virtual friend essay

Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Digital Communication — Making Real Friends on the Internet

Making Real Friends on The Internet

• Categories: Digital Communication Friendship

About this sample

Words: 658 |

Published: Sep 5, 2023

Words: 658 | Page: 1 | 4 min read

Table of contents

The pros of online friendships, the cons of online friendships, fostering healthy online friendships, the future of online friendships, conclusion: navigating the digital realm.

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

• 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
• Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Dr. Karlyna PhD

Verified writer

• Expert in: Sociology

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

1 pages / 664 words

2 pages / 770 words

4 pages / 1860 words

4 pages / 1882 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Digital Communication

The essay about netiquette explores the crucial aspects of online etiquette that have become increasingly relevant in today's interconnected world. Netiquette, a blend of "net" and "etiquette," encompasses the guidelines and [...]

Liu, Ziming. 'Digital Reading.' Communications in Information Literacy, vol. 6, no. 2, 2012, pp. 204-217. DOI: https://www.medicaldaily.com/attention-span-statistics-how-technology-shaping-way-we-think-334474

The landscape of communication has undergone a remarkable transformation in the last two decades, reshaping the ways in which individuals connect, interact, and exchange information. The advent of technology and its rapid [...]

Pallasmaa J, Mallgrave HF, Arbib M. Architecture and Neuroscience. Tidwell P, editor. Finland: Tapio Wirkkala Rut Bryk Foundation; 2015.Colomina B, Wigley M. Are we human? notes on an archaeology of design. Netherlands: Lars [...]

New communication methods have brought a change to how people are working, this includes the ways in which they work in and how they work together for instance, the facilities used by the employees and the technology being used [...]

Over the past few decades, computers and digital technology have become much more popular. In the early days of the Internet, only a small group of people used it as a communication tool. The modern world is much different. Many [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

• Instructions Followed To The Letter
• Deadlines Met At Every Stage
• Unique And Plagiarism Free

• University News
• Faculty & Research
• Health & Medicine
• Science & Technology
• Social Sciences
• Humanities & Arts
• Students & Alumni
• Arts & Culture
• Sports & Athletics
• The Professions
• International
• New England Guide

The Magazine

• Current Issue
• Past Issues

Class Notes & Obituaries

• Browse Class Notes
• Browse Obituaries

Collections

• Commencement
• The Context
• Harvard Squared
• Harvard in the Headlines

Support Harvard Magazine

• Why We Need Your Support
• How We Are Funded
• Ways to Support the Magazine
• Special Gifts
• Behind the Scenes

Classifieds

• Vacation Rentals & Travel
• Real Estate
• Products & Services
• Harvard Authors’ Bookshelf
• Education & Enrichment Resource
• Ad Prices & Information
• Place An Ad

Follow Harvard Magazine:

Virtual Friendship, for Real

May-June 2010

Return to main article:

As research is illuminating the human social networks that have existed since time immemorial, a parallel thread of inquiry is exploring a new kind of social interaction: online friendship. At Harvard, Nicholas Christakis’s lab (see main article ), has been gathering and studying data on the Facebook pages and usage habits of one recent class at “a diverse private college in the northeast United States.”

But because Facebook “friends” are often what we call “acquaintances” in the offline world, researchers had to find a way to weed through a Facebook user’s “friendships” to find the most meaningful relationships. They developed a concept they call the “picture friend”—someone with whom a subject has appeared in a photograph posted on Facebook. The definition of a picture friend also requires the subject to have “tagged” the photograph with the friend’s identity. This helps weed out group photographs in which not everybody knows each other, and indicates that the subject wishes the association with the tagged friend to be recognized.

The numbers alone were interesting. Although the average number of Facebook friends wasn’t far from Dunbar’s number (a number that some argue represents the maximum number of people the human brain can keep straight, and the maximum size for a smoothly functioning social group; see “ Networks, Neolithic to Now ”), the number of picture friends was 6.6—close to the size of the core discussion network. That concept, coined and studied by Geisinger professor of sociology Peter Marsden, who has taught about social networks at Harvard since the 1980s, denotes the people with whom we spend free time and discuss important matters—the people with whom our friendship is tangible and quantifiable, with whom we interact on a regular basis.

As a proxy for happiness, Christakis and colleagues also examined whether or not the students in the Facebook sample were smiling in their profile photos. The resulting network map (see image) looked uncannily like the map showing happiness or unhappiness in the Framingham Heart Study (to read about their findings from this dataset, see “ Costs and Benefits of Connection ”). Both the non-smilers on Facebook and the unhappy Framingham subjects were distinct minorities—and they tended to cluster together, even falling in similar locations in the network when the two maps were compared.

There are some differences: for example, researchers found that influence on tastes in books and movies doesn’t spread through Facebook friends, but does spread through friendships that began offline but are maintained online. But in many other ways, the online and offline worlds are remarkably similar. In fact, in their book, Connected , Christakis, a professor of medical sociology, and James Fowler ’92, Ph.D. ’03, now a political scientist at the University of California, recount the case of a woman who divorced her real-life husband after finding his avatar “cheating”—having virtual sex with another player’s avatar—in the video game Second Life.

The authors argue that websites—social, dating, video-game, or otherwise—“just realize our ancient propensity to connect to other humans, albeit with electrons flowing through cyberspace rather than conversation drifting through the air. While the social networks formed online may be abstract, large, complex, and supermodern, they also reflect universal and fundamental human tendencies that emerged in our prehistoric past when we told stories to one another around campfires in the African savanna.”

This is an online-only sidebar to the feature article " Networked ."

You might also like

Civil Discourse and Institutional Neutrality Task Forces

Two Harvard working groups assess constructive dialogue, institutional voice

Making the Public Record Public

Harvard legal database released

Paying Student-Athletes?

As NIL money flows, Harvard’s approach remains unchanged.

Most popular

The Irresistible Allison Feaster

A basketball star's journey from the Harvard hardwood to the Celtics front office

AWOL from Academics

Behind students' increasing pull toward extracurriculars

Harvard College Admits Class of 2028

A smaller undergraduate applicant cohort—the first since Supreme Court ended affirmative action 

More to explore

Mysterious Minis

Intricate mosaics shrouded in mystery

How Birds Lost Flight

Scott Edwards discovers evolution’s master switches.

Why Americans Love to Hate Harvard

The president emeritus on elite universities’ academic accomplishments—and a rising tide of antagonism

• Research Paper Online
• Case Brief Writing
• Response Essay
• Article Critique Online
• Book Review Writing
• Letter Writing Service
• Memo Writing Assignment
• Literature Review Writing
• PowerPoint Presentation
• Dissertation Introduction
• Dissertation Results Section
• Speech Online
• Coursework Writing
• Business Plan from Professionals
• Editing Service
• Revision Assistance
• Excel Homework Help
• IB Extended Essay Help
• Grant Proposal Writing
• Discussion Board Post
• Literary Analysis Ideas
• Movie Review Assistance
• Book Report Help
• Motivation Letter Writing
• Article Writing
• Multiple Choice Question Help
• Questionnaire Paper
• Dissertation Hypothesis Writing
• Conclusion for Dissertation
• Annotated Bibliography
• Lab Report Writing Help
• Online Marketing Plan
• Proofreading Service
• PPT Poster Writing Service
• Affiliate Program
• Case Study Assistance
• Reaction Paper Online
• Article Review Assignment
• Movie Critique Paper
• Poem Writing Assistance
• Synopsis Writing Assistance
• Blog Article
• Essay Outline Writing
• Dissertation Writing Help
• Dissertation Methodology
• Thesis Writing Help
• Capstone Project Examples
• Business Report Writing Service
• White Paper Writing Service
• Rewriting Service
• PDF Poster Service
• How We Work
• Read Reviews

• Words to pages
• Pages to words

Virtual Friend

Technology has brought together people from all parts the world to socialize, interact and live like a small community. In other words, technology has made the world to be like a small village where people can interact and share ideas. Modern technology has improved time-efficiency and convenience in the social relationships through the use of social sites such as face book, twitter, emails and Google talk. These web sites have resulted to creation of virtual friends (friends who are not real). However, irrespective the age of the person, many people have adopted the technology and making virtual friends whom they interact and socialize with over the social sites.

In fact, the today’s technology, particularly the internet invention has transformed the way people live, work, communicate and entertain. Online tools of communication like emails, MSN massager and software such as teleconference have facilitated communication in both near and distance places. Nowadays, due to introduction of e-commerce, people can carry out different activities like booking for flights, accommodations, purchasing for goods and services or making a date with an unknown person without leaving the house. Most significantly, the social sites like face book has created a complete virtual world for the users. Updating the current life photos, changing status and commenting others timeline has been the most popular socialization way among the face book users. These social sites the user fill relaxed especially a tiresome daily chores.

Buy Research Papers In High Quality

You might also be interested in  Article Critique

Despite the benefits of these social sites, many researchers have highlighted several negative effects associated with the social site. The overuse of social sites, ignoring the actual communication can result to social isolation in the community. According to recent studies, people who spend most of the time on social sites have been found to have difficulties to communicate with others in real life communication. In addition, social sites cannot be used tom replace family activities made to strengthe family unity. For instance, social sites cannot be used to hold Christmas dinner or any other family ceremony. In fact, this is not possible. Other negative instances of social media involve abuse over the social sites, cyber crimes and addiction.

The over use the social sites has been found to be very addictive. According to researches conducted to determine the effects of social site on students, the data collected shows that most students spend their study time on social sites. Most of students have been found to fail in schools due to influence of social sites. Though most of schools were found to have free internet areas, many students took the advantage of the free internet to access social sites rather than doing online researches.

In general, technology has facilitated human activities such as communication, purchasing, interactions and socialization. Personally, I believe has altered the way people communicate in terms of time-efficiency and convenience. However, regards the above mentioned negative effects associated with technology through social sites, the time people spend on the social sites should be limited to give more time on real life communication.

Related essays

• Ethical Considerations Concerning Homeschooling Children
• The Phenomenon of Creepypasta
• Social Norms of the Society
• One Child Policy
• Concepts of Justice, Harmony, and Virtue
• Analysis Category 9
• Business Category 6
• Economics Category 2
• Health Category 3
• History Category 6
• Informative Category 12
• Literature Category 6
• Psychology Category 11
• Review Category 11
• Sociology Category 14
• Technology Category 4
• Custom Writing on Any Subject
• English-speaking Writers
• Only Original Papers
• Affordable Prices
• Complete Confidentiality
• BA, MA and PhD Writers
• Up-to-date Sources Only
• Any Citation Style
• You choose font face
• 12 point font size
• Double-spaced pages
• Over 300 words/page
• Text aligned left
• One-inch margins

for more than

Artificial intimacy: virtual friends, digital lovers, algorithmic matchmakers

• Book Review
• Published: 02 January 2023

Cite this article

• Linda Hamrick   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-4614-8452 1  

1863 Accesses

1 Altmetric

Explore all metrics

Avoid common mistakes on your manuscript.

Artificial intimacy conjures up feelings of falsehood. The “artificial” can (supposedly) never come close to our proclaimed sense of “real” intimacy. But as I woke this morning and started my day by asking Siri what the weather was—the answer? A high of 81 degrees in the middle of fall—I wonder if that holds true. After all, I ended her speech with a very affectionate, “Thank you, Siri.” In comparison, my partner is usually heard yelling at her, as she frequently asks him if he would like to purchase or make upgrades that he otherwise has no interest in. Rob Brooks’ Artificial Intimacy: Virtual Friends, Digital Lovers, Algorithmic Matchmakers ( 1 ) is interested in this relationship we hold to the artificial, and whether or not our sense of intimacy to these “things” if they can be called as such, will ever be on par with or surpass our sense of intimacy to each other.

An evolutionary biologist by trade, Brooks is undeniably interested in the connections between artificial intimacy and sexual behavior, both past, present, and potentially future. Brooks’ interest in sexual behavior as an evolutionary biologist establishes the foundation of his book, as he frequently cites examples of bugs or animals to explain certain mating rituals before reconnecting them back to his original discussion of intimacy and later, artificial intimacy. In “Groom Your Friends,” he uses the example of chimpanzees and bonobos to explain allogrooming behaviors, before asserting that the primatologist and anthropologist Robin Dunbar predicted that “from the immense volume of the human neo-cortex, that people would have far more friends than any other primate” and that the “‘active social network’ of friends and relatives with whom a person interacts regularly and depends upon … should tend to be between 100 and 200 people” (52–53). This is known as Dunbar’s number. However, Brooks’ makes an important distinction in that Dunbar’s number and the 150-person friend “layer” get so much attention that they sometimes “eclipse the implications of Dunbar’s other layers,” overshadowing our romantic partners and best friends, our emotional support circle, our sympathy group, and our close friend circles. I mention these because Brooks discusses an important aspect of artificial intimacy that is social media’s effect on the allogrooming “sphere.” He writes about Facebook , “you don’t have to call or meet up with a friend in order to groom them—you can just like the photograph of that fish they caught with their daughter or comment beneath their latest rant about climate change” (60). What social media does is permit people to “groom those they seldom see or who live a long way away” (61).

However, Brooks claims that “none of the evidence I have sifted through supports the case that online social tools have expanded how many intimates or close friends people have. Nor have they altered the average number of real-life friendships or changed the size of people’s active networks” (61), interests me, as it doesn’t take into account the formation and preservation of parasocial relationships in our active internet usage. I am very interested in Twitch streamers and the relationships they hold with their consumer base, and how it appears that their viewer base will know information about them the same way one would know about a close friend if not best friend, but receive none of the social support back in return. Does this type of relationship not replace or hold a spot in our allogrooming sphere? One in which we give a lot emotionally but receive nothing in return?

As we experienced from COVID-19, many were unable to see our significant others, family members, friends, and peers in-person for extended periods of time for the first time in our lives. It was a period of isolation for many, and so forms of technology and communication, artificial intimacies, became vital to maintaining relationships for many. Many spent holidays opening presents over FaceTime , or hosted work parties over Zoom. In addition to artificial intimacies allowing for the development or reconnection of relationships in virtual spaces that otherwise would be moot, Brooks focuses on forms of artificial intimacies that also bridge connections between people in long-distance spaces, most notably in sex work and short- and long-term relationships, but can be applied outside of these as well. However, Brooks suggests that artificial intimacies can go further than FaceTime or Zoom , and, in “Meet the Dollbots,” imagines a world of virtual reality porn, sex robots, and teledildonic stimulation, where users can stimulate remote sex using a variety of sex toys programmed by the other user or the other user’s phone apps.

In both “Make War Not Love” and “A Fembot Army to Disarm the InCel Insurrection,” Brooks deviates toward the incel movement—those identifying as “involuntary celibate,” and explores the potentials for artificial intimacy to relieve or exasperate this major social problem. His proposed claims as to why incels exist in a society are founded on evolutionary biology, and are based on a trifecta including “the local mating market conditions, including the ratio of women to men, whether the society allows polygynous marriage, and economic inequality. All three of these factors affect the number of InCels in a society and the dangerous things that they do” (188). None of these factors include a deeply ingrained misogyny, systems of male supremacy, and entitlements to sex and relationships. However, he does concern himself with the future of incels and incel-dom, and offers the possibility of social media as a means to offset this everrising and growing problem. Brooks writes of social dating apps, “here’s where artificial intimacy can really get involved in shaping the mating markets of the near future … there are some concerning signs on the horizon, however, that they may worsen sexual inequality” (204). Brooks does not use “sexual inequality” to mean inequality between the sexes or discrimination between them, but instead the manner in which he seems to propose men are at a distinct disadvantage at sex and monogamous relationships. He claims, “On dating apps, sexual inequality among straight men seems to be at least as extreme as it is in real life” (206). Brooks says of this that algorithmic matchmakers, i.e., dating apps functioning by an algorithmic means, could “in theory, exert some benign sexual redistribution. An app could give the more plain-looking users other chances to shine by discovering new ways to present aspects of personality and creativity. It could also cap the success of the super-attractive” (209) with the caveat that the super-attractive could then find new or other dating apps to use, provided they realize their search results and pairings are being capped and that they have better marketability.

Returning to “Meet the Dollbots,” and “Groom Your Friends,” it is interesting to note the means by which artificial intimacy and its many technologies have kept us, as people, in contact with one another through short- and long-distance relationships. Whether it be the social media apps discussed in “Groom Your Friends” or the more adventurous sex toys of “Meet the Dollbots,” artificial intimacy is about connection, and has many implications for harnessing the power of connection and expanding upon it in ways that we have only begun to imagine. As Brooks notes in “Meet the Dollbots,” COVID-19 transformed sex and sex work from an in-person experience to one that was “more digital than ever,” relying on “the more virtual forms of sex work, selling images and videos on OnlyFans , engaging clients on camming platforms, and downloading the apps to drive their clients’ teledildonic toys” (25).

Artificial intimacy and its ability to reimage old forms of connection and grow newly constructed relationships will likely be of interest to not only psychologists, sexuality studies scholars, gender studies scholars and the like, but also disability studies scholars as they find new ways to imagine how those on the margins can communicate using newly created and imagined tools that are ever-expanding using artificial intimacy.

Brooks R (2021) Artificial intimacy: virtual friends, digital lovers, algorithmic matchmakers. Columbia University Press. ISBN: 978–0–231–20094–3

Download references

Author information

Authors and affiliations.

Virginia Commonwealth University, Richmond, USA

Linda Hamrick

You can also search for this author in PubMed   Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Linda Hamrick .

Ethics declarations

Conflict of interest.

On behalf of all authors, the corresponding author states that there is no conflict of interest.

Additional information

Publisher's note.

Springer Nature remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations.

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

About this article

Hamrick, L. Artificial intimacy: virtual friends, digital lovers, algorithmic matchmakers. AI & Soc (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00146-022-01624-7

Download citation

Received : 09 December 2022

Accepted : 23 December 2022

Published : 02 January 2023

DOI : https://doi.org/10.1007/s00146-022-01624-7

Share this article

Anyone you share the following link with will be able to read this content:

Sorry, a shareable link is not currently available for this article.

Provided by the Springer Nature SharedIt content-sharing initiative

• Find a journal
• Publish with us
• Track your research

Are Online And Real Life Friendships The Same? How The Internet Makes A Difference

The internet has been a part of mainstream culture for well over two decades now, and yet there is still a stigma towards online friends. With today’s technology, you can video chat with your friends with ease, talk to them from wherever you are, and have a digital bond that lasts. However, if your friend lives somewhere that you can’t travel to, you may wonder if that friend is as legitimate as a friend who lives nearby. The answer is yes. In this article, we’ll explain why.

Pros of having an online friend

Nowhere in the definition of the word “friend” does it indicate you must communicate in person. Online friendships are a wonderful part of many people’s lives. You can bond with someone from behind another screen, and sometimes the bond goes deeper than it does for your in-person friends – for several reasons.

Mutual interests

Forums make it easier to meet friends who share a common interest. Be it a political group, a blog dedicated to a certain fandom, a specific hobby, or many other commonalities, having a mutual interest is a great icebreaker. While you don't have to have everything in common with a friend, having shared interests is one way to spark a conversation.

Easier to break the ice

Perhaps the best thing about online communication is how easy it is to strike up a conversation. If you're introverted, shy, or just don't like talking to strangers, it's often hard to make that first move. On the internet, however, it's easier for most to make that first comment or send that first message. You can take time to write out exactly what you want to say. 

You can get to know them faster

Most people online are more comfortable with talking about themselves. They'll talk about their flaws, their mental illnesses, what they fear, and so on. In real life, it's hard to talk about some things without feeling like you're going to be laughed at. Due to the ease of online communication, you can often learn more about someone much faster than you can in real life.

You can make friends around the globe

Making friends with someone from a different part of the world can be a fun experience. You can find out more about their culture, and they can learn from you. Best of all, if you do get a chance to visit where they live, you may have a place to stay and someone to show you around. They might even be able to chip in for a plane ticket. For the traveler, having friends across the globe can be a good thing.

There are multiple ways to communicate

Communication doesn't have to be text-based. You can have video chats through your computer or phone. You two can walk around the town, talking to each other. It isn't a perfect replication of actually being there together, but it can be unique and fun. 

Cons of having an online friend

With that said, online friends have their disadvantages as well.

Hanging out is hard

Even if your online friend lives just a few hours from you, you're probably not going to visit them that often. You two have separate lives and arranging a meeting can be difficult – and costly. 

Miscommunication

Some forms of digital communication – like texting – can be misconstrued because body language and tone of voice are absent. You can use emojis, but they're not always helpful. Taking offense to a benign message is common. It can also be harder to get the hint that someone doesn't want to talk to you. Be patient and remember that miscommunications will happen. 

Harder to make up

If you're going to be friends with someone for a long time, you're probably going to get into disagreements at some point. With in-person friendships, you may get mad at each other for a while but then makeup – especially if the two of you have mutual friends. Sometimes, making up is the best option to keep the friend circle going.

With an online friend, however, it's easy for them to get mad, hit the block button, and then find another online friend, forgetting about you in the process. When you're blocked, it becomes difficult to try to reach them. It's also socially unacceptable to make another account and try talking to them. 

When communicating with an online friend, keep your cool if there is an argument. Don't reach for the block button. Take some time alone and talk again with a cool head. If you do hit the block button, remember you can always unblock.

They disappear

If you grew up online, you may have had an online friend who just disappeared. Maybe their account got hacked or the website you use to talk through is no more. Some people take breaks from social media, or tear down their accounts and rebuild them somewhere else. All it takes is a changed username to make reconnecting with an online friend difficult. It’s smart to get more contact info than just the social media site they're on. 

They may not be what they seem

If you're on a message board, exercise caution when making an online  friendship , especially if you're younger. You shouldn't accept an invitation to hang out with someone until you know for sure they're who they say they are.

Stay true to yourself

When making friends online, you want to stay true to yourself and what you want out of a friendship. You can find friends who reflect your interests and passions. It’s important to connect with people who will respect you and reflect your morals and values. When you’re finding friends – whether online or in real life – it’s okay to be picky. These are people who are here to support you. For them to know you well, you need to be real. 

New friendships are an exciting opportunity to show off your personality. When you make friends online, there are ways to show these individuals who you are through words, phone, or video chat. You don’t have to pretend you like something just to fit in. The whole point of making friends online is to find people whom you relate to who can enrich your life. 

The point of seeking people to chat with on the internet is to feel less alone. When you find friends online, you can tell them about what matters to you. Find friends online who care about your hobbies and can relate to you. Join some social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to widen your options for connecting with others. There are also groups you can join where people have similar interests to you. Think about what’s important to you, and look at ways to connect with others. There’s a platform to make friends for everyone!

Be safe online

It’s exciting to have online friends, but don’t get carried away, it’s important to be  safe . Be careful not to reveal information about yourself too soon. When meeting new friends online, find ones who are slow to open up and don’t just blurt out all their personal details. Be safe, and take your time revealing who you are. You don’t want to tell anyone where you live or work until you get to know them well. You don’t want people showing up at your door because you told them your address.

If you meet new friends, focus on your personality. See what your friends start revealing to you and build off these facts. In a way, it’s like “friend dating.” You’re testing out who you want to get close to, and which relationships to foster or let go. You’re going online to find people who you can talk to, and be emotionally vulnerable with, but that feeling comes with time. Like any friendship, trust takes time. You want to find new friends online who seem trustworthy. Let them earn that trust. 

What to look for in an online friendship

Friendships take time to develop. You want to look for somebody who genuinely is interested in you, and you are curious about them. Someone who is genuinely interested in being your friend will ask you questions about your interests and your life. 

When making friends with people you can't see in person, pay attention to the words they use; they matter. You want to read what they're telling you and take those statements at face value. The stories and reflections they impart about their real-life friendships will show you what sort of person they are. If they're loyal, it will come across. 

Another thing you can do is talk about yourself and see how they respond. Do they want to know more? Pay attention to the way a friend you're interested in talks to you. By being observant when you're meeting friends, you can learn a lot about them. 

Once you get to know each other and you're regularly conversing, how do you know if your online friend cares about you? You can gauge that by how often you speak to each other, what you talk about, and if they're there for you during rough times. When you find new friends online, it's crucial to have high standards for them. You deserve to be treated with respect and cared for in friendships. 

If you open up to your buddies on the internet during hard times and they're responsive, that's a good sign. That means they care for you. If you feel positive in the friendship, go with that instinct. If something is off, follow your gut there too. When you meet new friends online, they should align with what you want in life and care about you as a human being.

Getting help

While it is often easier to connect with people online compared to in person, it can still be unnerving. While many people online are nice, depending on the forum, there are also “keyboard cowboys” and cyberbullies whose main goal online is to argue and belittle other people. Other people have social anxiety disorder, which makes it extra difficult to strike up a conversation with someone new, sometimes even online.

A professional relationship counselor through Regain can help you navigate your friendships. They can also help with issues like social anxiety disorder or cyberbullying 

If you have a hard time connecting with others, one of the most important steps that you can take is to reach out to a counselor.  Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a popular method of psychotherapy that has been found to help individuals with social anxiety, depression, and many other mental health concerns. CBT helps you learn new ways of behaving, thinking, and responding to social situations, as well as helping to build self-confidence . 

Studies have found that Internet-based CBT (iCBT) is usually just as effective as in-person therapy, which can make it easier for individuals who have social anxiety, as well as for those wanting to practice their online communication skills. Online counseling with Regain lets you find a professional relationship therapist without having to leave the comfort of your home, and they can work around your schedule, not vice versa.  

When you're talking to friends in a new setting, such as a social media platform or chatroom, you may not know what to expect. That's natural, but try to relax and be yourself. If you need help maneuvering through online friendships or working through mental health concerns like social anxiety, an online Regain counselor can help. Reach out today. 

Frequently asked questions (FAQs) about online friends

Do online friends count as real friends? If you're reading this, it's likely that you talk to people online or have talked to someone online at least once. When you meet people on the internet, you might be seeking a sense of support or connection. Maybe, you're about to move to a new area, and you're looking for friends online who are in the location you're moving to. Perhaps, you play games online and have met friends through gaming. If you're wondering, "Are online friends real?" the answer is yes. Online friends absolutely count as real friends. It doesn't matter where you met; it's the social-emotional connection that counts. You may start out with digital communication and move on to hanging out in person, or you may take a while to meet due to distance. Either way, online friendships can be special and unique connections. How to make friends is different for everybody. For some, it comes naturally whereas for others, it's a conscious effort, and both are completely valid.

Why are real friends better than online friends? Again, it's not where you meet that makes friends real. Many people meet their online friends face-to-face and establish connections with them offline. Whether you met someone in high school, at a social event, or online, you can have long-term associations with them that amplify your mental health and quality of life overall. Nothing beats having a true friend that you know will be there for you and that you can trust. Of course, before you consider online friends real friends, you have to make sure that they are who they say they are and establish trust. Online friendships are becoming more and more common, and people meet people online in person every day. Online friendships were once kept on the down-low or shunned and were regarded as separate from in-person friendships, but times are changing, and most people have at least one friend that they met digitally before engaging with one another face to face. There is something special about talking to people face to face and hanging out in person. In fact, it's irreplaceable, and it's important for your mental health to have social support that exists offline. That said, it's necessary to remember that for some, online connections become face-to-face connections. Don't discount someone's friendship if they meet a person online because that person could mean a lot to them.

Is having online friends bad? Having online friends isn't bad as long as you go about it safely. If you're wondering what makes online friends real, it is partially the social-emotional connection you have and partially verifying that they are who they say they are. Before you make online friends real friends, make sure to video chat and talk on the phone. Be sure to always bring someone with you when you meet people that you've only had digital communication with so far in person.

Are online friends healthy? Having online friends is certainly healthy as long as the internet does not become your whole life. Online friendships can be unique in the sense that you are likely to bond over things that you have in common rather than your geographical location. Of course, having friends in real life is extremely important, but sometimes the people that you meet in person initially won't always have the same interests. For example, if you are interested in mental health, you might meet people through mental health groups online. If you're interested in travel, astrology, or another niche, you might also meet people online who are into those things. It is essential to have social support from people who truly understand you, and of course, you can always meet your online friends in real life eventually. Some are more extroverted than others, but even introverts need friends and experience health advantages from social connections.

Why is making friends online bad?

Making friends online is not bad, but it is essential to be safe about it. Often, when people criticize online friendships, the main part of the problem they see is the potential safety issues affiliated with meeting someone online. This is a valid concern, but there are measures to take. Be sure to talk to people you meet online through video chat before you meet up. Meet in a public place and bring someone with you. Online friendships aren't just made by adults, so it is important to be aware of the potential that your teenager might make friends online whether you know about it or not.

Many teens report having one or more online friendships or friends that they initially met online. If you are the parent of a teen who makes friends online, it is understandable and unavoidable that you will be concerned. Your concern is valid. When a teenager wants to find a way to meet an online friend in person, it's hard to stop them. One of the things you can do is support them and accompany them when they meet an online friend for the first time. That way, you can avoid the possibility that they might sneak out or do something equally as unsafe so that they can meet a person from the internet. You can join us at the mall or in a café. Public places are always your best bet, and you don't have to make things awkward. Just be there for the first meeting, and if possible, get to know the person's parents. Likely, the parents of your teenager's friend will want to attend their first in-person meeting as well, so you can talk to them before meeting up, and they can accompany you, your teen, and your teen's friend when they meet in person.

How long do online friendships last?

When you meet a friend online, it may be the start of a friendship that lasts for the rest of your life. As with any friendship, there is the potential to stray apart, but there is also the possibility of a lifelong connection. When you make online friends real-life friends by meeting in person, this can become especially true. Remember that there are real people behind the screen, and that's part of what makes online friends real. This is part of why it is so important to be kind to the people you meet online. You never know who is going through tough times, and the words you say to people both in real life and online matter. Cyberbullying is an extremely serious issue to be wary of when you talk to people online or if you know that your kids are talking to people online. Being on high alert when it comes to this kind of thing is crucial, but it doesn't make all online friendships unhealthy, nor does it make them invalid.

Think about online dating. Some people start dating individuals that they met over the internet and end up getting married. Couples that meet online can get married and stay together for the rest of their lives in some cases. Relationships can go bad whether they begin online or in person, but they can also be exceptional. The same is true for online friendships.

Can you trust online friends? It's important not to trust people online too quickly. You can trust online friends once you meet them in person and confirm that they are who they say they are. Again, it's essential to take someone with you and stay safe when you meet an online friend in person. Video chat can be a place to start when it comes to making virtual connections real. Using video chat, you can see people's facial expressions and hear their voice, making everything feel more authentic. It can take time to develop trust in any friendship, but that's especially true for online friendships due to the possibility that you may come across someone who isn't who they say they are in any capacity from time to time. Trust will build over the course of months or years when you have phone calls, move onto video chat, and meet up in person. Once you've met someone in person in a safe manner, your bond can become even stronger. Meeting online friends in person for the first time is a joyful moment for a ton of people, and as long as you take every safety precaution possible, making virtual connections can be the start of a long, healthy friendship.

Who are real friends? Notice how easy for you to say "I love my family. I love my friends ." Real friends are like your family that you can count on. They make you feel good. Social connections are positive for your mental health, and being around someone who is a real friend will generally be uplifting. A true friend should give you a sense of support. When we talk about a support system, we often think of friends, family, and possibly, a mental health professional or multiple mental health providers. A real friend is therefore you through tough times and pleasant times alike and enhances your life.

What do online friends do online friends talk via web chat, phone calls, video chat, and more. sometimes, online friends will play games together remotely. they may chat or meet on web forums. when you meet a friend online, the eventual goal is often to establish a connection in person. you may text each other throughout the day or talk on social media, and if you live near the same area, you might meet up..

What is the difference between a real friendship and an online friendship?

• Advice On How To End A Friendship
• The Best Quotes About Friendship To Live By

Know the benefits of Online friendships

Online friendships can provide equal love and support as real-life friendships. Building online friendships is not intimidating if we tread safely says Dalilah Anna

The internet has opened up countless possibilities to our society, including building friendships online. Social media and smartphone apps have made it easy to meet new people and stay in touch with our loved ones. 

The pandemic is a rough time for everyone globally. Many people are suffering from loneliness issues, particularly the elderly, young people and those who are suffering from chronic conditions. Those who have been isolated are missing in emotional support and human interaction. Due to restricted social interactions, meeting new people and making friends have become more challenging during the pandemic. 

During these stressful times, it is still possible to reach out and connect with others via virtual events and online communities. Making friends online can be rewarding as you can expand your social circle.

There are numerous benefits of building online friendships. Here is the list of benefits:

Meet People With Similar Interests .

Simple as it seems, having a mutual hobby is the best icebreaker towards starting a new friendship. The secret to striking an interesting conversation is to talk about the things you have in common with each other. That way, the discussion will never go boring, and you won’t run out of topics to say. 

Moreover, it is crucial to have a robust support system that shares the same passion for motivating you to achieve your goals. For instance, your hobby includes preparing healthy meals and staying fit. Surrounding yourself with people who have the same interests will motivate you greatly to achieve your goals.

Online Friendships Are Great For Introverts .

Making friends online is a good start for those who feel uncomfortable or shy in approaching a group of people. Sending chat messages allows users to communicate passively without feeling the pressure of real-life daily conversations. Hence, they don’t have to worry about being tongue-tied and stuck in awkward conversations. This makes online friendships highly beneficial to introverts as it helps to boost their confidence in communicating with new people. 

How I rediscovered reading books during the lockdown

Share feelings and thoughts without judgements ..

Striking up conversations is easier virtually compared to talking to strangers face-to-face. In virtual communities, people are more open to sharing their emotional and personal struggles. Psychologist Leanne Hall says this is because there is anonymity surrounding online presence, which enables people to feel more comfortable sharing their problems with others with similar issues. By opening up more to others, people will slowly build trust and feel less awkward with each other. Author of Unlonely Planet, Jillian Richardson discussed in her article the importance of allowing vulnerability to cultivate deeper friendships. Being vulnerable will enable people to connect on a deeper emotional level.

Make Friends Throughout the World .

Living in different parts of the world can be a huge disadvantage to some people. After all, it is impossible to meet and hang out physically. However, this issue is no longer a barrier with the evolving social media. 

It is a good learning experience as you learn different cultures directly from the locals themselves. If you get a chance to travel to their countries, you will gain a rewarding experience by visiting the historical places and trying out the local cuisines. In addition, you will get to learn a new foreign language through virtual international friends. Having virtual international friends is the best chance to acquire a new language because it allows you to practice in a more relaxed environment compared to learning in schools.

Online friendships can provide equal love and support as real-life friendships. Building online friendships does not have to be intimidating if we practice staying safe online at all times. It is vital to stay away from the stigma surrounding online friendships so that we can build meaningful friendships with people from all around the world.

Dalilah Anna is a freelance writer who is actively involved in community work helping the disabled and underprivileged communities. She is also passionate about tackling climate change issues and spreading awareness in ecological sustainability.

Any book that assists a kid with shaping a propensity for perusing, to make perusing one of his requirements, is really great for him.

Have your say. Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed .

Power your creative ideas with pixel-perfect design and cutting-edge technology. Create your beautiful website with Zeen now.

• Citizenship
• Civil Society & Volunteering
• Environment
• Employment, Economics & Innovation
• Write for us!

Are Your Virtual Friends Real? Does it Matter?

Research reveals the very real influence of the imaginary..

Posted December 8, 2019 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

As much as we enjoy visually appealing avatars, or are entertained by following the exploits of brave superheroes, we know the difference between fact and fiction. We can tell the difference between a real person and an imaginary character. Right? Not always. Apparently, when it comes to forging “relationships,” we are susceptible to mixing facts with fantasy .

Fictional Friends

People who represent themselves online with an avatar instead of a 20-year-old photo are still seeking to promote an image that is more aspirational than accurate. Yet in many cases, avatars express actual user characteristics, as I address in a prior post .[i] How do you select an avatar? If you select a representation that embodies character traits you believe you have or wish you had, you are in good company. And regarding identification, in person, where you (hopefully) introduce yourself with your real name, virtual profiles often use of screen names or pseudonyms. Think all this through carefully, because according to research, apparently, your selections matter.

For those seeking friendship , in a study aptly entitled “What Does My Avatar Say About Me?” (2015),[ii] researchers Katrina Fong and Raymond A. Mar demonstrated the social consequences of strategic avatar selection. For example, they recognized prior research indicating the attractiveness of a charming facial expression, and found that consistent with this research, avatars with accessories that blocked the face, such as sunglasses and hats, were perceived as having lower friendship intentions.

Think about what this means—that others can be influenced by the supposed intentions of the imaginary character you choose to represent you online. The message here is to choose carefully.

Influenced by Avatars, Not Individuals

Apparently, avatars are not only visually pleasing, but persuasive. In a study that examined online shopping, Jang Ho Moon et al. in an article aptly named “Keep the Social in Social Media ” (2013) demonstrated how interaction via avatar in a virtual store enhanced social presence, increased shopping enjoyment and attitude toward the brand, and even increased the intention to make a purchase.[iii]

Specifically, they examined online interaction of a shopper with avatars representing a salesperson, as well as a peer consumer. They suggest their findings indicate that virtual marketers should create a socially engaging online environment for shoppers, and focus on “fostering a strong sense of social presence via social interaction among avatars.”

Regarding the findings as they relate to the presence of the virtual peer consumer, Moon et al. recognize the social value of shopping in the presence of others. Citing previous research, they note that even the mere presence of other people (especially peer consumers) enhances the shopping experience.

Other researchers have found that apparently, fictional characters not only attract and persuade, they also inspire and empower.

Superheroes as Role Models

We encourage our children to spend time with trusted mentors and advisors. Do such inspirational figures need to be real? Perhaps not.

Daryl R. Van Tongeren et al. (2018) in an article aptly entitled “Heroic Helping” explored whether superheroes promote positive behavior.[iv] In two experiments, they investigated how exposure to superhero images influences prosociality, as well as meaning in life. In their first experiment, they found that participants who were exposed to images of superheroes reported elevated helping intentions, as compared to a control group who were exposed to neutral images. Elevated helping intentions in turn were indirectly linked with an enhanced meaning in life.

In a second experiment, they found that exposing participants to a superhero poster (i.e., Superman) made them more likely to assist an experimenter perform a tedious task, as compared to participants who were exposed to a bicycle poster. In this experiment, there was no link found to meaning in life.

Taken together, these experiments demonstrated that exposure to heroes benefit people interpersonally as well as intrapersonally. Regarding the fact that their research involved fictional superheroes as opposed to real people, Van Tongeren et al. explain that prior research describes superheroes as characters that “embody aspirational lives that are fictional and unattainable,” and they suggest accordingly that such characters may be viewed as motivational as “exemplars of prosocial and meaningful lives.”

The Real Story

Apparently, we are influenced by social interaction of any type, even with fictional characters. Sure, online platforms allow rich interaction both personally and professionally, and superhero stories are always entertaining. Satisfying, healthy relationships, however, involve adequate offline interaction as well—with real fans and followers, we call them friends and family.

[i] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201806/use-a…

[ii]Katrina Fong and Raymond A. Mar, ”What Does My Avatar Say About me? Inferring Personality From Avatars,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 41, no. 2, 2015, 237-249.

[iii]Jang Ho Moon, Eunice Kim, Sejung Marina Choi, and Yongjun Sung, ”Keep the Social in Social Media: The Role of Social Interaction in Avatar-Based Virtual Shopping,” Journal of Interactive Advertising 13, no. 1, 2013, 14-26.

[iv]Van Tongeren, Daryl R, Rachel Hibbard, Megan Edwards, Evan Johnson, Kirstin Diepholz, Hanna Newbound, Andrew Shay, Russell Houpt, Athena Cairo, and Jeffrey D Green. "Heroic Helping: The Effects of Priming Superhero Images on Prosociality." Frontiers in Psychology 9, 2243, 2018, 1-7.

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Red Flags , and co-author of Reading People .

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Teletherapy
• United States
• Brooklyn, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Houston, TX
• Los Angeles, CA
• New York, NY
• Portland, OR
• San Diego, CA
• San Francisco, CA
• Seattle, WA
• Washington, DC
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Relationships
• Child Development
• Therapy Center NEW
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

Understanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world.

• Coronavirus Disease 2019
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

Social Media Friends vs Real-Life Friends: Is There a Difference?

I will begin with one simple question – How does someone define the term friendship?

If you ask different types of people you will get different opinions. The term friendship is a close mutual relationship between two or more people marked by feelings of care, respect, concern, or even love.

For those who experienced it, it’s a complex process and has a  huge impact on our mental health and happiness . In every stage of our lives such as childhood, adolescents, and adulthood we strive for that interactive bond making us secure and wanted.

Nowadays there are different forms of friendship including the most popular – social media friends . Real-life friends are the opposite of social media friends yet they have some things in common.

Social media friendships, for example, are built online and rely on communication tools such as social network sites, stable internet connections, and smart technology. The nature of these relationships is virtual and lacks the intimate, personal, and emotional connection of real-life friendship made offline. 

However, some would argue that hanging out with an online friend can be just as meaningful, supportive, and enjoyable as meeting a friend in person.

Furthermore, many would agree that making friends online is much easier than in the real world. There are so many reasons why making social connections and internet friends seems so much easier when we all use platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. to communicate.

The most common types of people that find it easier to develop a friendship online are teens and students in primary schools. According to a lot of studies, teenagers claim that after meeting someone once in real life afterward they proceed with communication online before meeting again. With this strategy, they avoid things from getting awkward and intense and speed up the normal process with a superficial bond at first.

However, an important question needs to be asked here.

How do you recognize a true friendship?

Is it the amount of time we spend with some people on the phone or hanging out? We all have that buddy list but how to know which of them are the real ones? To make everything come to its senses, there is an excellent explanation about the differences between these two terms – social media friends or real-life friends.

I will begin with one simple question –What is the definition of friendship?

For those who experienced it, it’s a complex process and has a huge impact on our mental health and happiness . In every stage of our lives such as childhood, adolescence, and adulthood we strive for that interactive bond making us secure and wanted.

Nowadays there are different forms of friendship including the most popular – social media friends, made through social networking sites. 

Real-life friends are the opposite of social media friends yet they have some things in common.

Social media friendships, for example, are built online and rely on communication tools such as social network sites, stable internet connections, and smart technology. The nature of these relationships is virtual and lacks the intimate, personal, and emotional connection of real-life friendship made offline.

The most common types of people who find it easier to develop a friendship online are teens and students in primary schools. According to a lot of studies, teenagers claim that after meeting someone once in real life they proceed with communication online before meeting again. With this strategy, they avoid things from getting awkward and intense and speed up the normal process with a superficial bond at first.

Is it the amount of time we spend with some people on the phone or hanging out? We all have that buddy list but how to know which of them are the real ones? To make everything come to its senses, there is an excellent explanation about the differences between these two terms – social media friends and real-life friends.

Social Media friends

Social media friends are the type of people who don’t really know you as a person but you met them once on the social media platforms or maybe you added them on your Facebook account because they are friends with people you know.

One good example of online relationships is the lurker friends that don’t interact with your social media posts .

An online friend is someone available most of the time because of the advantage of social media platforms and their constant use of them at any time or anywhere. Example of online friends is Facebook friends, Snapchat friends, or TikTok friends.

Finding friends online is much easier than finding friends offline. Online friends are easy to make because you can just go to some website and there always be someone you can chat with.

For some people is likely possible to have an online “best” friend who they never met before in reality but who is always there keeping you company in your boring moments. You can talk to that kind of friend most of the time and share inside jokes such as memes that you can find on the internet .

However, when virtual friendships are made people only receive a fragment of a person, an online version of someone that only reciprocates a conversation in a given moment. Friends in person, on the other hand, allow you to experience a person fully and determine whether or not they are worth your time.

Real-Life friends

Real-life friends are the type of people you hang out with in real life. They keep you company whenever they can if they are not busy doing something else. Nowadays we live a fast life and not everyone has the time to do a lot of things in a day including seeing many people.

In offline friendships, you are face to face with a person and you can talk about different subjects such as the most important thing called private life and the difficulties one person has in some period of their time. You can also make plans like going to your favorite restaurant or on a picnic and maintain a meaningful relationship. 

The difference between social media friends and real-life ones is that online friends know all about your relationship drama because you ask for advice just about that kind of superficial stuff. Friends online are not here to support you and walk with you through the ups and downs of life.

The real-life friend knows you best and they are in the right position to tell you the truth even if it’s hurtful sometimes.

The main reason why we chose social media friends over real-life friends

Do social media friends qualify as real friendships? So far we came to a similar interpretation that online friends are easier to make.

In the digital world, there is a variety of digital platforms where a person can interact with another. The opposite of that is real friends aren’t easy to make especially in this modern world. We come to a point where we as people are afraid of being judged by other people .

Online friends are the perfect ‘friends’ for kids who live in isolated areas, kids with disabilities, or social anxiety. That online environment provides interaction with minimal risk. That’s why we choose to be protected by our computer screens and not go face-to-face.

Another reason we prefer online friendships is that they require significantly less effort, responsibility, and work to be nurtured.

Contrary to the commitment and responsibility required by our closest friends, online friendships are not as demanding and any small inconvenience can be solved under the excuse that the internet connection was interrupted.

The internet provides the opportunity to create a friendship in the blink of an eye but at the same time, there is the security of the block button if things are going in the wrong direction.

Social networks serve as a buffer against inappropriate situations and conflicts that appear between people who interact online.  All this seems so convenient but also it takes away the people skills that they need in real life. 

Face-to-face interactions and resolving conflicts in person are more respectful, plus watching someone’s body language and facial expressions will help you avoid misinterpretations that could lead to bigger conflicts.

The danger of social media friends

Of every good story, there is a bad side, and social connections made online can be a bit dangerous. Making social media friends has its disadvantages.

When a person is talking with someone online, they get more comfortable, and with that loosens you can accidentally reveal information about some personal things that might put you in a dangerous position. In other words, online connections can make you feel vulnerable and possibly say and do things that you wouldn’t normally do.

In virtual friends, there is someone to hack us or stalk us to gain something out. The second dangerous thing is more physical.

If internet communication is getting very frequent we become socially isolated and mentally unavailable not only for making real-life friends but also can affect our daily lifestyle outside the screens. This is one of the many toxic effects of social media .

People with whom you have built meaningful friendships would never put you in dangerous situations.

Having these examples we can conclude that in some certain way having online friends is dangerous and we need to be careful but on the other hand, we have the power to decide with whom we will interact online.

The Pros and Cons of having an online friend

Friendship on your terms (the benefits of real friendship).

Face-to-face connections are still very important. Nothing beats having a real friend and knowing that someone is always there for you no matter what. The feeling that you can trust someone is irreplaceable and we all need that social support . There are numerous reasons why real friendships are still important, but we will only mention a few of them just as a reminder:

• Real-life friendships create much profound bonds between two or more people
• Friends function as a support system building intimacy and trust
• It’s better to have a few real friends than hundreds of social media friends who might not be there for you and could disappear
• Friends keep us active and are able to advise us
• A real friendship needs to maintain making us feel involved and part of something bigger
• Time with friends influences our confidence and increases happiness

Some people don’t know the value of a real friend. Maybe they don’t want to have one or just can’t make one. Either way you need to try even if sometimes the whole process seems difficult because, in the end, you will come to a realization that it was worth it.

Conclusion – Are online friends real friends?

Despite the negative side of having social media friends, we need to accept the fact that they have their place in some people’s lives in this modern era. But still, that kind of friendship doesn’t provide people with the social, emotional or physical learning and development they need.

Nowadays parents need to be encouraging their kids from a younger age to be developing and foster friendships in the real world for a better and healthier lifestyle. Many people would say that online friendships are transient and not as deep as real ones, other people would say the reverse, that sometimes you can be more open and honest when communicating with someone directly through social media.

We can make the conclusion that different people have different opinions and because of that there is no simple answer to the main question “Are social media friends as deep and meaningful as long-standing friendships in the real world?” Which, when you think about it, is just another form of communication and it’s your personal decision what is REAL for you.

Related Posts

What to do with the lurker friends who never like your posts, does social media do more harm than good for society in 2022, 7 reasons why is social media so toxic and how to protect yourself.

• Social Media
• Entertainment

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More

Online Friends Vs. Real Life Friends: A Comparison

• https://thoughtcatalog.com/?p=154907

What makes a true friendship anymore? Is it whether or not the person knows your birthday, or how many hours you spend talking on the phone or hanging out in person? With all the ways we can communicate now — Skype, ICQ, AIM, Gchat, Facebook Messenger, Grindr, etc. — and with all the people on our buddy lists, who are we really friends with? Is it possible to have friends who are purely for the Internet and others you interact with in real life? What’s the difference?

Keeping You Company

Online Friends: Online friends are people you don’t really really know but you met them once at a conference, on a social networking site, on Twitter, or maybe you added them to your Facebook because they’re friends with someone you know. Plus they’re hot, and you do enjoy collecting Facebook friends based on their hotness. An online friend is someone you know is available every time you see that little green dot next to their name, so you write them and say hello. But sometimes it’s possible to have an online best friend who you’ve never met before in real life, but who keeps you company when you’re writing a long paper or bored at work. You talk to each other at least every other day. You even have inside jokes and think about going out to visit them wherever they live, you know, to take things to the next step.

Real Life Friends: Real life friends keep you company when they can, when they’re not busy with something else or watching a favorite television show. An online friend is available whenever they have that promiscuous little green dot beside their name, but your real life friends have things to do and you don’t always know what they’re doing or when they’re busy. You can make plans with your real life friends for tea or brunch, and you can compliment them on their new haircut. Even if you talk to your real life friend online, you KNOW they’re a real friend when they are ‘invisible’ and they will still talk to you.

Gossip And Life Problems

Online Friends: Online friends know all about your relationship drama and boy/girl crushes, because you’ve been asking them for advice for months. Hey there, Google Talk friend, Should I try to kiss him tonight? OMG what do you think? You feel comfortable talking to your online friends about all of your life issues because as far as they know your name is really “Katie Smith,” even though it’s not, and you could be making up all of your social problems. Plus, you’ve already bugged your real life friends about this stuff to death. Now you have a whole new outlet!

Real Life Friends: Your real life friends know you the best and are not afraid to tell you about yourself. Sure, your online friends can offer an opinion, even a decisive one, but there is nobody like a real life friend to tell you when you need to get it together. A real life friend says things like, Don’t you already have a girlfriend? Should you really be talking to this other girl, no matter how hot she is? A real life friend will make you feel good even when you’re feeling depressed about the job market or going through a difficult period in your life. An online friend can console you, but just doesn’t have the same context.

Sexual Tension

Online Friends: Depending on the context in which you met said online friend, there might still be some unresolved sexual tension between you two that has to be dealt with. Maybe you’ve made some sexual innuendos to each other. But even if you haven’t had those kind of late night chats, if you ever do take your friendship into real life you do run the risk of having unreleased sexual tension. You feel like you should just have sex already, you know, just to get it over with. After all, you’re not really strangers so it’s not really a hook up — you’ve been friends online for like six months now. Consider it a physical Hello!

Real Life Friends: Do we really want to have sex with our real life friends? Maybe the friendship started romantically but ended up becoming sexual, or maybe our friendships started sexual and got platonic somewhere along the way. Not that there’s never sexual energy between real life friends, but it seems like sexual energy between online friends you’ve never met before is implied. Or maybe I’m just a slut.

Online Friends: With online friends you can do things like play Words With Friends or watch your favorite television show together, chatting about everything that annoys you about the show. That’s the fun part — I almost never watch TV alone now. If I’m watching a big show that everyone is talking about, like Scandal , RuPaul’s Drag Race or Homeland , I’m definitely chatting to my online friends while it’s on. Not that I don’t do that with my real life friends, too. Plus, with online friends you always have a new place to visit — sexual tension or not.

Madison Moore

Author of How To Be A Pop Star .

Keep up with Madison on Twitter

More From Thought Catalog

8 Years Later And HIV Still Does NOT Define Me

5 ‘Soft Life’ Principles That Will Totally Transform Your Love Life

When He Ghosts and You Reach Out Anyway

4 Things We NEED In The New Season Of ‘The Circle’ (Or We Walk)

The 21 Best ‘What a Girl Wants’ Quotes to Celebrate the Film’s 21st Anniversary

People Who Seem Empathic But Are Actually Narcissistic Display These 3 Subtle Behaviors

Virtual Friends Vs. REAL Friends

The word “friend” used to mean something very different when we were younger. It used to mean someone you shared experiences with, someone who knew a lot about you, someone you were with in school. And even back then, not all our school colleagues were our friends.

But since 2007, Facebook has redefined what it means to be a “friend”. I’m assuming everyone reading this article is on Facebook, so you know how a “friend” can mean someone you’ve met only once.

Those are your virtual friends, and then there are your real friends who you actually know well in person. But there are also your REAL friends, those who know you so well that you’ve probably known them since you were a kid.

Your virtual friends think you’re super nice and polite because you use a full stop at the end of every sentence.

Your real friends ask if there’s something wrong when your texts are unusual, but when you say, “No, everything is fine,” they take your word for it.

Your REAL friends know the meaning of every grammatical choice you make, every little mistake and what your exact choice of words means.

Your virtual friends know what you’re eating from your Instagram breakfast posts (Stop those. Please?).

Your real friends remember some of your favourite foods and some of the things you dislike.

Your REAL friends stuff your mouth with food you don’t like just to tease you.

Sleeping Habits

Your virtual friends make assumptions about when you go to bed and when you wake up based on your social media activity.

Your real friends are so polite at sleepovers that they wake up pretending they weren’t annoyed from your kicking or you taking the covers from them.

Your REAL friends have photos and videos of you drooling in weird sleeping positions and audio files of your snoring when you were dead-tired after that all-nighter you guys pulled.

Fashion Sense

Virtual friends like some of your pictures, but they don’t say much about what you choose to wear.

Real friends will have an opinion regarding your fashion sense. Like, “What has gotten into her/him? Why has s/he become so weird?” Or, “I like that, it’s so bold and interesting.” Or even, “Bluhhhh.”

REAL friends will come to your house, take all your good clothes and wear them.

Following/Unfollowing

Virtual friends follow or unfollow you based on how much they like your posts.

Real friends always think twice before they unfollow you. Or they just turn off notifications, but they feel it’s rude to unfollow a real friend.

REAL friends sometimes post for you. They stalk you. They have an opinion the minute you post anything; they are literally your fans (or they hate the shit you post and they say it to your face!).

Relationships

Virtual friends assume you’re hooking up with or dating someone based on your social media activity together.

Real friends usually “feel” it.

REAL friends are the best wingmen (and wingwomen)!

The Way You Speak

Virtual friends don’t notice most of your mistakes.

Real friends notice your mistakes, they have an image of you, and they judge you based on it.

REAL friends correct all your mistakes. They blackmail you for things you say, words you use and what you post.

Settling Disagreements

Virtual friends don’t take real sides; they may voice an opinion, but they don’t really care that much.

Real friends choose a side they are comfortable with.

REAL friends may choose a side different from yours, but they will always pretend to be on your side in public.

Family Relationships

Virtual friends may know your family from the pictures you post.

Real friends have met them before and think they’re “so nice!”

REAL friends know your parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, second cousins, their children, their grandparents, your aunt’s aunt’s aunt, your grandmother’s long lost cousin, and everyone in between.

Virtual friends might remember you while reading this, or not. It all depends on how many times you appear on their newsfeed.

Real friends might decide to call and get closer to you when they finish this article.

REAL friends do not need to read it to know you’re REAL friends. You just are; no need for validation.

We all make different investments. Invest in your friendships. Make your deep ones really deep; it’s definitely worth it. But before you expect someone to be a good friend, become one yourself.

WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 13 Reasons Why Your Best Friend Is The Only Therapist You’ll Ever Need and The White Lies Our Best Friends Tell Us that We Refuse to Without .

Guest writers who have worthy insights on pressing matters, that they feel the need to share with the world

Tech Tools to Boost Your Child’s Creative Skills

Here Are the Top 15 Countries With the Fastest Internet…

A Scoop of Hope: All About the Emirati Man Who Created a…

• Subscribers

Read our research on: Gun Policy | International Conflict | Election 2024

Regions & Countries

Friendship, strangers and safety in online social networks, one in four online teens make friends on social networks..

Teens use social networks for the creation and the maintenance of friendships. Most teens are using the networks to stay in touch with people they already know, either friends that they see a lot (91% of social networking teens have done this) or friends that they rarely see in person (82%).

Teens also use the online networks to make new friends; 49% of social network users (27% of online teens) say they use the networks to make new friends. Boys are more likely to report using the networks to make new friends than girls. Teens from middle and lower income families were more likely to say that they use the sites to make new friends than higher income teens. A bit more than a third (37%) of teens from households earning more than $75,000 annually said they used social networks to make new friends, compared with 57% of teens from families earning less than $75,000 annually. Children of single parents were also much more likely to use online social networks to find new friends than teens with married parents.

Teens told us in their own words about how they use social network sites to make friends and communicate with people. For some teens it is how they make new friends “I like it. I just like networking, that’s about it,” said one late high school-aged boy. “…my school is pretty big, so if I didn’t know a person I can meet them through MySpace and just see them at school then. That’s how I make friends, I guess.” Another high school boy echoed his sentiments: “When you look at their profile you get to see who they are and see if they might like the same things you like. You might like how they look or something like that.”  And for some teens, high school-aged boys in particular, it is a way to meet and approach potential romantic partners. One high school boy said, “Yes, like if you’re just on there and you’re looking through and you see a good-looking girl on there and she wants to be my friend and you accept!”

For some teens, making friends on social networks is less about finding common ground, and more about avoiding giving offense. One middle school-aged girl told us “My friends will have friends that I don’t know. You look at them…Then you feel bad because they’re like, ‘Oh, well, I just saw you in this play, be my friend.’ And then you’re like, ‘Okay.’ All right, you know, why not.”  Another middle school girl elaborated, “I mean, I’m not really making new friends, I’m just not hurting peoples’ feelings. If I know that they’re friends with someone else that I don’t feel like they’re [going to] come and attack me, and so it’s safe.”

16% of teens are connected to “friends” on social networking sites who they have not met in person.

As the above quotes suggest, some social networking teens report that their online friends are people that they have never met in person.  One in six or 17% of online teens and 31% of social networking teens have “friends” on their social networking profile who they have personally never met. More than two-thirds (69%) of social networking teens say they do not have unmet friends in their network. Older teen boys (ages 15-17) are much more likely than any other group to say that they have friends in their network who they have never met in person. Nearly half of social network-using older teen boys (47%) have friends in their social network who they have never met. For older girls, only 28% report having people they have never met in their networks. About 1 in 3 (29%) of younger boys report having friends they have never met, and just 22% of younger girls say the same.

Some un-met online friends are connected through other friends…

Out of the small group of teens who have friends in their social networks who they have never met in person, many have friends who are in some way connected to an offline friend, and a smaller number have friends in their network who are in no way connected to online or offline friends. 12% of online teens have “friends” on social networking sites whom they have never met, but who have some connection to their offline friends.

“If people I don’t know request to be my friend I’ll add them but I don’t talk to them.  I don’t know why I add them if I don’t talk to them, now that I think about it.  That’s kind of stupid.  It just means they’re on my friends list.  I don’t really get anything out of it.  They can just send me comments.” – Girl, Late High School

To look at the data another way, 70% of social networking teens with un-met “friends” say some of these people have a connection to their offline friends – people like a chemistry partner’s older sister, or the cousin of a good friend. It also could be that these friends have simply been “friended” by another friend of the social network user, and are in fact, true strangers with no offline connection. There are not statistically significant differences between age groups and girls and boys with these kinds of online friends.

…Others have friends in their social networks that neither they nor their friends have ever met.

A small subset of teens with unmet friends in their social network say that some of these friends have no connection to their online or offline friends. This group represents just 9% of online teens and a bit more than half (53%) of teens with un-met friends. However, the practice of “friending” celebrities, musicians and political candidates in order to be affiliated with them in some way is a popular practice on social networks, and we do not know how many of these profiles account for links to unmet and unknown online “friends.” 

“i have a myspace and a xanga. most of the people i meet online are friends of friends of mine so i know they’re really who they say they are and stuff. i think its really good. i got to know one of my present best friends thanks to myspace.” – Girl, Late High School

Even though girls are less likely to have friends in their social network whom they have never met, those girls that do have unmet friends are more likely than boys with un-met friends to say that these people have no connection to online or offline acquaintances. Two-thirds (66%) of girls with un-met online friends say that they have social network friends who have no connection to any of their online or offline friends – 42% of boys with un-met friends say that at least some of their social networking friends are totally unconnected with other online or offline friends. Most of the difference between boys and girls comes from the older girls (ages 15-17) in this group, of whom 72% say they have friends online who they have not met who are not connected to other online or offline friends. Just 39% of boys of the same age report these kinds of friends.

“I know when I get a friend request, if I don’t know the person I won’t automatically deny them, I’ll go to their page and see who’s in their top eight and see if I know any of their friends… They’re not like strangers if your good friend knows them, like they are to you, but it’s not like they’re dangerous.” – Girl, Middle School

32% of online teens have been contacted online by a complete stranger. Profile-owning teens are much more likely to have been contacted.

In some cases teens are contacted online by complete strangers, through social networks or other means of online communication like IM or email or in chat rooms. Out of online teens, nearly a third (32%) have been contacted online by someone who was a complete stranger and who had no connection to any of their friends.

In our first study of teen internet usage in 2000, we reported that 57% of parents were worried that strangers would contact their children online. At that time, close to 60% of teens had received an instant message or email from a stranger and 50% of teens who were using online communication tools said they had exchanged emails or instant messages with someone they had never met in person.

In our current study, online girls (39%) and older teens ages 15-17 (41%) were more likely than boys or younger teens to have been contacted online by a stranger. Older girls were the most likely to report some kind of stranger contact, with half (51%) saying that they had been contacted online by someone unknown to them. Only 30% of older boys report similar stranger contact.

Social network-using teens are more likely to have been contacted by a complete stranger than teens who do not use the networks; 43% of teens who use social networks have been contacted by a stranger online, while just 17% of teens who do not use social networks have had that experience. The data is similar for teens with online profiles – 44% of profile owners have been contacted online by a stranger, while just 16% of those with out online profiles have been contacted by someone unknown to them or their friends.

However, as in the offline world, stranger contact can take many forms. An unsolicited spam email message, instant message or comment from a stranger might be cause for alarm and distress or it may simply get deleted or ignored by the teen. And some strangers who contact teens may, in fact, turn out to be like-minded peers in search of friends.

Most teens ignore or delete stranger contact and are not bothered by it.

Out of all the teens contacted online by strangers, the vast majority of them responded to the most recent occurrence by ignoring or deleting the contact. Nearly two-thirds (65%) of teens who had been contacted by a stranger ignored or deleted the contact. Another 21% of contacted teens responded to the stranger so that they could find out more about the person. Older teens, and particularly older teen boys, were more likely to respond to the stranger contact with requests for more information to assess the level of threat posed by the communication.

“It gets weird.  I think two weeks ago I got a request.  And one of my friends hit approve.  And the person, this guy started sending me weird comments… And he’s sending me these comments like oh, you’re so hot, where do you live? I want to meet you. That gets a little weird.” – Girl, Late High School

Another 8% of teens who were contacted by people unknown to them responded to the most recent contact by responding and telling the author to leave them alone. Just 3% of teens told an adult or someone in authority and another 3% took some other kind of action, including blocking the person from contacting them, or asking the individual to identify themselves with their real name.

While profile-owning and social network-using teens are more likely to have been contacted online by strangers, their behavior in response to the stranger contact is not significantly different from online teens who do not have a profile and who do not use social networks.

“yeah ive had instant messages from random people i didnt know. i was really uncomfortable but usually its a friends friend. and if its not i bs everything about myself or i just ignore them or block them all together.” – Girl, Late High School

7% of online teens say they have been scared or uncomfortable after being contacted by a stranger online.

Out of all the times online teens have been contacted by strangers, a relatively small percentage of the teens report ever feeling scared or uncomfortable. Teens who have been contacted online by people unknown to them typically say they have not felt scared or uncomfortable because of these contacts. Three-quarters (77%) of teens who have been contacted say they have never felt scared or uncomfortable, compared with 23% of contacted teens who have felt scared or uncomfortable after communication with a stranger. Looking at online teens as a whole, roughly 93% have never had the experience of being contacted online by a stranger in a way that made them feel scared or uncomfortable, while 7% have experienced this.

“My brother got into an online relationship with a [older] girl.  He told her where he lived and she moved to [town] the next week.  She would show up at our house.  She followed me around. ‘Where is your brother?’” – Girl, Early High School

Girls are more likely than boys to report feeling scared or uncomfortable because of a stranger contact. Of girls who have been contacted online by someone unknown to them, 27% said they felt scared or uncomfortable, while only 15% of boys reported the same feelings. There is no significant difference between age groups in reporting feeling scared or uncomfortable after stranger contact – about one in 4 of teens contacted in either age group reported these feelings. Profile-owning teens are no more likely than their counterparts to feel scared or uncomfortable because of contact from someone they do not know.

Teens feel that they are more accessible to strangers when they are online.

Asked where they thought teens were most likely to be approached by a stranger, the majority of online teens believed that people their age were most likely to be approached by strangers online rather than offline. Nearly three-quarters (73%) of online teens believe that someone their age is most likely to be approached by a someone unknown to them online, while 23% of online teens believe it is more likely to take place offline. Another three percent of teens think it happens with equal frequency online or offline. Teens present a unified front on this question, with little variation between boys, girls, age groups or between teens with online profiles and those without them.

“My cousin met this guy.  He seemed nice.  He said he was 16 and went to a military academy.  He gave my cousin his cell phone number.  I think he did that so he could get hers.  She called him.  He really was 16.  When she called him he got all her information.  He got her phone number and kept on calling her.” – Girl, Early High Schol

Older boys consider themselves to be more accessible and are more likely to make new friends through social networking sites.

While older girls are, in many ways, the power users of social networking sites and have been the primary focus of safety concerns, older boys are the ones who are most likely to use the sites to make new friends. Fully 60% of older boys who use social networking sites say they use them to make new friends, compared with just 46% of older girls, and roughly the same segment of younger boys (44%) and younger girls (48%).

Older boys are also more likely to say it would be “pretty easy” to find out who they are from the information posted to their profile; 36% of older boys with profiles report this, compared with 23% of older girls and smaller segments of younger boys (18%) and younger girls (11%).

Teens who use social networking sites to meet new friends are more accessible to strangers, but are no more likely to have experienced stranger contact that made them scared or uncomfortable.

In general, looking at both boys and girls, teens who say they use social networking sites to make new friends are more likely than the average profile-owning teen to have a publicly viewable profile. These “friending” teens who are deliberately trying to meet new people are also more likely to post photos of themselves, as well as links to their blog on their profile. More of these “friending” teens have unmet friends in their network when compared with the average profile-owning teen, and they are more likely to have been contacted by a stranger online. However, they are no more likely to have experienced a contact that made them scared or uncomfortable.

This suggests several possible implications that might be explored in future research. First, since boys are more likely to use the sites for friending, and are much more likely to have unmet friends in their network, a special analysis of teen girls who actively make new friends on the networks would help to explain the extent to which girls’ negative experiences with stranger contact may or may not be related to networking activity on the sites. Second, those who have had a negative experience with stranger contact online may be more wary of using social networking sites to make friends, and may now make more conservative choices about the information they disclose online as a result of their experiences. As a result, they may have eschewed social networking sites altogether, or simply made the choice to restrict access to their profile. This sample was too small to yield reliable answers to these questions, but future studies that focus on those who have had negative experiences would shed additional light on the privacy choices teens make in different online contexts and in response to different experiences.

• See Hinduja and Patchin, “Personal Information of Adolescents on the Internet: A Quantitative Content Analysis of MySpace,” presented to the 2007 Academy of Criminal Justice Sciences Conference in Seattle. ↩

Sign up for our Internet, Science and Tech newsletter

New findings, delivered monthly

Report Materials

Table of contents, key findings about americans and data privacy, how americans view data privacy, what americans know about ai, cybersecurity and big tech, quiz: test your knowledge of digital topics, majority of americans say tiktok is a threat to national security, most popular.

About Pew Research Center Pew Research Center is a nonpartisan fact tank that informs the public about the issues, attitudes and trends shaping the world. It conducts public opinion polling, demographic research, media content analysis and other empirical social science research. Pew Research Center does not take policy positions. It is a subsidiary of The Pew Charitable Trusts .

Featured Topics

Featured series.

A series of random questions answered by Harvard experts.

Explore the Gazette

Read the latest.

Taiwan sees warning signs in weakening congressional support for Ukraine

How dating sites automate racism

Forget ‘doomers.’ Warming can be stopped, top climate scientist says

“We have come to expect more from technology and less from each other, and now we are so much further along this path of being satisfied with less,” said MIT Professor Sherry Turkle, who gave the keynote at Conference on AI & Democracy.

Kris Snibbe/Harvard Staff Photographer

Why virtual isn’t actual, especially when it comes to friends

Harvard Staff Writer

Tech, society expert Turkle warns growing number of chatbots for companionship isn’t good for individuals, or democracy

It can help clean a house, drive a car, write a school essay, help read a CT scan. It can also promise to be a good friend.

But MIT Professor Sherry Turkle advises drawing a hard line on artificial-intelligence applications on that last one.

Turkle, a pioneer in the study of the impact of technology on psychology and society, says a growing cluster of AI personal chatbots being promoted as virtual companions for the lonely poses a threat to our ability to connect and collaborate in all aspects of our lives. Turkle sounded her clarion call last Thursday at the Conference on AI & Democracy , a three-day gathering of experts from government, academia, and the private sector to call for a “movement in the effort to control AI before it controls us.”

“We have come to expect more from technology and less from each other, and now we are so much further along this path of being satisfied with less,” said Turkle, the Abby Rockefeller Mauzé Professor of the Social Studies of Science and Technology in the Program in Science, Technology, and Society at MIT.

Technology can change people’s lives and make them more efficient and convenient, but the time has come to shift our focus from what AI can do for people and instead reflect on what AI is doing to people, said Turkle during her keynote address. Social media has already altered human interactions by producing both isolation and echo chambers, but the effects of personal chatbot companions powered by AI can lead to the erosion of people’s emotional capacities and democratic values, she warned.

“As we spent more of our lives online, many of us came to prefer relating through screens to any other kind of relating,” she said. “We found the pleasures of companionship without the demands of friendship, the feeling of intimacy without the demands of reciprocity, and crucially, we became accustomed to treating programs as people.”

In her work Turkle has researched the effects of mobile technology, social networking, digital companions such as Aibo , a robotic dog, and Paro , a robotic baby harp seal, and the latest online chatbots such as Replika , which bills itself as the “AI companion who cares.”

Turkle has grown increasingly concerned about the effects of applications that offer “artificial intimacy” and a “cure for loneliness.” Chatbots promise empathy, but they deliver “pretend empathy,” she said, because their responses have been generated from the internet and not from a lived experience. Instead, they are impairing our capacity for empathy, the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.

“What is at stake here is our capacity for empathy because we nurture it by connecting to other humans who have experienced the attachments and losses of human life,” said Turkle. “Chatbots can’t do this because they haven’t lived a human life. They don’t have bodies and they don’t fear illness and death … AI doesn’t care in the way humans use the word care, and AI doesn’t care about the outcome of the conversation … To put it bluntly, if you turn away to make dinner or attempt suicide, it’s all the same to them.”

Artificial intimacy programs derive some of their appeal from the fact that they come without the challenges and demands of human relationships. They offer companionship without judgment, drama, or social anxiety, she said, but lack genuine human emotion and offer only “simulated empathy.” she said. Also troubling is that those programs condition people to be less willing to feel vulnerable or respect the vulnerability of others.

“Human relations are rich, demanding and messy,” said Turkle. “People tell me they like their chatbot friendship because it takes the stress out of relationships. With a chatbot friend, there’s no friction, no second-guessing, no ambivalence. There is no fear of being left behind … All that contempt for friction, second-guessing, ambivalence. What I see is features of the human condition, but those who promote artificial intimacy see as bugs.”

The effects of social media and AI can also be felt in societal polarization and the erosion of civic and democratic values, said Turkle. Experts need to raise the alarm on the perils that AI represents to democracy. Virtual reality is friction-free, and democracy depends on embracing friction, said Turkle.

“Early on, [Silicon Valley companies] discovered a good formula to keep people at their screens,” said Turkle. “It was to make users angry and then keep them with their own kind. That’s how you keep people at their screens, because when people are siloed, they can be stirred up into being even angrier at those with whom they disagree. Predictably, this formula undermines the conversational attitudes that nurture democracy, above all, tolerant listening.

“It’s easy to lose listening skills, especially listening to people who don’t share your opinions. Democracy works best if you can talk across differences by slowing down to hear someone else’s point of view. We need these skills to reclaim our communities, our democracies, and our shared common purpose.”

Share this article

You might like.

Ambassador says if Russia is allowed to take over sovereign nation, China may try to do same

Sociologist’s new book finds algorithms that suggest partners often reflect stereotypes, biases

Michael Mann points to prehistoric catastrophes, modern environmental victories

Yes, it’s exciting. Just don’t look at the sun.

Lab, telescope specialist details Harvard eclipse-viewing party, offers safety tips

College accepts 1,937 to Class of 2028

Students represent 94 countries, all 50 states

Real Friendship and Virtual Friendship: Differences in Similarity of Contents/People and Proposal of Classification Models on SNS

Ieee account.

• Change Username/Password
• Update Address

Purchase Details

• Payment Options
• Order History
• View Purchased Documents

Profile Information

• Communications Preferences
• Profession and Education
• Technical Interests
• US & Canada: +1 800 678 4333
• Worldwide: +1 732 981 0060
• Contact & Support
• About IEEE Xplore
• Accessibility
• Terms of Use
• Nondiscrimination Policy
• Privacy & Opting Out of Cookies

A not-for-profit organization, IEEE is the world's largest technical professional organization dedicated to advancing technology for the benefit of humanity. © Copyright 2024 IEEE - All rights reserved. Use of this web site signifies your agreement to the terms and conditions.

• Share full article

Advertisement

Supported by

Guest Essay

Stephen Breyer: The Supreme Court I Served On Was Made Up of Friends

By Stephen Breyer

Justice Breyer is a retired associate justice of the United States Supreme Court and the author of “Reading the Constitution: Why I Chose Pragmatism, Not Textualism.”

Recently, the Supreme Court justices Sonia Sotomayor and Amy Coney Barrett spoke together publicly about how members of the court speak civilly to one another while disagreeing, sometimes vigorously, about the law. Considerable disagreements on professional matters among the Supreme Court justices, important as they are, remain professional, not personal. The members of the court can and do get along well personally. That matters.

In my tenure, this meant that we could listen to one another, which increased the chances of agreement or compromise. It means that the court will work better for the nation that it serves. And I wonder: If justices who disagree so profoundly can do so respectfully, perhaps it is possible for our politically divided country to do the same.

Sandra Day O’Connor was the first woman appointed to the court; Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the second. I remember being slightly surprised when, during a visit to meet with several European judges, they suddenly disappeared. Where had they gone? It seems they went off together to look for suitable women’s collars for their robes. They found some, and Justice Ginsburg wore them ever after.

At about the same time, Justice O’Connor reminded me that our chief justice, William Rehnquist, had decided that he, too, needed something distinctive on his black robe. Inspired by Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Iolanthe ,” he decided to enliven it with a few gold stripes on the sleeves. Justice O’Connor found at a European bookstall a picture of Lorenzo de’ Medici wearing similar stripes. She suggested that we send it to him with a special message from her.

We would do things together outside class. Chief Justice Rehnquist, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Justice O’Connor and I would play bridge with friends and spouses (often changing partners). Today, I gather that justices who do not always agree on legal results nonetheless agree to go to hockey games or play golf together. (Why hockey in Washington, D.C., where baseball, football and basketball abound? Perhaps they just like hockey.)

As is fairly well known, Justice Ginsburg and Justice Antonin Scalia loved opera and became great friends. They even persuaded Justice Kennedy and me to take part in a Washington Opera performance of “Die Fledermaus,” provided, of course, that we simply sat onstage on a sofa and never opened our mouths. Justice Scalia had a good musical voice, however; he, law clerks and other justices would sometimes sing at the court, joined by Chief Justice Rehnquist, as well as by a friend of Justice Scalia who was a fine pianist and loved Cole Porter.

Justice Scalia and I would talk to students in high school or law school and other audiences about the court. It was obvious to those audiences that while we did not share basic views about how to interpret difficult statutory and constitutional phrases, we were friends.

Certain unwritten rules helped to smooth over differences and maintain good personal relations among court members. At conferences when we discussed cases privately, we proceeded in order of seniority, and no one would speak twice until everyone had spoken once. Thus, everyone could be fairly sure that he or she would have a chance to speak before minds were definitely made up. (This rule helped me, for I was the most junior justice for 11 years.)

Once all had spoken, we would discuss the case, back and forth. But one quickly learned that it did not help to say “I have a better argument than you.” Much better to listen to what others say and to find in their points of view material for working out an agreement or perhaps a compromise.

Chief Justice Rehnquist generally did not approve of jokes made during the business portion of the conference, though I admit I once told him while we were having coffee, after having recently nearly lost a majority on what we thought initially would be a unanimous opinion, “I have discovered how to get five people on a single opinion.” “How?” he asked. “Start with nine,” I replied.

In any event, agreement or disagreement, joke or no joke, in my 28 years on the court I did not hear a voice raised in anger in that conference, nor were snide or personal remarks ever made. The discussion was professional, disagreements reflected legal differences on the merits, and the justices tried to find ways to reach court agreements.

Justice O’Connor maintained that a highly important informal court rule was this: You and I may disagree strongly in respect to Case 1, but that fact has nothing to do with our positions in respect to (not legally related) Case 2, where we may be the strongest of allies. That is, no horse-trading.

After conference we would have lunch, often talking about sports or trading so-called jokes and other nonlegal matters. I remember once saying to Chief Justice Rehnquist that I thought it amazing that we were about to have a pleasant lunch when just 20 minutes before at conference we strongly disagreed about applicable law. His reply suggested that he thought only a short time earlier that half the court thought the other half had lost its mind.

What works for nine people with lifetime appointments won’t work for the entire nation, but listening to one another in search of a consensus might help.

Stephen Breyer is a retired associate justice of the United States Supreme Court.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

Follow the New York Times Opinion section on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok , WhatsApp , X and Threads .