their living in the world, — as invalids and the insane pay a high board. Their virtues are penances. I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady. Wish it to be sound and sweet, and not to need diet and bleeding. The primary evidence I ask that you are a man, and refuse this appeal from the man to his actions. For myself it makes no difference that I know, whether I do or forbear those actions which are reckoned excellent. I cannot consent to pay for a privilege where I have intrinsic right. Few and mean as my gifts may be, I actually am, and do not need for my own assurance or the assurance of my fellows any secondary testimony.

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think.

This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. The easy thing in the world is to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

The objection to conforming to usages that have become dead to you is, that it scatters your force. It loses your time and blurs the impression of your character. If you maintain a dead church, contribute to a dead Bible-society, vote with a great party either for the government or against it, spread your table like base housekeepers, — under all these screens I have difficulty to detect the precise man you are. And, of course, so much force is withdrawn from your proper life. But do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. A man must consider what a blindman's-buff is this game of conformity. If I know your sect, I anticipate your argument. I hear a preacher announce for his text and topic the expediency of one of the institutions of his church. Do I not know beforehand that not possibly can he say a new and spontaneous word? With all this ostentation of examining the grounds of the institution, do I not know that he will do no such thing? Do not I know that he is pledged to himself not to look but at one side, — the permitted side, not as a man, but as a parish minister? He is a retained attorney, and these airs of the bench are the emptiest affectation. Well, most men have bound their eyes with one or another handkerchief, and attached themselves to some one of these communities of opinion. This conformity makes them not false in a few particulars, authors of a few lies, but false in all particulars. Their every truth is not quite true. Their two is not the real two, their four not the real four; so that every word they say chagrins us, and we know not where to begin to set them right. Meantime nature is not slow to equip us in the prison-uniform of the party to which we adhere. We come to wear one cut of face and figure, and acquire by degrees the gentlest asinine expression. There is a mortifying experience in particular, which does not fail to wreak itself also in the general history; I mean "the foolish face of praise," the forced smile which we put on in company where we do not feel at ease in answer to conversation which does not interest us. The muscles, not spontaneously moved, but moved by a low usurping wilfulness, grow tight about the outline of the face with the most disagreeable sensation.

For nonconformity the world whips you with its displeasure. And therefore a man must know how to estimate a sour face. The by-standers look askance on him in the public street or in the friend's parlour. If this aversation had its origin in contempt and resistance like his own, he might well go home with a sad countenance; but the sour faces of the multitude, like their sweet faces, have no deep cause, but are put on and off as the wind blows and a newspaper directs. Yet is the discontent of the multitude more formidable than that of the senate and the college. It is easy enough for a firm man who knows the world to brook the rage of the cultivated classes. Their rage is decorous and prudent, for they are timid as being very vulnerable themselves. But when to their feminine rage the indignation of the people is added, when the ignorant and the poor are aroused, when the unintelligent brute force that lies at the bottom of society is made to growl and mow, it needs the habit of magnanimity and religion to treat it godlike as a trifle of no concernment.

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them.

But why should you keep your head over your shoulder? Why drag about this corpse of your memory, lest you contradict somewhat you have stated in this or that public place? Suppose you should contradict yourself; what then? It seems to be a rule of wisdom never to rely on your memory alone, scarcely even in acts of pure memory, but to bring the past for judgment into the thousand-eyed present, and live ever in a new day. In your metaphysics you have denied personality to the Deity: yet when the devout motions of the soul come, yield to them heart and life, though they should clothe God with shape and color. Leave your theory, as Joseph his coat in the hand of the harlot, and flee.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.

Do not follow where the path may lead - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I suppose no man can violate his nature.

All the sallies of his will are rounded in by the law of his being, as the inequalities of Andes and Himmaleh are insignificant in the curve of the sphere. Nor does it matter how you gauge and try him. A character is like an acrostic or Alexandrian stanza; — read it forward, backward, or across, it still spells the same thing. In this pleasing, contrite wood-life which God allows me, let me record day by day my honest thought without prospect or retrospect, and, I cannot doubt, it will be found symmetrical, though I mean it not, and see it not. My book should smell of pines and resound with the hum of insects. The swallow over my window should interweave that thread or straw he carries in his bill into my web also. We pass for what we are. Character teaches above our wills. Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment.

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. For of one will, the actions will be harmonious, however unlike they seem. These varieties are lost sight of at a little distance, at a little height of thought. One tendency unites them all. The voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks. See the line from a sufficient distance, and it straightens itself to the average tendency. Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. Act singly, and what you have already done singly will justify you now. Greatness appeals to the future. If I can be firm enough to-day to do right, and scorn eyes, I must have done so much right before as to defend me now. Be it how it will, do right now. Always scorn appearances, and you always may. The force of character is cumulative. All the foregone days of virtue work their health into this. What makes the majesty of the heroes of the senate and the field, which so fills the imagination? The consciousness of a train of great days and victories behind. They shed an united light on the advancing actor. He is attended as by a visible escort of angels. That is it which throws thunder into Chatham's voice, and dignity into Washington's port, and America into Adams's eye. Honor is venerable to us because it is no ephemeris. It is always ancient virtue. We worship it today because it is not of today. We love it and pay it homage, because it is not a trap for our love and homage, but is self-dependent, self-derived, and therefore of an old immaculate pedigree, even if shown in a young person.

I hope in these days we have heard the last of conformity and consistency. Let the words be gazetted and ridiculous henceforward. Instead of the gong for dinner, let us hear a whistle from the Spartan fife. Let us never bow and apologize more. A great man is coming to eat at my house. I do not wish to please him; He should wish to please me, that I wish. I will stand here for humanity, and though I would make it kind, I would make it true. Let us affront and reprimand the smooth mediocrity and squalid contentment of the times, and hurl in the face of custom, and trade, and office, the fact which is the upshot of all history, that there is a great responsible Thinker and Actor working wherever a man works; that a true man belongs to no other time or place, but is the centre of things. Where he is, there is nature. He measures you, and all men, and all events. Ordinarily, every body in society reminds us of somewhat else, or of some other person. Character, reality, reminds you of nothing else; it takes place of the whole creation. The man must be so much, that he must make all circumstances indifferent. Every true man is a cause, a country, and an age; requires infinite spaces and numbers and time fully to accomplish his design; — and posterity seem to follow his steps as a train of clients. A man Caesar is born, and for ages after we have a Roman Empire. Christ is born, and millions of minds so grow and cleave to his genius, that he is confounded with virtue and the possible of man. An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man; as, Monachism, of the Hermit Antony; the Reformation, of Luther; Quakerism, of Fox; Methodism, of Wesley; Abolition, of Clarkson. Scipio, Milton called "the height of Rome"; and all history resolves itself very easily into the biography of a few stout and earnest persons.

Let a man then know his worth, and keep things under his feet. Let him not peep or steal, or skulk up and down with the air of a charity-boy, a bastard, or an interloper, in the world which exists for him. But the man in the street, finding no worth in himself which corresponds to the force which built a tower or sculptured a marble god, feels poor when he looks on these. To him a palace, a statue, or a costly book have an alien and forbidding air, much like a gay equipage, and seem to say like that, 'Who are you, Sir?' Yet they all are his, suitors for his notice, petitioners to his faculties that they will come out and take possession. The picture waits for my verdict: it is not to command me, but I am to settle its claims to praise. That popular fable of the sot who was picked up dead drunk in the street, carried to the duke's house, washed and dressed and laid in the duke's bed, and, on his waking, treated with all obsequious ceremony like the duke, and assured that he had been insane, owes its popularity to the fact, that it symbolizes so well the state of man, who is in the world a sort of sot, but now and then wakes up, exercises his reason, and finds himself a true prince.

Our reading is mendicant and sycophantic. In history, our imagination plays us false. Kingdom and lordship, power and estate, are a gaudier vocabulary than private John and Edward in a small house and common day's work; but the things of life are the same to both; the sum total of both is the same. Why all this deference to Alfred, and Scanderbeg, and Gustavus? Suppose they were virtuous; did they wear out virtue? As great a stake depends on your private act to-day, as followed their public and renowned steps. When private men shall act with original views, the lustre will be transferred from the actions of kings to those of gentlemen.

The world has been instructed by its kings, who have so magnetized the eyes of nations. It has been taught by this colossal symbol the mutual reverence that is due from man to man. The joyful loyalty with which men have everywhere suffered the king, the noble, or the great proprietor to walk among them by a law of his own, make his own scale of men and things, and reverse theirs, pay for benefits not with money but with honor, and represent the law in his person, was the hieroglyphic by which they obscurely signified their consciousness of their own right and comeliness, the right of every man.

The magnetism which all original action exerts is explained when we inquire the reason of self-trust.

Who is the Trustee? What is the aboriginal Self, on which a universal reliance may be grounded? What is the nature and power of that science-baffling star, without parallax, without calculable elements, which shoots a ray of beauty even into trivial and impure actions, if the least mark of independence appear? The inquiry leads us to that source, at once the essence of genius, of virtue, and of life, which we call Spontaneity or Instinct. We denote this primary wisdom as Intuition, whilst all later teachings are tuitions. In that deep force, the last fact behind which analysis cannot go, all things find their common origin. For, the sense of being which in calm hours rises, we know not how, in the soul, is not diverse from things, from space, from light, from time, from man, but one with them, and proceeds obviously from the same source whence their life and being also proceed. We first share the life by which things exist, and afterwards see them as appearances in nature, and forget that we have shared their cause. Here is the fountain of action and of thought. Here are the lungs of that inspiration which giveth man wisdom, and which cannot be denied without impiety and atheism. We lie in the lap of immense intelligence, which makes us receivers of its truth and organs of its activity. When we discern justice, when we discern truth, we do nothing of ourselves, but allow a passage to its beams. If we ask whence this comes, if we seek to pry into the soul that causes, all philosophy is at fault. Its presence or its absence is all we can affirm. Every man discriminates between the voluntary acts of his mind, and his involuntary perceptions, and knows that to his involuntary perceptions a perfect faith is due. He may err in the expression of them, but he knows that these things are so, like day and night, not to be disputed. My wilful actions and acquisitions are but roving; — the idlest reverie, the faintest native emotion, command my curiosity and respect. Thoughtless people contradict as readily the statement of perceptions as of opinions, or rather much more readily; for, they do not distinguish between perception and notion. They fancy that I choose to see this or that thing. But perception is not whimsical, but fatal. If I see a trait, my children will see it after me, and in course of time, all mankind, — although it may chance that no one has seen it before me. For my perception of it is as much a fact as the sun.

The relations of the soul to the divine spirit are so pure, that it is profane to seek to interpose helps. It must be that when God speaketh he should communicate, not one thing, but all things; should fill the world with his voice; should scatter forth light, nature, time, souls, from the centre of the present thought; and new date and new create the whole. Whenever a mind is simple, and receives a divine wisdom, old things pass away, — means, teachers, texts, temples fall; it lives now, and absorbs past and future into the present hour. All things are made sacred by relation to it, — one as much as another. All things are dissolved to their centre by their cause, and, in the universal miracle, petty and particular miracles disappear. If, therefore, a man claims to know and speak of God, and carries you backward to the phraseology of some old mouldered nation in another country, in another world, believe him not. Is the acorn better than the oak which is its fulness and completion? Is the parent better than the child into whom he has cast his ripened being? Whence, then, this worship of the past? The centuries are conspirators against the sanity and authority of the soul. Time and space are but physiological colors which the eye makes, but the soul is light; where it is, is day; where it was, is night; and history is an impertinence and an injury, if it be anything more than a cheerful apologue or parable of my being and becoming.

Man is timid and apologetic; he is no longer upright; 'I think,' 'I am,' that he dares not say, but quotes some saint or sage. He is ashamed before the blade of grass or the blowing rose. These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are; they exist with God today. There is no time to them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect in every moment of its existence. Before a leaf bud has burst, its whole life acts; in the full-blown flower there is no more; in the leafless root there is no less. Its nature is satisfied, and it satisfies nature, in all moments alike. But man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time.

This should be plain enough. Yet see what strong intellects dare not yet hear God himself, unless he speak the phraseology of I know not what David, or Jeremiah, or Paul. We shall not always set so great a price on a few texts, on a few lives. We are like children who repeat by rote the sentences of grandames and tutors, and, as they grow older, of the men of talents and character they chance to see, — painfully recollecting the exact words they spoke; afterwards, when they come into the point of view which those had who uttered these sayings, they understand them, and are willing to let the words go; for, at any time, they can use words as good when occasion comes. If we live truly, we shall see truly. It is as easy for the strong man to be strong, as it is for the weak to be weak. When we have new perception, we shall gladly disburden the memory of its hoarded treasures as old rubbish. When a man lives with God, his voice shall be as sweet as the murmur of the brook and the rustle of the corn.

And now at last the highest truth on this subject remains unsaid; probably cannot be said; for all that we say is the far-off remembering of the intuition. That thought, by what I can now nearest approach to say it, is this. When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; not see the face of man; and you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. It shall exclude example and experience. You take the way from man, not to man. All persons that ever existed are its forgotten ministers. Fear and hope are alike beneath it. There is somewhat low even in hope. In the hour of vision, there is nothing that can be called gratitude, nor properly joy. The soul raised over passion beholds identity and eternal causation, perceives the self-existence of Truth and Right, and calms itself with knowing that all things go well. Vast spaces of nature, the Atlantic Ocean, the South Sea, — long intervals of time, years, centuries, — are of no account. This which I think and feel underlay every former state of life and circumstances, as it does underlie my present, and what is called life, and what is called death.

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life only avails, not the having lived.

Power ceases in the instant of repose; it resides in the moment of transition from a past to a new state, in the shooting of the gulf, in the darting to an aim. This one fact the world hates is that the soul becomes ; for that forever degrades the past, turns all riches to poverty, all reputation to a shame, confounds the saint with the rogue, shoves Jesus and Judas equally aside. Why, then, do we prate of self-reliance? Inasmuch as the soul is present, there will be power, not confidence but an agent. To talk of reliance is a poor external way of speaking. Speak rather of that which relies, because it works and is. Who has more obedience than I masters me, though he should not raise his finger. Round him I must revolve by the gravitation of spirits. We fancy it rhetoric, when we speak of eminent virtue. We do not yet see that virtue is Height, and that a man or a company of men, plastic and permeable to principles, by the law of nature must overpower and ride all cities, nations, kings, rich men, poets, who are not.

This is the ultimate fact which we so quickly reach on this, as on every topic, the resolution of all into the ever-blessed ONE. Self-existence is the attribute of the Supreme Cause, and it constitutes the measure of good by the degree in which it enters into all lower forms. All things real are so by so much virtue as they contain. Commerce, husbandry, hunting, whaling, war, eloquence , personal weight, are somewhat, and engage my respect as examples of its presence and impure action. I see the same law working in nature for conservation and growth. Power is in nature the essential measure of right. Nature suffers nothing to remain in her kingdoms which cannot help itself. The genesis and maturation of a planet, its poise and orbit, the bended tree recovering itself from the strong wind, the vital resources of every animal and vegetable, are demonstrations of the self-sufficing, and therefore self-relying soul.

Thus all concentrates: let us not rove; let us sit at home with the cause. Let us stun and astonish the intruding rabble of men and books and institutions, by a simple declaration of the divine fact. Bid the invaders take the shoes from off their feet, for God is here within. Let our simplicity judge them, and our docility to our own law demonstrate the poverty of nature and fortune beside our native riches.

But now we are a mob. Man does not stand in awe of man, nor is his genius admonished to stay at home, to put itself in communication with the internal ocean, but it goes abroad to beg a cup of water of the urns of other men. We must go alone. I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching. How far off, how cool, how chaste the persons look, begirt each one with a precinct or sanctuary! So let us always sit. Why should we assume the faults of our friend, or wife, or father, or child, because they sit around our hearth, or are said to have the same blood? All men have my blood, and I have all men's. Not for that will I adopt their petulance or folly, even to the extent of being ashamed of it. But your isolation must not be mechanical, but spiritual, that is, must be elevation. At times the whole world seems to be in conspiracy to importune you with emphatic trifles. Friend, client, child, sickness, fear, want, charity, all knock at once at thy closet door, and say, — 'Come out unto us.' But keep thy state; come not into their confusion. The power men possess to annoy me, I give them by a weak curiosity. No man can come near me but through my act. "What we love that we have, but by desire we bereave ourselves of the love."

If we cannot at once rise to the sanctities of obedience and faith, let us at least resist our temptations; let us enter into the state of war, and wake Thor and Woden, courage and constancy, in our Saxon breasts. This is to be done in our smooth times by speaking the truth. Check this lying hospitality and lying affection. Live no longer to the expectation of these deceived and deceiving people with whom we converse. Say to them, O father, O mother, O wife, O brother, O friend, I have lived with you after appearances hitherto. Henceforward I am the truth's. Be it known unto you that henceforward I obey no law less than the eternal law. I will have no covenants but proximities. To nourish my parents, to support my family I shall endeavour, to be the chaste husband of one wife, — but these relations I must fill after a new and unprecedented way. I appeal from your customs that I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions if you are not. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. It is alike your interest, and mine, and all men's, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth. Does this sound harsh today? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. — But so you may give these friends pain. Yes, but I cannot sell my liberty and my power, to save their sensibility. Besides, all persons have their moments of reason, when they look out into the region of absolute truth; then will they justify me, and do the same thing.

The populace think that your rejection of popular standards is a rejection of all standard, and mere antinomianism; and the bold sensualist will use the name of philosophy to gild his crimes. But the law of consciousness abides. There are two confessionals, in one or the other of which we must be shriven. You may fulfil your round of duties by clearing yourself in the direct , or in the reflex way. Consider whether you have satisfied your relations to father, mother, cousin, neighbour, town, cat, and dog; whether any of these can upbraid you. But I may also neglect this reflex standard, and absolve me to myself. I have my own stern claims and perfect circle. It denies the name of duty to many offices that are called duties. But if I can discharge its debts, it enables me to dispense with the popular code. If anyone imagines that this law is lax, let him keep its commandment one day.

And truly it demands something godlike in him who has cast off the common motives of humanity, and has ventured to trust himself for a taskmaster. High be his heart, faithful his will, clear his sight, that he may in good earnest be doctrine, society, law, to himself, that a simple purpose may be to him as strong as iron necessity is to others!

If any man consider the present aspects of what is called by distinction society , he will see the need of these ethics. The sinew and heart of man seem to be drawn out, and we are become timorous, desponding whimperers. We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. We want men and women who shall renovate life and our social state, but we see that most natures are insolvent, cannot satisfy their own wants, have an ambition out of all proportion to their practical force, and do lean and beg day and night continually. Our housekeeping is mendicant, our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate , where strength is born.

If our young men miscarry in their first enterprises, they lose all heart.

Men say he is ruined if the young merchant fails . If the finest genius studies at one of our colleges, and is not installed in an office within one year afterwards in the cities or suburbs of Boston or New York, it seems to his friends and to himself that he is right in being disheartened, and in complaining the rest of his life. A sturdy lad from New Hampshire or Vermont, who in turn tries all the professions, who teams it , farms it , peddles , keeps a school, preaches, edits a newspaper, goes to Congress, buys a township, and so forth, in successive years, and always, like a cat, falls on his feet, is worth a hundred of these city dolls. He walks abreast with his days, and feels no shame in not 'studying a profession,' for he does not postpone his life, but lives already. He has not one chance, but a hundred chances. Let a Stoic open the resources of man, and tell men they are not leaning willows, but can and must detach themselves; that with the exercise of self-trust, new powers shall appear; that a man is the word made flesh, born to shed healing to the nations, that he should be ashamed of our compassion, and that the moment he acts from himself, tossing the laws, the books, idolatries, and customs out of the window, we pity him no more, but thank and revere him, — and that teacher shall restore the life of man to splendor, and make his name dear to all history.

It is easy to see that a greater self-reliance must work a revolution in all the offices and relations of men; in their religion; education; and in their pursuits; their modes of living; their association; in their property; in their speculative views.

1. In what prayers do men allow themselves! That which they call a holy office is not so much as brave and manly. Prayer looks abroad and asks for some foreign addition to come through some foreign virtue, and loses itself in endless mazes of natural and supernatural, and mediatorial and miraculous. It is prayer that craves a particular commodity, — anything less than all good, — is vicious. Prayer is the contemplation of the facts of life from the highest point of view. It is the soliloquy of a beholding and jubilant soul. It is the spirit of God pronouncing his works good. But prayer as a means to effect a private end is meanness and theft. It supposes dualism and not unity in nature and consciousness. As soon as the man is at one with God, he will not beg. He will then see prayer in all action. The prayer of the farmer kneeling in his field to weed it, the prayer of the rower kneeling with the stroke of his oar, are true prayers heard throughout nature, though for cheap ends. Caratach, in Fletcher's Bonduca, when admonished to inquire the mind of the god Audate, replies, —

"His hidden meaning lies in our endeavours; Our valors are our best gods."

Another sort of false prayers are our regrets. Discontent is the want of self-reliance: it is infirmity of will. Regret calamities, if you can thereby help the sufferer; if not, attend your own work, and already the evil begins to be repaired. Our sympathy is just as base. We come to them who weep foolishly, and sit down and cry for company, instead of imparting to them truth and health in rough electric shocks, putting them once more in communication with their own reason. The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. We solicitously and apologetically caress and celebrate him, because he held on his way and scorned our disapprobation. The gods love him because men hated him. "To the persevering mortal," said Zoroaster, "the blessed Immortals are swift."

As men's prayers are a disease of the will, so are their creeds a disease of the intellect . They say with those foolish Israelites, 'Let not God speak to us, lest we die. Speak thou, speak any man with us, and we will obey.' Everywhere I am hindered of meeting God in my brother, because he has shut his own temple doors, and recites fables merely of his brother's, or his brother's brother's God. Every new mind is a new classification. If it prove a mind of uncommon activity and power, a Locke, a Lavoisier, a Hutton, a Bentham, a Fourier, it imposes its classification on other men, and lo! a new system. In proportion to the depth of the thought, and so to the number of the objects it touches and brings within reach of the pupil, is his complacency. But chiefly is this apparent in creeds and churches, which are also classifications of some powerful mind acting on the elemental thought of duty, and man's relation to the Highest. Such as Calvinism, Quakerism, Swedenborgism. The pupil takes the same delight in subordinating everything to the new terminology, as a girl who has just learned botany in seeing a new earth and new seasons thereby. It will happen for a time, that the pupil will find his intellectual power has grown by the study of his master's mind. But in all unbalanced minds, the classification is idolized, passes for the end, and not for a speedily exhaustible means, so that the walls of the system blend to their eye in the remote horizon with the walls of the universe; the luminaries of heaven seem to them hung on the arch their master built. They cannot imagine how you aliens have any right to see, — how you can see; 'It must be somehow that you stole the light from us.' They do not yet perceive, that light, unsystematic, indomitable, will break into any cabin, even into theirs. Let them chirp awhile and call it their own. If they are honest and do well, presently their neat new pinfold will be too strait and low, will crack, will lean, will rot and vanish, and the immortal light, all young and joyful, million-orbed, million-colored, will beam over the universe as on the first morning.

2. It is for want of self-culture that the superstition of Travelling, whose idols are Italy, England, Egypt, retains its fascination for all educated Americans. They who made England, Italy, or Greece venerable in the imagination did so by sticking fast where they were, like an axis of the earth. In manly hours, we feel that duty is our place. The soul is no traveller; the wise man stays at home, and when his necessities, his duties, on any occasion call him from his house, or into foreign lands, he is at home still, and shall make men sensible by the expression of his countenance, that he goes the missionary of wisdom and virtue, and visits cities and men like a sovereign, and not like an interloper or a valet.

I have no churlish objection to the circumnavigation of the globe, for the purposes of art, of study, and benevolence, so that the man is first domesticated, or does not go abroad with the hope of finding somewhat greater than he knows. He who travels to be amused, or to get somewhat which he does not carry, travels away from himself, and grows old even in youth among old things. In Thebes, in Palmyra, his will and mind have become old and dilapidated as they. He carries ruins to ruins.

Travelling is a fool's paradise. Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places. At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. The Vatican, and the palaces I seek. But I am not intoxicated though I affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions. My giant goes with me wherever I go.

3. But the rage of travelling is a symptom of a deeper unsoundness affecting the whole intellectual action. The intellect is vagabond, and our system of education fosters restlessness. Our minds travel when our bodies are forced to stay at home. We imitate, and what is imitation but the travelling of the mind? Our houses are built with foreign taste; Shelves are garnished with foreign ornaments, but our opinions, our tastes, our faculties, lean, and follow the Past and the Distant. The soul created the arts wherever they have flourished. It was in his own mind that the artist sought his model. It was an application of his own thought to the thing to be done and the conditions to be observed. And why need we copy the Doric or the Gothic model? Beauty, convenience, grandeur of thought, and quaint expression are as near to us as to any, and if the American artist will study with hope and love the precise thing to be done by him, considering the climate, the soil, the length of the day, the wants of the people, the habit and form of the government, he will create a house in which all these will find themselves fitted, and taste and sentiment will be satisfied also.

Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation, but of the adopted talent of another, you have only an extemporaneous, half possession. That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. No man yet knows what it is, nor can, till that person has exhibited it. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? Every great man is a unique. The Scipionism of Scipio is precisely that part he could not borrow. Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. There is at this moment for you an utterance brave and grand as that of the colossal chisel of Phidias, or trowel of the Egyptians, or the pen of Moses, or Dante, but different from all these. Not possibly will the soul all rich, all eloquent, with thousand-cloven tongue, deign to repeat itself; but if you can hear what these patriarchs say, surely you can reply to them in the same pitch of voice; for the ear and the tongue are two organs of one nature. Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart, and thou shalt reproduce the Foreworld again.

To be yourself in a world - Ralph Waldo Emerson

4. As our Religion, our Education, our Art look abroad, so does our spirit of society. All men plume themselves on the improvement of society, and no man improves.

Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other and undergoes continual changes; it is barbarous,  civilized, christianized, rich and it is scientific, but this change is not amelioration. For everything that is given, something is taken. Society acquires new arts, and loses old instincts. What a contrast between the well-clad, reading, writing, thinking American, with a watch, a pencil, and a bill of exchange in his pocket, and the naked New Zealander, whose property is a club, a spear, a mat, and an undivided twentieth of a shed to sleep under! But compare the health of the two men, and you shall see that the white man has lost his aboriginal strength. If the traveller tell us truly, strike the savage with a broad axe, and in a day or two, the flesh shall unite and heal as if you struck the blow into soft pitch, and the same blow shall send the white to his grave.

The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet. He is supported on crutches, but lacks so much support of muscle. He has a fine Geneva watch, but he fails of the skill to tell the hour by the sun. A Greenwich nautical almanac he has, and so being sure of the information when he wants it, the man in the street does not know a star in the sky. The solstice he does not observe, the equinox he knows as little, and the whole bright calendar of the year are without a dial in his mind. His note-books impair his memory; his libraries overload his wit; the insurance office increases the number of accidents; and it may be a question whether machinery does not encumber; whether we have not lost by refinement some energy, by a Christianity entrenched in establishments and forms, some vigor of wild virtue. For every Stoic was a Stoic, but in Christendom, where is the Christian?

There is no more deviation in the moral standard than in the standard of height or bulk. No greater men are now than ever were. A singular equality may be observed between the great men of the first and of the last ages; nor can all the science, art, religion, and philosophy of the nineteenth century avail to educate greater men than Plutarch's heroes, three or four and twenty centuries ago. Not in time is the race progressive. Phocion, Socrates, Anaxagoras, Diogenes, are great men, but they leave no class. He who is really of their class will not be called by their name, but will be his own man, and, in his turn, the founder of a sect. The arts and inventions of each period are only its costume, and do not invigorate men. The harm of the improved machinery may compensate its good. Hudson and Behring accomplished so much in their fishing boats, as to astonish Parry and Franklin, whose equipment exhausted the resources of science and art. Galileo, with an opera-glass, discovered a more splendid series of celestial phenomena than anyone since. Columbus found the New World in an undecked boat. It is curious to see the periodical disuse and perishing of means and machinery, which were introduced with loud laudation a few years or centuries before. The great genius returns to essential man. We reckoned the improvements of the art of war among the triumphs of science, and yet Napoleon conquered Europe by the bivouac, which consisted of falling back on naked valor and disencumbering it of all aids. The Emperor held it impossible to make a perfect army, says Las Casas, "without abolishing our arms, magazines, commissaries, and carriages, until, in imitation of the Roman custom, the soldier should receive his supply of corn, grind it in his hand-mill, and bake his bread himself."

Society is a wave. The wave moves onward, but the water of which it is composed does not. The same particle does not rise from the valley to the ridge. Its unity is only phenomenal. The persons who make up a nation today, next year die, and their experience with them.

And so the reliance on Property, including the reliance on governments which protect it, is the want of self-reliance. Men have looked away from themselves and at things so long, that they have come to esteem the religious, learned, and civil institutions as guards of property, and they deprecate assaults on these, because they feel them to be assaults on property. They measure their esteem of each other by what each has, and not by what each is. But a cultivated man becomes ashamed of his property, out of new respect for his nature. Especially he hates what he has, if he see that it is accidental, — came to him by inheritance, or gift, or crime; then he feels that it is not having; it does not belong to him, has no root in him, and merely lies there, because no revolution or no robber takes it away. But that which a man is does always by necessity acquire, and what the man acquires is living property, which does not wait the beck of rulers, or mobs, or revolutions, or fire, or storm, or bankruptcies, but perpetually renews itself wherever the man breathes. "Thy lot or portion of life," said the Caliph Ali, "is seeking after thee; therefore, be at rest from seeking after it." Our dependence on these foreign goods leads us to our slavish respect for numbers. The political parties meet in numerous conventions; the greater the concourse, and with each new uproar of announcement, The delegation from Essex! The Democrats from New Hampshire! The Whigs of Maine! the young patriot feels himself stronger than before by a new thousand of eyes and arms. In like manner the reformers summon conventions, and vote and resolve in multitude. Not so, O friends! will the God deign to enter and inhabit you, but by a method precisely the reverse. It is only as a man puts off all foreign support, and stands alone, that I see him to be strong and to prevail. He is weaker by every recruit to his banner. Is not a man better than a town? Ask nothing of men, and in the endless mutation, thou only firm column must presently appear the upholder of all that surrounds thee. He who knows that power is inborn, that he is weak because he has looked for good out of him and elsewhere, and so perceiving, throws himself unhesitatingly on his thought, instantly rights himself, stands in the erect position, commands his limbs, works miracles; just as a man who stands on his feet is stronger than a man who stands on his head.

So use all that is called Fortune. Most men gamble with her, and gain all, and lose all, as her wheel rolls. But do thou leave as unlawful these winnings, and deal with Cause and Effect, the chancellors of God. In the Will work and acquire, and thou hast chained the wheel of Chance, and shalt sit hereafter out of fear from her rotations. A political victory, a rise of rents, the recovery of your sick, or the return of your absent friend, or some other favorable event, raises your spirits, and you think good days are preparing for you. Do not believe it. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.

Which quotation from "Self-reliance" best summarizes Emerson’s view on belief in oneself?

One of the most famous quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Self-Reliance" that summarizes his view on belief in oneself is:

"Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string."

What does Emerson argue should be the basis of human actions in the second paragraph of “self-reliance”?

In the second paragraph of "Self-Reliance," Emerson argues that individual conscience, or a person's inner voice, should be the basis of human actions. He writes, "Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist." He believes that society tends to impose conformity and discourage people from following their own inner truth and intuition. Emerson encourages individuals to trust themselves and to act according to their own beliefs, instead of being influenced by the opinions of others. He argues that this is the way to live a truly authentic and fulfilling life.

Which statement best describes Emerson’s opinion of communities, according to the first paragraph of society and solitude?

According to the first paragraph of Ralph Waldo Emerson's " Society and Solitude, " Emerson has a mixed opinion of communities. He recognizes the importance of social interaction and the benefits of being part of a community but also recognizes the limitations that come with it.

He writes, "Society everywhere is in a conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members." He argues that society can be limiting and restrictive, and can cause individuals to conform to norms and values that may not align with their own beliefs and desires. He believes that it is important for individuals to strike a balance between the benefits of social interaction and the need for solitude and self-discovery.

Which best describes Emerson’s central message to his contemporaries in "self-reliance"?

Ralph Waldo Emerson's central message to his contemporaries in "Self-Reliance" is to encourage individuals to trust in their own beliefs and instincts, and to break free from societal norms and expectations. He argues that individuals should have the courage to think for themselves and to live according to their own individual truth, rather than being influenced by the opinions of others. Through this message, he aims to empower people to live authentic and fulfilling lives, rather than living in conformity and compromise.

Yet, it is critical that we first possess the ability to conceive our own thoughts. Prior to venturing into the world, we must be intimately acquainted with our own selves and our individual minds. This sentiment echoes the concise maxim inscribed at the ancient Greek site of the Delphic Oracle: 'Know Thyself.'

In essence, Emerson's central message in "Self-Reliance" is to promote self-reliance and individualism as the key to a meaningful and purposeful life.

Understanding Emerson

Understanding Emerson: "The American scholar" and his struggle for self-reliance.

Princeton University Press. ISBN 0-691-09982-0

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

Standford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

Other works from ralph waldo emerson for book clubs, the over-soul.

There is a difference between one and another hour of life, in their authority and subsequent effect. Our faith comes in moments; our vice is habitual.

The American Scholar

An Oration delivered before the Phi Beta Kappa Society, at Cambridge, August 31, 1837

Essays First Series

Essays: First Series First published in 1841 as Essays. After Essays: Second Series was published in 1844, Emerson corrected this volume and republished it in 1847 as Essays: First Series.

Emerson's Essays

Research the collective works of Ralph Waldo Emerson. Read More Essay

Self-Reliance

Emerson's most famous work that can truly change your life. Check it out

Early Emerson Poems

America's best known and best-loved poems. More Poems

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Essay on Trust Yourself To Get Success : Expansion, Meaning

July 26, 2018 by Study Mentor Leave a Comment

Success is a seven letter word which has got different meanings for different people but one thing which takes everyone to it is the belief; the belief in one’s self , in his efforts and his thoughts. Even a mountain can be moved if a person has such a belief, and without it not even a pebble can be moved.

The trust of a person on his own ability, skills and his own self has a very pivotal role to play in what a person does and ultimately what he achieves in his life.

Our history has ample examples which clearly shows that trust on oneself has helped to achieve the goals which seemed impossible to others.

The Indian Freedom struggle, the sacrifices of the leaders clearly shows their firm belief in their goals and ambitions which empowered them to take stern steps towards the British rule and set the country free.

If a person trust himself/herself even the failure is not able to deviate him/her from the path and ultimately he/she is able to achieve success in whatever he does. The trust of a person in his own ability helps him/her to develop further qualities and emerge as a stronger person.

Trust in oneself helps to develop will to work harder, determination and perseverance to fight against all odds of life. It provides the courage and patience to face the hurdles and rise in the opposite waves in life. It does not allow you to quit even at the time when leaving seems to be an only option.

A beautiful quote by Thomas A. Edison says; “Many of Life’s Failure are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” It shows how the trust of a person bridges the gap between failure and success in life.

At times, a person faces such situations in life when the whole world seems to be against him/her or his/her aspirations; he/ she may feel despaired and not willing to move further. But for a person who has a strong belief in his own self and his abilities it is just an impetus to prove everyone else wrong and achieve his dreams.

One major aspect experienced by every person in his/her life is that every other person believes in one who himself/herself trust oneself. No other person will be willing to provide an opportunity to such a person who is not able to trust his/herself and doubts his own talents.

A classic example to showcase the power of trusting oneself is the life of our Former President Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam. Dr. Kalam belonged to a very poor family and had to work to support his studies; but his firm belief in himself and his dreams led him to the path of success and he became a successful scientist, a great teacher and adorned the Most Prestigious position of the country.

He has become a role model for most of the people. His life aptly displays how the hard work and belief of a person pays off.

Trusting oneself provides the confidence to face the difficulties and makes one more responsible for his/her own decisions. Even if a person fails in his/her pursuits initially, it pushes him/her stand up again and face the situation with more vigour.

A person who can trust himself before trusting others will never find himself alone and will always have the courage to accept his mistakes. He will not be complacent for the destiny or luck not favouring him/her rather he will be willing to work harder and build his own destiny.

A famous saying also goes “Destiny favours the brave” and a person with self-belief is brave enough to work on his destiny.

Self-belief is a very important trait of a person as it lays the foundation of self-esteem. A person can claim to have self-esteem but if he/she is not able to trust his own self; he/she will not be able realize its importance and always confuse it with arrogance.

Belief in oneself keeps a person miles away from arrogance. It makes a person willing to make efforts and a person knows the worth of hard work and efforts emerges out to be a mild person always ready to help others. A single positive quality of believing oneself becomes the root cause of many other qualities which helps a person to grow.

It develops optimistic attitude and helps to ward away the pessimistic thoughts and enables a person to DREAM…To think bigger and ACHIEVE what they desire. As soon as a person learns to believe himself and his decisions and is ready to stand by them he is able to witness the change in his own self, his surroundings, his opportunities and everything around him.

The change in a single person’s vision about his own self has the power to change every aspect around him. It develops a person into a better being while the lack of self-belief has the power to destroy the lives of concerned person and also others related to him/her.

We can say that trusting yourself is one of the most critical factor for success in career, work or any other area where a person desires to achieve something. It can be regarded as the stepping stone to all other qualities which a person needs to succeed in life.

It can be said that even wars can be won if the belief exists and nothing can be done if a person has the whole world with him but lacks the belief in his own self. Everyone stands with only such a person who can show the world that he/she can do it; and this attitude to do anything requires SELF BELIEF.

To conclude, I would like to quote an inspiring thought of Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam with a hope of nurturing the quality of self-belief in everyone. Dr. Kalam said:

“Start your Day by speaking 5 Lines to yourself – this will motivate your full day and keep you energetic.

I am the best.

I can do it.

God is always with me.

I am a winner.

Today is my day. “

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Essay on Building Self Confidence

Students are often asked to write an essay on Building Self Confidence in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Building Self Confidence

What is self confidence.

Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. It is a key part of success in life. When you believe in yourself, you can face challenges with ease. Self-confidence is not about being perfect, but about knowing your worth even with your flaws.

Importance of Self Confidence

Self-confidence is very important. It helps you to speak up, take risks, and face challenges. It makes you feel good about yourself. When you’re confident, you’re more likely to try new things. This can lead to more experiences and success.

Building Self Confidence

Building self-confidence takes time and effort. Start by setting realistic goals and working towards them. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Learn from your mistakes instead of feeling bad about them. Try to stay positive and surround yourself with positive people.

Role of Positivity

Being positive can boost your self-confidence. Try to focus on the good things in your life. Be kind to yourself and others. Remember, everyone makes mistakes. It’s how you learn and grow. So, always stay positive and believe in yourself.

In conclusion, self-confidence is very important. It helps you to face challenges and achieve your goals. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes. Learn from them and keep moving forward. Always believe in yourself, stay positive, and you can build your self-confidence.

250 Words Essay on Building Self Confidence

Self-confidence is the belief in oneself and one’s abilities. It’s like a bright light inside you that shines when you believe in what you can do. It’s a key part of success and happiness.

Why is Self Confidence Important?

Being self-confident helps you face challenges and overcome fears. It helps you do better in school, sports, and hobbies. Self-confident people are more likely to try new things, take risks, and solve problems.

Building self-confidence is like building a muscle. It gets stronger with practice. Here are some steps to build your self-confidence.

Start by setting small goals that you can achieve easily. Achieving these goals will make you feel good about yourself and boost your confidence.

Positive Self-Talk

Speak to yourself in a positive way. Instead of saying “I can’t do this”, say “I will try my best”. This positive self-talk can help build your confidence.

The more you practice, the better you get. Whether it’s math, reading, or a sport, practice can help you improve and make you feel more confident.

Don’t Fear Failure

Everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of learning. Don’t be scared of failing. Instead, learn from your mistakes and keep trying.

Believe in Yourself

The most important step in building self-confidence is to believe in yourself. You are unique and capable. Believe in your abilities and let your confidence shine.

Remember, building self-confidence takes time. Be patient with yourself, keep trying, and never give up. You can do it!

500 Words Essay on Building Self Confidence

Self-confidence is the belief in oneself and one’s abilities. It’s like a bridge between your mind and your actions. When you have self-confidence, you trust your own skills and are not scared to try new things. You feel ready to face any challenge that comes your way.

Self-confidence is important for many reasons. First, it helps you to feel good about yourself. This feeling can make your life happier and more enjoyable. Second, it helps you to reach your goals. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely to take action and work hard to achieve what you want. Third, it helps you to handle stress and problems better. If you trust your ability to solve problems, you won’t panic or feel stressed when things go wrong.

Steps to Build Self Confidence

Building self-confidence is like planting a seed and helping it grow. It takes time and care. Here are some steps you can take to build your self-confidence.

Set Realistic Goals

Start by setting goals that you can achieve. They should be challenging, but not impossible. When you achieve these goals, you will feel proud of yourself. This can boost your self-confidence.

Practice Regularly

Just like learning a new skill, building self-confidence requires practice. Try to do things that make you uncomfortable or scared. The more you do them, the more confident you will become.

Think Positively

Your thoughts can affect your self-confidence. Try to think positively about yourself and your abilities. If you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, learn from it and move on.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

The people around you can influence your self-confidence. Try to spend time with people who are positive and supportive. They can help you to feel good about yourself and boost your self-confidence.

Take Care of Your Body

Your physical health can affect your self-confidence. Try to eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you feel good physically, you are more likely to feel good mentally.

Building self-confidence is a journey, not a destination. It’s about learning to trust yourself and your abilities. It’s about facing your fears and overcoming challenges. And most importantly, it’s about believing in yourself, even when things get tough. So, start today, take small steps, and watch your self-confidence grow.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

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How to Stay True to Yourself

"the last time i thought about myself first was in fourth or fifth grade.".

By Grant Hilary Brenner MD, DFAPA published September 5, 2023 - last reviewed on September 7, 2023

Eddie Guy/Used with permission.

Who would have expected the woman who invented modern style to predict the nature of our lives more than 50 years after her death in Paris at the age of 88? Yet Chanel had it right: We are craving authenticity now more than we have in anyone’s memory .

American culture, idealizing honesty and truth, has always put a high value on authenticity. “Truth, justice, and the American way” was Superman’s original motto, after all. But you’d have to be living under a rock not to recognize that something has changed. Surveys reveal that consumers, tired of the manipulation of their needs and desires by marketers, celebrity endorsers, and paid influencers, are yearning for authenticity. In TED talks, conferences, and publications, the business world has declared itself in need of “authentic leadership ,” which is deemed to integrate the whole self, motivate others, and inspire success.

That just scratches the surface. Confusion and unpredictability reach deeper into our being as the external environment we inhabit becomes, for everyone, more multifaceted, fragmented, and fluid: Once stable and unitary structures (family, religion, national identity, gender ) diversify. Mis- and disinformation fracture understanding of current events, even those we see with our own eyes. Young people especially are pushing the boundaries of identity, self-concept being more malleable than ever with the explosion not merely of nonbinary categories but identities drawn on sheer fantasy (hello, Furries and cosplay).

Virtual and augmented realities merge simulated and synthetic experiences with everyday life or immerse us fully into simulations, while artificial intelligence (AI) both enhances and distorts reality, making us doubt our own senses and forcing us to redefine what it means to be a person, what self itself means.

An unreliable truth environment creates difficult psychological times. Facts that no generation anywhere in the world had to think twice about before are questioned (and fought over) today. Authenticity promises to be a raft of stability in an increasingly protean sea. It is not simply the sine qua non of healthy psychological functioning—influencing self-esteem , coping ability, meaningful goal pursuit, and much more—but also the foundation of shared reality, the bedrock of social life . If nothing else, it holds out to individuals the promise of a personally meaningful existence.

Just What Is Authenticity?

Our personalities are far from singular: The most avowed humanitarian may at times grapple with hateful thoughts toward fellow beings. We all have masculine and feminine sides, introverted and extroverted ways of relating, emotional and stoic ways of reacting. Who we are is made up of different, often contrasting and even contradictory aspects. Authenticity is a unifying force in the constantly changing stream of experience.

“As people function with greater authenticity, they become more aware of the fact that they possess these multifaceted self-aspects and strive to integrate them into a cohesive self-structure,” wrote psychologists Michael H. Kernis and Brian M. Goldman in Advances in Experimental Social Psychology , in defining authenticity and developing a way of measuring it. The idea of authenticity is a powerful shaping force for individual identity, a functional state, a way of moving through the world.

Authenticity is also a feeling, and, research shows, it feels awfully good. Yet feeling inauthentic (or even like an imposter) also seems part of development as we nurture new parts of ourselves across the lifespan. What, then, does authenticity mean? You can counterfeit a Picasso, but can you counterfeit yourself? Feeling like a fake can be a sign of growth, and clinging too tightly to what feels like one’s authentic self can hinder that growth.

In getting to the heart of authenticity, Kernis and Goldman reviewed, distilled, and tested decades of scholarly work in philosophy , sociology, and, ultimately, psychology. From Aristotle to Sartre, they extracted an array of mental and behavioral processes that account for how individuals “discover, develop, and construct a core sense of self and, furthermore, how this core self is maintained over time and situation.”

If their definition of authenticity sounds simple— “the unimpeded operation of one’s core or true self in one’s daily enterprise”—it actually encompasses four distinct facets of activity: awareness, distortion-free (or unbiased) mental processing, ways of behaving, and relational orientation. The facets extend beyond the value of authenticity for establishing existential trust and safety to the role it plays in the texture of everyday living.

Do you know what type of foods you like and dislike? Do you know what situations are apt to bring out your talkative side? How knowledgeable are you about your propensities and characteristics? Awareness of oneself is a critical component of healthy functioning. And it is where authenticity starts. Self-knowledge underlies both behaving authentically and relating authentically to others.

The awareness component of authenticity reflects your knowledge of, and trust in, your motives, feelings, desires, and self-relevant cognitions. It includes awareness of your strengths and weaknesses, personality , powerful emotions, and their roles in behavior. It embraces acceptance of the complex and even potentially contradictory self-aspects (introverted and extraverted you). Use the following statements as prompts for assessing your strengths and weaknesses:

“I am often confused about my feelings.”

“I am able to distinguish those self-aspects that are important to my core or true self from those that are unimportant.”

“I am in touch with my motives and desires”.

“I actively attempt to understand myself as best as possible.”

Unbiased Processing

How objective are you in processing positive or negative information about yourself, your internal experiences, and private knowledge? How do you handle evaluative information about yourself from external sources? The ability to engage in unbiased processing reflects the absence of “interpretive distortions,” and a lack of ego defense mechanisms when taking in information about yourself. Are you fragile, naturally inclined to seek shelter in self-serving biases in the face of failure? Unbiased processing of information contributes to an accurate sense of self, and it undergirds behavioral choices that will further self-development.

You can claim authenticity in functioning if there is minimal to no denial , distortion, exaggeration, or ignoring of private knowledge, internal experiences, and externally based self-evaluative information. You display objectivity and acceptance with respect to your strengths and weaknesses.

Interestingly, the researchers found, people high in unbiased processing do not engage in harsh self-criticism but exhibit self-compassion when taking in even negative information about themselves. Biased vs. unbiased processing reveals itself in responses to such statements as:

“I am very uncomfortable objectively considering my limitations and shortcomings.”

“I tend to have difficulty accepting my personal faults, so I try to cast them in a more positive way.”

“I often deny the validity of any compliments that I receive.”

Eddie Guy/Used with permission.

It takes accurate self-knowledge and clear-eyed processing of self-relevant information to lead to authenticity in behavior—acting in ways congruent with your values, preferences and needs, not acting to please others or attain rewards or avoid punishment . Acting in accordance with your true self does not guarantee always being in step with the dictates of your social environment, but it does presume awareness of the implications of the behavioral choices you make.

Neither is behavioral authenticity the reflection of a compulsion to be one’s true self. It is more the natural expression of the other internal components of authenticity. And because behavioral authenticity arises from internal self-knowledge, those who score high in behavioral authenticity are not given to extensive social comparison, studies show.

Behavioral authenticity (or lack of it) reveals itself as you ponder such statements as:

  • “I am willing to change myself for others if the reward is desirable enough.”
  • “I rarely, if ever, put on a ‘‘false face’’ for others to see.”
  • “I am willing to endure negative consequences by expressing my true beliefs about things.”

Relational Orientation

How much do you want close others to know the real you—and how easy do you make it for them to do so? The relational-orientation component of authenticity involves valuing and striving for openness and truthfulness in close relationships.

It’s important for others to see the deep, dark, or potentially shadowy self-aspects that are not routinely discussed. In addition, relational authenticity opens the door not only to feelings of being “known” by intimates but also to accurate perception of others. And it fosters secure attachment .

Relational authenticity is assessed by response to such statements as:

  • “I tend to idealize close others rather than objectively seeing them as they truly are.”
  • “If asked, people I am close to can accurately describe what kind of person I am.”
  • “People close to me would be shocked or surprised if they discovered what I keep inside.”

Passport to Growth

Authenticity doesn’t just feel good. It is the keystone of personal growth. In studies by a number of researchers, high authenticity correlates with well-being, accuracy of perception, and improved functioning in all domains.

The reduced defensiveness that marks authenticity reflects a reduction in the perception of threat to self-image or self-feelings, diminishing stress load. Studies comparing those who are high in authenticity and those who are low show that the high-scorers have less of a need to blame others or engage in verbal defensiveness in the face of “self-threatening information.”

In addition, authenticity tracks with greater adaptive coping, including active coping and planning. There’s minimal maladaptive coping, with less venting, behavioral disengagement, mental disengagement, substance use, and denial.

Because those high in authenticity are able to integrate different, even contradictory, aspects of themselves, they have an enhanced self-concept and the ability to function in various social roles. Authenticity also tracks with important aspects of mindfulness , including being able to sustain nonjudgmental attention . People showing greater authenticity also tend to view change in constructive ways and are more likely to endorse incremental change rather than unrealistic leaps prone to failure.

Ultimately, the disposition to authenticity correlates with alignment of all aspects of living with one’s true self—known in the psych biz as “self-concordance” and the very definition of eudaemonic well-being. It’s the outgrowth of meaningful pursuit of valued goals based in deeply held core beliefs. Authentic people are likely to satisfy their most fundamental psychological needs.

Developing Authenticity

With its source of faith in oneself, authenticity can be a powerful antidote to and guiding light through the cultural chaos of the moment. If authenticity is so wonderful, you might reasonably ask: Why isn’t everyone authentic? Because, say Kernis and Goldman, some self-knowledge can be painful. It hurts to know you are not as talented or socially gifted as you’d hoped.

And while the lack of psychological defensiveness that comes with authenticity is generally a good thing, such unbiased processing leaves people vulnerable to encountering unpleasant information about themselves. Twisting self-relevant information into a positive take is, for some, a far more necessary course.

There is no system in place, no blockchain, for ensuring authenticity. Nonetheless, a strong case can be made that psychotherapy in general serves to increase authenticity, although that is rarely the stated goal.

Psychotherapy, after all, is the one place you can—and perhaps “should”—be honest. Therapy often serves as a place for people to find themselves, discover who they are, get in touch with their “true self,” and eschew a“false self.” Therapy is a place where defenses, distortions, and dis-integrations are identified and remedied.

In different ways, various therapeutic approaches develop at least one of the core factors that make up authenticity. Mindfulness and compassion-based approaches, as well as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Motivational Interviewing, for example, increase capacity for nonjudgmental self-recognition and kindness while building intrinsic motivation and goal pursuit.

Merging insight with behavior change, psychodynamic therapies increase self-awareness. They catalyze development through understanding of how defenses distort perception of oneself and relationships.

Important as authenticity is, even in this moment of history, it is, to a degree, an impossible goal—because we always have the need to change and adapt, and taking on the new always feels less authentic than clinging to the old. This is what psychologist Herminia Ibarra, the Charles Handy professor of organizational behavior at London Business School, calls “the authenticity paradox.”

It always feels uncomfortable to grow even as we embrace change, and people commonly have the experience of feeling inauthentic until they grow into a role. And we are all, one hopes, continually evolving as understanding and circumstances change.

Moving beyond one’s comfort zone invariably triggers a countervailing impulse to protect one’s identity, says Ibarra. Feeling like a fake can be a sign of growth, and clinging too tightly to what feels like one’s authentic self can hinder that growth.

Better a slightly loose-fitting approach—“adaptively authentic” is the way Ibarra puts it—than maintaining an unwavering view of self.

Grant Hilary Brenner is a psychiatrist, organizational consultant, photographer, author, speaker, entrepreneur, and disaster responder living in New York City.

Eddie Guy/Used with permission.

Owning Yourself in a Socially Mediated Age

The very act of documenting one’s life digitally constrains development of an authentic identity.

By Hara Estroff Marano

"It happened so young,” my granddaughter Helena, 19 and a college sophomore, shared with me. “The last memories I have of thinking about myself first, rather than how I came off to other people, were in the fourth or fifth grade. I have no way of knowing how much I lost. In what ways did I not develop the cool parts of my persona? Having grown up with social media , my generation will never have the security of knowing whether they developed as they otherwise would have.”

Psychologist Sherry Turkle, chronicler of the human-technology relationship, warned us. We expect digital technology to deliver us, and it can’t. The huge irony of social media, Turkle mentioned in her 2012 book, Alone Together , is that it often alienates us from others. We’re only now getting the full measure of how it can also put us at odds with ourselves.

In a culture where certainty about what is real and what is not has been shattered on many fronts, social media is making its own contribution to distortion. For Helena and the generation whose social awakening coincided with the rise of social media, self-discovery and carving an individual identity—major tasks of adolescence and early adulthood—have become extraordinarily challenging.

Learning by social comparison is a time-tested instrument of human growth, and it’s normally pervasive in adolescence. But given the sea of social performance that social media has become, it is now more a weapon of mass destruction.

Viewers’ brains assume that a person’s postings are reflections of their real life—even when they know at some level that they’re seeing a carefully cultivated presentation of self. A generation already psychologically fragile, thanks to contemporary styles of overparenting, is left reeling in self-doubt. Further, it has been robbed of what every cohort before it was allowed to do—just be themselves. They are struggling to figure out what the heck that is.

Disrupted by Documentation

“Invent the ship and you invent the shipwreck,” declared cultural theorist Paul Virilio. Given the acceleration of reality it encodes and abets, each iteration of technology contains a unique form of disaster. It’s not just unavoidable social comparison that wounds those on social media. It’s the permanence of the postings. It keeps them stuck, unable to grow into their full selves, and defending what would otherwise be an outdated identity. In short, the very conditions of social media erode authenticity.

As if the processes of self-discovery and identity development aren’t complicated enough under ordinary circumstances, says New York psychologist Leora Trub, “the ubiquitous, public, and indelible nature of social media” impedes people from finding and prioritizing “private and low-stakes spaces for exploring identity.” Before social media, young people could experiment with identity to discover what fit, and what they said and did left little trace. They didn’t have to make a commitment to any particular personal experiment. There was no pressure to be accountable for every expression of identity—no pressure to stay “on brand.”

Growing up today, however, Trub observes, “everything is documented. What isn’t documented isn’t meaningful or real.” But the documentation is not only public and permanent, it’s ever-searchable and inviting of evaluation by others. Even while someone may be sleeping , a vast network of others can be judging the authenticity of their public display. The precise term is vanity metrics . “It isn’t just How many likes did I get? but How many other people are going to see how many likes I got?” says Trub, an associate professor of psychology at Pace University who studies media behavior.

“Unlike teenagers in the 80s and 90s depicted in cheesy TV shows and movies,” says Helena, “the vast majority of my generation couldn’t afford to have horrendous phases, atrocious looks, because every phase we had was permanently documented. We had this production of ourselves, visible to all, that we had to protect. Because most people want to be accepted, we lacked the experimental phase for testing personalities. We just moved forward more homogeneously without having our own unique experiences.”

When you’re developing a sense of self in that context, you’re not spending much time thinking about what’s important to you—you’re thinking about what other people value. It’s a setup for feelings of insecurity or failure or rejection—whatever a person’s psychic fault line. Being on social media never radically changed her mood, reports Helena. “It deflates you bit by bit. It’s not that I got jealous of anyone, but I began to loathe myself even for caring about it all.”

“It’s an illusion that you can create social media that will really be about authenticity,” Trub notes. Managing a public self is disorienting. But the metrics of recognition and apparent validation keep people trapped at it.

Cultivating a Substantive Self

It is possible to navigate identity development in 2023 and beyond, but it requires time away from social media. It takes at least some solitude. To know how to be yourself, you need time to be with yourself, says Trub, who has created a curriculum for kids and parents that goes way beyond internet safety to tackle the challenges to personal development.

Alone time allows you to think about what matters to you. It provides a zone that is free of judgment. It breeds self-awareness and personal growth.

Trub also insists that developing and maintaining real, embodied relationships that operate in real time is essential for identity development. They’re nurturing. They provide true social support and validation and allow room for experimentation free of the judgment juggernaut. The direct experience builds a sense of accomplishment for a self to stand on. And relationships enable understanding of one’s own emotional patterns and reactivity.

Helena now restricts her own exposure to social media. She uses only an Instagram account, sets a daily limit of 45 minutes, and asked a roommate to create the passcode, so she has no way of getting sucked in after catching up with friends. “I’m just not spending mindless moments looking at other people. I don’t have to fight a battle with myself that was created by others for me—before my generation and I were developmentally ready.”

Submit your response to this story to [email protected] .

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Trust Yourself Essay

Sometimes, the most important lessons one can learn from school are not in textbooks or in lectures. It is often times the general life lessons that force their way into such situations that stick with people the longest and help to shape their lives. I became very aware of this after a class that I had in high school forced me to think about my values and goals in life. An experience that I had in my biology class opened my eyes to the value of being able to trust one’s own abilities in spite of the negative attitudes of others. This ability has since helped me to accomplish more goals and truly flourish and succeed.

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I was surprised to realize I had learned a truly valuable life lesson in that class because for much of the year the class was cause for a lot of frustration. I got the feeling early on that the teacher simply did not like me and I suspected this difference of opinions might affect her appraisal of my work. She was not as forgiving with me as she was with other students and despite my continued efforts to study hard and finish all my assignments, she did not seem willing to give me the grades I felt I truly deserved. I thought it might have had something to do with the fact that she and my mother went to the same college. My mother’s career is very enviable so I would not be surprised if my teacher were jealous. Whatever the reason for my teacher’s negative attitude towards me, however, it began to affect my performance in her biology class.

At times, consistently falling short of my personal expectations in her class made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Even though I knew the material and knew I had studied well, seeing my grades fall below what I felt I deserved had an effect on my self-esteem. At fist I was really angry. I talked about how it was not fair and I complained about the class. I realized eventually, though, that being upset was not going to help me succeed at all. I knew I understood the course material and that I had worked hard all year, and I was not going to let a clash of personalities get in the way of my grade reflecting that hard work.

After I realized that I was confident in my own abilities, I was able to overcome the fear of confronting someone at the school about what I felt to be unfair grades. I was sure I had done the best that I could and I thought that someone else at the school must agree. With this in my mind, I chose to try to appeal my grade. In the end, many of the other professors did agree and were able to see how hard I had worked in biology. They decided that I deserved a B and that is what I was awarded as my final grade, even though my own professor had refused to give me such a grade.

If I had not believed in myself and had the strength to stand up for myself, I would have ended the year with a grade that did not reflect my work ethic or my academic capabilities. More than that, however, I would have lost sight of one of the most important things in life: the ability to trust yourself. I learned that it is extremely important to trust yourself even when others do not believe in your abilities because otherwise you will not get what you want and deserve out of life. Having confidence in your own abilities will help others to see your worth and which will increase your chances of happiness and success.

Above all, I believe that I am a competent motivator. I am quick to analyze the strengths and weaknesses of my team members and put them in the best positions…

In order to conduct an assessment of my leadership skills, I completed Leadership Legacy Assessment Test. According to the results of Leadership Legacy Assessment Test, I was classified as an…

The concept of lifelong learning is already a part of who I am as an individual so the notion of incorporating them into my professional life is a given. However,…

Just as the transition from adolescence to young adulthood required adjusting my approach to life, so too will the adjustment into middle adulthood. While young adulthood is likely considered the…

I began my first college English class at Fresno City College. The main purpose of the class was to introduce college freshmen to the structure and mechanics of academic writing.…

In my opinion, I have numerous strengths that the company will benefit from, but my biggest strength of all is teamwork and communication. While I think that knowledge of one’s…

My parents have strong work ethics, thus, they have always expected their children to work hard, too and excel in whatever they do. I have known since a young age…

In reflecting on my core values, a dilemma arises in identifying them as such. More exactly, such values are so deeply ingrained within us, we usually do not consciously consider…

According to the leadership style self-assessment, I was of a delegative style of leadership. Understanding one’s style of leadership, the different ways in which certain theories align with that style,…

Sometimes, the most important lessons one can learn from school are not in textbooks or in lectures. It is often times the general life lessons that force their way into such situations that stick with people the longest and help to shape their lives. I became very aware of this...

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Mount St. Mary’s University, Getty Trust Settle Easement Access Dispute

M ount Saint Mary’s University and the J. Paul Getty Trust have tentatively settled a lawsuit arising from a dispute about an easement being used by school construction vehicles.

The Los Angeles Superior Court complaint brought by the Catholic liberal arts university sought an injunction permitting MSMU to use the easement without further interference, plus unspecified damages.

On Thursday, the parties filed a joint notice with Judge Timothy P. Dillon informing him that the conditions of the accord are expected to be met within 60 days. No terms were divulged, and the judge scheduled a status conference for Oct. 2.

In their earlier court papers, attorneys for the Getty Trust and Getty Center, a neighbor to MSMU, alleged that MSMU’s descriptions of the easement were “ambiguous and internally inconsistent,” and that the allegations of Getty’s alleged ongoing interference were “bare legal conclusions” that left defense attorneys uncertain how to respond. They sought dismissal of the case in a hearing last August, but the judge instead ruled the case could move forward.

A minute order from the hearing stated that the parties had agreed to mediate the dispute.

In their court papers filed in advance of the hearing, MSMU lawyers denied their claims were unclear.

“Getty feigns confusion and uncertainty about MSMU’s complaint and the express easement for which MSMU seeks to quiet title, but Getty knows exactly what MSMU seeks,” the university lawyers maintain in their court papers. “This court should reject Getty’s latest attempt to strip MSMU of its recorded property rights.”

The lawsuit “could not be any more clear” that MSMU seeks to quiet title to the easement that was deeded to it in 1929 and later corrected in 1930 and 1939,” the school’s attorneys further contended in their court papers.

Getty took title to its property in 1983 with record notice of MSMU’s easement and never questioned MSMU’s easement rights until recently, the MSMU lawyers maintained in their court papers.

The university has a mostly female student body and previously obtained approval from the city of Los Angeles to build a state-of-the-art wellness pavilion that will provide its students with a gym, physical therapy lab, dance and cycling studios, plus multiple other amenities dedicated to health and well-being, according to the suit.

In 2017, MSMU informed the Getty Trust, which owns the adjacent property, that it was considering exercising its rights in an express easement through Getty’s property for access related to construction of the pavilion, the suit states. The trust was initially receptive, but the next year became cool to the idea, according to the suit brought in March 2023.

Getty, which operates a museum with a multibillion-dollar endowment, raised “baseless procedural defenses to MSMU’s irrefutable easement rights,” including that the easement was either abandoned, eliminated due to changes over time or extinguished by Getty through adverse possession, the suit stated.

Even after MSMU decided not to use the easement in connection with the pavilion construction, Getty continued to deny MSMU’s right to it, the suit stated.

Quiz yourself on rose diseases and learn how to fend off 8 fungal foes

‘Neil Diamond,’ a very fragrant and hardy hybrid tea rose, has a striped bloom.

Moisture can lead to some significant damage to your plants; here’s how to pinpoint the problem and what you can do to manage it

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Remember when you would walk into the classroom and your teacher would announce a pop quiz? Sometimes this felt like punishment, but the quizzes were often a great learning tool.

Now’s your chance to brush up on rose fungal diseases, and here is your pop quiz. Answers are below, and further information can be found in the fungal disease “treasure-trove” titled “A Guide to Rose Diseases and Their Management” by Mark Windham, Alan Windham and Alan Henn.

Q: What fungal disease does your rose have and what should you do when you see these problems?

1. Fine, white powdery substance on the upper leaf surfaces of the youngest leaves, shoots, buds and sepals, which also sometimes include twisted and distorted leaves and flowers and reddening of foliage.

2. Brown to black spots with diffuse, feathery margins on the upper surface of leaves, with leaves often turning yellow and defoliating.

3. Round spots with defined red, maroon or purple borders on leaves in late spring to early summer.

4. Orange pustules on the undersides of leaves, and faint yellow or orange spots on the top surface of the leaves.

5. Bright yellow to white line patterns, ring spots and/or mosaics on some of the leaves.

6. Gray, brown or tan-color mold or rotting edges on petals. Rosebuds with edges of mold that sometimes ball up and fail to open.

7. Small pink spots on the petals.

8. Black, yellow, gray, brown or purplish-red spots or blotches that can be just a few inches long or even spread down entire canes.

A fine, white powdery substance on the upper leaf surfaces of a rosebush, showing powdery mildew.

1. Powdery mildew caused by the fungal pathogen Podosphaera (Sphaerotheca) pannosa is often most active when cool nights are followed by warm, humid days and limited rainfall. This fungal disease does not require free water on the plant surfaces to develop, but it does need high humidity for spores to germinate. Spores are disseminated in air currents. The fungus overwinters in infected rose canes and in fruiting bodies found in leaf litter.

Management: Plant resistant cultivars, cut off and remove diseased foliage and buds from garden. The spore-release cycle can be disrupted by blasting newly infected leaves with water. Do this early in the day to allow foliage to sun-dry to prevent water-induced fungal diseases. Fungicides, if used, should be sprayed as a protectant before disease develops.

Black spot is a water-induced fungus with black feathery margins that is prevalent in wet weather.

2. Black spot caused by the fungal pathogen Diplocarpon rosae is a water-induced fungus. It is prevalent in wet weather or when there is high humidity or conditions like overcrowded plants that prevent foliage from drying. The spores require at least six hours of water to germinate and infect plants. Part of the life cycle of this fungus is entirely within the leaf. A week to 10 days later, black spot becomes a super spreader! Each of the small black fruiting domes releases thousands of spores, providing us with thousands of reasons why infected leaves should be removed from the garden. Fungi can survive on fallen dead leaves, so the source of an infection during this year’s rainy season is very likely the previous year’s spores splashing up and infecting leaves.

Management: Plant resistant cultivars. As with the other water-induced fungi, lessen humidity around plants by proper pruning, spacing and reducing wet foliage by using drip irrigation. Remove infected leaves on the bush and fallen leaves around the plant to reduce spreading disease to other susceptible roses. Fungicides, if used, are most effective if sprayed preventively. Since this pathogen is known to make genetic changes, it is important that if you decide to spray, rotate fungicides with different modes of action.

Anthracnose starts out as small reddish purple spots on the rose leaves.

3. Anthracnose is a less common fungal disease caused by Sphaceloma rosarum. Spores are spread by splashing rain. The disease can move out of the leaf into the petiole and into the cane. This disease is seen most often in cool weather in late spring to early summer. ‘Neil Diamond’ is highly susceptible to anthracnose in the spring months but continues to grow and bloom vigorously even during the outbreak.

Management: Since this is a water-induced disease, space plants and use drip irrigation. This helps foliage stay dry, which slows the spread of the disease.

4. Rust is caused by the fungus Phragmidium mucronatum and P. tuberculatum. Rose rust is monoecious, meaning that it only has one host: roses . Rust is most prevalent in the western United States because very cold temperatures inhibit its survival. It is most severe in cool, moist weather, which makes it most common in coastal areas of San Diego and, in rainy years, inland. Rust grows only on live tissue but makes overwintering structures that survive in leaf debris. In the spring, spores blow or splash up onto newly emerging rose foliage and can germinate with conditions of as little as two to four hours of moisture.

Yellow or orange spots on rose leaves make rust easy to identify.

Management: Plant resistant cultivars. Some cultivars tolerate rust, but intolerant cultivars can defoliate completely. Cut out leaves with rust pustules rather than pulling them off as the latter action disperses the spores onto other leaves, into the air and onto the soil. Removing fallen leaves is a must. Also, spread a thick layer of mulch. Do not compost leaves that have fungal disease. If you decide to spray, use a protectant fungicide.

5. Rose virus symptoms are line patterns and mosaics. These sometimes fade in the heat of the summer but return in cooler weather. Viruses cannot be spread to other roses. Sometimes the vigor of the rose is affected, and a rose may produce fewer blooms and shorter stems. Most viruses are disseminated not by pruning or by vectors but by the propagation of infected plants. The remedy is to inspect plants before purchasing and not buy symptomatic plants. Fortunately, rose rosette virus is not currently a problem in California. This lethal virus does kill infected roses and is transmitted by the eriophyid mite.

6. Botrytis blight is a fungal disease caused by Botrytis cinerea and is worst in cool, wet weather. It is most problematic in coastal areas in early spring and fall. You will notice gummy-soft, gray or brown edges on the petals of older blooms. Deadhead and remove infected blooms, as they cannot be salvaged. On multipetaled roses, the buds can become soggy and ball up. The next stage is a fuzzy gray mold that can release millions of spores and spread the disease to other as-yet uninfected buds and blooms.

Management: The remedy for botrytis is sanitation. Because the spores reproduce quickly and can infect other uninfected blooms, it is imperative to promptly remove affected blooms and fallen petals. Also, check and modify irrigation and curtail overhead watering. Space out plants and reduce companion plantings to increase air circulation and lessen humidity. Botrytis can live, nourish itself and multiply on live or dead plant material.

7. Ghost spotting is caused by several fungi including Botrytis, Bipolar, Cercospora and Cladosporium. The small pink spotting can be most severe during prolonged periods of rain and consecutive days of May gray, June gloom and high humidity.

Management: Affected blooms should be promptly deadheaded. Protective fungicides are of little use as they wash off with rain, and systemic fungicides are also ineffective because little fungicide accumulates in petals.

A blotchy, yellow and brown rose cane rests on mulch, next to a dead beetle.

8. Stem and cane cankers can be caused by several fungi. Diagnosis of the fungi or bacteria responsible is difficult because sometimes the fungal pathogen or bacterium found in the wounded cane is not the pathogen that caused the canker, but a secondary invader. Cankers are more likely to occur on plants that have been weakened by pest, disease, sunburn, poor nutrition or wounds, including pruning wounds, that open the inner cambium to disease.

Management: Fungal spores can start on blooms and leaves and move on to invade the canes, making it very important to remove any fungal-infected flowers and leaves from the garden. Cut out cankers as soon as they are detected, pruning at least 2 to 3 inches below the infected portion. Avoid wounding the cane, which allows penetration and infection by disease. Presently, Mark Windham is of the opinion that fungicides are not effective for management of cane disease.

The quiz is over, and now you are ready for the practical — in your garden.

Perwich is a member of the San Diego Rose Society , a consulting rosarian and a master gardener with UC Cooperative Extension .

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That Viral Essay Wasn’t About Age Gaps. It Was About Marrying Rich.

But both tactics are flawed if you want to have any hope of becoming yourself..

Women are wisest, a viral essay in New York magazine’s the Cut argues , to maximize their most valuable cultural assets— youth and beauty—and marry older men when they’re still very young. Doing so, 27-year-old writer Grazie Sophia Christie writes, opens up a life of ease, and gets women off of a male-defined timeline that has our professional and reproductive lives crashing irreconcilably into each other. Sure, she says, there are concessions, like one’s freedom and entire independent identity. But those are small gives in comparison to a life in which a person has no adult responsibilities, including the responsibility to become oneself.

This is all framed as rational, perhaps even feminist advice, a way for women to quit playing by men’s rules and to reject exploitative capitalist demands—a choice the writer argues is the most obviously intelligent one. That other Harvard undergraduates did not busy themselves trying to attract wealthy or soon-to-be-wealthy men seems to flummox her (taking her “high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out” to the Harvard Business School library, “I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence”). But it’s nothing more than a recycling of some of the oldest advice around: For women to mold themselves around more-powerful men, to never grow into independent adults, and to find happiness in a state of perpetual pre-adolescence, submission, and dependence. These are odd choices for an aspiring writer (one wonders what, exactly, a girl who never wants to grow up and has no idea who she is beyond what a man has made her into could possibly have to write about). And it’s bad advice for most human beings, at least if what most human beings seek are meaningful and happy lives.

But this is not an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying older men. It is an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying rich men. Most of the purported upsides—a paid-for apartment, paid-for vacations, lives split between Miami and London—are less about her husband’s age than his wealth. Every 20-year-old in the country could decide to marry a thirtysomething and she wouldn’t suddenly be gifted an eternal vacation.

Which is part of what makes the framing of this as an age-gap essay both strange and revealing. The benefits the writer derives from her relationship come from her partner’s money. But the things she gives up are the result of both their profound financial inequality and her relative youth. Compared to her and her peers, she writes, her husband “struck me instead as so finished, formed.” By contrast, “At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self.” The idea of having to take responsibility for her own life was profoundly unappealing, as “adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations.” Tying herself to an older man gave her an out, a way to skip the work of becoming an adult by allowing a father-husband to mold her to his desires. “My husband isn’t my partner,” she writes. “He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did.”

These, by the way, are the things she says are benefits of marrying older.

The downsides are many, including a basic inability to express a full range of human emotion (“I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that constrains the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him”) and an understanding that she owes back, in some other form, what he materially provides (the most revealing line in the essay may be when she claims that “when someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them”). It is clear that part of what she has paid in exchange for a paid-for life is a total lack of any sense of self, and a tacit agreement not to pursue one. “If he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive,” she writes, “but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials.”

Reading Christie’s essay, I thought of another one: Joan Didion’s on self-respect , in which Didion argues that “character—the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life—is the source from which self-respect springs.” If we lack self-respect, “we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out—since our self-image is untenable—their false notions of us.” Self-respect may not make life effortless and easy. But it means that whenever “we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously un- comfortable bed, the one we make ourselves,” at least we can fall asleep.

It can feel catty to publicly criticize another woman’s romantic choices, and doing so inevitably opens one up to accusations of jealousy or pettiness. But the stories we tell about marriage, love, partnership, and gender matter, especially when they’re told in major culture-shaping magazines. And it’s equally as condescending to say that women’s choices are off-limits for critique, especially when those choices are shared as universal advice, and especially when they neatly dovetail with resurgent conservative efforts to make women’s lives smaller and less independent. “Marry rich” is, as labor economist Kathryn Anne Edwards put it in Bloomberg, essentially the Republican plan for mothers. The model of marriage as a hierarchy with a breadwinning man on top and a younger, dependent, submissive woman meeting his needs and those of their children is not exactly a fresh or groundbreaking ideal. It’s a model that kept women trapped and miserable for centuries.

It’s also one that profoundly stunted women’s intellectual and personal growth. In her essay for the Cut, Christie seems to believe that a life of ease will abet a life freed up for creative endeavors, and happiness. But there’s little evidence that having material abundance and little adversity actually makes people happy, let alone more creatively generativ e . Having one’s basic material needs met does seem to be a prerequisite for happiness. But a meaningful life requires some sense of self, an ability to look outward rather than inward, and the intellectual and experiential layers that come with facing hardship and surmounting it.

A good and happy life is not a life in which all is easy. A good and happy life (and here I am borrowing from centuries of philosophers and scholars) is one characterized by the pursuit of meaning and knowledge, by deep connections with and service to other people (and not just to your husband and children), and by the kind of rich self-knowledge and satisfaction that comes from owning one’s choices, taking responsibility for one’s life, and doing the difficult and endless work of growing into a fully-formed person—and then evolving again. Handing everything about one’s life over to an authority figure, from the big decisions to the minute details, may seem like a path to ease for those who cannot stomach the obligations and opportunities of their own freedom. It’s really an intellectual and emotional dead end.

And what kind of man seeks out a marriage like this, in which his only job is to provide, but very much is owed? What kind of man desires, as the writer cast herself, a raw lump of clay to be molded to simply fill in whatever cracks in his life needed filling? And if the transaction is money and guidance in exchange for youth, beauty, and pliability, what happens when the young, beautiful, and pliable party inevitably ages and perhaps feels her backbone begin to harden? What happens if she has children?

The thing about using youth and beauty as a currency is that those assets depreciate pretty rapidly. There is a nearly endless supply of young and beautiful women, with more added each year. There are smaller numbers of wealthy older men, and the pool winnows down even further if one presumes, as Christie does, that many of these men want to date and marry compliant twentysomethings. If youth and beauty are what you’re exchanging for a man’s resources, you’d better make sure there’s something else there—like the basic ability to provide for yourself, or at the very least a sense of self—to back that exchange up.

It is hard to be an adult woman; it’s hard to be an adult, period. And many women in our era of unfinished feminism no doubt find plenty to envy about a life in which they don’t have to work tirelessly to barely make ends meet, don’t have to manage the needs of both children and man-children, could simply be taken care of for once. This may also explain some of the social media fascination with Trad Wives and stay-at-home girlfriends (some of that fascination is also, I suspect, simply a sexual submission fetish , but that’s another column). Fantasies of leisure reflect a real need for it, and American women would be far better off—happier, freer—if time and resources were not so often so constrained, and doled out so inequitably.

But the way out is not actually found in submission, and certainly not in electing to be carried by a man who could choose to drop you at any time. That’s not a life of ease. It’s a life of perpetual insecurity, knowing your spouse believes your value is decreasing by the day while his—an actual dollar figure—rises. A life in which one simply allows another adult to do all the deciding for them is a stunted life, one of profound smallness—even if the vacations are nice.

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Resilience and Sustainability Trust―2024 Contribution Agreements with Belgium, Malta, Qatar, and Switzerland

Publication Date:

April 5, 2024

Electronic Access:

Free Download . Use the free Adobe Acrobat Reader to view this PDF file

This paper presents Resilience and Sustainability (RST) contribution agreements finalized with four contributors between October 2023 and March 15, 2024. The concluded agreements provide for contributions in a total amount of about SDR 1.2 billion across the three RST accounts – the loan account, deposit account, and reserve account. The new agreements with four members add critical resources that support the continued smooth operations of the RST.

Policy Paper No. 2024/013

Monetary policy Political economy

9798400271755/2663-3493

PPEA2024013

Please address any questions about this title to [email protected]

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